This is the realization I've come to. And at first I was sad about it. But then I remember I'm a masculine man and sadness is for losers. Forging ahead and actualizing the future and personal self is the proper course forward for a productive masculine man.

Because of my obsession with pussy. I have no idea how to be a normal person. If it's not law, science, medical science, investing, business, BDSM, or fitness, or demeaning and insulting people. I have absolutely no clue what to talk about. I'm a walking Standup act. At the gym I make people burst out laughing. Men and women alike. I cringe so hard at the time I wore a Bondage mask with zippers for the mouth and eyes when I started using EMS systems in addition to my workout. I got laughs, I got pictures, etc.. But wtf was wrong with me? I was an attention whore. Sure I got some numbers out of it as a result, got invited to some parties, got laid by a few women for awhile. But I was an act. A walking joke. An absurd little spice in the lives of other people.

And that's really the summation of my life. I have no clue how to interact with women in a personal manner if I'm not insulting them or seducing them for the most part. Sure I can have intelligent conversations but they have to be complex topics where I can try and outshine the women or at least get some knowledge from them. I can't really just chill. I can't really relax.

And why is this all this way. Because I let it get this way. I let early successes of "Fake It Till You Make It" make it this way. I let being a pussy obsessed fitness freak with an Adonis complex making up for the insecurity of being short (I'm 5'9"), rule my fucking life.

No woman actually wants me. No woman has ever had an actual connection with me. Because the entire time I've been a fraud with every woman I've ever interacted with since I was 13, and especially after sixteen. I let being an hyper-heterosexual sadist Dom in the BDSM scene became my entire life outside of making money. When 50 Shades of Grey came out, it was fucking amazing for a few years. I was a finished product women could just jump on. And my sexuality, my desire for women, my sadism was all tailored to the woman's desires, her pleasures, her wants. None of my own wants or needs in all reality. It's why I could easily fuck for over an hour at hard pounding paces and tempos. Because I really didn't want to get off. I just didn't want to be ignored. I didn't want to be forgotten. Because that's what I cared about. Some pussy with a life support system paying attention to me, "loving" me, making me feel like I mattered and I was important.

This derangement sucked away so much of my life. I'm a commodity, a product, a plot, an opportunity. I'm not a human being. I'm a cliche and a joke wrapped together.

Because virtually everything i have ever done has been for pussy. Learned Japanese for pussy, learned German for pussy, learned French for pussy, learned sign language for pussy, learned to play piano for pussy, and the list just fucking goes on.

I thought about posting how pussy can be like heroine, how it makes you into someone who has lost their soul. Someone who is sick and has no identity of their own. But this is the direction I decided to take. What it takes nowadays to gain the attention and affection of the average woman is bizarre and warped. We're no longer people looking for companionship, no longer looking for someone to grow and develop with, to build a life with. We just want products, commodities, riches and rewards without any hard work.

I think we're finally starting to notice this because women are now doing it because their requirements are far greater and more numerous than us men.

It's no wonder why so many rich and powerful men use and exploit women if not outright assault them. What they are looking at today is not a person, not a human being, just a resources seeker looking to gain as much as possible while providing as little as possible. When your prey dehumanizes itself, it's hard not to attack, hard not to abuse. But it still makes you a monster. What you are doing is still wrong, it's just against someone who is also wrong as well.

Separating ourselves from the wants, desires, goals, and needs of women is the only chance men have for restoring their virtue (the word virtue originally referred to men in the ancient world). Society is lost, until it burns down and becomes ash, there is nothing more masculine men can do unless they wish to be monsters feeding on the machine.But in feeding on the machine, you still feed the machine, and the machine feeds on you.

The choice left then is to go your own way.