So, to follow on from and conclude on my previous post but first a brief recap...

Short relationship, swift pregnancy, settled into family life, another child, got educated, developed career, got married, steered the relationship. Displayed weakness, showed vulnerability, got shat on, went back for more...

I’m not sure if I came across as still angry in my last submission but that’s definitely not the case, I’ve mentally processed the fuck out of all of this and it happened a couple of yrs ago. As they say time heals, perhaps not all but it does heal and you can actually speed up that process by applying fundamental RP break glass strategies. Trying to rationalise the why’s and how’s of a failed relationship is a fruitless waste of time and emotional energy, time and energy that can be spent on more positive experiences. Anyway back to the matter at hand…

As I said, after she told me I moved out, however within a couple of days I had calls saying I needed to go back as my boys were in pieces emotionally, I needed to be there for them irrespective of what I was going through. The simple fact is that at the time she abandoned her children, her emotions were wrapped up elsewhere and when her children needed her most she was absent and not much has changed since.

Whilst I was away my eldest had self harmed, not badly so I won’t labour the point but the resultant detail is not the issue, it’s the fact that he even attempted it in the first place. He had never done anything like this before (or since) and I can only imagine the pain he felt; actually I can emphatically imagine the pain he felt, I felt it too. Her reaction when we both found out? To go out that very same night to a party with her new partner. I spent the night sitting on the sofa with a blanket cuddling my son telling him everything was going to be ok. Can you imagine that guys, especially the fathers amongst you? You’re first born son cutting himself because he is in so much emotional pain. As I recount these memories and write this my eyes are starting to sting. Its one thing having to deal with shit yourself but watching your child suffer psychological trauma is a next level of fucked upness.

When I look back I still can’t understand how my brain was functioning at the time, I was putting up with things that I never in a million years thought I’d put up with and I’m really not that guy, or at least I think I’m not that guy, perhaps I was, what a sobering truth to have to deal with. In reality I just didn’t know how to deal with the situation, I had no point of reference, no experience to draw on, I was on auto pilot for day to day stuff – work, interacting with people, being a father – but I struggled to process the events that had just happened. I can only imagine that this was some form of temporary insanity but I’m not here to judge myself, I’ve already done that, I’m just here to tell you guys the story.

Within a couple of weeks I knew I needed to leave permanently, I had a rainy day stash of money and thank fuck I did. Some advice, always have a couple of thousand at least stashed should you need it. Anyway, things were escalating at home and becoming abusive physically (that’s her to me just in case you thought otherwise), how I managed to keep my composure then and for the next few months was truly astonishing. You frequently read about men losing their shit in these types of situations and I really do not understand how the fuck a woman can so readily incite a man to violence. I actually saw something on the news today, a woman was slapping, punching, kicking her, I’m guessing, boyfriend. He absorbed this for a number of minutes then snapped and punched her a few times, she was knocked out cold. I’ve got to admit seeing a man flip on a woman like was just seemed wrong. You can argue that maybe she was provoking but the violence he visited was primal. I’m just glad I kept my shit together throughout all of this when the provocation was super intense, real glad.

Initially I still wanted to put my family back together, that was all I could think of and I had read how marriages can be salvaged, that they can be better than before and a small part of me believed this.

I’d like to think I’m a decent person generally, I’m liked and respected by pretty much everybody I know. I’ll call people out on their shit if I need to, I’ll empathize when I feel it’s the right thing to do but all in all a straight up guy. However, I can also be a vengeful cunt and this is what I became after all that I had gone through. As I said I was still fucking the ex but my confidence was still at an all time low and on a random day out and not even particularly looking ( I say not particularly but I do always appreciate a good looking woman ) I met another girl. She happened to be 10 yrs younger than me and there was clearly an attraction between us. It wasn’t long before I had her in my bed... and my kitchen and sofa and on the stairs for that matter, you get the point. I did this (her) for a few months, fucking both of them, it was actually exhausting but I didn’t really care, not too much about the girl and certainly not about my ex.

As with most things though the truth will out and when my ex found out she flipped and started on a path of self harm that was to last for a number of months. Arguments would happen and she would punch herself, pull her hair out, put a knife up to her throat, swallow pills, head-butt the mirror and say she would tell the police it was me, prevent me from leaving and threaten suicide. A few of these events even happened in front of my eldest which I’m sure will scar him for life. Surely she had gone mad, she had caused of all of this and was now acting like the victim. BPD much??

As I write this I’ve just remembered something that happened the day she found out and I’m actually smiling at the irony of it. If you want a pure and unequivocal example of RP logic then how’s this? The day she found out she fucked me like a woman possessed, where she should (logically) have distanced herself from me, told me to fuck off or what have you she chose to fuck me instead...chuckle...

The marriage was dead, dead beyond repair but I/we held it together for a few weeks more. There was no trust, no respect, no like, not much love but there was still attraction, weird huh!

As I said previously I had gone full PI mode and part of this consisted of putting a spy app on her phone.

Disclaimer** I have a responsibility to say that it is wrong, very wrong to invade someone’s privacy in such a manner and you should not do it.

