Suggestions or Recommendations for a 22 y/o MGHOW

absurdi5t · 2015-06-17T07:38:03+00:00

Just remember, no matter how everything turns out, you are ultimately in control of how your life plays out. You control your actions and reactions. Imagine yourself ten years from now, twenty years from now, enjoying the fruits of your labor. Do you want to say you achieved what you used to only dream, or do you want to wallow in self pity knowing you let those years go by living on someone else's terms?

You get eight decades if you are lucky, then nothing....ever....again. Fuck others' opinions about how you should spend the only thing you have. Find the things in life that you love (this can and will evolve with time) and live the shit outta it. The world needs more passionate people.

One way to get them off your back may be to say "I'm disappointed you're not supportive of how I want to live". Even if they backpedal, it should get them to stop bringing it up without putting more thought into it.

itgscv1 · 2015-06-17T08:49:06+00:00

Do you explain why you aren't interested? When I get the question from people I usually ask them what benefit a relationship would bring me. Focus on your studies, maybe tell them you want to focus on studies/career and don't want to deal with the drama or time investment.

People usually don't have a comeback if I start talking about how bad marriage, courts, and dating is for guys today. Do what you want and don't let others shame you for wanting to better yourself.

thrownaway_MGTOW · 2015-06-17T17:23:20+00:00

IMO the easiest explanation is to simply say you "haven't met any women worthy of your attention or interest... yet."

Yes, that will alter the conversation to something akin to you being "too picky", but that IME is just all too easily (even laughably) deflected by citing some of the examples of the women you HAVE met, to wit, you can say:

Well, would you have me date & possibly marry say "Brunhilda" -- this woman in my statistics class who keeps trying to cheat off my notes -- by the way Brunhilda is getting a bit obese, and has a rather poor reputation, not surprising as she has 3 different kids from 3 different "baby daddies". Would you REALLY want HER as a [daughter/sister] "in-law"?
Or how about "Brittany"? No kids, but apparently she's had at least one abortion (and rumor has it several) ... and she's got some other obvious "eating" problems (binging & purging: bulimia, etc) as well as apparently some issues with drugs & alcohol, and you know for a fact that she's on prescription anti-depressants.
Or... how about that radical-feminist-marxist/goth gal named "Jamie" (note the androgynous name), who you're not even certain is a female, and at times you wonder if she (it?) is even human...
And... well, if you are AT all "sociable" or observant, you can EASILY create an almost never-ending list here.

Basically you corner them into the position of arguing that you SHOULD engage in some kind of VERY LOW (almost non-existent) standards or even some "Captain Save-A-Hoe" thing; which allows you to tell them that if THEY want to "take in (and pay for/deal with) some fucked up/possibly psycho single-mom with N-count crotchspawn brats", well they are welcome to do it themselves, but you're not planning on doing anything that idiotic.

BrogueTrader40k · 2015-06-17T16:20:52+00:00

I think you're doing great. Fuck 'em.

TheQuestion78 · 2015-06-17T18:40:20+00:00

Your life will be dramatically different from your parents'. The expectations of the previous generation are already invalid. That will become clearer as time goes on.

JMS230 · 2015-06-17T12:17:36+00:00

I can't give too many suggestions but I'm actually dealing with something similar. My parents sort of shame me for not wanting a relationship but it is mainly my brother. He constantly tries to embarrass me infront of other people in my extended family. For example, if I haven't seen an uncle for a while he'll maybe throw out the question, "How many girlfriends you got." You know, in a joking kind of manner. Usually at these moments my brother will make it his job to make me seem like a loser by saying things like "JMS230 doesn't want to date or get married" or "He's such a loser, he must be gay." This isn't true because I am straight. I end up having to explain my MGTOW position all the time and its just very awkward because of my brother. The suggestion I'll give you is to just know that in maybe 5 or 10 years you'll be in a more distant relationship with your parents and it wont matter what they think and you'll be on your way to greatness.

Edit: Spelling and grammar from typing this on my phone

cfuse · 2015-06-17T20:01:53+00:00

As I see it you have options:

Stop caring what they think.

