Confused and conflicted

2016-07-28T01:03:19+00:00

Girls seem to take breakups way different then men. For one they seem to handle them way better. They may cry a night or two but they quickly have all the attention and support and new partners lining up. A man has none of that.

Here's the catch though. Women will never learn because of this. They just follow their primal emotions and never learn a damn thing about life and pain and self realization . They just look for the next feel good hormones.

For a man though he has a chance. A chance to grow from that pain. That pain turns into self reflection and self actualization.. it becomes an extreme catalyst for growth and awakening.

Don't try to fight it. Don't try to push pain away. Just let it do its thing. And trust me when I say.. it will push you into a whole new being. You will literally transform if you let it. It will feel like you incarnated into a new body and a new mind.

No one will understand the mindset of walking your own way. Except a few other men. But it is probably the best thing you can do in this life. Because it prepares you. It allows you understand life on a intimate level. You begin to accept the transient impermanence of all things whIle you see everyone clinging on for dear life.

And when you stop clinging to life. You start living for the first time ever. https://youtu.be/E_kgYPTyeJY . Try listening to these mgtow videos by spetznas. He speaks volumes of wisdom on the shit men carry and face that no one acknowledges.

And seek companionship and help from us here in this community. We are committed to helping men like you Because we all so deeply want to see men waking up to their own potential.

Just some extra tips to help you along.

Definitely exercise with a warrior mentality. Overcome your inner demons through physical exurtion and strength. Eat healthier then you ever have before. Become in tune with your body. Get a pet or a dog and create a great bond with that animal. A dog will show you love and companionship more then any women ever could.

Get out side ... read or write or do anything creative or something that involves a passion you have.

Read about the many great men who turned away from women. Tesla newton neitschze Buddha etc.

And reach out to all of us for guidance. We are all on this same path with you my friend. Best of luck to you. You WILL feel better and stronger one day soon.

good_man_gone · 2016-07-28T01:22:18+00:00

but she (according to me) a very gorgeous milf...

Outside of porn you dont want to go there.

No matter how much dirt she flings at me, I still miss her. I'm having hard time dating. I cannot be honest with the women I am with and i keep on comparing them to her.

Perfectly normal imo. You arent a robot but at some point enough should be enough. You seem to be suffering from oneitis?

Why do I feel conflict and confusion, when she has none of that?

Because her heart is made out of stone unlike yours which seems to be made out of sincerity, which is a male exclusive.

Anyway the question to be asked here, since you came out of the grinder unscaved (I pressume?), is whether you can or can not abstain from toxic pussy over longer periods of time.

Oh and for fucks sake please make paragraphs so we can read on our mobile phones without getting eye cancer. :)

Smitty6 · 2016-07-28T02:40:19+00:00

Dude fuck her. She was never yours. There will never be a women who is yours. You are on your own. Take responsibility in your life to make your life experience happy, enjoyable and free. It's your choice. Nothing/nobody else can do this for you. You have to do this for yourself. This is the biggest step to take in MGTOW. Once you do that you will never return to the BS blue pill life.

angryomlette · 2016-07-28T01:04:02+00:00

It will pass brother. We all were conditioned to love our wives, girlfriends, help women. What we were never taught is the basic nature of women. I would suggest you take a break from this, have a look at this forums and /r/theredpill. Read the experiences of many others in these forums. Then you will figure it out easily for yourselves. Any questions you have will be answered in the forums.

This will give you some of the answers for your confusion and will help you along the way in coping your divorce. Be patient.

lostapwbm · 2016-07-28T04:45:16+00:00

I feel like going MGTOW.

No, you don't. You feel like standing under her window holding a boom box over your head playing a mix tape you made just for her. Because you are still in love.

Despite divorcing you and bouncing onto the next cock, you don't hate this bitch. You don't even dislike her. If she showed up on your door right now, you'd probably take her back.

You can't GYOW, especially not from her, because you still give a damn.

I don't think I can do any better than her and I so much want to get over her and then at the same time I don't.

I might have you read entirely wrong, but want a female shadowing over your life, not specifically your wife. So I'll ask a simple question:

What is it about this bitch that you like (excluding tits, pussy, and ass)?

My-Name-Is-No-One · 2016-07-28T02:56:26+00:00

This is a tough one man - because you are dealing with grief and loss and this bitch (like all bitches) will likely make your life a living hell: first you need to take her off that pedestal, second you need to stop pretending that women are better or more deserving than men, and third, you need to stop worshippong at the altar of pussy. Women are false gods, they are typically shitty, shallow supposed "human beings," and there is hardly one out there who deserves a man (and I promise she doesn't deserve you). That being said, i promise you deserve better than her, and by that I don't mean women-wise: I mean I hope you come to appreciate not relying on women for validation and purpose, and I hope you learn to stand on your own two feet and experience freedom and autonomy and male sovereignty for quite possible te first time in your life. MGTOW ain't about women, and it certainly aint about wives. If this piques your interest, maybe there is hope for you yet, and maybe then you'll come to know what "going your own way" means.

