Summary: This post explores how you can better understand your ego, and how you can use that newfound inner awareness to build stronger frame and emotional resilience.

Body: Key to strong frame is emotional stability and a strong conviction in one's thoughts and actions. On TRP we may refer to this as being stoic. For many, however, psychological issues stemming from a dysfunctional ego make you irritable, anxious and ultimately unable to exercise control over your inner-self.

This makes the process of working towards strong frame very difficult, as you will find yourself having to correct for unconscious behaviours that reflect nervousness or insecurity. Things like consistently poor eye contact and quick, awkward movements are pertinent examples.

TRP advocates that there are a number of ways to improve on this weakness of frame. To name a few:
- Lift heavy weights
- Meditate 15-20 minutes daily
- Get enough sleep (~8 hours) and sunshine
- Fix dopamine abuse; cut out steady sources of cheap stimuli like YouTube, porn, and sugary food
- Have fun, put yourself in new social situations

You get the idea. Huge improvements can be made by following a protocol similar to what is outlined above. However, for some people, there are deeper, psychological issues lurking in the background that, if left unaddressed, will continue to hinder your progress.

Here we introduce the ego. Your ego can be seen as your conscious mind, that which you see as your "self". If you have self-esteem problems, for example, chances are that you have a negative, self-critical ego. Almost without fail such psychological issues will stem from childhood experiences, usually those involving interactions (or lack thereof; looking at you shitty fathers) with your parents.

Imagine the overly-critical, prone to depression, low self-esteem narcissist. This is the type of person that interprets many external stimuli as direct evidence of their own failures, lack of self-worth, etc.. They're insecure people pleasers. Having strong frame definitely does not come easy. Where might this come from? An overbearing, critical, narcissistic mother is a safe bet.

When I was younger, I dealt with issues similar to this. Chances are that if you arrived at TRP, you did so too at some point in your life. It's a very common psychological complex, it's not your fault, and you can get over it. So after laying all that groundwork, it's time to give anyone dealing with low self-esteem, or anyone wanting to have stronger frame, a practical way to unravel and solve a dysfunctional ego.

Unpacking the ego:

Simply "being aware" of your ego isn't a deep enough level of understanding to make progress. So let's develop our awareness of how the ego functions as part of our personality.

Eric Berne in his book 'Games People Play' discusses his theory of transactional analysis, which is a method for studying the interactions between individuals. In an interaction, there is a stimulus (an acknowledgement of the presence of another person) and a response (you respond to said stimulus). Berne argues that ego states are behind every such transaction. He sees them as a "consistent pattern of feeling and experience directly related to a corresponding consistent pattern of behaviour". Essentially, observable behaviour - words, body language, facial expressions, aspects of your FRAME - stem from your ego state, insofar as psychological factors influence behaviour.

In other words, have a shit ego, and your frame will probably be shit too. This is the basic premise of the application of the theory.

There are three ego states:
- Parent: taught concepts; "You should do X". These are imposed on the child without analysis. Can be supportive/critical.
- Adult: learned concepts; "I think that's a good idea. I'll do X". This stems from an evaluation of parent/child data.
- Child: felt concepts; "I feel Y when X happens". These are internalised in response to external events. Can be playful/insecure.

The fundamental idea from this is that your personality is multifaceted. Each of these ego states exists within you and within others. They interact with each other, and you will find yourself operating in different ego states to varying degrees at different times. Read more about the theory here.

So, if you find it difficult to control your emotions, chances are that you have an ego dysfunction that needs to be addressed. If you lack self-esteem, that's your inner-parent scornfully reprimanding your inner-child. If you are emotional when someone talks shit to you or when you are rejected by a girl, again, that's your inner-child taking over from someone else's criticism. A similar story if you are anxious, not that confident, etc..

Practical Application:

The primary goal of applying this theory is learning to strengthen the adult and unravel all the bullshit. This allows you to move towards autonomy (stronger frame) by dismantling engrained ego scripts. Many people go their whole lives without no-where near the level of self-awareness it takes to do this, and they carry the destructive psychological complexes/behaviours they learnt from their parents with them, exercise them throughout their lives, and finally pass them on to their own kids. Don't be one of those people!

So, here's some practical advice for developing a stronger ego:
- Be aware of which ego state you are operating in, and adjust if you are imbalanced (e.g. overly parent-critical, insecure child).
- Meditate on these concepts to develop your self-awareness
- See a therapist and talk about your life - simple, but potentially very effective
- Journal your thoughts; aim to analyse why you think/behave certain ways from a neutral perspective (the adult)

Over time, what you will find is that the ego dysfunction causing your weak frame (e.g. criticism/conflict triggers the insecure child within you, and you lack confidence to deal with the situation properly) will become less pronounced, to the point where you can exercise control over it. This is your adult regaining control. You will also develop a more healthy balance of the positive and negative characteristics of the parent and child states. From there, you have emotional stability, and much stronger frame.

Use this strategy to crush unconscious psychological habits - thirst for external validation, supplication, people-pleasing, nice-guy syndrome - and ensure that your emotional development is on par with your financial, physical and social progress. Stay positive, and get after it.

Lessons learned:
- Develop frame by dismantling dysfunctional ego states
- Psychological issues will remain unsolved unless you understand their source, and how to fix them
- We're all gonna make it

Further reading:
NMMNG
'What Do You Say After You Say Hello' by Eric Berne
'I'm OK - You're OK' by Thomas A. Harris