Exactly what it sounds like. Stop giving any weight to their opinions. Don't discuss it, don't debate it, don't justify it. You say "I've made my position clear, and I'm sick of your disrespect for it and for me. This conversation is over".

You decide how others treat you by your tolerance of their behaviour. If you don't like what they are doing, don't tolerate it.
Change how they treat you.

People are happy to make decisions for others when there's no consequences for them in that. Find a way to make their attitude cost them and then go out of your way to make the most obvious display of doing what they said they wanted, to their detriment.

The burnt hand is the best teacher. I've never failed to modify behaviour by applying negative stimulus (though to be fair, I'm a royal cunt, so that's not really surprising such a strategy comes naturally to me).

You could always try positive reinforcement, that has a great deal of scientific and practical supporting evidence. Still, it requires superhuman will IME.
Stop associating with them.

Don't go home for summer, or if you do don't stay with them or socialise with them to any great degree.

ColtsDragoon · 2015-06-17T13:58:51+00:00

Fam"You should find a girlfriend"

ME"I'll get right on that as soon as i finish doing everything else in my life that is better than a having a girlfriend so i think i will be bringing a girl home to meet all of you when im about 67"

TheQuestion78 · 2015-06-17T19:07:38+00:00

21 year old here with a similar story! I do am not so career driven as you are (I mean I got to an Ivy and I am doing well and all) but I always seek to do meaningful things in my life and that is my primary concern (as compared to doing the common get married -> have kids track most males do). I too value my self worth highly which is why so many other guys' actions annoy me. You shouldn't lower your own worth in order to get your dick into some pussy.

Also, my parents have only begun to put pressure on me to have a family of my own too. I am very open with the fact that I have never had a girlfriend (but I haven't straight up said I have zero interest in dating and relationships because I am still deciding on that) so they try to push me on that front but I tend to shut them down. Glad to see someone my age is fighting the same fight though! Best of luck to both of us!

codemoney · 2015-06-17T19:12:55+00:00

Any family examples of relationship disasters? What I find funny is that I'll get a lot of news about what SHE did to HIM and, almost in the same breath, I'll hear about how I should find someone.

Then I'll start up with "You mean someone who will (sleep around, spend the money, be lazy, whatever they JUST FINISHED TELLING ME ABOUT)?" and THEN I'll get the NAWALT. YEA, right....

Isaiah4verse1 · 2015-06-17T21:40:00+00:00

It's your life, not theirs.

Remember that.

cagethepepper · 2015-06-18T01:07:12+00:00

They laugh now, but believe me, they're gonna be very worried in a few years.

ohmic12 · 2015-06-18T12:22:14+00:00

a) just tell them that you planing to retire with a nice car and house by 30, 35 etc and you are concentrating on that for now

b) each time they bring it up just laugh and smile then just carry on with what ever you were doing at the time or just walk out of the room and do your own thing

mgthrow · 2015-06-18T19:27:08+00:00

I'm 18 at the moment, looks like I'm going to be in a very similar position to you in four years' time. Any tips for between now and then, OP?

infoscott · 2015-06-18T22:02:57+00:00

The big deciding question will be where you stand on children.

If you plan not to have any of your own, let your parents know not to expect grandchildren from you ever in the future. That should take a lot of the pressure off. Now if later in life you happen to marry a single mom with kids, they'll get step grandchildren, but that could be a bonus, not an expectation.

If you decide you want to have kids of your own, you can point out to the family that to get the best possible "deal" you wait until your SMV/MMV is at it's peak, many years down the road, and your future wife has time to get career aspirations out of the way. So this is basically a MGTOW delaying tactic, but at least they have that to chew on.

If you plan to adopt, or are thrust into that scenario due to infertility, then you have all the time in the world. Ergo, it's another delaying tactic.

So while you delay, you can use the time to work on inner game, mastery of your profession, and wealth building. All of these will improve your SMV/MMV.

timoppenheimer · 2015-06-19T13:46:30+00:00

If your family keeps pestering you to date, they are inviting you to give them the Red Pill. Tell them that marriage is obviously (in its current iteration) a financial scam that women run on unsuspecting men, and the complacent support for this scam coming from your family and women in general tells you everything you need to know about the cohort (women) they are encouraging you to date.

