For any and all that are disillusioned on AWALT.

For any and all that are disillusioned on AWALT:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Gold_Digger/comments/be360w/a_wolf_in_sheeps_clothing_an_experience_where/

Though some gold diggers are easy to spot, others are more skilled at concealing their agenda. I'd like to share my own experience, one I suspect others have encountered. If so, feel free to chime in, so that others might not fall prey. Mind you, this is not to berate women, as smarmy knows no gender. This is a very long story, so be warned.

Nine years ago when I was 38, I decided I was going to get back into the dating after being divorced for a little over a year. I was trying to ensure I avoided women that were looking for someone to "take care of them", I had already been through that foolishness during my marriage, despite having attempted to avoid it. I was going the route of online dating and was looking for what I had always been looking for, a partnership. As my divorce had left me with a great deal of debt, it was a given that anyone I ended up with would need to be self-sufficient. I wasn't capable of reducing my debt and supporting a family. I'd end up in a holding pattern, and eventually circling the drain financially.

After dismissing quite a few profiles, I was contacted by an attractive divorcée with two boys (I had no children myself). We chatted for a few weeks, and she seemed like a pleasant woman who had just been involved with some rather oppressive men. She was working at her parent's consignment business and living with them until she could get her own place, or so she said. We started dating and everything seemed to be going great. I came to love her boys and they took a shine to me as well.

Her stepfather was a nice guy, but her mother bothered me. She was greedy, and clearly she had pushed her stepfather into dumping his life savings into their consignment business (her dream). My interactions with her were always tense, as she always tried to insinuate it was "my responsibility" to take care of her daughter. I made it a point to correct her, that though I would certainly stand at her side, I would not be her keeper. She was a grown woman, and at 38 years of age, should be able to take care of herself.

Though her mother's mentality didn't sit well with me, I didn't judge my girlfriend based on her parents. However, the one thing that bothered me when I spoke with my girlfriend was that any ill fate that befell her was always blamed on someone else. Her unwillingness to take responsibility became a concern, but my feelings were such that I dismissed it as paranoia. The plan was that we would live separately until such a time she was truly independent. By doing so, if things didn't work out, she would be able to take care of herself, and her children. I didn't want a repeat of my marriage, or to put either of us in a bad position. Most importantly, I wanted to ensure her children were not subject to any more upheaval than they had already endured.

Our relationship grew and seemed ideal, except that her mother seemingly made her life a living Hell, refusing to pay her for her work, stating that working was payment for her room and board. Though it wasn't my place to pass judgment, it appeared my girlfriend had no way of gaining independence as long as she was there. She often called me very distraught, and eventually I felt the only way she'd be able to progress was if I were to let her and her boys move in with me. Looking back, I see that was extremely foolish, but I was emotionally involved, and my judgment was hardly objective. I felt I could provide her and the boys a far better environment. I loved her and wanted to help.

When they moved in, it required some adjustment, but eventually it seemed like we had a very happy family, that I had met my soul mate. However, as far as her independence, I wasn't seeing much effort. I helped her with her resume, and did all I could to encourage her. Eventually, she enrolled herself in medical billing and coding classes, stating it was the best way for her to obtain a real career and provide for her and the boys. I was a bit unsettled, as she hadn't discussed it with me prior to her signing up, but at least the loan was in her name and not tied to me in any way.

I will credit her that she worked hard in school, and I took sole care of the kids whenever she was doing classwork so she could properly dedicate herself to it. Shortly after she graduated, her parents ended up losing their business and house due to bankruptcy. Her mother was blinded by her pipe dream while her stepfather had been trying to push her to sell the shop. I became rather concerned, as her parents could no longer afford to care for her and the boys, and if she did not get her career started, it would be like the Titanic, and we'd all sink. Nonetheless, she assured me she'd almost certainly have a job once she passed her coding exam. I recommended she make sure she had a contingency plan "just in case", but she disregarded that suggestion.

By that time, I was starting to become concerned that I might have been set up, that she was a gold digger, and I "wasn't the first". Certain past events she had blamed on others seemed to implicate her as the perpetrator, particularly situations involving overspending. We had a tight budget, and somehow she always seemed to have some "emergency" when funds were low. She would withdraw cash without asking, spend frivolously, and then try to hide it. Mind you, we were hardly "well off" to begin with, but from her standpoint, it was an improvement from her past experiences.

Nonetheless, I did all I could to remain supportive, to work with her, I truly loved her. However, the more time passed, the more it became clear she was hiding things from me. It became harder to explain things away, and the more it seemed that her history wasn't what she had made it to be, that what I was seeing was simply a repetition of the past. I began to consider it wasn't me she loved, but what in her mind, what I represented, a form of security, a way to fulfill her dreams.

Shortly after, it became very clear I wasn't by her side, I was holding her up, and she knew it all along, she orchestrated it, placated me every time I began to question her intent. The final straw that was undeniable occurred when I returned home to see my mom in hospice one last time before she died due to the sudden onset of throat cancer. My girlfriend had remained to take care of the boys, as they were still in school.

