I am in an abusive family, live in the third world, the worst of the worst. It's an absolute hell and beyond anything you could possibly imagine. The things I've faced, the things I've dealt with...I can't even put into words. I had an opportunity to make it out 6 years ago. It was a golden fucking opportunity. I literally had everything sorted, I just had to work out a couple minor things. If I had literally just sat down for 10 minutes and thought about those things and worked out the details, I'd be chilling in NYC or something right now.

...but I didn't. I didn't take 10 fucking minutes because I was so fucking stupid and lazy. Yes I know making it out of here won't solve all my problems, but it'll be an unbelievable help. Well the good news is I now have another similar opportunity coming up and I could make it out this time too. But I just can't bring myself to work on it. This one is like a billion times harder and I am actually gonna have to bust my ass off for it.

So whenever I try to sit down and work at it, I just get bombarded with massive amounts of regret and rage. Because I had the perfect shot so long ago when I didn't even have to do all this bullshit and I just let that go. I worked out the exact amount of time it cost me and it comes out to 2,221 days.

I wasted 2,221 days of my life because I couldn't tear myself away from reddit and my tv shows for 10 fucking minutes. I had to spend 2,221 more days in unbearable heat, pollution, filth, evil, corruption, overpopulation, fear for my life everyday, and a thousand other things. Because I couldn't take out 10 motherfucking minutes.

I know, I know...tell me what a little bitch I sound like. Well, that's what I fucking am. I'm a worthless loser. Loser. My parents fucked me up so bad that that's what I've always been. It's not my fault. They destroyed my life. And, well, since then I've been doing a pretty good job of doing what they taught me and continuing to destroy it even more. I honestly don't even deserve to live. I am so fucking beyond idiotic. I wish I'd never been born to begin with. Or at least I wish I was born with a silver spoon so I didn't have to work my face off just to get barely 1% of the stuff that other people are just born with. How is it fair? It's not fucking fair. It just isn't. Why should I play the game if it's so fucking rigged?

How do I even function anymore? What the fuck is the point of living? That's 2,221 days gone. I'll never get them back. Ever. No matter what I do. They're gone forever. I'm that much older, weaker, and closer to my grave. And my situation is just as bad, if not worse. My life is in absolute ruins, I'm nothing but a quivering pile of regret, envy and rage, and now somehow I'm supposed to put my head down and grind for an eternity just to get an opportunity that I was getting practically for free 2,221 days ago? How do I do it? What's even the point anymore?