My[20F] second thoughts about relationship[with 19M] are making me anxious.

honeyfern · 2017-09-18T15:00:57+00:00

Both of us don't have any real friends. Just other people we hang around with. We have talked about it and both found out that we aren't the best ones at making them.

Start by addressing this. You need real friends beyond your relationship, not just people to fill your time when you're apart. Friends give you different perspectives, they help prevent co-dependence issues and are just overall good for your health. It's hard work to build and maintain friendships, so you have to work on building these skills and being out of your comfort zone.

Hard question - Are you attracted to him? Physically, intellectually and emotionally?

As far as sex goes, you're only 19 and 20. It makes sense for it not to be incredible all the time, to improve this you need to be honest with each other and communicate your likes and dislikes, before/during/after or it'll never improve.

To me it would feel more horrible than cheating.

It seems like it, but I can promise you it is not. Falling out of love is normal and healthy and VERY OFTEN happens during your ages. That's when I fell out of love with my LT HS boyfriend. Together for 4 years. Nothing went wrong, I just couldn't connect with his soul the way mine wanted. Everything you described is how I felt. This was 6 years ago keep in mind.

Let me tell you what happened with me:

I was with John* for 4 years. On paper and in reality we were perfect for eachother. Healthy communication, rarely fought, had common interestes, wanted the same things in life, shared a group of close friends, supported eachother, always had fun, matching sex drives. It was so perfect, honestly.

However I felt myself disconnecting. I was unsure of our long-term future and it made me uneasy, but I couldn't pinpoint why.

I wanted to have sex, but I stopped wanted to have sex with him, not for any real reason, I just started losing attraction for him.

I started picking little fights trying to add more passion or something. Eventually it dawned on me our relationship may appear healthy and good, but it just wasn't right anymore. Something was just off.

I tried to fix it for a year and a half before I ended it. I remember standing the the movie theater bathroom just feeling so numb and broken. I broke up with him on the ride home. Breaking his heart was still single-handedly one of the worst things I've ever experienced and same I'm sure goes for him. But it was the right thing.

6 years later I'm planning on being engaged to a man, who also looks right on paper but he also makes my heart sing and I don't for a moment regret making the decision to keep looking for the right relationship.

Like I said, start with making some friends, but listen to your gut.

Cock_Klepto · 2017-09-18T16:18:55+00:00

Firstly you don't sound in love. What you have is probably more of a strong/deep friendship with benefits. Although it might be a type of love, I wouldn't consider it to be the same as what one has when they know they're with a partner they want for the rest of their lives.

We are so young that we probably don't even have developed a real personality yet.

This is true in more ways than one. The lack of life experience contributes to this, as well as your brain being still not fully done developing(fully biologically developed at 24-25).

I am terrified by the thought of falling out of love

For many love is a state of flux. The idea that love is somehow constant and there's no falling out of it even with the love of your life is very naive. There's usually a baseline, but love evolves over time and is influenced by many things. The love at the beginning of one's relationship is not the same as what is later. Falling in and out of love can happen to even the best couples. Frankly I think your fear might be that you're starting to fall out and you have no idea what to do rather than of the falling out itself.

I entered the relationship because I didn't know what else to say. This sounds bad, I know and feel guilty.

This is a pretty big red flag and you're being extremely unfair to the both of you. He can't move on to find someone that will love him back, and you're just as stuck.

I know he is a great guy and that i probably wouldn't find anyone like that again.

Utter bullshit. Billions of people on the planet, you have plenty of time to look for someone better qualified. One and done is only a thing for people that aren't looking or don't vet properly and waste time in the wrong places. As a woman you have pretty much infinite options with who you could choose. The above is just an excuse because of the unknowns waiting for you when you leave him. Find your big girl panties. You have so much control over finding another guy that it's almost ridiculous.

One thing i never want to do is break his heart. We have had many open and honest conversations as we both like to be straight with each other.

Men can be dense. However after a year and a half he has probably noticed some things. If that's the case he's lying to himself or trying to ignore them just as you are. So pretty much either you do nothing and let his heart slowly be crushed into something unrecognizable, or have an actual honest conversation on where you stand. He's most likely not as much in the dark as you think, nor as fragile.

The doubts, worries, and guilt that you have are a sign of things being rather screwed up in your 'good' relationship. They're not going to go away until you've done what you feel is the most correct and best for yourself. This is a time to be brave and strong.

Title	My[20F] second thoughts about relationship[with 19M] are making me anxious.
Author	voltmeeter
Upvotes	4
Comments	2
Date	September 18, 2017 1:52 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/70v4co/my20f_second_thoughts_about_relationshipwith_19m/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my20f-second-thoughts-about-relationshipwith-19m.73443 https://theredarchive.com/post/73443

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