~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 764 | Men using "mathematical calculations" to drive down women's standardsMen love statistics and math until it is not in their favor. When we point out the vast majority of violent and sexual crime is perpetrated by men suddenly it’s ‘not all men.’ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/04/22 04:16 PM |
| 201 | Women who play video games and want a partner to play with; Navigating the toxic wasteland of Gamer BoysAnother tell for his character is how he responds to games that could be construed as feminine! Sims 4, Ooblets, Minecraft, Stardew Valley, Pokémon, Animal Crossing. Does he act like these are not “real games”? What does he base that opinion on? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/04/22 01:59 PM |
| 23 | What are some goals to accomplish before 30 that aren’t a relationship or a house?Don’t be in debt, or get out of it if you are. Have an emergency fund, and retirement fund you contribute to. Remember these people likely don’t own their homes, the bank does, and they owe the bank a small fortune for them, plus interest. They could be one bad situation away from losing it. But if you can build yourself as much stability as possible, you will protect yourself in case of something negative happening, which is incredibly important to feel in control of your life. As far as relati… | /r/askFDS | 17/04/22 10:50 PM |
| 368 | Interesting first day… even more interesting way of texting“Would you like to be love bombed by my entire family, who are so desperate to get my miserable ass laid, they are okay with helping me manipulate you and agreed to this insanely uncomfortable plan?” Fixed it for him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/04/22 02:23 PM |
| 16 | What, if anything, can I do to help a woman who works for me?Be a good boss. If she needs time off for court, or if she’s sick or late, don’t hound her. If she asks for resources, provide what information you can. Look up and be prepared with legal and domestic resources for all employees. Make sure they know their rights. Offer great references, letters of recommendation, anything she may need to secure herself. It sounds like you’re already doing what you can, and you have to stay professional. You can’t be seen playing favorites or getting overly perso… | /r/askFDS | 16/04/22 11:43 PM |
| 148 | “If Beyoncé can get cheated on, then there’s no hope for us” is a cope, not the standard.And it’s blaming the woman, once again, as society loves to do. It is proving, without a doubt, that nothing you say, do, excel at, or have, will ever matter or make you “worthy” of loyalty from a L/NVM. Protect yourself, prioritize yourself, vet everyone around you, and be ready to cut your losses to preserve what you have left when a man cuts you down. Nobody will ever 100% have your best interests at heart but you. You can only hope to set yourself up for success with a good person who values… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/04/22 11:07 PM |
| 115 | Thoughts On This “Men Paying On Dates For Them To Look Out For Entitled Women” article??He’s claiming to oppose this system where men feel obligated, and women are entitled, and yet the whole article reeks of his hypocrisy and entitlement. He could just as easily ask a woman before the date to split if that’s what he desired, but instead he wants a song and dance where you’re being scrutinized, because he knows the women who would agree to split on a date are likely not the women he wants to date. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/04/22 03:44 PM |
| 159 | i can’t take this relationship anymoreTo your last sentence, no. Do not message him again. If you crack the door even a tiny bit after resolving yourself to be strong (good job!) he’ll shove his whole foot in. Do not crack the door open, do not communicate. Anyone who would say they’re sick of you deserves ZERO respect in return, he does not need closure from you and your peace needs to be maintained. Please read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft if you haven’t yet. You can find a free PDF on Google. It will show you all the pat… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/04/22 05:27 PM |
| 19 | Absolutely no excuses. When a man really wants you, he really tries and finds a way out of nowhere.If a man is so poor that he can’t afford a bouquet once in a while, he likely shouldn’t be dating. If this is temporary hardship in an established relationship there are plenty of acts of service a man could do to show his love, or gifts he could make with his own hands (origami flowers). Resourcefulness does NOT involve stealing from people’s gardens or public parks. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/04/22 04:04 PM |
| 81 | When they say women are barely expected of anything🤣 she dragged him nicely💅🏾It’s such a smooth delivery, and spot on. I feel like she could have made this 5 minutes long and still barely scratched the surface of the wild hypocrisy of expectations women deal with. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/04/22 05:54 PM |
| 97 | Broke dude used his wife for money for 13 years. She built him up so that now he’s comfortable and financially set, he can leave her 🙃The solution is right in front of his face, but he wants one that absolves him of guilt without costing him a dime. 🤦♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/04/22 02:46 PM |
| 343 | Yeet any man with weird food hangupsI’m one of those weird food hang up people. 😂 I have a complex against almost all seafoods, that is 100% psychological. I would never expect my partner to have to go out of their way to accommodate me. It’s my problem. If cooking seafood, catching and eating fish, eating at fancy seafood restaurants, etc we’re all important part of my partners life, it would be childish of me to expect them to flip their entire life upside down because I don’t like seafood. You are tying to date someone who comp… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/04/22 08:32 PM |
| 128 | HVM prefer monogamous relationshipsIt usually tracks that HV people sustain a select few positive and fulfilling relationships (friends and family), and have very clear boundaries with external relationships like coworkers, classmates, customers, etc. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/04/22 03:46 PM |
| 92 | Gross how pornsick men can infiltrate non sexual parts of the internet (my yoga video disaster)I don’t create but from what I understand you can block certain words from being available on your comments. Maybe start there if you haven’t yet? https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/9483359?hl=en Anywhere on the internet where anonymity is easy is honestly a cesspool. You could try trimming your videos down very short, the most unsexy angles, and make people come to a Patreon to access the full video. Then you’ll at least be getting paid there. Or if you’re still small, and need the free … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/04/22 02:41 PM |
| 81 | How do you perceive big d*ck energy?This is the post you want: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f8ou3s/how_to_sniff_if_hes_sexually_competent_the_quiet/ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/04/22 06:19 AM |
| 148 | NVM Single DadsThat’s vile. 🤢 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/22 10:49 PM |
| 40 | Am I approaching this well?Don’t overthink it. You’re someone he messages when he’s bored. That doesn’t mean anything. When it means something will be when or if he asks you on an actual date. Until then you are both humoring each other. Do not get into a “textationship” where you build a false sense of intimacy with him. Don’t make it a habit of calling people your friend who you barely know and spend no significant time with, and definitely don’t make it a habit of calling men who are attracted to women your friends, be… | /r/askFDS | 04/04/22 10:08 PM |
| 7 | How to avoid getting exploited?The only way to avoid being exploited is to say NO early and often to ANY schedule change or duty you feel is not cohesive with the job they hired you for or the schedule you provided. Don’t let yourself be bothered if they think you’re not a “team player” or not “flexible”. The worst thing they can do is fire you, right? This doesn’t sound like a career job where a ‘reputation’ may follow you. Low key jobs like this are the absolute best time to build a solid work ethic and work boundaries that… | /r/askFDS | 04/04/22 02:52 PM |
| 137 | At the hospital overnight for a small procedure. This is where the bar is:Hey now, nothing says Alpha Male more than fecal particles on your hands! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/22 12:16 AM |
| 216 | 63 year old scrote with 38 year old woman expecting a 7th child together 🤢🤢. Good luck sis!The worst part of this is the children suffering, the potential for their father to decline, to die, who knows. Bruce Willis is losing his ability to speak, he’s 67 years old. Age comes for everyone. These men have such huge egos, such desperation for a family legacy, they don’t care who suffers. They don’t care what quality of parenting they can provide. They just crave validation in the form of genetic material. It’s disgusting. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/22 09:56 PM |
| 72 | Is this a weird "joke" for a guy to make?Yikes. What kind of joke is it to put someone down like that after they tried to help you? Even if it wasn’t your best a simple thanks would have been fine. | /r/askFDS | 30/03/22 12:03 AM |
| 83 | Opinion on my first dateI’d say no to a second date. All of that over sharing, the introducing you to his friends so they can chime in their opinions of you, builds a false sense of intimacy. Anyone discussing exes in more than a cursory way, especially when not asked, and double especially in a negative light, is a huge glaring red flag. Also you shouldn’t have had him pick you up or take you home. Always secure your own form of transportation for your own safety and security. | /r/askFDS | 28/03/22 10:52 PM |
| 331 | If it’s one thing men are good at, it’s low blows.“He’s been on probation for a while, and just too stupid to notice it.” THIS! This is one of the things that drives me absolutely mad about responses to posts like this. Women in happy, fulfilled relationships, do not completely turn cold like this, even for something that awful. This was absolutely the straw that broke the camel’s back. EDIT: I came back to add this because it came up on social media. One of my favorite quotes from poet Morgan Richard Olivier, “If I'm angry, there is still hope… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/22 05:16 PM |
| 192 | A joke eh?Tell me you need a therapist without telling me you need a therapist. 🙄 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/03/22 02:02 AM |
| 226 | As a Ukrainian living in USA, here is how most of my dates used to go for the past 10 yearsI can’t even imagine the frustration of trying to justify your ethnicity or heritage to an (at best) ignorant or (at worst) bigoted racist asshole who can’t get a clue. Your identity is not a joke. At least you can weed these dudes out swiftly. Slava Ukraini, friend! 🇺🇦 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/03/22 11:38 PM |
| 79 | Can an LVM turn into a HVM later in life?This. If you’ve read Why Does He Do That it comes down to the person’s set of values, when it comes to mental, emotional, and/or physical abuse. If their LVM behavior comes from something like a lack of career ambition, or being financially unstable, that’s something that can indeed change over time. If their behavior comes from an idea that men are superior to women, or that they are entitled to something from women, etc, this isn’t going to change with age. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/02/22 02:47 PM |
| 23 | SAHM vs career.Your education will never cheat on you, leave you for aging, gaining weight, or find a different model to clamp onto. Your education will not get sick, and pass away, leaving you alone. Because even the absolute best HVM can die from an illness or accident, and if he’s too sick to work, what then? Your own nest egg and education is the best protection you can have for yourself, and by proxy, your child(ren). Do you just want to be a mother? Or do you want to be a good mother? Put your education … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/02/22 01:30 AM |
| 75 | Watching these brave people of Ukraine defend their country has reminded me that most of the men I've dated have been cowards.Toxic masculinity is how men learn a lack of empathy, to glorify violence, to be greedy, and become controlling people. They believe their legacy is only sustained by what they can take, not what they give. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/02/22 03:06 PM |
| 123 | Be careful posting elsewhereIf it’s not the mods causing the ruckus it’s the members, and it’s everywhere. There isn’t a single community on Reddit who willingly chooses to be associated with us because they don’t want to alienate the vast majority of their mostly male audience. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/22 06:02 PM |
| 171 | Here’s to deleting our OLD profiles 🥂Young me realizing my two Lazy villagers saying the exact same phrases over and over and are not the cute unique animals I imagined them to be is on the same level as my adult disappointment in all men. 👏 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/22 09:25 PM |
| 38 | What does it mean if a guy has no friends?It sounds like there was no Big Event that pushed people away. He likely has no friends because he has next to no active hobbies and spends most of his time consuming media. This is the type of man who will either become jealous of your friendships, latch completely onto your social circle, and/or be low effort because you “go out all the time” with your friends, and can come home to “relax with him” while he sits on the couch. But even if none of those occur, his lifestyle does not match with y… | /r/askFDS | 22/02/22 12:39 AM |
| 338 | “The success of single women is the success of all women.“Best quote from this, “There is no room in my life to tolerate someone’s bullshit just so I can say I’m not alone.” 👏 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/02/22 06:38 PM |
| 75 | What would you suspect?He might have wanted to use it to look you up online, before deciding whether to actually message you there. Some sites like Facebook let you search by phone number. Either way, bad vibes, and good job blocking and deleting. | /r/askFDS | 17/02/22 10:40 PM |
| 6 | This is why you never send nudes. Doesn't matter if you were together for 1 year, or 10 years. In most cases, your intimate photos WILL be weaponized.Men will pass around women’s nudes like trading cards. There is no sanctity in anger. The minute you anger a man who has even an ounce of vengeance in him he will be looking for any way to retaliate and make you suffer. Do not trust anyone with nude photos of you, it doesn’t matter if you have a perception of trust, a man who values you will not feel slighted by a lack of nudes, and if he does he is a LVM. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/02/22 05:33 PM |
| 49 | How to avoid men that let themselves go while in a relationship?What happened in that 5 month relationship was the mask started to slip. 5 months is a short time to be “head over heels” and willing to compromise your boundaries. You need to cut a man off quickly who starts to change. Another suggestion is to consider making gym time a way to vet, going together. You’ll learn a lot about him, if he leers at other women, if he has basic etiquette, if he’s arrogant towards other gym goers, if he starts making excuses for why he can’t go, etc. But absolutely DO … | /r/askFDS | 08/02/22 05:15 PM |
