Hey ladies, long-time lurker and someone who has read the FDS Handbook front-to-back. This is lengthy, but I have a lot of respect for the opinions I see, so I wanted to give you guys a detailed idea of what I'm trying to figure out.
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Background
I was asked out on a date by someone on my LinkedIn list. I've met them once a year+ ago, and haven't had contact since. He's very handsome, kinda nerdy, and English isn't his first language (born in a non-western country). Long story short they reached out to me and started conversation and asked me out. This was back in April. He followed-up with me in May when more people starting going out during lockdown. The rule was to stay 6ft apart, but things were up in the air about who you could mingle with. I was anti-meeting up and I feel bad but I ignored his follow-up request. I'm debating responding but there are a couple of things holding me back.
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1) He asked me out for coffee. At 19 I knew coffee dates were no bueno- I've never liked coffee dates and have been on a couple that have confirmed how meh these type of guys are. Men have gotten a 100000000x lazier since dating apps and I believe this combined with pick-me cool girl bs has led to this idea that "coffee dates are better because it's less pressure (?) you can leave whenever you want (.....you can always leave whenever you want?)"
Question #1: I know what we're all about, but is my stance - that coffee dates are an instant no- too pushy? Considering we've only just begun to come out of quarantine in my city, and I get that options might be limited.
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2) This person is from a European country where men are very traditional. I'm a first-gen WoC living in the West who understands what traditional translates too a lot of the time. I find his language to be very direct, not rude, but I get the feeling its a little scripted?
I respect that some men get shy and fall back on borderline robotic speak. I also have an 'exotic' (ugh) look to some, so I notice that guys get really nervous and kind of awkward when approaching me. Even if they're confident they'll tell me down the line that they didn't expect me to be into them.
Question #2: If anyone here is from Eastern Europe/has experience with these men, what are your thoughts on an attractive, ambitious EE guy who comes across scripted (should I give him a pass on that? English is his third language according to his LinkedIn) and asked me out online?
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I think that HMV take cues from general dating advice that's out there and suggest coffee a lot of the time. There are def men who go off from the start and those are ideal, but I'm conflicted. Pick me culture is everywhere and passes as HV if we're being real libfem beliefs are hard to escape. Don't always think its fair to expect guys to get it - not making excuses but I'm trying to be realistic. I'd appreciate your input, and I'm always game for constructive criticism.
Thanks ladies!
[–]FDStrategistFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Alma00019FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link