Hello everyone! New post here about how you can literally transform your mind and change your life.

As you might know, EVERYTHING you achieved until now (your relationships, job, success, body etc.) is the result your brain unconsciously thinks you deserve.

If you think you deserve less than what you've done or achieved right now, you will self-sabotage things to get back to the level your brain think (unconsciously) you deserve to be.

How do your fears work (and how personality disorders work):

  • The brain is divided into multiple parts. Some parts of the brain (the unconscious part) is like a big library. This library is storing thousands (or even hundreds of thousands) beliefs about the world and everything around you.

  • Those thousands of beliefs shape your perception of reality and even shape your reality (unconsciously, you can't really notice it). What happens about those beliefs is that you will automatically either...
    a) Find all the signs that confirm this belief around you (in every situation)
    b) If there are no signs that confirm this belief anymore around you, you will feel a deep discomfort (cognitive dissonance) until you act in your environment to make this belief right again

  • People with personality disorders are just people who have (very) deep unconscious negative beliefs that are distorting their perception of reality. They have thousands of deep negative beliefs that make them either...
    a) Find clues in their environment that these negative beliefs are true
    b) If there are not enough clues, they are creating the clues manually in their environment

  • Breaking those deep beliefs is highly uncomfortable and often generates cognitive dissonance (deep discomfort) or psychological coping mechanisms (dissociation, realization, emotional dysregulation...).

  • A deep belief that you have which makes you feared for your survival generates fight or flight mode.
    Personality disordered people are spending a lot of the time in fight or flight mode. Sometimes, they are even blocked in fight or flight without being able to leave it. This often happens if they think their survival is linked to something they try to control but can't control (ie: personal relationships, people's liking them or not, etc.)

  • This is why people sometimes overreact in situations. If someone overreacts to something, he/she is often feared about the potentially life-threatening things that he faces in this situation. This can be irrational fear (example: fear of dying if abandoned by your spouse, fear of dying if publically humiliated...).

  • Fight or flight reactions can sometimes happen in a subtle way. You can know you are in fight or flight mode if you can't stop thinking about something - if you can stop trying to find a solution to a trivial problem - if you are feeling anxious - or even if you feel despair/hopelessness. Some other indicators of a fight or flight reactions are...
    - over trying to understand something that you can't understand/know
    - feeling anxious
    - trying control people (nobody can be controlled)
    - status-seeking and power-seeking (in obsessive ways)
    - people-pleasing
    - dissociating (includes daydreaming/lack of concentration)
    - isolating yourself from others
    - strong lack of motivation
    - perfectionism
    - procrastination

  • 99% of the time, If you feel fear about something, that's your fight or flight mode that gets activated (even in subtle ways). Above, I just added a list with some of the symptoms to know if your fight or flight mode is enabled. If you are afraid of something, it's that there's a part of you who think you might not survive this situation (even if it's totally irrational). When this happens, there is an unconscious belief you have that is triggered in this situation.

  • Here are some examples of beliefs that BPD people (or personality disordered people) have (I am myself BPD, and I worked hard to change these beliefs):
    - I don't deserve being loved (includes seeking unstable partners, narcissistic partners, unemotional partners, avoidant partners, etc. - if I find a partner that loves me, I get uncomfortable [fight or flight mode] and I adjust my reality to this belief by leaving this partner).
    - I need to control people's point of view about me (includes narcissistic tendencies, people-pleasing, status-seeking, manipulation etc.)
    - I need to be abandoned and/or I deserve it (includes social withdrawal, withdrawal from friends, avoidance of social activities, high chemistry abandoning partners, acting in crazy/provocative ways in public to push people to abandon me)
    - People are going to abuse me (includes seeking abusive partners, abusing partners so they are just fighting back, getting yourself in scam schemes so people steal from you)

  • 90% of your beliefs are created during your childhood and adolescence (between approximately 0 and up to 16 years old).
    Those beliefs are created by observing people's behavior, parents' behavior, and things that your parents and people tell you. The more something is told lived or observed in your environment, the deeper the belief gets. Bonus points if you live/see/hear those things before 7 years old. Beliefs you create before 7 years old are often the deeper ones (and usually, if these are highly toxic/negative, this leads to personality disorders).

