I just got offered my first job as a graduate, they said they were impressed by me. Obviously I was glad that I got the job but I couldn't help afterwards thinking 'why the fuck are they being so nice and eager to have me?'.

I also just started implementing red pill into my life for the first time. I was banging one girl for a few weeks, like 4 times every time I saw her, but in my head I was still thinking 'does she see me as alpha?'.

I went to another girls house last night but took a while to get hard, she sucked me and we had sex but I couldn't cum. I didn't sleep well the night before and had a lot on my plate with job interviews which is a likely cause, but I still feel shit about that today, and am now thinking that she might think I'm a loser for not being able to finish.

I'm meeting a different girl tomorrow for a date, which is good.

Basically, I'm making good progress in my life, I'm so fucking far ahead of where I was in the past, but I'm still thinking negatively about a lot of things. We are in lockdown at the moment which is not good for the mental health, so that's probably a big factor too.

I have stupidly high standards for myself in the future, but how do I relax and enjoy the progress that I am making now?