| 178 | Why does my ex boyfriend from 9 years ago keep blocking and unblocking meWho knows! Who cares! But you’re thinking about him and I guarantee that’s exactly what he wants. | /r/askFDS | 03/02/22 11:45 PM |
| 670 | Saw this on IG. Could say I'm shocked but sadly I'm not.I’ve known too many women who were molested as children by their Mother’s boyfriends. 💔 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 10:29 PM |
| 276 | Negatively branding FDS in forums leads other women wary of joining and checking it out.The people who don’t have an open mind were never going to be swayed by visiting anyways. They are part of the same misogynistic society we all are and clinging to their confirmation bias. The women who actually have open minds will visit, and they will think and view the information with a rightfully critical lens, and the ones who discover we are all women struggling in the same systematically oppressive culture will begin to engage in a way that’s comfortable for them. I welcome the women wit… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/01/22 11:07 PM |
| 764 | Porn ruins menThere’s too much to unpack here, but this is a perfect example of two very unhappy people continuing to try to “work it out” and then shooting themselves in the foot by having a child together. No matter what happens now, someone suffers. The parents, the child, separately or together, doesn’t matter. Someone will continue to suffer for the rest of their 3 lives and it’s simply a choice of who. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/01/22 04:04 PM |
| 279 | Are they getting off on knowing that we know they are larping at this point? All this BS and the scrotes still won’t quit…It’s amazing how many men will spend hours cultivating an online persona of a “successful man” instead of doing something actually productive like exercising, cooking, or even washing their ass cracks. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/01/22 06:41 AM |
| 418 | Awww, this poor baby! Let’s guess what actually happened.When your sex toy is more emotionally available than your own husband. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 06:21 PM |
| 144 | I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I decided to keep the baby - was his answer a red flag?I think it’s also a bit more than that, he could have said “I understand you can and should do what’s right for you and your body, but I’m not ready to be a father, and I would have to end the relationship and transition to providing child support.” His answer was about manipulating her, for his own benefit, rather than accepting responsibility, and allowing her the freedom to choose. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 06:16 AM |
| 423 | Men Who Block For No Reason?Maybe their baby mama caught them. Maybe they got a girlfriend. Maybe they scratched an itch and changed their mind. Maybe they were never interested in the first place. The truth is, you will never know, and it doesn’t matter. Would it be nice for all adults to communicate with sincerity and provide closure? Absolutely. But we advice women to block men often for fear of abuse or worse when rejected. Men likely block women for fear of guilt, or a lack of care to whatever your response would be. … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/01/22 10:02 PM |
| 543 | This is why setting clear boundaries from the beginning is important. He showed his true colors before wasting any time. I had ghosted him many years ago after a few dates and always felt bad cause I thought he seemed nice, so I decided to respond when he reached out again and this happenedMen will think of and obsess over women they didn’t sleep with, still years later. They’ll forget about the woman they did fuck in 24 hours and move onto the next. It’s not about power over men, we’re not that special. It’s about how disposable you are to them once they get what they want, and how not having control and being able to use you consumes them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/01/22 12:16 AM |
| 8 | Where can I look for support?You may want to look into NAMI: https://nami.org/Home There are some cities with support groups available. Also if you have a college in your city, look into if there is a psychology department. Many large colleges offer reduced cost or free therapy from student therapists who are overseen by a supervisor. You can also just in general do some research for “depression support group” or “mental health support group” with your city name, and may find some referrals. In the US you may be able to con… | /r/askFDS | 12/01/22 06:18 PM |
| 275 | Looking the same after babiesThe biggest disservice to women is making it seem like you should “bounce back” weeks after birth. I’m so glad a growing community is showing the reality of how a woman’s body changes post birth, that’s been the best part of body positivity movements by far, because it serves to inform and educate women on what media tries to downplay. How can anyone make an informed choice on child bearing when you don’t even get taught how your body will change? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 04:24 PM |
| 26 | What is FDS’s view on making art about your exes and your past relationship?The difference is probably in what the art evokes. If the art is a big splash of red with “You made me bleed but I want you back.” VS “My blood is mine, I’m drained of yours” what do those two stories convey? What does your art convey? The concept of healing through art is therapeutic and beautiful, but only you know if your art is saying one thing or another. Waxing nostalgic or giving off bad bitch energy. | /r/askFDS | 08/01/22 10:49 PM |
| 111 | Ruined my own taste??Do you want to date a man you are not physically attracted to? Men are not fixer uppers. Their bodies are more often going to get worse in a stable relationship, especially as they age, than better. Your friend is asking if you realize having standards shortens your dating options. No shit, Sherlock. | /r/askFDS | 08/01/22 01:32 AM |
| 367 | How to tell the difference between love bombing and a man being into youI think the key word you used here is “impersonal”. If you feel like he’s not making an effort to get to know you and is instead treating the entire act as a way to put himself on display, you are dealing with someone who values your opinion of him more than he values you as a person. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 07:08 PM |
| 50 | Amazing essay about how only women can be feminists, "tyrants never free the slaves"When men control the narrative, the narrative can be whatever they want. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 04:07 PM |
| 919 | Men will worry about wether or not their wife is having sex with them, but never consider if they are someone she even WANTS to have sex with, or enjoys what he does in bed.AKA when your wife disassociates so hard in the middle of undesirable touching that she starts thinking of the only thing that’s truly loved her in her life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/22 07:00 PM |
| 196 | Men wonder why they aren't able to be included in our discussionsThe most upsetting thing a man can lose is his agency and control. They cannot control the conversation here and it drives N/LVM insane. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/01/22 05:13 PM |
| 20 | Just realized viable suitor has a different (taller) height listed in his OLD profile, what do I do?Yes, often times we already know the reason behind someone’s behavior. At best it’s insecurity, at worst it’s manipulation, but I don’t believe any excuse is an acceptable one for lying, so why bother giving him an opportunity to further manipulate you? He can either own up to his behavior as an adult and apologize or start the litany of excuses and finger pointing and show you that any form of criticism towards him will be met with defensiveness or hostility. | /r/askFDS | 04/01/22 09:50 PM |
| 32 | Just realized viable suitor has a different (taller) height listed in his OLD profile, what do I do?It’s up to you in terms of safety, obviously only ask in person if you are comfortable with a possible negative reaction. But yes, you don’t even need to ask why. We know the why. It’s not an excuse. “I looked at your page again when I was cleaning up my apps, and I just realized you lied about your height on your dating profile. That is really disappointing.” His lie was the worst offense here. He would be better off not listing his height at all on his profile if it was a point of contention f… | /r/askFDS | 04/01/22 08:36 PM |
| 49 | Just realized viable suitor has a different (taller) height listed in his OLD profile, what do I do?If you want to give him an opportunity you can simply ask him. The way he reacts will absolutely tell you what kind of person you are dealing with. A man who values your feelings and opinions would apologize with sincerity for the deception. | /r/askFDS | 04/01/22 08:07 PM |
| 55 | Would you persevere with this?I’m with you, this doesn’t speak of shyness or reservation to me. This is someone lacking effort and interest. The key is how he explains and speaks for himself, “I’m not great at…” “I’m free if you are…” If you are looking for a partner who is confident, secure, ambitious, and assertive, this is not the one. | /r/askFDS | 30/12/21 08:28 PM |
| 384 | Man tries to challenge my standards when I say walks are not dates“Intimacy in one of its natural states.” Why would I want to be intimate with a complete stranger? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 04:52 PM |
| 96 | Bizarre pickme post in another subreddit: woman so excited that the office "hot guy" flirts with her that she goes out to celebrateRight? I would believe it more if the husband just took it in stride and laughed it off and that was the end of it, but adding in a whole dinner and dessert date and lavishing of compliments reeks of the usual karma farming fantasy posts that plague some subreddits. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 07:57 PM |
| 12 | Can I follow this niche influencer I like on Instagram?Then all you are seeing is curated content. The word vetting shouldn’t even be used in this context. You’ve researched him like an employer would research a potential employee, but you know nothing of their actual personality. I don’t think following him would be in your best interest. If you can’t meet him in person, then you are building up a parasocial relationship by engaging with him because you find the mask attractive. You will be doing yourself a disservice because if he should actually … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 12:19 AM |
| 11 | Can I follow this niche influencer I like on Instagram?How have you vetted him if you haven’t met him? Are you friends with his friends IRL? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/12/21 11:59 PM |
| 27 | Can I follow this niche influencer I like on Instagram?You can follow whoever, but if you’re doing it with the explicit goal of hopefully being noticed, I have to say you aren’t going to be the only one. If he does DM you, what are your guarantees you’re not one of many? People who are in positions of influence through celebrity or social media often use that power imbalance to manipulate people. And yes, it is power, because they control the court of public opinion in their audience. There’s nothing to stop a man from twisting a story to “unintenti… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/12/21 11:38 PM |
| 223 | Another FDS hate post on the frontpage of LV males frothing at the mouthThis! I saw a post today with a woman saying she wanted to be a lady of leisure housewife who doesn’t work and the title was something like “FDS mentality”. This couldn’t be further from the truth. We are encouraging women to level up, in their careers and lives, without a man, before pursuing a relationship. This is with the absolutely explicit goal of being able to walk away should the tables in a relationship turn towards the all too standard casual abuse and servitude mindset these men hold.… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/12/21 06:57 PM |
| 9 | From all of us at FDS, we wish you happy holidays and have a wonderful new year!Happy Holidays! May all the mods and posters have a wonderful, toxicity free New Year. 🎄❤️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/12/21 11:36 PM |
| 975 | Relationship status = singleA good father puts his children before himself. 🤷 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 06:13 PM |
| 163 | Should we try to discourage grown men from flying their red flags?Any change that isn’t genuine or coming from a place of self reflection and growth isn’t going to last anyways. If they are only acting right to manipulate others, the truth will come out eventually. This is where your intuition serves you so well because it can catch tiny inconsistencies between actions and words much sooner than your conscious thought processes can. Trust your intuition! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 06:02 PM |
| 367 | “Merry Christmas from me and my family, whom I hate!”That’s the worst part to me. Raising their sons to believe woman need to be silent and subservient to the men in the family. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/12/21 05:02 PM |
| 211 | If a man is this obsessed with slimness, he doesn’t deserve to have someone carry his child. He is also probably repulsed by pregnant women.And there’s no doubt in my mind that even if she agreed to this, he would not make any effort to ensure her success. Who is going to watch the kids while she goes to the gym? Who is going to clean the house so she can grocery shop for fresh food and cook a healthy family meal every night? Is he contributing enough to ensure they can actually afford the healthy food he wants her to eat? Who is going to help her when she needs to meal prep for a week at the office? The list goes on. High value par… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/12/21 05:36 PM |
| 287 | Gaslight-proof way to definitively show yourself you do more than your LV/NV domestic partner: have both of you write down everything you do around the house for a week or month.Only problem with this is if he starts listing things like “cleaned the bathroom” when all he actually did was use the toilet brush on his shit stains and wipe his stubble off the counter. Half ass is a hallmark of LVM. Your version of cleaning the bathroom will be vastly different. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/12/21 05:10 PM |
| 95 | What did he say? Oh wait, I don't care ^_^ (FDS art by me)Take your time! FDS preaches for self care for a reason. You come first. We are all just grateful you share your artistic talents within this community. You are literally a blessing here! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/12/21 11:26 PM |
| 97 | Why you should vet harshly. Please learn from my story.I’m so sorry for all of the weight you’ve had to bear through this and because of this man. A sibling of mine died of Covid in 2020 and while we were not living together, I could see their life the way you saw your husbands. Incredibly overweight, drugs, smoking like a chimney, making no effort to improve their station in life, making no effort for their daughter who they left behind. While it’s true that Covid and the pandemic has exacerbated so many mental health and mental stability issues in… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/21 04:52 PM |