  • Your success with your career, relationships, and your overall life (and happiness) is 100% dictated by the beliefs (and deeper beliefs) you unconsciously have. As you find only clues about those beliefs (or create these clues by acting if you don't see them in your actual environment), you can't exceed what you believe to be true. If you try, the discomfort get too big, you get cognitive dissonance and you start to get fight-or-flight reactions.

  • It's 100% possible to change your deeper beliefs with a very simple exercise (shown at the bottom of this post). You can change ANY belief you have in your environment (that's why ALL personality disorder can be cured - the only thing is that most people with personality disorders aren't even aware that they have wrong beliefs [out of the habit of acting on them], or they fear the internal, unconscious discomfort of acting against those deep beliefs).

  • Usually, the deeper the negative belief, the deeper damage it does in your life when you have it. Deeper beliefs are usually beliefs you develop before 7 years old, or beliefs you developed after extremely traumatic situations (including PTSD situations).

  • Also, the deeper the belief is, the bigger the discomfort you get when acting against it and/or finding clues that contradict it.

  • Deeper beliefs are usually triggering strong fight or flight responses if they are linked to your survival (ie: I can't survive if the person I love leaves me).

How to find AND change negative beliefs (very simple, but VERY uncomfortable):

  1. Make a list of negative things you internally find to be true (write the belief you have, ie: I don't deserve to get rich - or - I don't deserve to find a girl that will not cheat on me - or - I need to cheat on girls - or - I can't be loved, etc.)

  2. Take a sheet of paper and a pen, then write two columns:
    Left column: proofs this belief is true
    Right column: proofs that this belief is false
    Write all the arguments proving your point (even if these arguments are emotional and/or illogical.

  3. Turn back the sheet of paper, and at the top, write "Am I 100% sure that XXX [XXX = the belief you wrote] is true?"
    Then, write a 100% honest conclusion about it, is that 100% true? How could you feel differently about it? Write everything until you reach the bottom of the sheet.

  4. Feel the discomfort. After writing about a deep belief (or more superficial beliefs), you might feel deep discomfort. Usually, this leads to dissociating. This means you could spend the rest of the day lost in your thoughts, confused, and/or daydreaming.
    From my experience, this can get you confused for a few hours.

What happens next?

  • Usually, when you do this exercise, your thinking brain (neocortex) will challenge the reptilian brain (the unconscious brain) which causes daydreaming (dissociation) and/or deep discomfort. After a few days (during your sleep etc.), your brain will re-wire about this belief and progressively delete and/or change it. Everything will be stored automatically in your unconscious memory.

  • This means the results can be pretty much immediate in your thinking, but your behaviors will change progressively in the few days/weeks after this exercise.

  • Prepare yourself for deep change and (almost) immediate change. Doing this exercise can literally change your personality over a few days/weeks.

  • It's your responsibility to change your existing negative beliefs to positive ones. Be highly aware of a belief is actually hurting your life or improving it. If a belief is positive, never change it. Otherwise, this can lead to personality disorders and/or sabotaging your life. This exercise can be extremely dangerous as it has very deep psychological consequences over your life and personality. Be extremely cautious about it. This is brainwashing.

  • Examples of negative beliefs: having to prove yourself all the time to feel worthy, feeling unlovable, feeling unworthy of things, feeling in danger in social situations (these beliefs lead to social anxiety), trying to prove yourself all the time, feeling never enough as a human being if you don't succeed enough (this leads to narcissism, workaholism, etc).

Let me know your experiences about this life-changing exercise in comments!

PS: don't try to change more than one belief within every 24 hours. And I strongly advise you to wait more than 72 hours after changing a deep belief that made you highly uncomfortable after the exercise. Changing too many beliefs in a short amount of time might get your unconscious memory "saturated" and reduce the efficacy of this exercise.

PPS: even after doing this exercise, you might notice that you sometimes fall back to old ways of behaving and/or sabotaging your life. If that's the case, don't worry about it, going back happens sometimes because you developed a habit during your whole life of acting out on the belief you had before doing the exercise. If this happens, just notice it and try to act on the new belief you replaced instead. After some time, you will automatically stop acting the old way again (new acting habit get formed).

PPS: a good book for the main life sabotaging beliefs is "Reinventing your life" by Jeffrey E. Young. You can find this book at Amazon or at your favorite library.