In all seriousness you can be faced with legal ramifications so be very, very careful. I personally think if you’re in the position where you feel the need to spy on someone then more often than not something’s up and you probably shouldn’t be associated with this person anyway. Or you could just be a fucking paranoid psycho, neither one being a particularly productive outcome for your mental health.

Anyway, I did do this and it was very revealing to say the least, tracking, messages, calls, conversations, microphone, you get the picture it was pretty state of the art. Without going into too much detail there was more dishonesty, not affair related as such but I’d had my fill. This is when the shutters came down for me, my light bulb moment. She cried, she begged, she tried to manipulate, she tried to bribe, she tried everything she possibly could but any feelings I had had perished, I was truly indifferent. I felt nothing for her, actually that’s not quite true, I felt sorry for her. I pitied her.

I accepted the situation, I had already moved on during the time we had spent together so although it was still painful it was easier to deal with.

I realise now how sick all of this was, not just her but the part I played as well, I should have left on day 1 and never looked back but I guess I had to learn the hard way. One good point, actually the only good point for re-trying, was that I will never, ever have any regrets, no looking back thinking what if? I don’t know anyone who would have done the same. Not that I’m proud of this because it just goes to show how much of a cunt I was for entertaining it. But I did try and no regrets will ever be had.

I learnt so many lessons about women after my separation. I tried to understand where I had gone wrong in this, what had happened. I read on some popular websites about how communicating is what makes relationships work, make her feel special, treat her right, tell her you love her, demonstrate your actions, treat your woman with more consideration, don’t be controlling, don’t be so dominant, demonstrate equality, use the languages of love, blah blah blah. Complete and utter bollocks, all of it. I’ll tell you why I had a successful relationship for a number of years until it imploded. I was the captain, I called the shots, I kept my emotions in check and I called her out on her shit when I needed to, she was the child and I treated her like the child from the beginning. When I displayed weakness, when I showed my vulnerabilities, when I tried to use reason and logic, when I was no longer the captain I was fucked. Take heed of this guys, it’s sad. Sad that you cannot rely on your partner/wife/LTR/plate whatever the fuck your dynamic is. You cannot truly rely on them.

This RP shit is hard man, to know that I have no-one, no-one but me to rely on, no woman and for that matter no man to ever lean on for help, to never be able to completely let go and trust. But as hard as it is it is also the truth and that can be inspiring. To a greater extent you are in control of your destiny. Your happiness is your response ability.

Unfortunately I entered into another LTR some months after. I say unfortunately as I entered it before I had had a chance to find out about the red pill and its concepts. Although it’s a totally different dynamic to my last one I started the LTR badly in terms of trying to treat her right, treating her with equality, being romantic, being tolerant, all the stuff I thought I needed to and all of the stuff I had learnt but it doesn’t work like that guys. I’ve spent months trying to undo what I’ve done and it is indeed easier and I would advise the best course of action to start off your relationships (if you want them) in RP mode. Alpha with a sprinkling of beta. The shit tests have lessened, there is more respect there, there is still attraction and I’ve shifted the dynamics towards me... for now. It’s only a matter of time though before things go South. I’m aware of this, I’m aware of her hypergamous nature and I’m ok with that. I won’t marry, no more kids, no living together and I sometimes plate which perhaps dilutes my affection but the affection is still there nonetheless. Not sure how you reduce it further though.

What’s missing in my life now?

I look good, actually I look very good (for now), good genes, I lift, relatively good body even before lifting, better because of it. I never got fat, I dress well, I’m athletically fit, I have pursuits that I actually pursue, I study, I travel, I meditate... but not enough, I educate myself. I have a good job with a pretty good salary, I’m pretty much an expert in my field and can double my income if I choose to work for myself (which is one of many options that I’ve explored). I have good social skills and can slide up and down the scale when conversing with people. I’m good with women, I’ve never been a pursuer though so my approach game is non-existent, something to work on I guess. People see a cool, confident, fit, intelligent guy in front of them and most of the time this is how I feel. It’d be good to feel like that all the time.

After I get divorce raped I hope be able to get back on track financially but I am still missing one key ingredient.

I miss deep, strong, male relationships... Fuck off you faggots, I don’t mean like that. I have mates that I can play football with, go to the gym with, drink with, have camaraderie with but I only have a couple of close friends and these are geographically remote. I’m a lone wolf, that’s my modus operandi, I’m good with that, I’m comfortable being alone but I would like more of these types of male relationships although I don’t yet know how to cultivate them.

One of the many important lessons I took from all of this was the importance of yours and if you have them your children’s emotional health. It’s vital and is up to you to look after this aspect. I came out of this better than I went in but I shouldn’t have put myself through this in the first place. I never will again that’s for sure. As for my children yes they have been affected, they’ve been scarred but they’re ok.

Lessons learnt:

 At the first sign of crazy run

 Don’t fuck crazy

 Educate yourself

 Improve your career

 Stash rainy day money

 Never show weakness

 Use your intuition, act on it

 Think of your mental health

 Process your pain

 Think of your children’s mental health

 Never flip out physically

 If you LTR, vet thoroughly

 Apply RP philosophy from the start of a potential LTR, alpha with a sprinkling of beta

 Have goals, work towards them

 Lift

 Expand your horizons

 Cultivate male bonds

 Don’t fucking get married

Thanks