Background: I love my boyfriend, we've been together for a few years, high school sweethearts now in college. We are long distance which is difficult but we usually make it work. I am in college while he took a gap year and takes a night class 2 days a week.

I have depression, anxiety, PTSD (rape), and chronic pain. I deal with them well usually, I was in therapy for years, I do much better now. DB (damn boyfriend) has anxiety as well, last year he really struggled with it, it was difficult for me to stay with him through that time. Although we were long distance he was very needy, he had a lot of anxiety attacks and I pulled away, but ultimately any time he needed me I was there, I even would drive 4 hours one way to see him to make sure he was okay on weekends when I could. He is doing much better now, this was a year ago and we worked through it.

Que Rant: DB needs to be there for me, and not just when it works for him. We will be texting in the middle of a conversation and he says hes tired and wants to sleep, which is normally fine. It bothers me we never get to finish the conversation though, it is never brought back up unless I bring it up and I feel like I shouldn't always have to. He's the one that ends it it would be nice if he would think enough to continue it later.

Well last night I was having anxiety, DB knows it's depressing me I'm planning my own birthday, (I threw him a surprise party with all of this friends from 4 hours away, organized all of the food, booked his favorite location (a hobby I do not enjoy) and got everything ready, I then had to drive 4 hours one way for the party.) I love birthdays I love planning them but what depresses me is the fact I go out of my way for others and I still have to plan my own. I am also hitting an age I never thought I'd live to when I was younger, this birthday is freaking me out, which DB is well aware of. I know I am young (ab to turn 20) but I lost so much of my childhood it saddens me I'm ab to be an adult.

SO while I was expressing my anxiety over my birthday I didn't get far before DB says he's tired and might fall asleep. I say I need him and he says that he'll stay up, not even 2 minutes later he's asleep and I am panicking alone. It made me feel sad he didn't stay up, and more sad when he never brought it back up today.

That brings us to a few minutes ago, we were in the middle of a conversation when he says he wants to sleep, fine but I bring up the fact he always does this, and then the conversation is never continued and last night I could've used him. He says he's sorry but keeps insisting he wants to sleep as I am trying to express why I am upset, which pisses me off more he's doing exactly what I am saying is upsetting me as I'm saying it! He could've said "okay I'll stay up because it is clear you're upset, I'll do better I'm sorry, something. While he did say he's sorry it was also always followed by he wants to sleep because he has work tomorrow. Well buddy I too have to wake up for my class at 10 (same time his work starts), then do work for my next class, go to my second class (both classes 1.5 hours straight, to then go to work, followed by a lecture. I too need sleep, but I am so upset for the second night in a row I cannot sleep and it pisses me off he is sleeping soundly not caring how I feel.

I told him how whenever he needs me I will stay up, not complain, and help him. DB said I can sleep and he doesn't care if I go to sleep when hes struggling. Sure he says that now but next time he calls me crying I am sure he won't feel the same way. I told him I am not capable of just letting him be upset, I cannot just leave him alone, that I care enough I won't sleep to help him. He just said he needs sleep and we'll talk about this tomorrow and that was that.

Even when I was visiting him, when he wanted to sleep that was all that mattered, it didn't matter if I wanted to talk, hang out, or anything, when he wanted to sleep that was that. He made no effort to do anything else. I do not see his family much and my last night at home I was talking to his family and he just took his dog, went upstairs, and laid there for 30 minutes when I was with his family. He didn't tell me he was going to bed and it surprised me when I finally went looking for him and he was laying there on his phone all of the lights off.

It is getting to the point I need to be selfish and say I do not care if he wants to sleep because I need him, but he doesn't even put in the effort to stay awake, he claims he does but he lays there, eyes closed, lights off, between texts, not trying in the slightest.

Well now I am so pissed off I can't sleep and God I wish him a very restless night.

I'd love advice, tell me I am totally in the right to be pissed off, tell me if I am just a total bitch, but please do not suggest we just break up. Just help please!