Last time I got oneitis was 2 years ago, with a girl I never slept with at all. Then I found RP, and have been very slowly but surely been improving myself. Still veeeerry, beta, but I’m a lot better than before. It’s hard to turn into alpha when you’re childhood-teens is filled with bullying and feelings of worthlessness, in addition to narcissistic and controlling mother with a beta father. Most of my beta ness comes from uncalibrated and very poor social skills, along with low self esteem and confidence.

I’ve spent the last two years casually dating, mostly through Tinder, Bumble and FB dating. Never had I wanted to invest in one since last oneitis. I’ve been rejected a lot. Been with 35-40 different girls on dates or so. Body count is barely 13. Only a couple turn into FWBs/plates. Only about 4 girls have been something to be proud off. Others were fat girls that i preferred not be seen with.

February comes this girl into my life. I’m 22, she’s 18. We go on a total of 6 dates. We go out every week up until the quarantine shit goes down. Usually I make a move on the first date and if it doesn’t turn into a lay I move on. But I don’t bother with this one cause gut feeling tells me that making a move on first date is too much for this girl. I try to kiss 3rd date, she rejects it. Tells me she never kissed a guy before, and scared her inexperience will turn me off. Normally wouldn’t believe these things, but Come 5th date, we finally kiss... sure enough her kissing is fucking terrible haha. Her inexperience was clear. But whatever, didn’t care.

We don’t go out for a few weeks due to her being out of town, when she comes back this quarantine shit had happened. So we agree to go out on the weekend but just to my place to watch some movies. Well we start making later that night, we’re in bed. She’s getting better at kissing, we’re both being affectionate. I try to go all the way, starting with attempting to finger her but removes my hand all the time. She isn’t ready. We continue to make out and grope each other. I grab her tits and her ass and such . Then I take her home before curfew.

That was 3 weeks ago. Since then, she’s become more and more distant. Used to send a couple messages a day, now I get one reply a day. Usually in multiple messages and paragraphs, not small or short messages, but still just once a day. However last time we spoke was last Friday. I sent the last message, haven’t heard from her since. Don’t like double texting and never will do it.

I had asked her on Thursday if she wanted to hang on Friday night. She replies in Friday saying she’s been busy with her own school work, and as well as taking care of his little brothers shit too cause of the whole online thing. Then she says something that kind of bugs me:

“Just I remember I really do like you 🥺👉👈. What if we were to build a movie collection together....” she says this in regard to fact that we both love film and collecting them.

I sent her msg after that asking her something about movies, and hasn’t replied since. That was last Friday.

I don’t think I’ll hear from her again. I got oneitis yet again after 2 years, and again with girl I didn’t even sleep with. Funny how that works right? Never gotten oneitis for a girl I DID sleep with. And forgot how horrible this shit stings. I tried my best not to, sleeping with a current plate of mine, and having banged a new girl while dating this one. But I liked her a lot anyways.

I’m not sure where I fucked up. Not sure what I did or said but somewhere a long the lines she lost interest. What really fucks with me most is how girls can tell you something and not mean it at all, like that last message she sent me. Or one time when we were walking to my car to take her home, and she stops in the middle of parking lot and tells me very emotionally with eye contact “.... you know I really like you right”. I know this basic RP shit, watch action don’t listen to words. But its still sad shit to see right in person. I guess I saw this a change to possible experience a fulfilling relationship, one in where I actually liked the girl and enjoyed being with her. Like a chance to experience a blue pilled reality in ignorance. But that hope has come to bite me in this ass. I don’t think I’m designed to emotionally invest at all. Think I’m destined to just casually fuck girls forever, with no emotion.

But what gets to me even more than losing this girl, like a lot more, is all these negative fantasies/thoughts resulting from a hurt ego. Ive no doubt she began talking to someone else. Someone alpha, an actual man. And I keep thinking shit like “fuck she made me wait, but I’m willing to bet this new guy is already fucking her and dominating the shit out of her. Because he’s alpha, and you’re pathetic.” I’m one that suffers from negative thoughts and I’m not sure how to make them stop. Any advice on that?