Benny757 · 2016-07-28T01:52:51+00:00

First, remember. Men leave women. Women leave men. You are separated a year and divorced six months. (and you have the kid - that's surprising, must have been via agreement?)

Don't label MGTOW so conclusory! It's just a philosophy and lifestyle of many levels. All of this is an experiment of one. So, view MGTOW as freedom from the constraints of a relationship. It's not hating women or banishing them, it's learning to live on your own terms without the codependency of a relationship. Really, being bitched at, bent, and shit tested, with a gal that doesn't respect you, and is repulsed to have sex with you is worth oneitis? Dude, fuck that.

That gal, other than for the kids, is a person you have no relationship at all with. Ghost. Purge. Fuck the fond memories. Make new ones.

You are angry friend. Understandable. Bitchy, horrible, undeniable, horrible, painstaking, and frustrating feeling isn't it? We've all been down the path. How many times.

OK to be angry.

Can you teach yourself to not need to be with a woman? The result is freedom, you know. Because we all know here that they will do nothing to help our health or best interests when in a bind.

The result is peace and freedom.

lonewolf-chicago · 2016-07-28T02:24:11+00:00

The loss of a relationship can be the same as a loss of a loved one like death. Takes time sometimes. The more you ingrain yourself with the reality of Hypergamy and Briffault's Law, the more you will see her and other women as they are - their nature. It will help you knock her off the pedestal in which she currently resides.

victor_knight · 2016-07-28T03:25:08+00:00

This is actually society's intention the last 30-40 years. They want to program men with as many BS narratives as possible, e.g. "true love", "chivalry", "be a good husband", "be a good dad", "be a good son", "man up" but they don't do the same with women. In fact, society teaches them quite the opposite, i.e. to have no feelings for anyone but themselves.

So here's what you need to do. You need to convince yourself that the above is really happening (you need to believe it). Then, you begin to deprogram yourself of those narratives. Eventually, you will totally unlearn them. Only then will you be truly free and MGTOW.

Sauronsballs · 2016-07-28T11:11:08+00:00

Date a 25 year old and get back to us. Old women are gross.

41ph4 · 2016-07-28T08:43:26+00:00

dude, she was g9ne before the separation. you were a meal ticket, and she thought she could get a better one.

if you want to end you conflict, your going to have to commit personality suicide. by this i mean, go into deep introspection. Find your main personality traits. what makes you you. then hate it. haye it to the core of your being. get into the gym, fuck the old you. sculpt a new you. like a drug addict, you need a rehab. you have been chemically dependant on this woman like she was a drug dealer. find a hobby that you mentally sink into. something that takes your mind off of everything, like programming, wood carving, painting, rock climbing, ect. get with a dietrition and learn how to eat right(food does wonders with attitude). find some single guy friends who share in either hobbies or personalities. once you get rock hard abs, am a master of your new hobby or hobbies, and you and your new friends are closer than married folks, come back and chat with us. i bet you will be a happy man, and have your masculinity back.

dont give your life to those women. i date and fuck hoes for the use of sex and that is all. i dont like to self service all the time. but, i will never be dependant on any one chick. i dont spin plates. they are tissues, one use and thats all folks. this keeps me feeling alive. keeps me feeling like a man. like a true man. not the man of hollywood, but a man of history. find what makes you feel like a ghengis khan, or a julious ceaser.

New_Banana_Republic · 2016-07-28T09:18:45+00:00

Go read the Manipulated Man by Esther Villar. It's free on the internet, just Google it. I assure you it'll make you forget her.

yellow_black · 2016-07-28T11:32:26+00:00

OP, I'm very different from you. I don't know why. Have you ever been with /r/Hookers? One thing about hoes : they're not just good at what they do. Often, they're BEAUTIFUL. Maybe you could go to a couple, and not even have sex, just be with them, and see if you feel the same way around them that you feel around your goddess? I'm very sceptical that your ex is anything special, even to you. Maybe you're just hormonal. Try taking Zinc or other estrogen-reducing supplements. People really underestimate how their physiology affects the mind.

If you don't like supplements, can you please try this workout : just do 10 push-ups whenever you feel no mental resistance against them! Try to rack up 30 to 50 per day, which is quite do-able over a period of 12 hours of waking time.

Sorry about the extraneous advice. I'm taking advantage of anonymity to speak frankly.

