I was introduced into the RPW after my SO and his RP friends thought it would help me long term. After much lurking and reading post I still have some very serious questions in my life. SO a little backstory on my current relationship; I (23) have been dating my "boyfriend" (26) for a year now, it has honestly been the roughest year to maintain and succeed in this relationship. When he first met me I was overweight, honestly a 4 out of 10, I use to dress like a boy all the time, I was very unmotivated by maintaining my appearance. The first two months of us casually seeing each other were fine, i was fully aware that he was seeing other woman, but he blind sided me by breaking things off to get back with his ex... that took a massive blow to self esteem. I worked my ass off to get him to notice me and for us to continue our fling. I started dressing better, eating better, loosing weight. literally anything just to get him to notice me. silly right? i mean i could have just moved on and found some beta cuck who would love me for "the way i am" but something about him pushed me to be a better person. So we have been serious and exclusive to each other this past year, but im still not at girlfriend status. I know it doesnt seem like i should be ungrateful because he is MY man... or so i would believe. he has cheated on me in the past year, and hes still very shady about letting me know where he's at or what he's doing because its "none of my business". it seems to odd to me that he can have me however he wants but if the shoes on the other foot im left out. he's become very aggressive about me (like he owns me) ; if i chose to go home for a few hours to visit with my family, he starts giving me false tales of me cheating... he will often check my phone with a fin tooth comb ( but i couldnt dare search through his). he never finds me being unfaithful, but its never enough. he will even go as far as check my V just to see if i was with someone... complete crazy shit but he always gives me some bullshit tale about us being together "forever" but we dont even have each other on social media. yeah we're out in public people know we're together but I always go out my way to make sure i get the best pictures of him and just gas light him while we're out in public just to make him feel good. but it's never given back. What should i do? I have caught him in countless lies about other woman and even him having a tinder at one point... we have always shared our ideas about buying a house and us getting our own place together.. it seems like ive slowly made progress over time.

I guess besides my simple rambling... i make all these life changes for him, chased him and done everything i could get have him yet i still feel like i have no pay off. yeah i sleep over at his house every night but will i ever get that reward for being good? I start acting more like a lady and he seems to get hard about it. Im suggestion new ideas we try new things we laugh more then we use to. it just seems like im putting in more work then i ever had to keep his attention.

ive struggling a lot with self love. its been awhile but i think its finally time i start investing more time into myself. i know then he will really start to see a different side of me, verse the self harm girl whos struggling to stay a float, and i know its not fair i rely so much on him. i have never met a man like him before.. and im scared to lose him. i just want to be the best me i can be. we value tradtional family values like any normal relationship should. we work towards a common goal. i will always think of him looking for other woman in the back of my mind which is pushing me even further to make drastic life changes. im so lost and confused we have came so far through so much lies, drama and everything in between. i wonder if ill stay a plate forever or if im wasting my time. i really dont enjoy the idea of being ones plate but i guess it all starts somewhere.