| 48 | Your career and dreams are a strong barrier against LVM (FDS art by me)Just want to say I’ve been spotting your posts every now and then and every single one is a joy. Female artists like you, who use their creative energy to spread these female forward messages, will get my support hand over foot. If you ever decide to develop some high quality digital art with these themes, I have no doubt you’d be able to sell prints left and right. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/12/21 12:10 AM |
| 153 | Seen this post on a fb group I’m in, and one of the comments under it 🤡 i can’t believe there is women who will excuse behaviour like this?Pussy they hate is still better than pussy they don’t have. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/12/21 02:51 PM |
| 113 | Boyfriend’s family doesn’t like me, I’m afraid. What to do?You should have never combined assets or finances with a boyfriend. It is absolutely not smart financially or fiscally to purchase a home and invest in a property with a man who has not been fully vetted and has not committed to you. That being said, your question isn’t about this. Tell your boyfriend you don’t want his family involved anymore and hire the services you need. That’s it. Either he will support you or he won’t. His family will either get over it or they won’t. Hired professionals a… | /r/askFDS | 05/12/21 03:14 PM |
| 124 | Pickmeisha spottedLooking for women without a support network. 🚩 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/21 06:12 PM |
| 49 | Ladies please share your experiences with gamer guysAs a woman who likes to play some online games, I want to add to the imaginary friends online point… THIS! Almost every single male I interact with tries to treat me as an object, conquest, therapist, or potential sexual rapport partner. Men will literally try to talk to you about their dicks, their “bitch” wives or exes, or complain about their miserable jobs, lives, family obligations, etc. It is almost a guarantee this partner of yours, OP, bitches about you and your life together endlessly. … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/21 09:41 PM |
| 525 | Currently viral on social media, please do not be a man’s free ATM!! Libfem behaviour is NOT empowering to women, it literally only benefits the man while draining your bank account, health and energy.The masculine urge to completely forget your wife’s birthdays, along with any mention of a potential gift idea, thus forcing your wife to remind you several times leading up to the actual day, only for you to gift her a vacuum cleaner. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/21 12:45 AM |
| 139 | FDS opinion on casual sex with other women (as a wlw)?Power dynamics are just one aspect of casual sex, and can still be in place with women through things like careers, celebrity, age gaps, and trapping women into WW/M relationships through co-manipulation. Think of unicorn hunting in polyamory. So it is still important to vet women, and have boundaries you are firm on as those you would have with unknown men. There should still be a focus on safe sex, STI screening, and vetting women before sharing sensitive information like your address. Online,… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/12/21 11:39 PM |
| 136 | He’s perfect but needs the government to give him a wife 💀“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.” I think we know why this supposedly attractive, and financial stable man has issues. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/12/21 09:08 PM |
| 364 | This is too funny 🙄Bang maid propaganda. “He will not pay attention to you or your needs. He’s exhausted so if he snaps at you it’s because he’s tired, it’s normal to be abused by your partner if they are dealing with issues. He’s going to tell you he works too hard at his job to help around the house but don’t expect him to hire a maid or nanny to help you, your women’s work is not comparable. He’s not going to bother with a skin care routine, or even sun block, and forget him working out. He’s a successful man! … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/12/21 04:40 PM |
| 114 | What is your sexuality?You tend to either get bisexual erasure or bisexual fetishization from low value/no value partners who can’t imagine your preferences not in relation to their own self. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/11/21 08:19 PM |
| 6 | Saw this on another sub I’m in….I can’t decide if her man is that dumb, is extremely manipulative, or both.We need to normalize asking people’s opinions on hot topics rife with misinformation. There are so many conspiracy theories and scams and pseudo sciences that rely on emotional reactions and anecdotes to explain things that have factual information readily available. You need to understand your partners emotional vulnerabilities, and it needs to be okay to end a relationship because of fundamental differences. Being gullible puts the entire family unit at risk. Being able to decipher between fac… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/11/21 07:38 PM |
| 915 | Pick mes like this are the reason bisexual women have to hide our sexuality.Ah, the two for one deal on objectification. 🤢 I’m bisexual and can appreciate a beautiful woman just as much, but I am also painfully aware of (and empathetic to) how gross it is to stare and leer at women. You’re not a “cool girl” bisexual for mutually objectifying a woman, you’re just as debased as the man, it’s a different side of the same coin. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/11/21 04:48 PM |
| 140 | I experienced a switcheroo by a soft boy who ended up extorting my emotional investmentIn a case like this, the only accurate translation for “I’m too busy.” Is “You are not a priority.” | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/11/21 03:11 PM |
| 210 | Man hides 14 y/o daughter from fiancé for the entire duration of the relationship. Either he was trying to have two separate families ,or he was trying to trap her into supporting the daughter. Something malicious is at play.Only a deviant and NVM would lie about something so huge. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/11/21 09:58 PM |
| 104 | I screwed up.That other number in his profile may also be a work number, so it doesn’t necessarily mean his has changed. You should be proud of yourself and your education. Don’t compare yourself to him or his place in life. Having a career doesn’t mean he’s good at it or even valued at his company. Keep focusing on yourself and you’ll do amazing things. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/11/21 05:43 AM |
| 61 | He (27M) revealed he was a virgin…Seconding this, also the fact that he felt it necessary to bring it up on a first date gives me way off vibes. Unless you specifically asked him, OP, that’s a big red flag to me. Imagine if a man told you after some kissing, “I never had a red head before” / “I’ve only hooked up with a few people” / “You’ll be my first black girl” etc. That just strikes me as way too much information and borderline creepy to reveal his virginity so early. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/11/21 10:53 PM |
| 59 | Dealing with a misogynistic colleagueYou don’t respond, you give him a disgusted look and walk away and make another report, and another, every time this happens until action is taken. What you’re describing is harassment. It’s one thing to state his foul opinion and then you two part ways, but he went out of his way to continue to talk to you and berate you. Men like this want and crave attention, even negative attention. Don’t give it to him, and if you know you’re about to interact with him have your phone recording, even just a… | /r/askFDS | 02/11/21 10:40 PM |
| 6 | How many days a week should you cap seeing/having plans with a partner?It still comes down to personal preference then, because it will be different for everyone. The goal should be to sustain a social life outside of your relationship, and balance your career, education, social life, and relationship in measured amounts that allow you to continue to meet whatever goals you have and have fun too. | /r/askFDS | 01/11/21 04:28 PM |
| 19 | How many days a week should you cap seeing/having plans with a partner?There’s no magic number. Too few without communication in between can indicate a lack of interest. Too many can indicate love bombing and a false sense of intimacy being built. The first stages of a relationship are the foundation you are building on, but you also need to consider both having careers, school, social lives, access to transportation, etc. And joint social events with friends could put you in front of each other more than usual, or keep you from each other during busy times of the … | /r/askFDS | 01/11/21 02:04 PM |
| 14 | How does asking friends to set you up on a date work?If you have to ask your female friends to try to set you up, yes it is taking the initiative in a way. It’s a bad idea for other reasons though: They are likely to reveal information about you to the male you have no control over, like how long you’ve been single or why you broke up with your last partner. They may not believe you if this male friend of theirs sexually assaults you because it reflects poorly on their decision making skills, and because ‘he’s such a nice guy!’. It puts everyone i… | /r/askFDS | 27/10/21 01:46 PM |
| 288 | How do you guys go about walking out on a date safely?You do not owe anyone an explanation. Always have a ride of your own secured before a date, never allow date to control your ability to leave a situation. In terms of leaving without explanation, you can get up to ‘use the restroom’ and walk out. If the front doors are too obvious near the table you can pretend to get a call, or text a friend to call you ASAP, and say you want to step out to take it, then just walk out of sight and leave. The most important thing is to either drive there yoursel… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/10/21 07:55 PM |
| 270 | Be careful out there ladies: Comments under a tic tok about most dangerous people you’ve met- man kills wife, justifies it claiming infidelity. Men need to hold one another accountable, not justify violence and in this case murder.And the hypocrisy knows no bounds, because you know every one of these men would blame the woman if a man cheated on her. Not enough sex, too much nagging, she gained weight, etc. They would say she deserved to be cheating on. And if a woman murdered a man for cheating, they’d be crying foul, claiming how biased the justice system is, shouting how emotional and erratic women are, pulling the ‘see men experience DV too!’ card. None of these men would side with a female murderer in a case like thi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/10/21 04:44 PM |
| 538 | Pornsick scrote can't be asked a normal question without turning it sexual...this was our first conversation 😒 Have I discovered a new vetting question??Yikes. Imagine meeting someone new at an event and asking “what do you like to eat around here?” and they say “pussy”. 🚨 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 08:37 PM |
| 10 | Age gap relationships look like this…She’s mid 20’s and he’s 57.. 🤢 Every picture I see of them looks like a dad and his adopted daughter. Even their wedding day kiss was completely lacking passion or intimacy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 05:50 PM |
| 23 | What do you think of men who do live feedings for pets like large snakes, snapping turtles, etc?It’s one thing to do something that’s in the animals best interest, and I don’t begrudge someone having an exotic (legal!) pet. But filming that? Sharing it? Laughing about it with your friends? That is the part that is insane to me. Disgusting. Anyone who takes pleasure in an innocent being suffering is broken. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 02:47 AM |
| 38 | Aww, the famous emotional support. No looks, no wealth, basically 0 requirements.And the sad part is even if this were true (it’s not) most men still can’t provide the bare minimum of emotional support towards their partner. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 09:26 PM |
| 55 | Self-Care, decoupled from consumerism, as a strategy: discussionI also think experiences are underestimated as a form of self care. Walking in a new park as a form of exploration, or walking around a lake with cute ducks to look at. Going to a play or comedy show (yes still monetary often, but also supporting the arts). Going to the beach just to watch the sun set and listen to your favorite music. I feel like consumerism is part of it, but also social media makes things more “insta worthy” than others. If you can’t capture it in a picture or video, then did… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 05:15 PM |
| 61 | If it wasn't for this community ladies, I wouldn't be experiencing this. #LiveYourBestLife #Don'tSettleForLess ❤️Love it. So glad. Keep enjoying yourself, keep vetting, and I’m wishing the best HVM for you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 04:30 PM |
| 174 | If it wasn't for this community ladies, I wouldn't be experiencing this. #LiveYourBestLife #Don'tSettleForLess ❤️I see your “fuck you fund” is being spent well. 🥳 Love this for you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 04:23 PM |
| 161 | Women who pretend to be friendly with a man - and come back to "report" on behaviour - are pickmes. STOP and cut all unnecessary ties.Not giving awful men the attention they so desperately desire is the only way to “best” them. It’s the same with people online trying to troll other folks. The more you act like they are beneath you, the more likely you are to rise above them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/10/21 02:08 AM |
| 16 | Calling women derogatory slurs is so normalized that most people don't even recognize those slurs as such. A man can follow a woman, harass her, and call her several slurs but if she retaliates and calls him one she is the evil person and worse than than him. Clown world and clown redditThe attitude and logic some of these people have astounds me. Misogyny is so casually ingrained in every facet of our society thanks to patriarchy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/10/21 11:25 PM |
| 31 | Calling women derogatory slurs is so normalized that most people don't even recognize those slurs as such. A man can follow a woman, harass her, and call her several slurs but if she retaliates and calls him one she is the evil person and worse than than him. Clown world and clown reddit“I have no problem with misogyny, but I draw the line at racism!” 🙃🙂🙃🙂🕳 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/10/21 11:18 PM |
| 42 | Growth and first block/deleteNice job! Enforcing your new boundaries is scary, I totally understand that it took a while to block him. Now that you’ve done the hardest part, that first block, you’ll be better able to keep enforcing your boundaries in the future. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/10/21 04:33 PM |
| 237 | Instead of looking for a partner, look for the father of your childrenSeeing how men treat their pets is such a tell for their capacity for responsibility, empathy, and selflessness. An ex of mine complained about his high energy border collie tearing up his house, and he never walked the dog, just stuck him in the backyard. He also didn’t scoop the multi-cat litter box he had once during the week long visit I had with him. Both those things completely flipped several of my opinions of him as a person. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/10/21 03:48 PM |
| 30 | Ground Rules - Take it Or Leave ItThank you guys again for your hard work. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/10/21 03:04 PM |
