This is my story. I tried telling this story many times but every time I'd stop because I'm so ashamed. Guess its a male pride thing. But the feeling I have inside won't go away unless I tell somebody my story. I rather do this anonymously, because I feel if anyone knew it was me the guy known to be very strong and firm I'd be the laughing stock of the town. I live in a small country in Europe. Let me start from the beginning.

I come from a broken home with a very large family. 12 aunts and uncles. I lived off and on with my mom. Lived with my grandmother a few years and lived with my dad for 2. My mom, grandmother, and father all live in 3 different countries. So I was tossed around like a game of catch growing up. The upside to this is all I guess is that I learned how to speak different languages at a very early age. In my Teen I was pretty rebellious, always feared losing relationships. Would cling to any girl I could get. And would have multiple girlfriends at the same time. Looking back now I feel I was doing this to distract me from the suicidal thoughts I was having back then. After dropping out of college for the second time, I joined the army. After 2 years of getting into trouble at the military base, I was kicked out of the army too.

In 2004 I met my beautiful girlfriend. She was studying hard when we moved in together. At the time I was working as a prison guard earning a fair salary. (In this country government jobs pay well above average) I just finished paying my student loan and we moved in together after 2 years of dating. We were the power couple, both fit young and beautiful. She was studying to be a reporter. (Not knowing that that profession would soon die out) The sex was amazing, everyone around me would say that we are such a good match together. I got to know her father, (something I never really had). He is such a cool guy. I have so much love and respect for this dude it's just crazy. And she was amazing, I felt a real connection with her.I would often think: this is what I deserve after all I've been thru, finally.

In 2012 we went traveling and took a long vacation. We first went to North America, then South America, a few Islands in the Carribean. Visited my uncles in Spain. Spent 2 weeks in North Afrika (Marocco). I spent all my savings and even borrowed a little to pay for the trip. Its something I don't regret doing and I had the time of my life seeing the different cultures and meeting different people. Back home everything went as it routinely did. I had hobbies I would study Japanese after work. 3 nights a week I would go workout. And almost every night we would have "amazing" sex. One time we decided to experiment with xtc. That's when it all went south. We were in the bedroom together very high. Feeling so euphoric. She was not accustomed to doing party drugs, neither was I but I had a history of smoking and drinking alcohol as a teen. The xtc was like a truth serum to her. I asked her a simple question: Are you, happy baby? What followed was an hour-long confession of all the lies she told me. All the tricks she played all those years. All the times she cheated on me when I was working out. How she hated my family situation. She hated the house we were living in. She hated my job and hated that we didnt have more money. ( at that time we were living in a 3 bedroom house 2 cars a dog and money in the bank) I was so shocked, I just sat there and listened. As she rambled on about all the things I did wrong according to her. And she said it all with a straight look on her face. Like a scene out of a thriller movie. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Or I was to blind to see or she was just the greatest actress I've ever met.

Was she telling the truth? or was this just the drugs speaking. I was hoping for the latter but I knew very well it wasn't. This was the weirdest drug trip ever. I regretted telling her all of my secrets. This person was my best friend, my lover my everything. The thing that gutted me the most was the cheating. When I asked her why she did it. She had the weirdest explanation. She said she wasn't able to orgasm. But that I shouldn't worry because her not being able to orgasm was not my fault. She's sure of this because she tried it with many other different men of different ages, races, and sizes. Just the thought of her doing it with somebody else made me cry for hours. I was sobbing while she was justifying all of her actions. The Pain and regret were just too much. After the drug had worn us out we fell asleep. That night we slept in separate rooms.

