Hi guys, long time lurker (and consumer of content) here, just thought sharing my story was the least I could do for a community which had already given me so much this last year. This is my first post, so any advice for my future improvement is more than welcome.

The story is intended for beginners and veterans alike - beginners should read it so they know they’re not alone in their struggle against BP conditioning (every story I’ve read during my initial stages of unplugging was always a motivation booster) and veterans should read it so they know that TRP is not full of neckbeards reading the content and then jerking to some porn in their basements while promising themselves they’ll start applying TRP tomorrow... or next week... or next month...

 

So let’s start.

I remember the way my mindset was not that long ago and this was my own "how to get a girl" pattern for quite some time during high school:

  • Meet (or just see) a girl and think about her a lot
  • Fall in love with her (I once fell in love with a girl I didn't even meet... yeah, I know)
  • Spend time thinking about how great it would be if you two were together
  • Meet her somehow but then don't give her the slightest idea you like her
  • When she doesn't pay attention to you fall into depression and wonder WHY she isn't paying attention to you
  • Proceed to just watch her from a distance when you have the chance and daydream about her. Also never talk to her again
  • Don't see her for some time (due to life circumstances) and fall into depression again
  • Forget about her (sort of) when you meet/see another girl
  • Repeat

 

And this was a 6-9 month cycle that repeated itself 4 or 5 times during my high school period. So after that, I sat down and figured that something must had clearly been wrong with my methodology (go figure). So I promised myself: "I shall never fall in love again!".

 

But lo and behold, 2 years later I fell in love - with a girl who was to be my true wake up call. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

 

She was a girl friend of mine (not a girlfriend - girl friend). Let's call her Susan. We hung out more and more often during the second half of 2015 and I’d noticed I thought about her a lot. To make the story short, I’d fallen into a month long depression which lasted until I’d admitted to myself that I was in love again. Somehow admitting that to myself lifted the depression and I felt so free and happy and butterflies flew around me and a random unicorn shat a rainbow in the distance... You get the point.

So after scrolling some 9gag (as I used to do), I sat down again to think this situation through (I’ve always prided myself for having an analytical mind, but analytical mind means jack shit if the data you feed it or context it works in don't match reality - in my case the context was living in BP matrix). So I said to myself: "Look shonthered, you fell in love before and it didn't end well, so you must have done something wrong. AHA! Maybe you should listen to 9gag advice (because liberal neckbeards know what they're talking about when it comes to women or life in general) and confess your love to her! Then she'll see how awesome you are and she'll leave her boyfriend for you and everything will be perfect!"

 

Oh yeah, did I mention Susan had a boyfriend of 2 years who she used to complain about (about him being a douche to her) all the time. And yes, you guessed it, I was the one to listen to all her stories about him and think to myself: "I'm treating you so much better than him, why can't you see how good and considerate I am?!" Does the story sound familiar? Oh how the pattern repeats itself, no matter the time nor place.

 

Anyway, I decided to confess my love, so one time me and Susan hung out in the city that we resided in and I confessed my love to her in front of a church (how romantic huh? Well it actually wasn’t, because we were a bit drunk and we just pissed behind it a couple of minutes before... Just wanted to set the scenery, so you have the context in which I confessed my love for this girl). Needless to say, Susan couldn’t believe her ears, she starts throwing a tantrum about how selfish I am and how I’m just like the rest of the guys who want to use her and I was stunned! How couldn’t she see that I genuinely felt something for her, that I WASN’T like the rest of them! I was different, that was the whole point! (How funny the whole situation is once you understand the dynamics of male-female relationships)

After some fighting (verbal fighting of course) we ended up making out (during the fight, in her drunken stupor she said I missed my chance with her so I replied with “I didn’t”, grabbed her head and we started kissing). Nothing more happened, I walked her to her dorm, came back to my dorm and fell asleep.

 

The day after Susan texted me that we needed to talk and it basically went like this:

  1. Awkward silence
  2. Disbelief about what happened last night
  3. Shitstorm ensues
  4. The talk ended with “You piece of shit shonthered, how could you have tried to use me that way!?!”
  5. We’re not talking ever again

 

I couldn’t believe what had happened. Wasn’t she supposed to suddenly love me like they said in those countless movies, media, 9gag etc.? I was crushed. All of this had happened at the end of December and I fell into depression again around NYE. I spent a week contemplating my life and if it was even worth living. I was lucky to have (and still do have) a great friend who was (still is) like a brother to me, who happens to be a so-called natural and who helped lift my spirits up during the worst period. Find good male friends guys.

The thing is, this was a mind-crushing experience for me and I finally accepted the fact that the way society taught us is the right way to approach the matter of women is utterly wrong! But I didn’t know any better and I didn’t know about any alternative approach (not just to women, but to life in general), so this experience left a deep void within me which I think was the cause of the deepest depression I’ve been in in my entire life.

 

Exactly one week later my roommate told me he recently heard about some great life-changing subreddit called “The Red Pill”...

Now, 11 months later, my life philosophy is completely changed. During the first couple of months I was still struggling with my BP conditioning (can’t say the fight is completely over, but I’ve won every battle so far) and I started incorporating TRP principles into my life. It was, and still is, a difficult task.

I picked up Starting Strength by Mark Rippetoe and I’m following his instructions to the letter, I started dieting, I’m reading every day, picked up journaling and meditation and I have to say I feel more confident in myself and my ability to improve than I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I fell in love again... but this time I fell in love with self-improvement! Of course, swallowing the red pill is no easy task and there is still a long way to go before I can say without a doubt that I am truly a “Red Pill man”.

 

There is so much more I want to write, but I’ll end the post here.

 

Thank you for reading.

 

And remember guys:

It’s not enough to just be yourself. You must be your best self – Neil Strauss

 

 

TL;DR: Was a beta who never approached girls he liked (or was in love with), confessed my love to the last girl I “loved”, got rejected and fell into depression. Found TRP and from then on the blessed unplugging began.

 

EDIT: formatting and spelling