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Sorry ladies, looks like your fantasies of getting (loosely) tied up and (gently) spanked, then (romantically) fucked by a hypergamous panty soaker fantasy billionaire are not even sexy to the actors in the movie.

Dakota Johnson, TIME, February 2, 2015:

"Filming a sex scene is not a sensual or pleasurable environment. It's really hot—not in a steamy, sexual way. It's just sweaty and it's not very comfortable. And on top of that, my hands and legs were tied, and I was blindfolded, and I was being hit with this bizarre tool. ... It was emotionally taxing. At first I was like, 'Oh my God, this is the worst thing ever,' and then I was like, 'All right, let's get on with it.'"

Dakota Johnson, Today, July 24, 2014:

"It's not, like, a romantic situation. It's more, um, like, technical and choreographed, and less—it's more like a task."

Jamie Dornan, Glamour, January 30, 2015:

"Some of the Red Room stuff was uncomfortable. There were times when Dakota was not wearing much, and I had to do stuff to her that I'd never choose to do to a woman."

Jamie Dornan, Today, July 24, 2014:

"Yeah, I mean, I presume we [had chemistry], because they made it happen with us."

And finally, the actress basically thinks boys are yucky.

Dakota Johnson, Glamour, January 30, 2015:

"I grew up in Colorado, and there are manly men there, so manliness is attractive to me. I think it's unsexy when a man chews with his mouth open or when a man is rude or wears fedoras. I hate fedoras. Oh God, I can find more things I hate about men than I like. I think it's just a phase!"

Note to Ms. Johnson: You're making middle aged lady porn, not gentleman's porn. Worry about your cellulite hausfrau audience, not us.