The next day I woke up feeling so empty. Staring at the ceiling thinking my life was a joke. All the things that went wrong, and when they finally went right it was all fake. That's when I heard the phone ring in the other room. I could hear her stumbling to her feet to answer the phone. After a few minutes on the phone, I could hear her crying. I thought to myself maybe the Xtc made her talk nonsense and everything she told me the day before was the result of the side effects.After what felt like forever I went to see what was wrong. I found her lying on the floor with the phone in her hands sobbing. It was her Father, he had cancer in the liver and only had a few weeks more to live. At that moment it felt like all the problems of my life were nothing compared to the news she just heard.I comforted her and stood by her. Her Dad was like a father to me too. He helped me out many times, I learned a lot from that guy he even showed me how to do my taxes. I remember long conversations with him about the true meaning of life etc. We visited her father every day until the day he was forced to go to the hospital. We talked and talked. We cried and made promises. All the while in the back of my mind I never forgot what my girl told me on that night we were on xtc. I never looked at her the same again.
On the day her father died, I was very emotional. He said to me, "My daughter can be a hardass sometimes. But I'm so glad she met a strong guy like you. Promise me you will treat her right and be there for her." I said wholeheartedly "I will." I will be the best thing in her life. Shortly after he said goodbye to his sons and died.

A month went by and I still couldn't forget about the night she confessed. I decided to give her some time to heal, and then I would grow some balls and leave her. I would have to break the promise made with her father. That was the only thing keeping me from leaving her right away. Every time I'd try and talk about her confession she would quickly play the victim role and cry about her Dad. She would sometimes turn to me and say "You know I love you right?" and I would nod and say yes baby. I would always wonder how much of it was real. The trust was no longer there, I just felt really bad for her. I felt bad for myself too. Like I've wasted my life. When I thought things couldn't get any worse, they did. A few days later we found out she was 7 weeks pregnant. That's when I saw my life flash by. I asked her if she was sure the baby was mine. The look on her face said enough. She wasn't sure, neither was I. That day we got into an argument and she kicked me out of the house. (The house I still pay for) I quickly got with a lawyer to see what my rights were. None. We bought the house together but I'm the one paying for it and she gets to live in it.

This woman has ruined my life from that day on. Threatened me with child support but wouldn't do a DNA test. I moved in with my older brother and his wife giving away half my paycheck to a house I don't live in and a woman I don't love and a child I don't know is mine. She harassed my co-workers spreading roomers about me. Mind you I worked for the Justice Department at that time. Long story short, the harassment and spreading of roomers on my job resulted in me being fired. There is an investigation pending to see if I was a pedophile. Makes finding a new job nearly impossible in my field. This woman dragged my name thru the mud. Now I'm Jobless, my savings ran out. My brother and his family understand my situation but really don't have room for a grown man sleeping on their couch. That's understandable. The thoughts of ending it all enter my mind more often. I'm not saying this to ask for pity, I just feel its all been for nothing. I wasted so much time on the wrong people for the wrong reasons. I'm just so tired and numb on the inside I feel like If were to end it today it wouldn't matter. But that's a really weak way of handling things. Lately, I'm surfing the web in internet Cafe's contemplating my next move. That's when I saw one of Chris's videos and thought I should share my story. I'm 36 and some would say I have a whole life ahead of me. And I agree sometimes. But I'm just so tired. No Friends because I moved around too much. No girl because I wasted my life on the wrong one. In my lifetime I've read almost every self-help book there is, every how to get the rich book there is. I'm just so tired and lonely and broke. I understand and could relate MGTOW very well. I just don't know what to do anymore. The women are so fake I cant trust one anymore, and on top of that, I have nothing to offer at all. I wake up every day trying to find a reason, a reason to go on. I just don't see any purpose anymore. If there is anyone out there willing to help out with some advice or some change, feel free.

Please send me a message on discord if you have any advise. I'm all ears. Feel free to donate. crypto is my only means of getting by lately I'm so in debt it's ridiculous how fast that went

BTC: 14HVBqErDHdidds9aeLV8Lua4gwcwSJ2aV

ETH: 0x1aca6dcbFE4Fbcaa9ea7Ef97EaC0f9f2C9A57981

Last but not least feel free to share my story with anyone, I hope somebody learns from my mistake. And I hope people understand how important a good childhood and upbringing is. I believe that with a better upbringing I wouldn't have ended up like this.