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Dating While Progress Still Needs to be Made

Reddit View
July 10, 2020
7 upvotes

Stats: 19M, 5'8", 121 lbs. Readings: RPC sidebar, No More Mr Nice Guy Mission: To become a disciple capable of making disciples by gaining wisdom through biblical and intellectual pursuits, confidence through building a solid body and frame, and putting myself in a place where the gospel is needed (STEM field).

Before I begin with the question, I should let you know I understand exactly where I should be focusing: lifting and gaining weight. I have plans to hop into the gym right away as soon as my school starts in a month and opens its rec center. (I don’t do home workouts and there isn't a gym nearby that I can easily get to). I already have gained some weight since my last OYS, although it's probably not muscle.

Anyway, I am wondering whether I should "go on dates" in light the advice given by u/rocknrollchuck in my last OYS. At this point, I don’t know whether to follow that advice or not based on some of my assumptions.

In my opinion, you need to have a strong frame, physical build, and mission in order to have the confidence and mentality that is necessary to attract women. This seems to be in line with the advice given by many to hit the gym and developed a mission first and foremost in response for some asking for relationship advice. These attributes make dating much more worthwhile as you are more likely to attract and hold onto better females.

So, given that, would it be best to avoid dating entirely? The thoughts behind this being: why would I spend my time casually dating when I know at this time I am not prepared for it, where I don't have a mission that I'm committed to, and understand the vetting process? In addition, I don’t consider myself "the prize to be won" yet, since I need that solid foundation.

On the other hand, should I still consider myself the prize, regardless of what stage I'm in, as is the idea also held by many, including in the Book of Pook which I have glanced through? The implications of this would be dating for fun to build game while still lifting and pursuing mission, and learning the vetting process through the dates I go on. This also seems beneficial.

For me, the problem is I don’t see how casual dating is part of a mission when I can just pursue a relationship with Christ by myself. But some benefits are still there, which confuses me, especially when I see others on this sub casually dating.

My question boils down to determining the purpose of dating. I also wonder if I have a misconception about something, if I'm over thinking this and its simply my choice, or if you think I'm giving excuses to not talk to girls haha.


Post Information
Title Dating While Progress Still Needs to be Made
Author TheInventor49
Upvotes 7
Comments 6
Date 10 July 2020 10:19 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit askRPC
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/704450
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/hoyhrb/dating_while_progress_still_needs_to_be_made/
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Comments

[–]Deep_Strength7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Before I begin with the question, I should let you know I understand exactly where I should be focusing: lifting and gaining weight. I have plans to hop into the gym right away as soon as my school starts in a month and opens its rec center. (I don’t do home workouts and there isn't a gym nearby that I can easily get to). I already have gained some weight since my last OYS, although it's probably not muscle.

Start now. Bodyweight at home workouts aren't as effective, but building the habits and discipline now will pay off.

My question boils down to determining the purpose of dating. I also wonder if I have a misconception about something, if I'm over thinking this and its simply my choice, or if you think I'm giving excuses to not talk to girls haha.

There's nothing wrong with asking out girls and going on dates now if you see a girl that has good potential. The big issue at your current state is that most of the women you may ask out if you are that unmuscular and are just getting started with mission won't want to go out on a date with you.

As you said, it may be a good idea to just focus on getting your God's mission and your life consistently oriented toward living out God's will for several months to a year and then pivoting once you have that in order. Gotta build your own foundation first before potentially worrying about another person who is supposed to be helping you in your mission long term.

The main area where it may be a good idea to date or at least experiencing a lot of talking to women is if you're shy or introverted and don't have good experiencing leading a relationship and conversations. Building this practice is very helpful right now, though things like toastmasters and public speaking can help you with that too

[–]TheInventor49[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There's nothing wrong with asking out girls and going on dates now if you see a girl that has good potential.

I would also say at this point I am not sure what "good potential" looks like. Understanding red flags and vetting something I need to work on, and I think I will see it if I surround myself with others, so hopefully school will help in this regard.

The main area where it may be a good idea to date or at least experiencing a lot of talking to women is if you're shy or introverted and don't have good experiencing leading a relationship and conversations

I consider this as something I can do outside of a dating setting, in things like campus ministries at my school, leading bible studies, etc.