Titaniumbass · 2016-07-28T15:09:59+00:00

Repeat this Mantra and drill it into your head...."She is NEVER mine, It was merely my turn." Every time you hear that whiney "But I love her; But I miss her" voice in your head.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2016-07-28T01:30:21+00:00

When you made love to your ex, a chemical called Oxytocin was also released. My admittedly not educated enough to make this kind of call ass, speculates that some of us are either more susceptible to it, or maybe release too much of it. Whatever the reason is, you may just literally be addicted to love.

BeefyPadlock · 2016-07-28T04:43:20+00:00

I know exactly how you feel man, over five years out, and it still eats at me from time to time.

All of the hurt, pain,and anger from a breakup is bad enough, but when they (the now ex-wife) don't show any signs of grief, but instead are skipping away into the sunset happily ever after, all of those feelings you have are magnified by a billion! I've often said it would have been nicer, and much more humane if she would have just snuck up behind me and shot me in the back of the head.....

One of the hardest things to come to terms with is that women don't love the same way men do, and it's questionable as to whether or not they can even love at all.

If it was an abusive relationship, and by the sounds of it ,it probably was, you might want to look into Stockholm syndrome. Just a suggestion.

I wish you all the best man, there are a lot of guys here who've had had their hearts ripped out just like you. Believe me when I tell you you're in good company.

EZemm · 2016-07-28T06:24:30+00:00

but she (according to me) a very gorgeous milf...

Could it be a case of 'wife goggles' ?

leoberto · 2016-07-28T07:39:56+00:00

Have at least a year off buddy, its freeing not to have to put any effort into dating.

armaadi · 2016-07-28T13:06:09+00:00

You are hitting the depression stage right now, man. I know you feel like shit, but the best thing for you to do is to go work out. Lift and run. Go home and cry your feelings out. Then go work out again.

The work you put into yourself will help distract you, and you feeling the pain is healthy. After depression, you may feel some anger towards her. She freakin deserves it, so use that energy again to better yourself. Eventually you'll come to accept the simple fact that she used you. She used your time, she used your body and now she is using your pain. She gets to hurt you and fuck another dude at the same time; she is living the high-life.

You say your are average looking. So what? Average looking dudes score all the time. In fact the difference in looks between a lot of average dudes and ugly dudes is merely whether or not they are in shape. You take a girl that is a 5 and you get her down to 10% body fat with sculpted musles, viola! You now have a 9 or a 10. Most people have decently symmetrical faces, and if they have a well toned body on that, that makes them very attractive. The same thing works for guys, so get out there and work out.

Time is the only thing that will make the pain fade, but you can handle your pain better by bettering yourself.

redsfan277 · 2016-07-28T15:40:38+00:00

Dont cling mah brother.

It happens but you must know one thing i read here and theredpill.

It was just 'your turn'

Most relationships get tiredsome and nowadays women are set free and can just walk away at just a whim. Dont find happiness in someone else but in yourself. And think about the many women out there. You want to have a real emotional relationship before you stick your dick in her then so be it. Join online communities and meet ppl meet women from different countries there are plenty of different ways. Dont be a mangina thinking about marrying them it seems like you already made your first mistake. Not sure just walking away while having your feelings with you is a good idea. MGTOW is about freedom and you aren't free from your own emotions...free yourself set yourself free and fly meet new people learn new hobbies, do new actvities, make something great and in the meantime make friends. You have been set free from the shackles of society keeping you a slave. Let that anger flow through you and become better than you were yesterday. Become the BEST you you can be. Because no one is more important to you than YOU! No one will give a FUCK about you more than yourself so dont expect sympathy from others. Dont expect feelings and emotions from others when they see you suffer. Grow yourself out of that victim mentality and ROAM FREELY

LionelHutz4 · 2016-07-28T20:33:41+00:00

Don't put control of your happiness into the hands of someone else.

Especially a twat.

indlife · 2016-07-28T15:10:43+00:00

I think you might be too fixed on the whole "one and only love" romance BS. While this is true for some, for the vast majority it is nothing more than a mirage. Additionally, I do wonder if you are just scared of the unknown and of being alone. You might sell yourself short, as while you claim to have average looks, you are getting dates. You just need to purge most of these fascinations about your ex out of your head.

await_service_create · 2016-07-30T13:15:59+00:00

Thank you so much guys. The videos by spetznas, they are amazing. I have been trying to fight the pain by any means possible. I have been holding on to past memories. Especially the memories of times when she had no time to go out for date nights with me, and her mother would not baby sit our kids. But now, she is gone all nights, and her mother is now very much living with her an baby sitting the kids. That hurts, especially the knowledge, that I was just a guy with good income potential to have kids with and now she is going to have fun with others. This fucking sucks.

Title	Confused and conflicted
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	21
Comments	37
Date	July 28, 2016 12:42 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/4uxzmj/confused_and_conflicted/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/confused-and-conflicted.628890 https://theredarchive.com/post/628890

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