First date red flag examples?

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-04-09T15:17:39+00:00

Have you already conducted a pre-date video chat screening? These are some of my red flags on a date:

Negging you in any way; your clothes, makeup, choice of food or drink, something you mention in conversation like a hobby or interest.
Talking over you, interrupting you regularly (it can happen sometimes by accident but repeatedly is a huge red flag), not asking you anything about yourself unless it’s to segue back to himself, not asking follow up questions, talking at you like you’re a therapist, discussing way too much personal stuff.
Touching you unsolicited in too intimate ways. It’s one thing to reach for your hand, or brush your arm, it’s another if he’s grabbing you by your waist and pulling you into him without invitation. Trying to pressure you for any kind of contact or a kiss.
Dragging the date on beyond the ending time (always stick to an ending time within reason), trying to get you to come home with him to ‘watch a movie’.
Negativity toward the environment, for example: insulting the waiter, commenting on someone’s appearance, showing disgust for a homeless person you pass by, telling you that local business sucks, negativity towards the food without reason.

ms_monquis · 2021-04-09T18:19:49+00:00

– Too much conversation about past relationships.
Some people think this is a fine conversational topic, but I really don't, beyond "how long have you been divorced?" and especially not on a first date. There are a few "get to know you" questions I find deeply weird, including "when was your last relationship?" Maybe someone can explain to me why this is a good/valid conversation on a first date, but it turns me off bigtime. It's a very weak conversational topic and something catfish like to use a lot.

- On the heels of that one: denigrating exes.
I don't care if she WAS a psycho, as soon as someone starts on their "psycho ex," that's my cue to start packing up.

- Any of the normal human stuff.
As mentioned, distracting himself with a phone, being rude to staff or other patrons, being unable to read the room, over-drinking. None of this can be excused with nervousness.

- Being late (without communication).
I'm the kind of person who tends to be early because that's my thing, and when I'm excited about something, you can be damn sure I'm going to be there early. But shit happens. And if it does, a "traffic is really screwed on [freeway] I'm on my way" goes a long way — BEFORE he's late, not an "explanation" after he's already late, you're already pissed, and maybe have already left. (Never be shy about walking away. A radio psych I used to listen to would say, "I'll wait for 10 minutes for anyone, and 15 minutes for no one.")

- Inappropriate sexuality.
We're talking about a first date. Is it really appropriate to ask someone "how kinky" they are? Or, FFS, their body count. "But it's important to our sexual compatibility!" Not on a first date it isn't. Asking so early betrays what someone's priority is, and it isn't having a good life together. (I struggled with that one earlier in my dating life, for fear that bypassing questions like that would make me seem like a "prude." So be it. My sex life is with and for my partner, and on a first date, you ain't my partner, bud. I played that game for years, and it got me nothing but trash.)

- Anything that strays from the information you already have about him.
If you met him online, was his picture accurate? Does it turn out he's not exactly divorced, but separated? Never mentioned he has 4 kids? Anything where he said he's an X but it turns out he's actually a Y is not just a red flag, it's super duper ultra dangerous instant DQ territory. (And yes, that includes "but he admitted it when we met." Staggered by how often people will look past blatant, manipulative lies because someone "admits" the truth when they are forced to.)

Not a hard and fast list, and I'd be interested to hear if anyone thinks I'm off base.

Title	First date red flag examples?
Author	lovetarie
Upvotes	36
Comments	6
Date	April 9, 2021 3:08 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/mnj8ym/first_date_red_flag_examples/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/first-date-red-flag-examples.792235 https://theredarchive.com/post/792235

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