Thanks for the advice, and your book is very good so far

[–]rocknrollchuck2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Anyway, I am wondering whether I should "go on dates" in light the advice given by u/rocknrollchuck in my last OYS. At this point, I don’t know whether to follow that advice or not based on some of my assumptions.

In my opinion, you need to have a strong frame, physical build, and mission in order to have the confidence and mentality that is necessary to attract women. This seems to be in line with the advice given by many to hit the gym and developed a mission first and foremost in response for some asking for relationship advice. These attributes make dating much more worthwhile as you are more likely to attract and hold onto better females.

Yes, you should go on dates before having all those things. How can you ever get good at dating if you don't practice? Besides, if you do all those other things first to attract them, then you're going to just be a strong muscular dude with a mission but will still be awkward around dates. You need practice while you're developing the rest of those areas, especially since the girls you can date right now are probably at a different level than you will be able to attract later when you're jacked and have your life together.

On the other hand, should I still consider myself the prize, regardless of what stage I'm in, as is the idea also held by many, including in the Book of Pook which I have glanced through? The implications of this would be dating for fun to build game while still lifting and pursuing mission, and learning the vetting process through the dates I go on. This also seems beneficial.

There's always a certain amount of "fake it til you make it" at first until you find your groove. But you can't do that forever, so work on actually becoming The Prize while you show confidence outwardly that you may not have inwardly yet.

So, given that, would it be best to avoid dating entirely? The thoughts behind this being: why would I spend my time casually dating when I know at this time I am not prepared for it, where I don't have a mission that I'm committed to, and understand the vetting process? In addition, I don’t consider myself "the prize to be won" yet, since I need that solid foundation.

For me, the problem is I don’t see how casual dating is part of a mission when I can just pursue a relationship with Christ by myself. But some benefits are still there, which confuses me, especially when I see others on this sub casually dating.

You can spin plates as a Christian if you do it correctly. That being said, my suggestion would be to wait one more month until school starts. You'll have a much different scene to practice in, and many of those girls will be down to date because they are in school and that's where many relationships are formed. Use that month to address the areas you need the most work in. But put things in the proper order: relationship with Christ first, school / self-improvement second, dating third.

My question boils down to determining the purpose of dating.

The purpose of dating is to find a suitable woman to make your wife so you can carry out God's mission for your life with her help. You can do that single too, but most men do not have the "gift of singleness" and are too easily tempted with regard to sexual things. Paul addresses this in detail in 1 Corinthians 7.

I also wonder if I have a misconception about something, if I'm over thinking this and its simply my choice, or if you think I'm giving excuses to not talk to girls haha.

Of course you're overthinking it. Just take the next step. One day at a time.

[–]TheInventor49[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The purpose of dating is to find a suitable woman to make your wife so you can carry out God's mission for your life with her help.

And casual dating will help in this regard as I will be learning the skills necessary while dating to find and attract a the ideal women who will help with my mission. At least, that is how I understand your point.

How can you ever get good at dating if you don't practice?

I guess I have this notion that with the strong frame and body, and outcome independence given your current mission that avoiding awkwardness won't be hard. In my opinion, awkward dates are fueled by constantly thinking of what the other person thinks about you, and acting on those feelings. With a solid mission this is avoided. Plus, the other tools provided by RP can be practiced, and are learned, in a non-dating environment, such as with friends and social groups. Then again, I haven't been on too many dates so I have only so much authority.

Thanks for the advice!

[–]UpTanks1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Already great comments here so I'll just add a little something based on my past 3 years (22 currently).

Definitely go on dates and work on your game etc. But you're better off forming/joining social circles, travelling by yourself with new people and doing fun stuff in groups than targeting women individually. My number one piece of advice to younger guys around your age and below is: get life experience. Put yourself in new environments and throw yourself in the deep end, you're young, you're supposed to make mistakes.

At the same time, invest heaps of time into studying the word and growing your Christian worldview, take some online theology and apologetics classes. (TheosU is what I use atm)

The above two, combined with gym and social sport.. Man you will be killing it.

[–]TheInventor49[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My number one piece of advice to younger guys around your age and below is: get life experience

This is good advice. Plus, getting life experience will help reach more people, have more to talk about with people, and build that social network.

Thanks!



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