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Do Any of You Have Favorite Posters on This Group?

OldRoad

March 11, 2016

6 upvotes

/r/MGTOW

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Title	Do Any of You Have Favorite Posters on This Group?
Author	OldRoad
Upvotes	6
Comments	7
Date	March 11, 2016 7:48 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/49xsg0/do_any_of_you_have_favorite_posters_on_this_group/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/do-any-of-you-have-favorite-posters-on-this-group.637529 https://theredarchive.com/post/637529

Comments

[–]Asari_Lover2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]thrownaway_MGTOW0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

I have to constantly be on guard to remind myself of the females I've been with and the knowledge I've acquired to remember that all that true love pair bonding crap is simply fantasy.

Here's the thing about that though.

Regardless of the life path you choose, you are/will be living in a sort of "fantasy" world... everyone does.

Mind you that is NOT saying that cold-hard-brutal reality doesn't exist, NOR does it mean that everything is entirely some subjective/relative virtual "Matrix" that can be warped at will to match your whims.

But... a large part of how you experience the world, will come from (be based on, altered by, framed around)... the perspective or the "story" that your mind places upon it (either by conscious CHOICE, i.e. choosing to view things from a certain angle, and/or multiple angles; or else by subconscious default, viewing things from the angles were "fed", i.e. taught/caught in in your childhood/youth) -- and that inherently includes the world-view (or "Weltanschauung" per German philosophy) and that is in no small part shaped by the "Zeitgeist" or "spirit of the time[era]" and even the specific local 'environment/community' that you grew up in.

The point being that everyone experiences life as a sort of "story" -- a story that exists as a mental construct that superimposes a "sense of order" onto the world, and most especially onto themselves and their place WITHIN the world, such as we perceive/envision it to be -- that mental "construct" is made up of a whole host of different abstractions, an array of conceptual constructs, about everything from things as trivial (but important) as gravity, to things that to us are ridiculously overly-important (but yet trivial) as our own personal heritage/history, the who where & what we were born as.

To comprehend that last especially, consider how a persons "worldview" would be shaken if they were to find out that their "parents" were not actually their "parents" as they previously knew/categorized them. For most of us that would mean some "shock" of learning we were "adopted" instead of being their biological offspring -- for others (those who are/believe themselves to be "adopted", it might be the opposite: finding out that their "adoptive" parents are in fact blood relatives, or even their biological parents).

When you think about it in the sense of ACTUAL "reality" -- such a change doesn't REALLY alter anything at all; that is nothing of "substance" is actually changed. The parents' certainly already KNEW whether they were adoptive/biological, so their position, behavior, actions towards their child are unlikely to be altered. The physical and legal reality probably won't be changed, etc.

Yet... to the child (and here we're talking regardless of age) -- such a "revelation", would in fact be a dramatic SHOCK; metaphors of "earthquakes" for such a change are common, i.e. "it was as if the very ground that he stood upon was no longer solid" and etc. Even though it nothing had actually changed about actual REALITY... it would in fact probably (at least initially) change EVERYTHING in terms of how that person viewed the world, and their sense of a "place" or "position" within that world; that is their entire "mental construct" would need to be re-evaluated.

From that, you need to comprehend that EACH OF US quite seriously "lives" in a world, a mental construct of the world that is to a certain extent "unique" -- that is while our various and sundry "mental constructs" may share some (or even many) common points of understanding, NONE of us actually has anything LIKE an "identical" view of the world as anyone else. Not even siblings or indeed not even identical twins actually have EXACTLY the same "mental construct" of the world/themselves, etc. -- even seemingly trivial things (that exist only in abstract form) can have MASSIVE perturbations.

In a sense, it is a "wonder" that we manage to be able to communicate or work & live with other people at all.

To bring this back around to the "fantasy" of relationships. I'll invoke a specific husband/wife relationship that is actually fairly well documented, both as to it's reality, AND as to the "fantasy" that at least ONE of the pair had as a "mental construct"; and that would be the marriage of JRR Tolkien and his wife Edith. Tolkien had quite literally created a "fantasy" version of his romantic relationship with her -- in fact he even crafted a series of extant, published poetic & prose versions of that "story", going so far as to craft alternate named personae for each of them: Beren & Luthien -- nor was that something he treated ephemerally, because he had those "fantasy" names engraved on their tombstone.

At the same time (and we know this for certain from many of his own letters and other writings on the matter) Tolkien was well aware that THAT was a "fantasy", and moreover that it was HIS "mental construct" (not HERS). Oh he had "shared" it with her, in the sense of telling her about it, etc -- and she had "shared" it with him in the sense of her being flattered by it, enjoying his telling his various "story" versions, liking the vision, accepting the name(s), etc -- yet he was aware that it was NOT really HER "mental construct" of their relationship, it wasn't the "story" that she actually lived. (Exactly what HER "story" would have been, we don't fully know, because she didn't write and publish it in anything like the same manner that he did his.)