| 51 | Where should I sleep after leaving my abusive relationship?Call 211 to be connected to domestic abuse services and women’s shelters. Google “city name domestic abuse” and see what services pop up. Contact your local non emergency police number to see if they have a referral. Call your friends and explain the situation, see if you can make a long term plan, somewhere to stay until you can get your own place. Look for domestic abuse groups on Facebook and ask for resources and assistance. You are not alone. You can do this. I’m so proud of you. | /r/askFDS | 12/10/21 11:59 PM |
| 78 | Video calling before a dateKeep it short and sweet, give yourself a time limit of 10 minutes or so, and be upfront about it. If it helps, have a few ice breaker questions ready related to things you’ve been talking about already. If you feel uncomfortable because it’s awkward and foreign, that’s pretty normal, try to push through and remember to take a deep breath. If you feel uncomfortable because he says something negging, he says something sexual or predatory, or just anything that raises your hackles, you can abort ea… | /r/askFDS | 11/10/21 11:01 PM |
| 28 | How to go about praising/complimenting possibly HVMLove this answer! It should feel natural and should be for consistent and/or above and beyond effort. | /r/askFDS | 10/10/21 09:12 PM |
| 56 | I've asked this elsewhere, but I got no nuanced answers. What do I do when a close friend cheated on her boyfriend, who is also a good friend?Is it your responsibility? Absolutely not. Obviously in an ideal world you could protect your friend and preserve the friendships, but that’s not how this will work. Unfortunately this is one of those situations where as good as the intentions may be, the outcome won’t be positive for anyone, least of all you. You give her an ultimatum, she confesses to him but you lose both friends, or lose her as a friend and he is clueless to your participation. You tell him for her, and you lose her as a fri… | /r/askFDS | 10/10/21 04:34 AM |
| 17 | How should an HVM approach you first? What are green flags when HVM is trying to pursue you?I think it’s also a lot easier to clearly say how a HVM should not approach you, and that would be anything that makes you feel uncomfortable and out of place. A guy can have a great introduction but that doesn’t make him a HVM. It’s just one part of an ongoing vetting process. | /r/askFDS | 09/10/21 07:17 PM |
| 148 | Thoughts on a guy who does everything right on a first date except...walk me to my car?I personally wouldn’t call it a red flag, but more of a yellow. It’s possible he didn’t walk you to your car because he didn’t want you to be uncomfortable or feel pressured by an implication to kiss him goodbye or something else. It’s possible he was anxious and overlooked this out of first date nerves. It’s possible you two said goodbye preemptively and he felt like you didn’t want him to walk you to your car. Or he could just be a dunce who didn’t want to make an extra 5 mins of effort. I’d m… | /r/askFDS | 09/10/21 07:10 PM |
| 57 | What is it with LVM calling you a "good person"This reminds me of a guy rejecting me in high school because I was “too nice”. 😂 There’s probably multiple things this could mean. 1. You’re too good for them or out of their league. 2. They see you as being a person of better moral standing than they are. 3. They view your inherent goodness as simply a lack of a negative or cynical attitude that they themselves possess or have seen in others. 4. It’s an easy “nice” thing to say without much foundational backing, they can claim you’re nice or ge… | /r/askFDS | 09/10/21 12:15 AM |
| 194 | What does it mean when a guy wants to be exclusive but not in a relationship?It’s a way for him to avoid accountability, effort, and to lower her expectations. He wants exclusive rights to fuck her, but not for actually being with her. You treat girlfriends one way. You treat people you’re just having sex with and hanging out with another way. She’s a placeholder until he finds something better and then he can say, “We weren’t even dating, I’m not even your boyfriend, why are you so upset? Hey look at this, guys. She’s crazy, I told her we’re not in a relationship. She’s… | /r/askFDS | 08/10/21 09:02 PM |
| 51 | Why won't guys use the word "date"?FDS is currently private for everyone, for a cool down period. I’m sure it’ll be back in a few days or sooner. | /r/askFDS | 08/10/21 08:24 PM |
| 223 | Why won't guys use the word "date"?Men use this language to avoid commitment, accountability, and to lower your expectations. Do not reward them with your time and attention. Either block and delete or express that you are on DatingApp to date, not to hang out. They’ll either get a clue or they won’t. | /r/askFDS | 08/10/21 07:27 PM |
| 92 | FDS going privateLooks like she deleted it. In summation it’s closed to allow a cool down period for the subreddit. It sounds like they are dealing with brigading. They also privated r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy | /r/askFDS | 08/10/21 07:20 PM |
| 82 | FDS going privateNobody has access right now. You can follow or favorite the hosts and @FemDatStrat on Twitter to keep up to date and you can still access the main website. Lilith addresses the privatization here: https://twitter.com/lilithwon_fds/status/1446537999295008771 | /r/askFDS | 08/10/21 06:20 PM |
| 19 | Signs he’s keeping you around during a mutual break for understandable reasonsI just looked at your last post on your profile before this one, and yeah. If he broke up and said maybe we’ll come together in the future, it’s already over. Waiting for him, wanting to reconnect, wanting to find out what he’s been up to and if he’s waiting for you too, none of that is FDS. You are wasting your time waiting around for him. You could be honing your dating skills, meeting new people, etc. He most likely ended things because it was too much effort and he wanted to be free to exper… | /r/askFDS | 06/10/21 02:12 PM |
| 28 | Signs he’s keeping you around during a mutual break for understandable reasonsIf you have to take a break, it’s already over. The only time I advocate for breaks is to get an escape plan ready from an abusive partner. | /r/askFDS | 06/10/21 01:43 PM |
| 450 | FDS is featured on JezebelBeing a well rounded person is “tailoring your personality”. Having boundaries is “engineering your dating life”. Being well dressed, hygienic, and healthy is “maximizing your looks.” Odd choices for language. I’ve never seen a 1950’s dating manual or any guide promote a life for female benefit. That’s more TRAD wife stuff. FDS preaches for women to be their best selves, and put themselves first, to avoid hardship and bad partnerships. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/10/21 11:38 PM |
| 89 | The FDS Podcast Queens did an interview with Laci Green!I can’t stand Laci Green anymore (see why) after loving her in my naive youth’s past. Sad that she has to give a content warning for “generalizations about men”. I understand she’s suffered pretty heavy harassment but she lost her teeth when she started pandering. Regardless, I’m excited the podcast ladies did this interview and can’t wait to listen. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/10/21 08:08 PM |
| 144 | Never forget that many men live like this 🙊🧼🧹What’s worse is this looks more like a home for an elderly and/or disabled person.. the walker, and what I think is a pull loop for the freezer. They’re making fun of somebody else’s desperate situation. Tasteless, tacky, and sad. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/10/21 04:13 AM |
| 231 | What in the FUCK did I just readIt also sounds like he’s trying to force her to join so he can barter her for the trade. Another man isn’t likely to swing when that dude has nothing to offer. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/10/21 04:09 AM |
| 6 | How do you deal with an unemployed partner who is trying his best?If he’s cutting into his savings and not budgeting, that’s a huge red flag too. It tells me he’s willing to sacrifice his future for current comforts, without sustainability. Imagine if you two were married, with kids, and he was doing this. Still going out, spending beyond his means and into your family budget? Yikes. He should have stopped going out to preserve his savings, budgeted, and truly buckled down to take on anything to give him a modest income (comparable to his EI benefits). Yes, it… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/10/21 09:45 PM |
| 32 | Slept with him in a car on the first date after a movie & coffee. Then moved in with him a week later. Thoughts?Not could have been. It is a mistake. Just because there hasn’t been notable consequences for it yet doesn’t make it justifiable. Also, it’s safe to assume you will never know what’s going on behind the scenes. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/10/21 09:15 PM |
| 16 | How do you deal with an unemployed partner who is trying his best?The other commenters left good responses already. I just want to add that based on what you said, since you two don’t live together, now is the time to really see if he’s going to try to leech off of you or his family, or if he’s going to step up and actually turn this around. I’d give yourself a time limit, that if he doesn’t step up soon, it’s time to move on. If he’s using his savings to stay afloat, and sacrificing his future, or emergency savings, that’s a huge red flag. If he’s on unemploy… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/10/21 09:09 PM |
| 104 | Tell me you have internalized misogyny without telling me you have internalized misogyny.Based on her username alone, you can tell her entire channel (and probably her personality) revolves around being a wife. Yikes. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/10/21 02:37 PM |
| 7 | How do I stop being so angry at MEN? it’s effecting me in the daily.Personally I adore following Shane Burcaw from Squirmy and Grubs, Christopher Ulmer from Special Books for Special Kids, Phillip Defranco for the news, the Vlogbrothers Hank and John Green. I’m not saying these men are HV, I don’t know them, and some of them have done a couple tasteless things in the past, but I still see them treat their wives with respect, working hard for a good work life balance, and bringing important information to their channels. | /r/askFDS | 02/10/21 03:59 PM |
| 71 | How do I stop being so angry at MEN? it’s effecting me in the daily.In light of what you stated, that you’ve been in only abusive relationships, a lot of what you’re feeling may be coming from a place of unprocessed trauma. It’s normal to have the initial feelings of frustration and anger and sadness upon educating yourself through an FDS lens, to see how men have treated you in the past with fresh eyes. But now the next step is to begin working on processing those feelings in relation to your past and moving beyond it through therapy and/or self help avenues. J… | /r/askFDS | 01/10/21 11:23 PM |
| 21 | Need help with moving on from a long term relationshipBased on some comments in your profile, I think your first step to getting over him and moving on is to go no contact. If you do not share a HH or children, the easiest way to begin separating yourself mentally and emotionally is to put space between you and that’s only possible through NC. Archive/remove mentions of him you might see regularly in your social media’s, don’t stalk or follow up, block his numbers and pages so you won’t be tempted to. You can even go as far as installing an ad bloc… | /r/askFDS | 01/10/21 10:47 PM |
| 60 | Any advice on how to cope with not having people in my life?Show your house off to your aunt on a video call. Start looking into places you can meet people, book clubs and hobby groups. It’s normal to feel lonely when you have cut out toxic people from your life and/or relocated, but if you fill your life with social things you enjoy coming home will be your refuge. | /r/askFDS | 01/10/21 02:52 AM |
| 157 | It’s a no from me.And I’ve got a six figure paycheck, they just haven’t given me a raise yet. 🙄 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/09/21 07:47 PM |
| 170 | Traits and tenets of high-value womenThis is a great list. I want to add that seeing a list like this can seem intimidating to some, that you can’t be a HV person unless you have all of these checked off, but that simply isn’t true. You have to look at this list as a guide of how you prioritize your life based on your current position. Everyone is starting from a different baseline in life, based on mental, emotional, and physical health. Based on your families ability to contribute to your goals. Based on your country of origin or… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/09/21 07:20 PM |
| 27 | 180 after setting boundaryAlready good comments here. I just want to share my experiences with you and advise you from the horses mouth that you are 99% likely wasting your time. As someone who tried the LDR thing, you don’t truly know a person when you cannot see them or experience them in person. I met a guy I talked to for a few months, we reconnected after attending HS together years back. I thought it was going to be amazing based on our months of conversation. This man lasted 3 minutes in bed, if that. He drank a s… | /r/askFDS | 30/09/21 04:21 PM |
| 142 | Bi & wlw gals, how have your experiences compared in hetero dating versus wlw?I’ve never felt unsafe, pressured, or intimidated by a woman. Now women can absolutely still show LV behaviors and be a bad choice for a partner, (vetting still required!) but often how these behaviors and situations manifest with women is far less risky and dangerous to your well being. I’ve left every relationship with a woman sad, but appreciative for our time together. I can’t say the same for the relationships with men I’ve had. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 09:54 PM |
| 334 | How high expectations are saving South Korean women from unhappinessI was reading through comments on the original post and so many of the points women and a few men were making related back to many FDS principles, just in different words, and somehow more palatable when not backed by FDS. 🙄 And it was also pointed out how society fails women as a whole by not providing child care, family leave, adequate post birth care, and leaving stagnant wages, etc. But instead of blaming the largely male led government and corporate bodies who promote cost saving decisions … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 09:32 PM |
| 47 | Bfs family jokingly asking why I am with him - red flag?Everyone else made great points. I just want to add, his family truly believes you are so far out of his league they are surprised you are with him. That kind of tells you everything. | /r/askFDS | 29/09/21 02:54 PM |
| 168 | After hearing about savanna talking about long ass paragraph copy paste messages on the podcastWow, I didn’t think it was possible to wave that many red flags at once. 🚩🍅 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 12:35 AM |
| 38 | Is there any point of me trying to date ?Choosing to date is a personal decision. You don’t have to pursue it (like on OLD) to still be open to it should a man you find intriguing cross your path and ask you out. You’re young and now is the perfect time to focus on career goals, education, and building yourself up with good habits while setting up financial success. Many FDS women have chosen to stop OLD. What does that leave except living your life to the best of your ability and seeing what comes? In my option that’s the best way to … | /r/askFDS | 28/09/21 01:41 PM |
| 20 | NEED HELP: I’m going through a traumatic event. I need some support.I strongly suggest she look for domestic abuse support groups on places like Facebook and also contact 211 or whatever other services are available in her area/country for domestic abuse. She needs the person on the other end to understand she is being emotionally (physically?) and financially abused. Building a network of support is the first step to freedom. If she can find shelter and get away then the hardest step is behind her, and she can begin to rebuild her life from there. | /r/askFDS | 28/09/21 05:12 AM |
