Tl;dr should I fuck/date my former oneitis or ignore her and move on?

I’ve been thinking I’m on the fence about if I want to see her. I have so much pent up resentment, regret, jealousy, bad emotions and insecurity centered around her and I am worried about her breaking my frame too easily. She brings up too much insecurity in me. I think she may still have feelings for her last ex who was an extremely muscular high smv, social guy who owns his own small business. I don’t even understand why she wants to see me unless he had dumped her and she rebounded and went after me when she saw me adopting a red pill mentality and seeing other women.

One of the biggest factors that makes me actually consider fucking her is that I find her extremely sexually attractive. She’d be the hottest girl that I’ll likely ever get a chance to fuck. And her exes were all attractive guys, especially her last one, and that feeds a lot of insecurity in me. She’s indicated before that she doesn’t really find me physically attractive. I struggle with acne and I’m short although I’ve been working on the acne the best I can. I have a good face and lift but I’ve only been back in the gym for a few months and am not as muscular as her ex. Another huge thing that makes me consider seeing her (maybe more important than her smv) is we have a long emotional history together and after she’s passed on me so many times I have this strong subconscious desire to prove myself with her.

I’m a virgin. She thinks I’m not and I don’t want her to be the one to take my virginity if I go through with seeing her. I’d just pick up some girl for a one night stand before seeing her in that case.

She lives in another state rn and we haven’t seen each other in person in years but I used to talk to her a lot. So neither of us have really seen what the other looks like much or experienced the others personality in person. We have seen some pictures of each other though.

I’ve considered ignoring her completely if she tries to text me or dating someone else and telling her. Just to hurt her badly because she’s done similar things to me in the past. I’ve also considered fucking her and then leaving right after or doing something like that. The other option is to actually date her, which is what I think she wants, she’s said she only dates and doesn’t do hookups, which I’m sure is bullshit she just told me because she wants me to think that. She knows that I think it’s gross she’s been with her 3 exes and that they’ve cum in her. I’m sure her body count is actually something like 9 or higher and not the 3 she wants me to think it is. So I think if I were to fuck her she expects me to officially date her. Idk how I should play that, if I were to go through with it should I agree to that or just tell her I don’t want to date her just have a fwb thing. Also I don’t understand how she intends to date me since she’s returning to school in january which is hundreds of miles away from me.

Another thing that’s making me insecure is that I feel like I need more experience with other woman first if I were to see her. I’m worried about having a bad experience when seeing her and getting emotionally hurt. That’s if I were to see her, I still hate her so much and haven’t really gotten over that anger completely.

I also feel like it may be much harder to make her respect me and have her view me how I want her to view me with the history we have where I acted like a beta and stood by while she fucked and dated three other guys and used me for validation and manipulated and used me over the past few years.