My mother's condition was indescribable, horrific to the point I still have nightmares of her writhing in agony, begging for death. I remained stalwart for my father, who needed my strength and support. However, when I called my girlfriend for support, an individual who had lost family to cancer, she would claim to only have a few minutes to talk. Afterwards, I'd catch her on Facebook, playing games. It floored me, and made it very clear my place in her life was little more than a resource. Every doubt I had ever had, every unanswered question that didn't quite fit, began to make sense. It served only to add tremendous pain and rage to and already devastating and almost unbearable situation.

Her pattern had become clear. From her first relationship onwards, men where a way for her to live her dreams. She became what they wanted, catering to their emotional needs, learning from each experience on just how to manipulate them. The only people she truly cared about were herself and her children. Sadly, her actions were an extremely poor example for them, and certainly did not provide them a good environment to learn and grow. Her teenage son's entitled mentality along with a complete lack of integrity finally made sense, as his mother was his example. From his standpoint, if she could do it, why couldn't he?

When I returned, I confronted her directly, and did not allow her to circumvent my questioning or change the topic. Eventually, she essentially admitted to having used others, but claimed she really loved me. That, however was quickly shot down once I brought up her behavior during my mother's final days, something she couldn't explain away. Frankly, I felt like an idiot for not having realized it all earlier, but I will give it to her she IS quite good at misdirection. I try to remind myself that hindsight is always 20/20, and that I did not have all the pieces until the end.

It was truly heartbreaking, for I loved those boys like they were my own. The youngest had really bonded with me and was becoming a very impressive and respectful young man. As I did not want them to suffer because of her lack of integrity, I gave her six months to make arrangements. It fell in line with my own plans to return to my home town to care for my father, as I had to wait for suitable weather. There was nothing left for me in that city, and dad was showing signs of dementia, as well as difficulty maintaining independence physically. With mom gone, I knew he needed me, but was too proud to ask directly.

During the preparation to move, I agreed to cover the cost of the apartment and utilities, but she had to handle any other costs for her and the boys. As she ended up having to call family members, it became extremely obvious I wasn't the first person that she had used, as I heard her biological father say "Don't give me this one more time speech, I've heard it far too many times from you". I finally understood why he always kept her at arm's length.

I made the move in two trips, and after the first, transferred the utilities and apartment to her name to ensure I wouldn't get shafted. Unsurprisingly, I had to front the money for the power deposit, as she had overspent the money her family sent! I did so willingly, knowing it was the last expense she would be able to force upon me. What truly floored me is when she asked if I would give her my car. Though it was clearly last minute desperation due to her family turning their backs on her, it really took the cake for her to dare ask that of me given her actions. She destroyed my last chance at a dream, I watched it turn to ash before my very eyes, the family I loved, gone in the blink of an eye.

Unsurprisingly, she ended up finding a new "host", a fairly wealthy fellow from my understanding. Other than knowing her general status for reference, she is as far away from my life as possible, my contempt of her knows no bounds. Besides, if her pattern holds true, her current house of cards will fall should he become aware of her agenda, and that is quite probable. The problem with telling so many lies is that one cannot keep track of all of them. Eventually, the stories become skewed and one begins to question was said.

As far as myself, I (and my beloved Flame Point Siamese cat of nine years) eventually ended up moving in with my father after he broke his ankle in three places so I could provide 24 hour care. Dad is no longer able to handle most daily tasks without a great deal of assistance. In addition, he can no longer drive, so it only makes sense I remain with him. My father is the one person in my life that has always been there for me, that I have always been able to trust, and it is only fitting I be there for him. Since parting ways from my girlfriend, I've completely eliminated my debt. It took some time, but I was able to do quite a bit of contract work prior to my father's accident. Thankfully, my father is quite comfortable financially, so money is not a problem. Nonetheless, I do contract work when possible, as "earning one's keep" has always been a family value, and I loathe parasitic behavior given my experiences.

I'm single and almost certainly will remain as such. As I've gotten older, I no longer have the same motivations and dreams, I don't feel the need for human companionship. I've come to see it as a poor investment for me, financially, and emotionally. I'm not concerned about "dying alone" or anything of that sort, I've come to find contentment in solitude. My cat is great company, I really don't feel I need anyone else. When my father passes, I'll assume ownership of the house and likely live here for at least several years, as I've ensured it has been well-maintained since my arrival, given my father's desire to remain at home in his twilight years.

I have shared these events as I am sure there are others who have had similar experiences with financial parasites that may not have stood out as such initially. What is obvious at the end, may not be that way at the beginning, hindsight is always 20/20. Learn from the experience, but don't self-deprecate, as the events that unfolded are punishment enough. You may have tried to be cautious, only to find that your consideration and compassion was used to circumvent that caution, as was the case with me. I realize this was a long story, and in actuality, many details were still omitted, but I was deeply compelled to share it. I ask that others be respectful, and avoid derogatory statements, as without being there and having experienced the events, one cannot truly comprehend the exact circumstances. For those who have endured similar, know that you are not alo