So, I fell HARD for this oneitis. And it was waay harder than any other oneitis because I almost made this shit work. Hell, god literally put the carrot in front of my dumbass bunny face and then took it away. Needless to say I was out. Keep in mind that I was totally redpill aware during this time. I kept my game tight, did not do anything remotely beta, did not chase, hell, I even was the one to cut her out.

During this whole time I was doing gear(still am), not a lot, but enough to make myself wonder what the fuck was happening. I had spasms of rage. Everytime I even thought of that girl I started punching the fucking walls. I put myself in dangerous situations just to get my mind off of things. Just right fucking now, when I think of that girl, and that I lost my freaking prize, and that somebody else might be enjoying it while I'm here, working like a beast, MAKES MY BLOOD FUCKING BOIL.

Yes, it is that bad. And before any of you ask, I do have other plates, I do slay pussy, but I can't get this shit out of MY HEAD. Working out 3h+ a day, going for 100KMs+ bike rides and working 16h(I'm a software engineer) a day. All of that fueled by PURE RAGE. And I don't even feel good when I'm done. Just a sense of pure darkness.

Whats the fucking point of this? I did get better, and I AM STILL ANGRY. I still wanna kill everything. It still hasn't gone away. What the fuck do I do?

Its fucking torture, and its been going on for 6 months now. I literally feels like someone is poking a knife in my heart. Sometimes I dream with this girl and I calm down. Yes, in my fucking dream I can calm down. Every time the thought comes to my mind, I instantly put on some death metal, and that is what enables me to let it go.

If any of your bros have used gear, is all of this anger/hypercompetition due to superhuman levels of testosterone or is it just my head that is going insane? I started taking gear exactly one year ago, I had just turned 20. Now I just turned 21. Made immense amounts of progress, got shredded as fuck and strong. I only have used Winstrol (max 50mg eod 8 weeks), Tren Ace (100mg/w 6 weeks) and Testosterone. I was cruising on testosterone this whole time, never went above 250mg/w.

I also started smoking weed everyday for a couple of months(Not a lot, just a couple of hits before bed). I stopped it hoping that it was the root cause of all my anger/inability to accept things and move on. But it wasn't. I can't stop the gear since I'm getting ready for a competition. Any advice? Just keep my head down and keep plowing through it?