I read this post about pornsick man calling her gf gross (among other things) and some comments were saying how the behavior is a red flag for future abuse. I've seen this a lot in these kind of posts about men treating women like shit, and it's started to really bother me.

Because the way the man acted in that post is already abusive. The definition of a red flag is that it's a potential sign that something is wrong. It implies a certain level of ambiguity. But there is nothing ambiguous about a man shaming a woman's body. It's blatant and deliberate act of disrespect. It breaks obvious rules of common human decency (how many people's bodies have you shamed to their face?). He knows he's hurting her. Maybe it's because he's trying to lower her self-esteem, or maybe he just doesn't care about her feelings. Maybe it will escalate into physical violence, or maybe it will stay at "just" verbal abuse. It doesn't matter, because he's already done something that should be unforgivable. He's already broken her trust and revealed his true colors - the only sane thing to do here is for the woman to dump his scummy ass.

Here's a real example of what would be a red flag: a man being late or cancelling meetings. That could potentially be a sign that he isn't serious or is seeing other women or something similar. But it could also be just bad luck, sometimes people are just busy. The situation is ambiguous - if the man is otherwise HVM it isn't necessary to dumb him immediate, but definitely keep vetting him, right?

Blatantly disrespectful behavior is not a red flag. It should always be a deal breaker, period. Relationship subs are full of women seeking advice about situations that are blatantly unsalvageable, where the line has already been crossed and the only solution is to walk out. And always the comments are full of people acting as if there is something unclear about it, telling the woman to "communicate" (basically another gaslighting tactic in itself), or "not rush into conclusions" or whatever crap that boils down to "shut up and take the abuse". A man criticizing your body, flirting with other women, being a porn addict, shaming you for your sexual past, refusing to do his share of domestic work, not caring about your pleasure in bed, violating consent in bed etc are not "red flags", they are reasons to immediately end a relationship.

Insisting that deal breakers are just mere red flags is yet another example of how women are constantly gaslighted into doubting our own instincts. Most women already have a constant nagging voice in their head telling them they are overreacting. Mixing red flags with deal breakers just makes the chronic lack of clear boundaries most women suffer from worse. And that's the intention. It's especially common in sexual matters thanks to the current hellscape of "sexual liberation" - there are constant stories and questions from women who had their consent blatantly violated by a man, and people act like it's an ambiguous situation. It's sexual assault. If a man does something that you didn't agree to, especially something violent/degrading/that he damn well knows requires asking for consent, he has committed a sexual assault. Those stories of men not asking for permission before choking or slapping women are stories of sexual assault, it's not a red flag but already an unforgivable act of violation.