I just don't really have much to say about things. I'm so completely apathetic and despondent about everything. I've been like this all my life. I'd imagine I'm clinically depressed, but I've just been fighting through it all my life. This made me tough, but it also made me very serious and cold. I work hard as a way to cope with the emptiness I feel.

Before you suggest counseling, I've been going on and off since I was 13. I've tried 5 or 6 different antidepressants over the course of my teenage years.

On paper, you would think I have everything. I'm 6'3, tanned, blue eyes, high cheekbones, dark brown hair, hooded eyes, strong jawline, vascular, broad shoulders, visible abs and a deep voice. I have a 3.7 GPA in computer engineering in the top engineering school in my country. I come from a well off family. I'm fluent in 3 languages.

Yet none of this shit matters to me. It's all materialistic shit. My parents tell me how proud they are and I really couldn't care less. It means fucking nothing to me. It hasn't made me happy.

I'm not lying when I say that almost every woman I meet checks me out. Almost every single one. And it doesn't make me feel a fucking thing. No matter how beautiful she is. I don't fucking feel anything, ever.

I can put on a smile and I can laugh and act enthusiastic about things but it's all lies. I can turn it on for job interviews, but people who know me for a decent period of time realise that there's something "off" about me.

I don't know what to do any more guys. I guess the only reason I'm posting this is because I want to start having sex with sluts I don't care about, to add to my list of my achievements that mean fucking nothing to me.

It just seems like the next logical step on this endless path of vanity and empty bullshit.