Bit of a weird one, but since I was 16 Ive only had a few days/moments that I was ok with. The rest of the time ive just been miserable with life wanting something more. In that time ive gone to uni and graduated and I feel like ive wasted my youth. Essentially I arent the man I want to be but idk who that is, i dont really have anything I want to do or be. Ive gone to the gym but dont find any joy out of it. The few women ive talked in the past 4 years to hasnt gone anywhere. I want that BP form of love but I know its not real so ill at least settle for having plates and such, but I hate the game of texting and meeting women it takes me so long and makes me feel stressed and anxious. No I dont have abundance. Every time I speak to a women I just dead it if its taking too long even if im interested or get ghosted. Additionally I find it hard being emotionally affectionate and have been told I come off as no caring. This makes me feel worse as I feel like Im missing about on an important part of my youth (relationships). Im not a virgin but ive never cum from sex so it kinda feels that way. I feel this way with many things including happiness, like I want it but to achieve it fills me with dread and makes me anxious about how much of a loser I am rn and how ive wasted so much time when I could of been growing as a person but I choose not too. I could have changed in the past but didnt. It gets at me how I know what I should be doing but dont. Thats why im thinking I must like being miserable because its what I know, I refuse to grow as a person cus Im a bp bitch whos scared of change and success/failure.

Because of my past failures I feel unable to move forward successfully because I dont think thats the type of person I am. Like ive know about TRP for 8 years, but yet here I am struggling with being sad. I feel like time has just escaped me and its too late now .im 22 and still living with my parents. if you dont experience things in your youth chances are youll never experience them because you have more time and energy when young and now im behind other people my age. I cant help but compare myself to imaginary people I see on Socials who are always happy makes loads of money and have loads of positive affirmation and have many plates and relationships with women. And I know plenty of people on this site are far worse of than me, i have a few friends, a job, am alright with women and have had ONS in the past, never a GF tho. This is the trap im currently in. Has anyone else experienced this? How do I escape the mental prison ive set for myself?