It's a trap, and you will have no part in it.

Most families just want grandchildren, so tell them that you might someday want children (if you might), but that you'll have to go through surrogacy because you want a guarantee that you have access to your children. If your family wants to help you with paying for surrogacy, you'd gladly accept their help in a few years, but you're not going to deal with women so you can provide your family with children.

DarkestJ · 2015-06-19T17:33:29+00:00

As a 23 year old MGTOW, I understand this annoyance. My immediate family members and my closest friend are always mewling for me to find another serious girlfriend as I'm "approaching that age", in their eyes.

I usually reply with, "Just haven't met a girl that can inspire me to commit" or "Don't worry about it". Or complete silence. Whichever works best in any given situation.

User-31f64a4e · 2015-06-20T04:55:46+00:00

tl;dr Use shit-test techniques until you move out, then it will be much better.

This isn't really a shit test, as your parents aren't trying to see if you are man enough to be with them.
But while the motive differs, it puts you on the spot the same way - and the same techniques to handle these are all applicable.

You're still in school. Once you graduate, you will find it much easier to control your own space. At that point, without doing a psychotic Molyneiux-style deFoo, you can however cut down on contact somewhat and make at your convenience. Let the phone go to voice mail, pick it up next time they call, tell them you were busy and couldn't take the call. Suddenly they will cherish what contact they can get, and be less prone to pushing you away with bullshit. I know, playing hard-to-get with your own family shouldn't be necessary - but if they're deeply and disfunctionally blue pill you wiill have to look out for your self.

==

Caveat - In my day, we walked uphill to school both ways in the snow, and we liked it. But seriously, I come from a time where "free range" children were the norm. We didn't have helicopter parents, and weren't continually buffeted by the prop wash of micro-management. So I don't have life experience breaking away from that type of scene to assert my own selfhood. If that's the case for you, see it clearly as that and google accordingly.

wordjedi · 2015-06-20T13:57:05+00:00

Financially independent middle aged MGTOW here. The two pieces of advice I wish an older and wiser man had given me (and convinced my dumb ass to listen to, somehow) are:

Exercise.

Especially lift. Cut the fatty and sugary crap out of your diet before you get fat. Obviously don't smoke, drink only in moderation, take care of your teeth, and fuck suntans seriously.

It will improve your mental health, your confidence, and people will treat you better. Surprisingly, not just women but men too. It sucks, but people treat you better when they think you can kick their ass, even if you have no intention of doing so. Stronglifts 5x5 if you don't know where to start. Take ownership of your body. You don't need the "cool kids' " permission. Try to start thinking of yourself as a physical person, not just intellectual. Trust me, they are not mutually exclusive, no matter what you thought in high school.

Save and invest.

Start at 10% of your before-tax income. Go to 20% if/when you can, maybe after paying off a car loan for instance. Should be possible as an engineer. Don't worry too much about which investments. You can just do dopey index funds if you want. Main thing is to put as much money in as possible while you're young. You can do this by renting a slightly less fancy apartment, buying a slightly less loaded up car, trimming back your cable TV or cell phone service plan, etc. It's not that painful.

Don't worry about your family. Try to get along with them, and don't argue for the sake of arguing, even if you're sure you're right. If they're like mine, they're simple working class religious people who don't know any better. If you're smart enough to be an engineer, you're smart enough to come up with a better plan for your life. Just quietly go about the business of being awesome. They will be amazed that you accomplished so much when you're older. That's exactly what happened to me. :)

95wave · 2015-06-20T23:30:18+00:00

I'd suggest working out, lifting, etc. Not just women, but men respect someone who takes pride in their self and making sure they are in shape. It says a lot about a person during a first impression, and would likely help in your professional life.

Title	Suggestions or Recommendations for a 22 y/o MGHOW
Author	CrassHydra
Upvotes	10
Comments	22
Date	June 17, 2015 7:11 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/3a4z14/suggestions_or_recommendations_for_a_22_yo_mghow/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/suggestions-or-recommendations-for-a-22-yo-mghow.626548 https://theredarchive.com/post/626548

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