| 28 | Timing question when it comes to exclusivity?How many dates do you think? How does that compare to the past, where you said yes, and the man’s behavior suddenly or slowly began to change? Men are on their best behavior in these early stages, and how he treats a potential partner can be vastly different from how he treats his friends and family in subtle but impactful ways. Continue dating, take your time, don’t be in a rush to make anything exclusive and definitely don’t be the one to bring that conversation to the table. If he wants you, … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/09/21 01:50 AM |
| 110 | Needing advice and supportI just don’t know how to break up with him and do it in a way that won’t make him start spiraling. You can’t, because you have no control over his emotional state. He is using his threats, his subtle innuendos of suicide ideation, his gun collection, etc. Whatever it is, it’s a means of controlling you. You are literally in danger of losing your life and he is still controlling you through your empathy and pity for him. Get to a safe place, cease contact immediately, get a restraining order proc… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/09/21 05:59 PM |
| 111 | Remind me if we’re ever supposed to initiate and plan dates?Unless you two are in a committed, serious, and long term exclusive relationship you shouldn’t be making yourself overly available or planning dates for him. That’s not to say you can’t express desires, like “There’s a new exhibit at the art museum, it looks so amazing! We should go sometime.” Or, “Dune comes out next month! Can’t wait to see it.” You’re showing him the door and he’s the one who should be making effort to open it. Him picking these things up is part of a larger vetting strategy. | /r/askFDS | 27/09/21 05:58 AM |
| 22 | How to be aloneThank you for reintroducing me to this video! I saw this years ago and it struck my heart. I’m about to obsess over it again and see what else she’s been up to. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/09/21 03:29 AM |
| 70 | My bf saw his ex when we were out and he boltedFor me personally, I wouldn’t begrudge my partner a moment of confusion or pain. He likely had a hundred things going through his mind at the moment, like if she would approach, how he should react, how you would react, how sucky it is to see her, etc. I feel like he chose the response that was least likely to create potential drama. That could speak to insecurity/lack of confidence and/or immaturity, but I don’t think it means he isn’t over her if this is a blip in an otherwise stable and healt… | /r/askFDS | 24/09/21 09:55 PM |
| 126 | My current bf told me he uses asmr to j##k off. Is that weird??He likely chose something “mild” to confess to using to test the waters. You don’t actually know if he watches porn or not. Regardless, any man willingly and continuously choosing to objectify women for their own gratification is a LVM. | /r/askFDS | 24/09/21 07:04 PM |
| 15 | Curious; Have any of you gone to great lengths to change your body/appearance for a guy? If so, do you regret it? And why is a bad deal to alter your body to suit a man’s preferences?This is a great article on why it’s a bad idea: https://heartyourbody.co.uk/change-your-appearance-partner/ | /r/askFDS | 24/09/21 06:59 PM |
| 75 | Men really out here thinking having a wife is being "romance scammed" in a thread about a "girl" on bumble potentially robbing a guy.PSA for anyone confused: An actual “romance scam” refers to someone being taken advantage of by a stranger who they’ve never met, typically off in some country or in a job where they supposedly don’t have reliable internet access and therefore can’t video call. They seemingly verify their identity through pictures, voice calls, and use love bombing to seduce victims. Suddenly after a few weeks or months they have a terrible situation they need help with, and they request money, or they are strug… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/09/21 06:32 PM |
| 37 | How do you avoid turning into a LVW when you’re at a point where you want to start a family?There’s nothing wrong with wanting a family. My encouragement was only for you to focus on having the right partner to build a healthy family. Women end up as single parents by death and divorce as well. That’s why having a tribe, parents and friends who care about you and your family, will be vital and important no matter what happens. If being a single parent isn’t a choice you want to make, that’s totally fair and valid, it’s just an option you can consider as you evaluate your future and goa… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/09/21 04:10 PM |
| 103 | How do you avoid turning into a LVW when you’re at a point where you want to start a family?I think the most paramount thing is to think of your own happiness, finding a HV partner, as a step to having healthy and happy children. When you put the needs of your future children before your desire to just have them, as a rite of passage, you can focus yourself on selecting a partner who meets your standards and will be a good father. Simply put, if you are unhappy, stressed, overworked, under appreciated, and tired because you have to spend all of your mental, emotional, and physical ener… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/09/21 03:32 PM |
| 15 | If a guy says he wants to marry you, how soon is this proposal?FDS’s stance is primarily focused on what the woman is looking for, while avoiding noncommittal or situationship or forever girlfriend relationships. What those look like depends on a lot of factors, age, cultural upbringing, location, family size, pregnancy, career goals, religion, etc, just to name a few. What matters is what is most beneficial for the woman in meeting her goals, desires, and sustaining her boundaries. | /r/askFDS | 24/09/21 05:14 AM |
| 52 | If a guy says he wants to marry you, how soon is this proposal?Your thoughts are correct, and while for some people moving in together before such a large commitment is an important part of a vetting strategy, for others it can spell disaster with combined finances, broken leases, being “stuck”. So it’s very case by case. Since she’s already moved in, the most important thing she needs to do is not combine other assets, keep her own personal savings and emergency savings intact, and keep vetting. If she wants to be married or proposed to by 1 year, that sho… | /r/askFDS | 23/09/21 06:09 PM |
| 63 | My friend has her first date and she's asking me if this is okayFirst dates should definitely be no more than an hour or two for the usual dinner or lunch. She should set a boundary, turn down the weird night market photography lesson, and keep vetting. Honestly that whole going to the night market to teach her how to take photos is weird to me. Unless they share a genuine interest in street photography, it comes across more as him trying to secure an ego boost when fuck boy photographers are a dime a dozen. | /r/askFDS | 23/09/21 06:13 AM |
| 53 | How about noMovie tickets are $4 here and popcorn is $17. No thanks. 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/09/21 09:22 PM |
| 75 | Feeling humiliated and objectified *trigger warning*What happened to you is sexual assault, and I’m so sorry. Nothing of what happened is your fault, you didn’t make him assault him by existing in his space, he did it. You can take responsibility for your choices without taking blame, the pain he caused you lies squarely with him. Please never speak to him again. | /r/askFDS | 22/09/21 09:19 PM |
| 138 | Recent discontent with (potentially LVM) bf - need insightEveryone left great comments, I just want to add one thing. Take the word “nagging” out of your vocabulary. Adults can and should be able to have frank discussions about expectations and boundaries and it sounds like you can’t do that with him at all without feeling guilty. That is death’s door for a relationship. You two are incompatible now that his mask has faded and you are seeing the real him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/09/21 09:16 PM |
| 34 | Feeling humiliated and objectified *trigger warning*Is this your neighbor you’ve posted about previously? | /r/askFDS | 22/09/21 09:03 PM |
| 367 | Just realized my brother and I were raised differentlyLittle boys not raised doing basic household chores are the grown men who live in nests and don’t own headboards. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/09/21 11:13 PM |
| 31 | How common it is for men to lose interest mid-way?In the last podcast Dr. Annie Kaszina talked about a 3 strike rule. These can be all sorts of things, small things, innocuous things, and for you you have to figure out what they would be. Not texting back within X hours? Strike one. Not asking you on an actual date within X days? Strike two. Talking about sex, or ‘what you like in bed’ before you’ve met in person? Strike 3. Strikes are meant to be you enforcing your boundaries. There will also be situations where it’s one strike and you’re out,… | /r/askFDS | 21/09/21 07:01 PM |
| 73 | How common it is for men to lose interest mid-way?It’s not either or. All of them showed very typical LVM behaviors. You showed very pickmeisha behaviors. You are not enforcing your boundaries, your self esteem needs solid work. You have a lot of room to grow. What determines what’s next for you, is whether you do grow and begin leveling up, or you continue to accept what crumbs men give you in exchange for your mental, emotional, and physical energy. I believe in your capacity for growth and change. I believe in your ability to learn how to en… | /r/askFDS | 21/09/21 06:46 PM |
| 110 | How common it is for men to lose interest mid-way?Situation 1, you asked him out, you had sex within a few days. If he was legitimately interested he would have asked you out first but instead he saw an opportunity to use a woman who was attracted to him, and that’s exactly what he did. Situation 2, “we talked every day for about 2 weeks” he was building a false sense of intimacy and you made yourself overly available and allowed it. He called you old, for being one year older than him, which tells me he has a predatory nature and routinely pre… | /r/askFDS | 21/09/21 05:44 PM |
| 80 | Ladies, In Desperate Need of Advice…Meeting Up with A Former Coworker who I have a crush on…You know everything you’re wanting is completely against our advice. Nobody here is going to tell you to go for this, and if they do they don’t have your best interests at heart. You already know the answers. Do not meet up with him. He already told you you’re not his type, and he’s shown zero interest. Anything further is desperation on your part and will only serve to hurt you, humiliate you, or cause you to be used and discarded. Please don’t allow infatuation to cloud your judgment. | /r/askFDS | 20/09/21 05:16 PM |
| 54 | How to vet a friend's bf? What types of questions should I sneak in?Perfectly said. Having strong opinions on her boyfriend (negative or positive) can come back to bite you in the ass during conflict. You think he’s great? Suddenly she’s wondering if you’re DMing him behind her back when she suspects he’s cheating. You think he’s awful? Then you “put ideas into her head” when they have a blow up. Buy her a copy of Why Does He Do That and other recommended FDS reading. Introduce her to the podcast episodes with vetting strategies. You can still encourage her with… | /r/askFDS | 19/09/21 05:07 PM |
| 33 | Help an old friend, or avoid the drama?Avoid the drama, you will get sucked into rehashing her relationship and your own whether you want it or not because retaining boundaries about it is going to be difficult if you’re actively trying to help her through it. It’s better to continue on your own level up journey and focus on friends who haven’t dated your exes. | /r/askFDS | 19/09/21 03:14 PM |
| 20 | How to show green flags?If you haven’t read the section on how to be a high value woman, definitely check the handbook. How your own individual personality can shine and come through will be different for each woman. In general, I’ve learned quite a bit from reading books about first impressions. Some information can be dated in a social media culture, and some of it can be more male oriented, but it can help to read about things to gain perspective. I saw your previous post history mentioned neurodivergency, so I’m go… | /r/askFDS | 16/09/21 01:32 PM |
| 139 | Are men who won’t accept a woman with public hair LVM who are porn sick? Or is no hair down there merely a sexual preference ?Whether they watch porn or not (almost a guarantee that they do) a man who “won’t accept” a woman unless she shaves is immature, lacking empathy for the pain, frustration, and time consuming nature of hair removal, and putting his needs before the comfort of his partner. It’s one thing to expect regular grooming for cleanliness sake, like trimming, and keeping things tidy for oral purposes. It’s a completely other thing to demand the visual stimulation of a naked pubic area for his pleasure alon… | /r/askFDS | 15/09/21 08:19 PM |
| 409 | Apparently having an emergency savings fund as a woman and not explicitly saying so to your male partner is “financial infidelity.” 🤨🙄You can’t win when you try to maintain independence as a woman. “Hi, baby. Just want to let you know before we move in together that I have 5K in my personal savings that you can’t have access to.” LVM will still throw a fit, they’ll feel entitled to it, they’ll feel pressured by it, etc. Gold digging men have no shortage of audacity. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/09/21 12:25 AM |
| 67 | Block and delete is the right way, right?Yes, blocking and deleting is the right choice. I will go as far as to say in the future, do not even offer an opportunity to explain his side and gaslight you after you’ve made your decision. If he had something to say, he had every opportunity to say it in the relationship or as you were ending it. You do not need to provide additional closure to anyone. And you do not need additional closure or reassurances because actions speak louder than words. He wasn’t there for you when you needed him, … | /r/askFDS | 14/09/21 08:25 PM |
| 22 | Tell me all of your favourite ways to treat yourself to a date!Going out to dinner and a play. Going to see a movie. Going to an eatery place I’ve been craving something at (like boba tea, or sweet potato fries, etc). Taking a book to the park to relax. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/09/21 05:35 PM |
| 15 | Have You Met Stupid People Who Are Praised as Brilliant in the Office? How to Harness This DynamicSpot on. Also book smarts and A grades don’t always translate to practical “street smart” intelligence and vice versa. Ask any IT tech who has to train a Masters degree holding office person how to troubleshoot their computer by restarting it, or not to click on the obvious spam email trying to steal network data. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/09/21 02:42 PM |
| 71 | How to not feel insecure about someone I’m seeing?You’re putting him on a pedestal. So what if he’s successful and donates to charity? So are plenty of others who are awful people. In fact over compensation can sometimes be a sign of trying to mask a truly abusive nature. See Mr. Sensitive or The Water Torturer in Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. That’s not to say he is one, but you have no idea if he isn’t either. Uneven power dynamics are an easy way for men to take advantage of women. If you are already struggling with feeling like he … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/09/21 02:32 PM |
