Hello, I am a longtime lurker and made an account to write about a low value behaviour that has stood out to me anew recently.

I have noticed a lot of men saying how something their partner did was 'her choice', even when no one is implying that they made her do something (but also especially when they could have done something). I have experienced it myself in a situationship a long time ago (very bad time), when I mentioned to the guy how I'd need to repeat a uni subject cause I was mentally unwell and played games at night instead of trying to work (playing with him but I didn't say a thing about that), he immediately went defensive saying how it was my choice etc., as if I accused him of something. It seemed so ridiculous back then, of course I knew it was my choice - but I see he probably had an inkling of how he manipulated me into unhealthily attaching to him and so making these choices, thus he got defensive in guilt. Recently I saw it in another man when I pointed out his partner got the vaccine and he is endangering her by refusing one himself - and again, defensive 'her choice'. Pathetic. Started noticing it way more in replies to various threads and it's just another tell of how they know they are messing up and so defend themselves even when not attacked - they are very quick to say 'her choice', 'not my fault'. Everyone makes their choices, yes, but a caring person will watch out for their partner's wellbeing as well as their own instead of only thinking about how to throw away any sliver of responsibility. Hearing such words from a man immediately raises a red flag for me.