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Need help being a surrendered partner.

[deleted]

November 15, 2017

1 upvotes

/r/RedPillWomen

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Post Information

Title	Need help being a surrendered partner.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	14
Date	November 15, 2017 8:01 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7d6rec/need_help_being_a_surrendered_partner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/need-help-being-a-surrendered-partner.73765 https://theredarchive.com/post/73765

Comments

[–]RubyWooToo3 Stars0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]anonanon222 1 points1 points1 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]RubyWooToo3 Stars0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]anonanon222 1 points1 points1 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]RubyWooToo3 Stars1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]anonanon222 1 points1 points1 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]LaceandsilksModerator | Lace0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]Positpostit0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

You're right. What I didn't explain is the context. Thankfully it does not feel like he is "absent" from the relationship, as in he is there if I need anything, usually willing to compromise, respects me and cares for me and I also do the same for him. This is one case where I am surprised he is not willing to take how this is breaking my heart into account. I usually can trust him to take both of us and our relationship into account without having to even voice the concerns. I know it's not good for my well being to wait for him. I know he will come back in about a year or a year and a half at most but I think the main question I ask myself is if I should trust in him as I have felt like I've been able to, or if letting him make the decision for us and waiting is overly dismissing my own feelings and not healthy.

I wanted to ask here because I feel like this sub understands that you can come to trust, Love and commit to someone else to the point where you can also trust them to make decisions that impact your life. I 100% believe he will be there for me and that he is not leaving just to run away from us. I just know I will experience a lot of discomfort for a year if I yield to his plans for us. I am trying to ask myself what the right choice is. The fact that I do trust him completely makes me think I don't want to do it mainly because I will miss him so much. On the other hand, is it healthy for me to wait for him in US until I can join him abroad?

[–]LaceandsilksModerator | Lace1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

but I think the main question I ask myself is if I should trust in him as I have felt like I've been able to, or if letting him make the decision for us and waiting is overly dismissing my own feelings and not healthy

The time to question his ability as a leader, and his capacity to consider your well being, and whether or not you can trust him passed when you both said "I do" unfortunately.

I wanted to ask here because I feel like this sub understands that you can come to trust, Love and commit to someone else to the point where you can also trust them to make decisions that impact your life.

Yes, and this is done by dating and carefully vetting men. Increased trust is directly correlated to their behavior and commitment. Women earn the commitment of a man, and men earn the trust and respect of women.

I 100% believe he will be there for me and that he is not leaving just to run away from us.

If you actually believed this then you would not be questioning whether or not you can trust him, or whether or not he will do right by you.

The fact that I do trust him completely

....You don't trust him, but you do think that repeating it over and over again will somehow convince yourself and others that you do.

Look, many women navigate the complications of men having to be away. Deployments, and traveling for business.

It sounds like he isn't enlisted, and that he's not even away due to work...but just because he decided to leave.

Why don't you join him during this time, why don't you visit?

This marriage was formed in haste, without proper vetting. That's why you have all this doubt and uncertainty.

[–]Positpostit0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Laceandsilks1 point 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]anonanon222 1 points1 points1 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Your description of your situation is really too vague to give advice. Also reviewing your post history, I'm a bit concerned that you are viewing RPW as a kink community which we are definitely not. You may find kinky women in here, but overall we're about the best way for women to have healthy relationships and marriage.

While I'm sure most of us would be happy to give advice, we stress things like vetting for a partner. Getting married on a whim isn't really the MO of this sub. And I say that as someone who eloped with my partner of many years.

You need to give more details if you want true advice. Why is he gone to another country, why is he staying, what was your relationship like before he left, how old are you both, did you live together prior to him leaving, for how long, what is "all he can" that he does etc etc etc. There simply isn't enough answer to give you any real advice.

Based on what you have said - I would say that marrying a man who has been gone/will be gone for 2.5 years at least is unwise. Particularly when it appears that you've been dating for most of the 4 years rather than married. I'd be concerned that he was staying longer to avoid the marriage.