| 88 | Did me (25F) asking about marriage timelines pressure him (24M) too much, leading to downfall of the relationship?You were not unreasonable, he was unsure about you but refused to say it, and waited for you to break up with him. Nothing you said here indicates you did anything that could be misconstrued as force or intimidation or manipulation. You wanted a commitment before building a life together. He wanted the life before the commitment. | /r/askFDS | 14/09/21 01:02 AM |
| 56 | How Does FDS feel about Older Men Going Back to School to Level Up or Change a Career Path?It’s never too late for anyone to level up, but you shouldn’t be dating a man at the beginning of his journey when you’re already on one. Good for him, but you aren’t here to build him up and support him. He is going to be exhausted, stressed, budgeting, and focused on school if he’s doing it right. Not on you, not on the relationship. In fact, if he fails, he may blame you for distracting him. This is a no thanks, and good luck. | /r/askFDS | 13/09/21 10:56 PM |
| 82 | Saying "I love you"Sex should wait a least 3 or more months, but there’s no specific timeline. It will be different for every woman and everyone’s comfort level, but the important thing is to give both of you time to become familiar and comfortable. Men who are hiding a LV nature will struggle the longer they need to wear that mask and being diligent and vetting during the entire relationship is important. I would say expressing love is on the same wavelength. You’re not doomed if you say it too soon and it doesn’… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/09/21 01:53 PM |
| 522 | What was your moment of clarity?I had a ton of red flags before this, but the super clear moment of clarity for me was when we were in the middle of a very joyful funny moment and I accidentally said “I love you” instead of something like “I love that”. He made fun of me and made me so embarrassed. It made me feel awful, and rejected. He knew it was an accident and instead of choosing to laugh it off with me, or even just ignoring it, he shamed me. It definitely crushed whatever blooming feelings I did have. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/09/21 04:26 PM |
| 136 | Reminder: Men will lie about anything, including their sexuality!Doesn’t matter whether you’re gay, straight, or any other sexuality. If you are hiding your sexual history from your partner you are low value. Doesn’t matter the genders, risky sex is risky sex. Could be anal sex, could be prostitution, could be unprotected sex, etc. You are putting your partner into a position of not being allowed to make an educated decision about their body. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/09/21 08:29 PM |
| 41 | Don’t Settle on AppearanceShow me the lie! 👏👏👏 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/09/21 06:13 PM |
| 183 | How do you feel about video games?100% this, I like playing games too, and I wouldn’t mind if a partner did it in moderation, but I also look at other aspects of it: What games they are playing? Someone playing COD, GTA, Fortnite (aka games where the primary objective is violence and competition) I am a lot more judgmental and view it as a red flag than someone who enjoys games like Breath of the Wild, Valheim, and Skyrim. Also are they spending money on in game items akin to gambling? That is another huge red flag, and speaks t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/09/21 04:03 PM |
| 24 | Ignored AskFDS advice, guess what happened? lmaoDefinitely check the handbook because it covers break ups too! I’d recommend giving yourself time and patience, journaling, finding new ways to level up, and reevaluating how you’ll address future boundary violations by reading and listening to FDS content so you are armed and knowledgable and can figure out what works for you when you do start dating again. | /r/askFDS | 07/09/21 08:05 PM |
| 72 | Ignored AskFDS advice, guess what happened? lmaoIt’s unfortunate your heart had to break again to learn this lesson, but it could have been much worse, and I’m proud of you for making the progress you’ve made. Every situation is a learning opportunity, and you are going to be even stronger next time in enforcing your boundaries. | /r/askFDS | 07/09/21 07:36 PM |
| 1 | Dating (relatively poor) teacher who wants me to alternate payingWell I’m not a moderator, so I can’t speak for them. I apologize if anything I personally said upset you. Unfortunately all the FDS subs receive a lot of bad actors and as a result even genuine questions and posters can get caught up in this. I’ve been temp banned a couple times, but I value helping other women and come back to engage here regardless. I hope you continue to come back and engage with the content, and if not, I wish you well. | /r/askFDS | 07/09/21 07:32 PM |
| 1 | Dating (relatively poor) teacher who wants me to alternate payingWhich is fair enough, your standards are your own, but from the sounds of it they don’t align with FDS values, and you defending him and praising him for the bare minimum is likely why your post was removed. One of the rules is not to refute our advice. You didn’t do anything wrong by asking, but arguing and disagreeing with the advice, and becoming defensive, is against the rules. We all want the best for you here, we have no reason to lie to you, it’s feedback based on many women’s personal ex… | /r/askFDS | 07/09/21 05:18 PM |
| 9 | Dating (relatively poor) teacher who wants me to alternate payingAfter reading more comments here I just want to point out that you have basically said he is willing to invest in things that matter. He doesn’t want to waste money on frivolous things. What does that make you to him, if he’s trying to negotiate who pays for dates? You are not worth the investment because treating you to a nice time is frivolous. If that doesn’t tell you exactly what he thinks of you, I’m not sure what else will. These are your own words. It sounds like he’s gotten what he wante… | /r/askFDS | 07/09/21 05:28 AM |
| 42 | Dating (relatively poor) teacher who wants me to alternate payingOf course he says that, because it benefits him. A man who truly values a woman, desires her, and wants to continue to pursue her, will have no issue investing in her in the form of dating, especially, when in a case like yours, you've already voiced your opinion and were met with excuses and the same tired excuses about equality. There's a section in the FDS Handbook specifically covering "the argument against 50/50". If you haven't read through the posts in that section, I highly recommend doi… | /r/askFDS | 07/09/21 01:12 AM |
| 77 | Dating (relatively poor) teacher who wants me to alternate payingThe nuance was lost when he couldn’t bring up his finances like an adult. He put you into a completely awkward position with zero regret. I feel for people in difficult financial situations, but if a partner is struggling to pay for dates, they are also likely going to be completely despondent when a real emergency arises like vehicle repairs, a medical emergency, or a flooded basement. That doesn’t speak to financial stability to me, and that’s why FDS speaks about paying for dates as a sign of… | /r/askFDS | 07/09/21 12:55 AM |
| 27 | How should women approach or flirt with men?Other comment is spot on. I just want to add that you should listen to the FDS podcast episode called “Our Best Flirting Strategies”, from July 28th. | /r/askFDS | 06/09/21 03:23 PM |
| 180 | Rant about my weird dateIt’s totally normal and okay to be disappointed. Everything you said that bothered you is a huge red flag to me. Misogynistic comments on other women’s clothes, mean spirited remark about your bag, lying about his height. These are the best responses of his worst traits coming out. What I mean, is if this was his “best behavior” for a date, imagine if you two were in a relationship a few months down the line?! He would be calling you trashy for wanting to wear that same cute dress. He’d sneer at… | /r/askFDS | 06/09/21 03:15 PM |
| 20 | Friends discussing anti-abortion laws in a group setting -Do I still be friends with her?You have every right to stop being friends with people who make you uncomfortable. If this is the first incident and she seemed sincere in her apology, you can decide if she gets a second chance or not. But you don’t owe anyone anything. I sincerely hope you find healing and you can get justice. | /r/askFDS | 05/09/21 05:07 AM |
| 39 | Advice for dealing with ex reaching out finally blocking themIt gets better if you stick to it. You were already seeing the results and then you unblocked him, and then you replied to him, etc. You’ve gone two steps forward and one step back, but that other one step is still progress. Keep him blocked. | /r/askFDS | 04/09/21 05:14 PM |
| 77 | Boyfriend Showed Up With Shit Attitude and was....He had every opportunity to act like an adult and tell you he wasn’t in the mood. It’s not your fault he has no boundaries for himself. You both would have been much better off if he just hadn’t shown up at all. His complete lack of maturity, his shitty attitude that he took out on you, and his lack of awareness to apologize in any way in a timely manner shows this relationship is a lost cause to continue. | /r/askFDS | 04/09/21 05:10 PM |
| 33 | What would be an example of HVM potrayal in media?There are next to none because idiotic, naive, and fumbling men are a Hollywood staple. I see some green flag traits in men in certain shows like Parks and Rec, The Good Place, and Brooklyn 99. But even the best men in these shows have to be carried by more emotionally intelligent women. | /r/askFDS | 04/09/21 01:39 PM |
| 24 | How do I handle my dadWow. Absolutely 100% emotional abuse. I’m so sorry. Do everything you can to start saving now, if you’re in school see if you can find part time work, or little income streams. Maybe there’s a friend you can live with instead? All you can really do with your dad is grey rock him. There is no reasoning with men like that. If it’s safe to do so, you could lock yourself in your room and put on headphones to drown him out, even if it means abandoning dinner. Or leave the house and go for a walk. Wha… | /r/askFDS | 04/09/21 01:32 PM |
| 71 | Is there a point of continuing this conversation or should I just leave it?In the name of preserving your peace of mind and sanctity, block and delete. You can wish him the best or good luck if you want to on the way out the door, but he’s clearly telling you how it is. He has no room for sincere and serious right now because he’s weighing his options. If you want something serious, this is not the one. | /r/askFDS | 02/09/21 10:42 PM |
| 30 | Should I be worried?I don’t mean this in a cruel way, I just want to point out - “I just wanted to see if he would” is immature and it sounds like you’re playing mind games and trying to win. You either have a boundary or you don’t. Toying with your boundaries for the sake of an ego boost on what he may be willing to do for you is doing a huge disservice to yourself. It’s going to turn into a cry wolf situation at the wrong moment. And it makes him think your boundaries are up for negotiation. | /r/askFDS | 01/09/21 02:33 PM |
| 30 | Should I be worried?It’s not an overreaction to set a boundary and expect that boundary to be respected. I assume you don’t hold onto old BF keepsakes, so it’s not hypocritical to expect the same of him. If he doesn’t like it, he has a right to end the relationship, same as you. It’s clear it’s an impasse for you both, so it’s time to end the relationship as he made his choice. Giving him leeway on this will mean he takes more leeway in the future. Also using his friend against you as some kind of social guilt trip… | /r/askFDS | 01/09/21 02:16 PM |
| 38 | What is everyone's advice on offering advice to people?Send her a link to your favorite podcast episode, you don’t even have to say it made you think of her relationship, it could just be a “hilarious witty episode!” Along the same vein, your favorite FDS article from the website or Reddit (tho Reddit can be confusing for people who don’t use it, so website is better). You get the idea. You can also give her a copy of Why Does He Do That (especially if there is abuse involved) and tell her how much it helped you see the light on abusive behavior, an… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/08/21 09:33 PM |
| 85 | What are some red flags about men’s cleanliness?Some physical ones that are not obvious at first sight, I’d say dirty nails, nail biting, unkempt beard, dirty glasses, plaque on teeth, bad breath, white film on tongue, brownish or “dirty” skin around neck, glassy yellow eyes, greasy ears. To look out for in the home, dirty baseboards, dirty carpet or tiles behind commonly open doors (probably vacuumed before you got there but didn’t bother moving the door to get behind it), grease on the stove, a full dish rack (tells me he just washed a huge… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/08/21 09:17 PM |
| 38 | Am I overreacting about what my therapist said last week?That’s not unreasonable at all, it was a really unhelpful statement. Maybe she was trying to give you a gentle reminder of the risks, and it came out wrong? But coming from someone who is supposed to be encouraging and supporting you it almost feels threatening. Skip this session if you need to, and write her a letter, text, or email expressing your feelings about what she said, and see how she responds. Therapists are people too, and they can make mistakes, but if she becomes defensive or comba… | /r/askFDS | 31/08/21 04:22 PM |
| 47 | Help having discussions around money / career with current partnerYou’ve received multitudes of advice on previous posts about the red flags here. 🚩 Once again, I would say this relationship is set up for failure. You are going to be supporting his “relationship coach” dreams by you and your future children suffering. You went from wasting 3 months of your life last post to 4 now. Do you want your children to suffer? Lacking clothes, lacking safe housing, lacking healthy food, lacking quality retirement savings for yourself, emergency savings, savings for medi… | /r/askFDS | 31/08/21 01:47 PM |
| 30 | Male business clients - How to set boundaries?Men and women can rarely be just friends, far too many men see women as the next opportunity. Fuck that guy DMing you. Even if we assumed the best intentions, this client is unprofessional, socially awkward, and creepy. Asking who you live with and trying to invite himself with you to places? No. Giving overly familiar men the benefit of the doubt is how women get murdered and raped. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/08/21 01:37 PM |
| 228 | Male business clients - How to set boundaries?From now on, never let a male from the office walk you home. It’s none of their business where you live, and in fact I’d go as far as not mentioning you live anywhere near your office. That alone is crossing a major boundary, and that’s not even mentioning the creepy personal questions about who you live with. Yikes. Stick to business talk, or small talk that isn’t personal. It sounds like a false sense of intimacy has been built. Start grey rocking this client. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/08/21 04:01 AM |
| 83 | FDS Going Private For Monthly Cleanup - Sept 1st and 2ndThank you all for your continued hard work. The unpaid labor of curating FDS doesn’t go unnoticed. We appreciate you all. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/08/21 08:18 PM |
| 98 | Is this a neg?Definitely a form of negging, and whether it was intentional or not it has the same energy as “you can’t feel X because other people have it worse”. Not the vibe she wants. That type of person will always be trying to one up them. | /r/askFDS | 30/08/21 06:03 PM |
