People don't like me

MattyAnon · 2016-12-07T14:51:34+00:00

I find out one of these guys planned a party and I wasn't invited

One chat with a guy doesn't get you a party invite, jeez. You're an unknown. For all you know, they could think that you're too good for their party and don't want to embarass themselves. You Just Don't Know.

Then, the third year, 2 of them didn't hangout with me anymore but kept going out with the other guy.

Look it happens. Friends come and go and cycle through. Get used to it.

Do you have any advice ? It would be highly appreciated, thanks.

Three essentials:

High status (looks, physique, intelligence, etc. Really helps to get started, less necessary over time with male friends).
Offer value (entertaining, nice to look at, funny, perceptive, make other people feel good, introduce people to others, something that's valuable without supplicating). Essential point.
Be non-needy. Don't need, want, care for, nor look for the approval of others. Don't try and steer conversations to get the result you want (approval, agreement, ego stroking). Essential point.

And some optional extras:

Take nothing, ask for nothing, never complain.
Listen as much as you talk.
Be socially dominant but accommodating, ie leading.
Be upfront, positive, and go first in interactions. ie introduce yourself or tell about yourself before asking about them.
Don't care so much. Always line up alternative social situations so you never feel vulnerable to the current situation. Let it all go, and ride out the rough patches by just ignoring it and getting on with the best you can be/do.
Give people what they need. Most people are somewhat needy. People will get on their knees and suck dick for a little genuine appreciation, find a way to give them this.

Look I know this is vague, but that's because people are very flexible in their definition of friendship. The above is everything you need.

babybopp · 2016-12-07T17:05:18+00:00

That is the problem, you take socializing like it is a science. All theory no practicality. Let loose, don't be rigid or pretentious because page 34 said laugh when someone makes a joke. People see through that.

Volunteer at things like food drives and socialize with people there to see where it is you are failing. Good way to practice.

EntitledChadJThunder · 2016-12-07T14:46:45+00:00

Sounds to me like you don't value yourself and that's why no one values you. I can help.

1Maverick1 · 2016-12-07T19:52:49+00:00

Good. I don't like you either.

Yashugan00 · 2016-12-07T21:04:47+00:00

I don't like you for not spacing

dudeguymanthesecond · 2016-12-07T19:05:21+00:00

You should work on developing a talent instead of sweating crap like this. In the meantime, go to the gym and forget about it.

blackedoutfast · 2016-12-07T20:17:57+00:00

why would people want to hang out with you? the only positive characteristics you mention having all relate to appearance, and other dudes aren't going to want to hang out with some random dude just because he looks ok (except for homos). seriously try to think about what you potentially bring to a social group- are you funny? do you do fun stuff? know all the cool bars?

wallpunchist · 2016-12-07T12:36:54+00:00

Do you have any advice ?

Yes. Advice is: with so few details, we won't be able to find out what's bugging you. Either provide more details or find out yourself. Or talk with a friend about it and get his insight.

nicethingyoucanthave · 2016-12-07T12:39:55+00:00

It's really tough to say without seeing you in action. It could be a "vibe" like you say, and that might be something you could correct. Or, quite frankly, you could be overreacting even though you think you have several examples.

What you really need is a mentor - someone wiser and more experienced who will give you no-BS advice. Do you have any typical-male hobbies where you could try making friends with someone just outside your age group? An example of what I'm talking about would be, if you start going to a gun range you'll be seeing a lot of the same people there. You'll chat about the shared interest. Learn names. Then you can just ask your question, like this: "hey man, you seem to know a lot of stuff, let me ask you a question - these friends of mine cut me out and it's been bugging me, how would you handle it?"

The point here is, if you try to have this conversation with a fellow college kid, there's a different dynamic there (plus, they lack perspective) so it's tougher to get a real answer.

Harry_Fraud · 2016-12-07T15:19:20+00:00

Don't take it personally when you're turned down from a party. It happens.

But I Pledged and did mad shit to come to parties. So pardon you for not being able to waltz on in. Try Greek Life if you're interested in a party scene. Getting in to parties isn't as simple as knowing one or two guys anymore.

Title	People don't like me
Author	kjhgfddfg
Upvotes	0
Comments	10
Date	December 7, 2016 11:27 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5gzeb8/people_dont_like_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/people-dont-like-me.78719 https://theredarchive.com/post/78719

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