https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/d1hnk5/men_only_stay_interested_in_emotionally/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Long post but I need help to figure out the dynamics behind this lol I don't want to have the same issue over and over.

I am a bit new here so I searched through old posts and I found this one randomly.

I have anxiety and reading some of these things makes me very paranoid tbh

I am 20 yo and never had a real boyfriend. I have had crushes but for one way or another they all ended badly.

I know deep down that you cannot control attraction, chemistry or a connection etc though.

In two cases they were guys who lives far from here and didn't show a particular interest in serious romance or romance at all. The first told me clearly he wasn't interested in any kind of romantic relationship but he really enjoyed my validation. The second was flirty and we clicked as people but apparently he isn't interested in a serious relationship (we live in two different continents).

In both cases I clearly said I kinda liked them and I was only pushy with one guy because I was literally crazy back then and he gave the attention I needed.

Once I asked a guy out in class (I know it is against the rules here but I was clueless about it being a bad idea) after tons of flirting and weird messages and I wasn't his type (personality and looks I guess).

Last time it was a bit different. We met casually on here and we went for dinner after some chatting. He was cute and we had sexual chemistry but after date 2 I sensed it wouldn't have worked romantically because we didn't get each other on a personal level. He said I was interesting and I enioyed his company but our backgrounds and experience were different etc

After that it was all very confusing. He came over at my place and I was perfectly fine with hooking up (not actual piv just some stuff) or similar but I didn't know if he was attracted or not.

He seemed undecided because he suggested being friend but he said he was physically attracted etc, after some weird interactions we didn't get sexual that night because he didn't want.

He really wanted to get to know me even if he thought a relationship wouldn't have worked and he said he didn't want to hurt me because of my issues with depression, bad past experiences and anxiety.

He made open up a bit and talk about personal stuff as he insisted but I also suggested fwb because I really didn't see him as romantic potential. He said no because he would have been bad for me and I wasn't just a vagina for him.

He said he got attached easily to people and he felt emotionally invested in one way or another. At that point I was kinda bitchy because I wanted sex but he seemed hurt I seemed to focus on that and said I lacked affection.

Later on he went out again for my birthday but he was unsure, he didn't know if he wanted to be friends only and decided to see how it goes.

After that I told him many times to drop it if he wasn't interested or if I wasn't his type because I wasn't his backup option(he said it once I wasn't personality wise) but he insisted in hanging out anyway and he said he was hurt because not everyone is an asshole.

I was very anxious but my gut was right overall about the situation. He seemed distant for a while so I thought it was done but then he messaged me again. He said he felt like a stalker because he always texted me first and asked me out.

Overall we didn't see each other that much, for a while only once a month then it became more frequent for some reason.

He even paid dinner and cinema for my birthday (but I paid back later when I mentioned it because I was surprised he offered both).

At some point I demanded more attention and called him out about being distant.

I don't remember exactly why but he became more attentive and texted me more, I believe it was after a convo about personal interests and before I pushed way after being upset about that other dude.

We went for dinner and he hugged me then afterwards I invited him at my place. It was half planned but he pretended to forgot his laptop to watch Netflix lmfao

We had good sexual tension but the kiss was sloppy and it went from 0 to 100 real quick, so I stopped him after a random anxious attack and he apologized and he was understanding. We talked and when I asked he said he liked way too much but he didn't know how it was going to be or if he loved me. He needed time to figure that out and I said I didn't know if I liked him Nothing was ever official btw

We continued talked and saw each other more. I felt kinda depressed so my schedule was bad and didn't make a good impression in that month span but we still saw each other and I felt less anxious.

He even offered to make a trip a nearby city but I accepted and planned a bit he said "don't plan it won't necessarily happen" wtf? He had often these hot and cold moments.

We wanted to see me once at my other place but for some reason I didn't want to see him. Idk why. Sometimes I felt like the conversations were forced because we didn't have stuff to talk about.

We were supposed to see each other twice, once we did some foreplay and kissed and it was very enjoyable. Later he offered to visit TWICE then bailed for 2 reasons that make me doubt.

He seemed distant after that and he started acting depressed and he said it was typical for him or it happens etc. It seemed bullshit to me but I didn't insist.

When I asked him if he liked the encounter he said it was very natural etc but he was not having a romantic involvement, he wasn't in love and had tons of physical involvement and little mental.

He said an emotional involvement for a while which Idk what is that supposed to mean, he wanted to continue but I was done at that point. We talked about it in person and I even said I liked him but not in a infatuated/in love sense either.

He seemed still interested and said it may have nothing to do with me and it's all about himself but last time we met after a long convo about personal stuff (he asked me to tell me because he was frustrated I had no social life), I had to press him and he said we didn't have a connection or things in common and different lives and no intimacy.

It ended in a fight but I remember the convo before was kinda heavy because I was kinda dark, I ended up telling him some troubles I had just for venting.

After that I offered friendship but he said he didn't want any more bad vibes, it was hurting his mental health and he was fed up with me and it was been going on for a while.

Wtf? When I wondered why he talked to me in the first place he said he did not know why.

He cut me off and we never talked again.

What makes think...it's that he somewhat chased me when I didn't give him attention and then when he realized we had no connection he bounced.

He even asked me if I wanted him to chase me while I hide or something as a joke.

I know "he is not that into you" applies and all but sometimes I wonder...why? Validation? Attention?

I considered ending it but I felt attached and generally bad. I thought anxiety was messing me up.

The sole purpose wasn't just sex, why bother chasing me or trying to find stuff in common? This lasted over 4 months. Was it just the challenge?

I realized playing hard to get somewhat works but the person has to be into you as a whole. I know this guy is immature and unstable but...overall these games drive me crazy.

I fear to end up in constant similar scenarios over and over because of my own mistakes or sometimes I even feel like I didn't get a relationship because of my behavior (which is partially true because my mental issue make me a pain in the ass).

The post above really made me panic. Like do you really need to avoid being clear about your feelings?

I feel like I was honest with 2 or 3 and generic about it with the last but...I can't help but think I did something wrong in the process.