Help with Beta trait - pushover

throw-away-1709 · 2020-12-10T18:16:38+00:00

"What is the reason i cannot change?"

.... you don't know how to change.

King_dom_cum · 2020-12-10T18:34:31+00:00

do I really have to know violence to be respected by my friends?

It's not about knowing violence garnering respect, it's about the confidence boost from the phyiscal activity. It'll change your mental perspective on life.

That being said, to really change a behavior you first have to identify it. Start mentally noticing when you are behaving like a push over.

Next step after you start to really notice all the instances of your push over behavior, start noticing as you're about to or as its happening.

Once you're noticing as its happening, thinking how you could active different.

Then start consciously acting different.

Eventually it's a natural behavior.

alternateaccount49 · 2020-12-10T19:56:49+00:00

You need to be more assertive. You need to know what you want. Start by being more direct, not caring what others think, and just doing what you want. Idgaf mindset

ImProcrastinating3 · 2020-12-10T22:12:57+00:00

No, you don’t have to know violence.

First, for your friends, learn the line between joking and actually asserting dominance/bullying. If they aren’t assholes they will probably be joking 90% of the time, but in almost all friends groups there will be times where the pecking order is shown.

A good rule of thumb to tell if someone is joking or not is to do it back to them. If they get mad, they weren’t joking.

Rules

Never get mad, no matter what. Whoever gets mad first loses. Treat it with amused mastery. It’s all a big joke. Agree and amplify. You can however, get “serious”, but only if it becomes blatantly obvious they aren’t joking and want an argument.
Don’t be silent when someone makes a joke at your expense, get them back jokingly as well. Let people know lightly picking on each other is fair game, but you’re going to do it back. If your roasts are funnier than theirs or they get more “riled up” than you, you win. If everyone laughs about it then moves on, even better. If you are the funny friend, this is your time to shine.
Set boundaries. If someone is in a bad mood and lashes out or disrespects you, don’t let it go. Get serious. Other people will notice. Call it out in a non angry manner. 99% of the time people don’t want a fight, and if you stand up for yourself they’ll learn the boundary and pick someone else.
Instead of just defending yourself, start to go on the offensive. Be the one to throw the first joke/tease. In my group, I noticed when a friend made a mistake or a slip up or did something dumb I would ignore it, however, when I did one of those, they called me out/teased me for it. I started doing it back to them on the offense, and now they almost never do. It feels like preemptive striking to me.
Get your ass ready. When you challenge your long-standing place in the pecking order people REVOLT, they fucking hate it, that includes parents, girls, and friends. They will give it to you 10x harder to try and push you back down. Hold strong, it’s the worst of it. I’ve had to stop talking to my best friends for a few days at a time after this. When they come back though, everything is normal, except they respect me more.

Title	Help with Beta trait - pushover
Author	Lopside21
Upvotes	2
Comments	9
Date	December 10, 2020 6:04 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/kakesq/help_with_beta_trait_pushover/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/help-with-beta-trait-pushover.581401 https://theredarchive.com/post/581401

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