| 58 | This is a silly question but I don’t know where else to ask, pls help 😬You are always going to feel this way, you are always going to be suspicious and anxious. Do you really want to stay in a relationship with a man who you constantly have to check up on? It sounds completely exhausting. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/08/21 04:49 PM |
| 452 | I want to burn my eyes 🧍🏽♀️This reads like some kind of fanfic. I’m surprised she didn’t go down on him too. 🙄 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/08/21 05:05 PM |
| 84 | HVM that make less than youEveryone else had great comments, I just want to add that if he has no ambition to better himself, his career, or secure his future, he is not a HVM. Retirement is extremely costly, medical bills are costly, how does he plan to handle old age? Not to mention without kids I imagine you want to live life to the fullest and travel is expensive. Are you just going to foot the bill every time? It’s one thing to currently be in different income brackets but to date and continue to vet to see how he us… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/08/21 03:25 PM |
| 83 | Wife Introduces Serial Cheating Husband to FearI agree. It’s one thing to gather evidence in order to advocate for yourself appropriately. It’s another to try to extort him, and it may actually backfire against her if she shows her cards and tries to “gotcha” him. He can spin that as her being unstable. The part of this I don’t vibe with is she says “then evaluate my feelings and calculate my leave.” There’s nothing to evaluate. She needs to go. If she needs to collect evidence first, it’s best to do it quietly and quickly, and leave with yo… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/08/21 06:24 PM |
| 5 | I am scared that things will turn to worse. How can I keep strong?I’m deeply sorry you are struggling. You don’t have to be “strong” all the time. There is strength alone in acknowledging you are having a hard time and just doing the best you can. Sending you positive energy, I truly hope you continue to heal and recover. Don’t give up, you matter. | /r/askFDS | 26/08/21 06:12 AM |
| 37 | My bfs ex gf is dating a friend of mine. Do I need to talk to him about it?Personally, in your position I wouldn’t tell your boyfriend and I would put more distance between you and this friend. I’m not sure if it was a fair weather friend before Covid, but if you’ve grown apart now, let it stay apart. If this friend is not deeply within your circles there’s no reason to stay friends with them. This isn’t you choosing one person over another, this is choosing peace and a lack of drama over whatever the awkward potential consequences are. | /r/askFDS | 26/08/21 06:09 AM |
| 14 | Why should you never let a man know how much you love him?Then you leave. In a relationship, you shouldn’t feel the need to withhold affection to receive affection, and if you do you’re with the wrong person. Both partners should be happy expressing admiration and love, but if it’s one sided than you’re already in a failing relationship. | /r/askFDS | 26/08/21 06:04 AM |
| 194 | I came back to Reddit just to post this meme I mentioned in this week's FDS Podcast. Enjoy 😊Men are really out here writing 10 page essays on the age of consent and still can’t wash between their ass cheeks or afford a bed frame. 💀 Thank you for another amazing episode, Podcast Queens! 👑 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/08/21 11:30 PM |
| 46 | Why should you never let a man know how much you love him?Okay, I understand a bit better what you’re asking. The FDS stance on early relationship stuff is to keep some emotional and physical distance as you are vetting in the first few months and likely not exclusive. Obviously you need to be careful for love bombing from a male, obsession is just as bad as a complete lack of care. But yes, in the early stages especially, you should be pursued, wowed, and treated well by the man. You also should probably not be the one to say I love you first, as you … | /r/askFDS | 25/08/21 11:26 PM |
| 26 | Why should you never let a man know how much you love him?What do you mean exactly? Can you give some more context for the question? | /r/askFDS | 25/08/21 09:13 PM |
| 164 | If its meant to be then you wouldn't be asking me for adviceYep. And this isn’t to say the relationship will be perfect, but if you have to go to someone else and can’t talk to your own partner, that’s the big clue that you’re at the beginning of the end. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/08/21 06:00 PM |
| 20 | My (28F) mother (56F) called me pathetic for wanting to be in a relationshipOf course it doesn’t make you pathetic. I don’t know you so I can’t say whether those emotions will manifest in unhealthy ways, but remember to keep enforcing your boundaries. Loneliness can make you extra vulnerable to manipulation. | /r/askFDS | 24/08/21 05:29 PM |
| 36 | My (28F) mother (56F) called me pathetic for wanting to be in a relationship“I think she may have just reached her breaking point with me.” That’s probably exactly what it is. Unfortunately you’re both in a difficult situation, you need her support, she is struggling to give it and is likely breeding resentment. All you can do right now is keep the peace until you are able to start working and become independent. Your mom is wrong to treat you with disrespect and upset you, to make you feel less than because you are struggling. This is a type of emotional abuse. There i… | /r/askFDS | 24/08/21 04:02 PM |
| 768 | Do you believe that men are only as faithful as their options?I agree it’s 100% character and integrity. It’s why looking for partners who are disciplined and morally correct in their life bodes well for interpersonal relationships. Temptations exist in every facet of life, donuts in the office, that light that just turned red on a deserted street, the $5 someone dropped in front of you at the cashier. Do you make the right choice or the choice that may benefit you but potentially come with consequences? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/08/21 12:18 AM |
| 224 | Actions don't lie, how does he react in these situations?This post is spot on. As someone with a LVM brother, all of this are huge red flags to look for. I want to add to your service industry one, to also look for obnoxiously fake positivity, like a customer service mask they wear, and how their tone changes when the interaction is over or if it goes negatively. You can literally see the mask fall if something goes wrong, like a messed up food order. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/08/21 07:21 PM |
| 28 | How do I deal with my extremely high libido?Yes. It’s not always the case. The way she described hers seems extreme, because it is interfering with her daily life. There’s high sex drive, and then there’s unhealthy sex drive related to addictive behavior patterns. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/08/21 06:41 PM |
| 39 | How do I deal with my extremely high libido?I’ve read that often with women who are dealing with extreme sexual drive have a lot of unprocessed sexual trauma, from being molested or groomed at young ages or exposed to pornography at young ages, or other similar situations. It’s a trauma response to crave sex as a way of control. You can start by trying to evaluate where this is coming from, if it’s mental (due to trauma), or physical (like a result of medication or hormones). Either way, seeing a professional should be the very first step… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/08/21 06:37 PM |
| 50 | Need a little boostI’m sorry this happened to you, the excitement of a new connection can really blindside you. It is totally normal and okay to be disappointed. Some advice as you move forward. This isn’t me saying this to kick you while you’re down, but to encourage you to better set your boundaries: 1. Read the handbook if you haven’t yet. On and off is how women lose and men benefit. This sounded really bad from the beginning so consider this a bullet dodged. 2. Start dating with intention, and whether you are… | /r/askFDS | 23/08/21 05:48 PM |
| 67 | Confronting a Cheating Ex & Removing His FriendsDon’t train him how to hide his cheating better from the next girl. Let him believe he got away with it, he might be even stupider next time (because there’s always a next time). We do not explain ourselves and our feelings to N/LVM, it just gives them fodder to better manipulate in the future. | /r/askFDS | 23/08/21 01:53 PM |
| 26 | Do we really have to choose ?You don’t have to choose, your mom is just parroting the same societal conditioning we all experience to one degree or another that would have you believe beautiful women are not smart (ie dumb blonde jokes), and that the smartest women are not beautiful (90% of tv/movie media). You are worthy. Continue to strive to be the best version of yourself you can be, but remember that your ultimate goal is to be happy with yourself. | /r/askFDS | 23/08/21 01:50 PM |
| 12 | How can I help a friend who’s torn up over her NVX getting married?Listen, that’s the best thing you can do. Maybe share some books with her that you think may help. Introduce her to the FDS podcast. Sometimes advice doesn’t do as much as we hope, especially when everything is raw. Acknowledge her pain and frustration without expectation for her to grow, learn, or change from it. It sounds like she’s been doing fine and this is just a small set back! | /r/askFDS | 23/08/21 01:40 PM |
| 78 | Confronting a Cheating Ex & Removing His FriendsWrite a letter or a long email letting all of it out. Be as vicious as you want to be, as damning as you want to be, and then just, save it. Don’t send it. Give it a few days and read it again. You’ll realize all the steam is gone, that giving him the satisfaction of a reaction is only hurting you and stroking his ego. Talk to your most trusted friend, to a therapist, to your mom. Someone who will understand and empathize. Don’t talk to him. | /r/askFDS | 23/08/21 01:36 PM |
| 31 | Dating someone who travels for work?What he should be doing is entirely up to you. Some women would be fine with X and not care about Y. What do you want him to be doing? What would make you feel more connected and special? Ideas: - Date night, he orders you food for delivery, has his own meal, and you two sit down together and eat like a date night, chat about your days, drink some wine, etc. - Picking a TV show to watch together through the month, every few days you watch a new episode together and chat about it after. - Flowers… | /r/askFDS | 20/08/21 08:00 PM |
| 246 | No words.”According to the police report, a girlfriend said Moon heard police were looking for him, so "he threw out his computer." Police also found a video of "girls doing gymnastics" in an email from "him to himself" in Moon's Gmail account.” Creepy as fuck. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/08/21 04:06 PM |
| 308 | Guy that I went to high school with (I'm 31 now) still trying to sleep with me till this day. He's freshly married with a toddler. Mind you, these "talks" consisted of him saying pervy stuff while I tried to get away.Men saying depraved shit and then “apologizing” a few minutes later when it was clearly not received well has the most small dick “…unless?” 👀 energy ever. Block this man, OP. It might seem funny, but he would literally cheat on his wife in a heartbeat if you gave him an iota of sexual attention. He is just pathetic. Allowing a man access to you in any way, shape, or form, does a disservice to your peace. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/08/21 02:25 PM |
| 90 | Should you ever pay on a first date?Women who split or pay on a first date because they don’t want to feel obligated for XYZ have been conditioned to think female energy, intimacy, and affection can be paid for by the patriarchy. They have a lot of self examination and reprogramming of their boundaries to do. Check the handbook, there’s several posts on why 50/50 is a huge disadvantage to women. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/08/21 02:15 PM |
| 641 | Small wins!! OF to ban porn.I had to check the news to see if this was real! But after reading an article “The changes are needed because of mounting pressure from banking partners and payment providers, according to the company.” This explains everything. It’s always about money. They found success on the backs of a mostly female platform and mostly male audience, and now that they have name recognition they can begin to alter exactly how they exploit folks to appease the people funding their more ambitious goals like Onl… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/08/21 07:03 PM |
| 168 | “I am not a monster”So proud of you for reading Why Does He Do That. I think the biggest thing you can do to protect yourself mentally and emotionally in the middle of a break up is to continue to engage with anti-abuse literature. If you finish the book, read another, or reread it again. It’s when women let their guard down that these men begin to creep back in, one tip toe at a time. You are going to be so much better off, and I hope you get all this extra stuff resolved soon so you can block his ass everywhere. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/08/21 06:50 PM |
| 76 | This girls IG is every red pill mans fantasy 🙄Women are nurturers, so let’s nurture ourselves and fellow women first by leaving the dusty cobweb attracting men outside where they belong. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/08/21 07:44 PM |
| 52 | HVM turned to LVM rather quickly..Reframe your thinking. You didn’t meet a HVM, you met a LVM with a mask on. You were entranced by him exactly because he was hiding his LV behaviors and had learned to manipulate women. This is why vetting is a long term process. Be thankful this was only 3 months, you were able to discover this early and you cut him off. Now you can move on to bigger and better things. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/08/21 04:25 PM |
| 2 | I just found out the person I’m currently seeing is friends with an ex. How do I break up with him amicably so that my reputation isn’t tarnished?I do not know you, nothing I said is personal, and I was not insulting to you in any way. I am trying to encourage you to set healthier boundaries and educate yourself on better vetting strategies by reading the handbook because you deserve better and you are the only one in control of your dating life, boundaries, and vetting strategies. If asking you to take responsibility for yourself is too much to ask there are plenty of other advice subreddits. I believe in your capacity for growth and cha… | /r/askFDS | 18/08/21 03:31 PM |
| 1 | I just found out the person I’m currently seeing is friends with an ex. How do I break up with him amicably so that my reputation isn’t tarnished?A phone call is generous, let’s be real. Don’t meet him. | /r/askFDS | 18/08/21 03:00 PM |
| 20 | I just found out the person I’m currently seeing is friends with an ex. How do I break up with him amicably so that my reputation isn’t tarnished?You met him 2 weeks ago and he’s already your boyfriend? You wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place if you took more care for vetting and read the handbook. That being said, simply tell Brian you’ve enjoyed your time together but you’re not interested in pursuing anything because (insert any lie here). I’m too busy with work, I need to focus on my education, I have to focus on my personal growth and daily routines, my family needs more of my focus, I’m trying to do X and I didn’t reali… | /r/askFDS | 18/08/21 02:03 PM |