The POINT here is that it is indeed possible -- via a kind of fully aware "cognitive dissonance" -- to both enjoy and benefit from a "fantasy/story" around a relationship,* as well as to understand/acknowledge that the reality is different -- and that even IF two people somewhat "accept" and claim to "share/have shared" a similar "fantasy", that nonetheless the stories that exist within each of their minds, each of their mental constructs will NOT in fact be identical.

The PROBLEMS in life and in relationships all too often come in when people FAIL to distinguish between that "fantasy/story" view of a relationship,* and the cold-hard-brutal realities of the world, and the fact that the OTHER person's version of that "fantasy/story" is probably a bit (and possibly a LOT) different.

Now the closer you can align your "fantasy" mental construct with qualifications & caveats about the probable (almost certain) differences of it versus cold/harsh reality, then the more you reduce the chances of having your mental construct "shattered" when the disparities of the two become evident. And if you can keep in mind that your "fantasy" mental construct is JUST THAT -- that it is an approximation, a convenient summary version, perhaps even comforting/reassuring way of "looking" at things, but yet one which of necessity "glosses over" aspects of reality -- then you can ENJOY the positive aspects of it, while mitigating the negative ones.

IOW there is nothing per se "wrong" with having a fantasy-story as part of a relationship -- in fact it is unavoidable -- even assuming it were possible for you to be 100% brutally cold-harsh & "reality" correct with YOUR mental construct; you are really not/cannot be in control of the OTHER person's own mental construct; ergo the relationship would STILL have a fantasy-story as part of it.

EDIT: That's how "deep" the proverbial "rabbit hole" goes -- and note with that metaphor there really is no concept of ever being able to get UP and OUT of that rabbit hole -- sorry, but you're stuck in it, you live IN that rabbit hole; they key is to recognize that fact, to be aware that both you AND everyone else inherently live in such a rabbit hole, a "warren" like maze that contains not only depths but side-branchings etc.; that everyone lives in a different part of it, has a different perspective on it, different "stories" and views.

And moreover that what REAL "intimacy" is, is not simply believing some specific fantasy-story or (worse, foolishly) thinking that you are in & sharing the "same" fantasy-story as someone else (which MAY to some extent even be true**), but rather are comfortable and vulnerable and honest enough with each other to "share" (tell, with some level of detail) your "fantasy-story" with someone else.

^* ^And ^I ^use ^the ^generic ^term ^{"relationship"} ^here ^because ⁱⁿ ^fact ^this ^happens ^with ^far ^more ^than ^just ^{sexual-intimate} ^{relationships,} ^it ^happens ^to ^some ^extent ^with ^EVERY ^person ^that ^we ^know; ^whether ^close ^friends ^or ^casual ^{acquaintances,} ^{employer/employee,} ^{parents/children,} ^siblings, ^etc. ^Each ^of ^those, ^and ^moreover ^EACH ^PERSON ⁱⁿ ^any ^of ^them ^has ^their ^own ^"mental ^construct" ^around ^those ^{relationships} ^-- ^the ^are ^"mental ^constructs" ^that ^CHANGE ^(get ^not ^only ^added ^to, ^be ^{edited/rewritten,} ^sometimes ^even ^{retroactively} ^altered ^or ^flipped) ^over ^time.

^** ^This ^is ^why ^having ^"common ^experiences" ^-- ^especially ^if ^they ^are ^"survival" ^{life-threatening/traumatic} ^shared ^events ^(like ^"band ^of ^brothers" ^of ^wartime ^vets ^from ^the ^same ^units) ^-- ^can ^create ^such ^STRONG ^bonds ^between ^men. ^It's ^also ^why ⁱⁿ ^some ^ways ^your ^earliest ^{"friendships"} ^from ^childhood ^were ^probably ^the ^strongest ^(your ^worldview ^-- ^your ^"mental ^construct" ^of ^it ^-- ^was ^a ^lot ^less ^complex, ^and ^so ^the ^{events/environments} ^and ^other ^things ^you ^had ⁱⁿ ^common ^with ^classmates, ^siblings, ^neighbors, ^etc. ^were ^probably ^a ^larger ^portion ^of ^your ^"reality"); ^whereas ^why ^it ^seems ^to ^difficult ^to ^connect ^with ^people ^(or ^indeed ^even ^"reconnect" ^with ^those ^same ^old ^childhood ^friends ^now ^grown ^older) ⁱⁿ ^later ^life.

[–]Falkrik1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Isaiah4verse1Burning Bush0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Greetings12 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Isaiah4verse1Burning Bush0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Botanical-Concepts0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link