i have crohns disease in full flare

i just got rejected from disability again

regardless of any amount money my quality of life is absolute shit

i cant sit, or stand, or lay down for any extended time

all of my joints hurt! excercise is exhausting and nauseating

i exist in a permanent state of exhaustion and irritation

any and all stress immediately causes a flare, within minutes

i have failed and bailed every class i have ever taken

best job history i have is 3 years manual labor in my late teens

i was diagnosed sometime just before 18

im 28 now i can feel the disease winning

something new rots breaks or hurts every other day

im having chest pains, with a family history of bad hearts

no medicine, diets, supplements, drugs, exorcise, juice have ever improved anything above excruciating pain, usually are the cause of

every doctor i have ever seen, is absolutely apathetic of me or my condition, my 1st actually called me a junkie

my family doesnt hate me, they just resent and are burdened by me i have 1 good friend that deserves better

ive loved and lost and loved again and lost again

breeding is terrifying the only thing worse than my child suffering from the same disease, is having to suffer me

I am completely alone just me and pain

i want nothing,

i want to die

im ready to kill myself!

i know this isnt the proper place to do this but i need some real advice besides "bright future feelings"