Hey all. I have been redpill for years and dabbled with the idea of mgtow. Especially post break ups. Yet, I was always sucked back into another relationshit because deep down it had been so long since I had been truly alone and I was afraid of... honestly, I think just loneliness. This time I made a resolution after staying in a relationship that was clearly not working for 2 years. I decided to take a meaningful break and get over my learned fear of loneliness. I was never afraid to be alone prior to getting shacked up with my numerous ex's over the last decade and it seems to me it was a learned fear of letting go of companionship. I decided this time to go monk mode which included limiting socialising with friends or rather, not increasing dependency on the friendships to fill the void.

I am now 3 months post break up and post sex. It's had it's ups and downs for sure but in the last few weeks I have started to find myself again. I have realized I was always having to be someone else who wasn't really me in those relationships. I am rediscovering interests and things that I had set aside for the good of well, my ex because it sure wasn't good for me.

There were times, especially in the beginning where I would panic about finding someone before she does or feeling unwanted and fixate on my flaws. Mostly flaws my ex constantly would remind me of(by remind, I mean shit on me for). As time went by these negative thoughts came less frequently and when they did come, they left sooner. I am feeling happy again and perusing things like getting my pilots licence, investing money, photography, repairing my suv on my own, cut down drinking and getting back into bodybuilding. This free time I have now has been a blessing and not having egg shells everywhere is an amazing feeling.

I recently found out my ex is seeing someone new which is not surprising due to her co-dependency issues. I honestly don't care much at all. Much less than I thought I would. I honestly feel sorry for the guy as she can only hide the control freak in her for the first couple months before she finds a flaw that need fixing. I think initially forcing the alone time and giving myself time to look at how bad she was to my mental wellbeing was the reason of reaching this peace regarding our break up.

Sorry for the wall of text but I wanted to say thank you to the movement for helping me re find myself rather than repeating the same thing over again. I also don't know if I will be solo forever but if I am then I know I will be fine.