| 49 | Is it normal to never be comfortable in dating apps?“It feels like forcing an outcome” because that’s exactly what it is in many cases. For most people online interactions are lacking many key factors human’s are conditioned to look for in fellow humans regarding our social contracts. The engagement just isn’t there or is being forced. How do we capture things like body language, eye contact, absent minded behaviors, hygiene, expression, etc? You simply can’t. | /r/askFDS | 18/08/21 01:59 PM |
| 168 | Even the doctors who vow to save lives can't be trusted :( Stay woke, and get multiple doctor recommendations if possibleThis reminds me of when I had extremely bad sciatic pain symptoms in my back and started to cry as I explained it to a new doctor (a woman, mind you). She looked at me like I grew two heads and suggested I had anxiety, and basically claimed she could do nothing for me. I’m so grateful I immediately discontinued seeing her and went to a new doctor because that office treated me so much better and got me the physical therapy and medication I needed. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/08/21 05:40 AM |
| 50 | Is this a manipulation tactic?Yep. It may seem harsh but men like this use information to spread rumors, gossip, or get in edgewise with the boss. Even if we assumed the best of the situation, it doesn’t change how creepy it comes off, because this isn’t how you carry a conversation or get to know someone. | /r/askFDS | 18/08/21 01:38 AM |
| 166 | Is this a manipulation tactic?He’s trying to discover information about you and then mirror you. Whatever the reason, it’s manipulative and creepy. Stop answering his questions and probes. Keep conversations professional and work related. | /r/askFDS | 18/08/21 01:07 AM |
| 181 | Again. Single dads will use younger women for childcare.Yep, the kids are victims as much as the ex-step mom is. The daughter Tamara is parroting her abusive father. Manipulative men will pit you against everyone else to protect themselves. Someday I hope Tamara is going to reevaluate her relationship and process her trauma. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/08/21 11:47 PM |
| 148 | Women and social media activismEmpathy and awareness is a threat to ignorance and laziness and we all know most men prefer the latter because it’s easier. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/08/21 02:46 PM |
| 75 | This whole sub has so many posts like this...Statistics don’t lie though. Mostly men perpetrate domestic violence, sexual assault, and other violent offenses against both women and men. Most crime statistics show that violent crimes where race is considered are white on white, black on black, etc. Therefore a racist using the argument is not supported by statistics whereas our arguments are. But sadly these men refuse to educate themselves and instead choose to use straw man arguments because they are personally offended. It’s funny that i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/08/21 09:50 PM |
| 57 | TW!!! Should I report my rapist?This is a very very personal decision, and I highly recommend contacting a sexual assault hotline (RAINN is a good one) to go over your options and get information on the next best steps. I’m so sorry this happened to you. | /r/askFDS | 16/08/21 01:38 PM |
| 660 | Old as dirt scrote tries to hit on much younger (and richer) woman at gym. She acts like a Queen 👑“Avrey Ovard's net worth estimation is around 1 million to $5 million.” I think she’ll be just find without you Scrooge McYuck. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/08/21 03:04 PM |
| 187 | What do you all think about this?Yep, and who is going to protect her then? Retaliation is immature, shows a deregulation of emotions, and violent tendencies. She doesn’t need a white knight, she needs a partner. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/08/21 07:55 PM |
| 305 | “wHaT dO yOu bRiNg tO tHe tAbLe?”And a truly HV relationship will be about complimenting each other’s lives, not providing sustenance. I sustain myself. I don’t need to bring anything to your table because I have my own. Why don’t you show me why I should join you at yours and invite you to mine? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/08/21 04:20 PM |
| 1300 | OP upset that a Tinder match cut it off after a “public place” date following chatting and a virtual date. FDS working in the wild. 👑🚩 A convenient stop after work and not an actually well thought out date. 🚩 Because of this, he was 8 hours into his day, not freshly showered, hair likely not styled any longer, clothes frumpy from sitting at work, and breath probably smelly from his daily food/lack of brushing. 🚩 No regard for comfort in the middle of summer, no place to sit, no air conditioning, this sounds like a plaza or park near his job. Everything about this was about his convenience, not hers. And now he is suffering th… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/08/21 04:10 PM |
| 112 | Every woman should read the book Why Does He Do That by Lundy BancroftI finished the audiobook recently and I can’t agree more. Even if you believe you’ve never experienced abuse, it’s around you. Just being armed with the knowledge of how abusive men navigate the world will prepare you to notice the patterns and be an advocate for their victims. This could be a coworker complaining about his bitchy girlfriend, a stranger growling at his wife on the street, a neighborhood couple getting into screaming matches weekly. It clues you into the way abusive men manipulat… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/08/21 04:01 PM |
| 162 | Grooming a child at 24 and using guns and other weapons to act out his violent.urges on her but "it was just a fear play fetish."Denial is a hell of a drug. I hope she seeks help or counseling. Just because “nothing happened” and you’re “fine now” doesn’t mean you weren’t groomed or assaulted. We need to name these things for what they are, at the very least to discourage other young girls. You may have turned out okay but the next 13 year old girl could turn up dead. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/08/21 03:11 PM |
| 256 | This is simply vile. How they went from "not all men" to "not all pedos". There is so much to unpack, and there are at least 398 pedos who agree. Absolutely disgusting.Consumption is validation. It wouldn’t exist if there weren’t people willing to view it. It wouldn’t expand if there wasn’t demand for it. These men need to stop validating CP. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/08/21 02:07 PM |
| 11 | Hair colorIt’s misogyny because we know by “attention seeking” she means men. But the reality is, it’s because of men women feel it’s necessary. Men are the ones harshly judging grey hair, are the ones largely controlling the narrative around female beauty, and are the ones primarily benefiting from selling female hair and dye products. The CEO and/or founders of Clairol, Overtone, L’Oreal, and Revlon are all men. 🤷♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/08/21 02:22 AM |
| 288 | The "Rising Threat" of Incels - Daily MailThank you for sharing this OP. It’s great info. In general, I understand naming the problem but another issue is news media needs to stop naming the perps, sharing their photos and manifestos, and giving them notoriety. There needs to be a push to make naming these men seen as a disservice to the victims and on a need to know basis. I wish I had learned the name of the little 3 year old girl who died before I learned the killers name. 💔 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/08/21 11:13 PM |
| 73 | Man on Twitter turned off by a woman being too GOOD at budgeting and not over-spending 🤡Her chicken, beans, and rice are probably better seasoned than his whole personality. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/08/21 02:11 PM |
| 96 | How do I know if this is good for me?You have posted about this same man, who you had bad sex with at 3 weeks, who has said he can’t show you “his cards” early in dating, and has continued to lament about his exes poor treatment of him, multiple times. 🚩🚩🚩 Don’t you think you’ve seen enough to realize the multitude of red flags that are there? Stop selling yourself short and end this relationship. He is manipulating you with his “relationship coach” tactics and using you. | /r/askFDS | 11/08/21 10:20 PM |
| 6 | FDS way to check if he’s mad at you?No, you do not approach him, you do not coddle him, and you probably need to reconsider how much time you are spending with him and talking to him if you’re struggling to disengage in a healthy and boundary affirming way. If he’s stalking you to the point he knows you’re seeing other men 🚩If he’s not texting because he’s upset and can’t use his big boy words 🚩 If he’s too busy to respond or let you know he’s got stuff going on within a timely period 🚩 How many more red flags do you need? | /r/askFDS | 11/08/21 08:50 PM |
| 200 | Female pick up artists? Pfffft don’t flatter yourself men. Women have been vetting, weeding out men and voicing their concerns since forever! Don’t act brand new.I love this post. You said it best, women don’t need these tricks and games, I don’t know a single woman who couldn’t get sex within 24 hours of asking for it. Women are trying to weed out the degenerates, not bring them closer. Standards are not mind games just because men don’t understand them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/08/21 08:43 PM |
| 22 | Tired of being abused by men I don’t even know. Simply existing on a dating app, you are at risk for verbal abuse and harassment. THIS IS NORMAL. And has happened to me so many times. I only texted this guy for a few weeks, months ago and this comes out of nowhere. Men abuse women FOR FUN sometimes.Yikes. Bullet dodged. You set a boundary (stop messaging me) and he didn’t like it, so in comes the abusive verbal barrage. The examples of this never end. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/08/21 08:12 PM |
| 28 | FDS way to check if he’s mad at you?You are already obsessing over him and what he is thinking, which tells me you are getting overly attached way too soon. Are you opposed to having a rotation of guys you are interested in? Have you listened to the Podcast episode Scrotation Management: The Benefits of Multidating? If you haven’t listened to that episode, you need to, because your question is a very classic example of why tunnel vision on a single man so early does a huge disservice to your vetting abilities. Who the fuck cares w… | /r/askFDS | 11/08/21 08:07 PM |
| 23 | How did you forgive yourself for staying after he hit you?u/thruwoo90210 said it best. I just want to give you a link to Why Does He Do That in case you haven’t read this book yet. Abuse goes hand in hand with manipulation. Your past self deserves forgiveness and empathy. | /r/askFDS | 10/08/21 03:09 PM |
| 66 | I’m 19 and I like older men. Is this bad?Yes it’s bad, and I don’t know your life, but it may speak to some past negative experiences or trauma that you gravitate to older men. Men at your age are immature, not established, and society loves to brainwash young women into believing only an older mature man can give you what you need. The truth is there will be men your age with their shit together, they are just rare. At your age your focus should be on your education, or career building anyway, so if you are struggling to connect to me… | /r/askFDS | 10/08/21 01:04 AM |
| 114 | I have a partner but I'm sexually attracted to someone.The attraction will fizzle out on its own. Don’t put yourself into a position to see him or be near him, don’t check his socials. Out of sight, out of mind. Are you actually happy with your boyfriend though? Because this could be your subconscious trying to get you to notice an unhappiness that is festering because your partner is no longer making the same effort he used to. If he is becoming unhealthy, and/or unhygienic, and is no longer making an effort, you probably have bigger issues. | /r/askFDS | 09/08/21 11:05 PM |
| 27 | Texting as a vetting strategyNobody is going to standard shame you here. You had dating boundaries in asking him to plan, and standards for successful communication, and he did not meet either of those. Thank you, next! | /r/askFDS | 09/08/21 05:59 PM |
| 835 | [deleted by user]Wow, no offense to her but she looks like she is barely breaking 16. It just makes this even creepier how delicate and young she looks. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/08/21 04:31 PM |
| 29 | WARNING: Please stay away from Serbian men or Balkan men in general.Societal conditioning is a topic Lundy Bancroft touches on in Why Does He Do That. Chapter 13 “The Making of an Abusive Man.” Unfortunately in places in the world where women suffer the worst, the forgiveness, or even pride, in abusing and controlling women is rampant. If a man is raised in these cultures the odds are even more stacked against us, because their whole lives they’ve been taught that abusing and controlling women is normal, or even a right of men. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/08/21 07:31 PM |
| 47 | Is she still a hater? Advice on friendship.Jokes are supposed to be funny. She wasn’t being playful, she was insulting you. She’s still insulting you. Stop talking to her. | /r/askFDS | 07/08/21 11:16 PM |
| 52 | Um. How do you select for guys with big d*cks?Assuming this question isn’t a troll.. there’s no guarantees, but maybe this article will help you. Statistics are obviously not always going to determine things, but it can’t hurt to pay attention. Either way, as you date and get to know multiple male partners, you can explore situations that bring you intimately closer, ie touching over clothes, to see if you like what you feel. You do not have to have sex, nor do you need to continue and allow sex if you are alone and taking clothes off. If y… | /r/askFDS | 07/08/21 08:04 PM |
| 4 | Passion for the welfare of animals and people - need career ideas that have a good work-life balance and pay!There are more avenues to explore than just veterinary offices, I highly recommend looking into volunteer options to start at local shelters (city open shelters or closed limited shelters) and wildlife agencies. You can also search for animal rescues that may need help, most large cities have several types of rescues from anything like pit bulls, rabbits, turtles, etc. Volunteering with a rescue can help you start to see what that looks like from the inside out. I don’t want to share my exact ca… | /r/askFDS | 07/08/21 04:37 PM |
| 15 | Am I too sensitive or was I actually being negged? FDS in random settingsI can say from watching videos online the hair dye thing was probably not at all about insulting you but about determining wether the dye used was salon quality or box dye. Box dye can cause bad reactions with certain products. Now you would understand the tone better than I would, but I think in situations where you genuinely don’t know the intention, follow up questions are great. “It was done at home, why do you ask?” And then you will usually get an honest answer as to their intention. The s… | /r/askFDS | 07/08/21 12:13 AM |
| 463 | When Asks her husband to go Shopping, this is what requires *facepalm*Holy shit, I hope this is a joke. You can literally pick all of this stuff up in less time than it takes to “prepare” your husband for a shopping trip. Ma’am, if he is this inept you have a child, not a husband. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/08/21 06:28 PM |
| 12 | What are some ways in which girl friends subtly try can try to put you down?Sometimes you’ll find pickme women who bring down other women to make themselves look better. Avoid them as much as you can. I’m glad you cut your sister off! You trusted your gut before you even had the words for it. | /r/askFDS | 06/08/21 04:13 PM |
| 4 | What are some ways in which girl friends subtly try can try to put you down?This is her IG, she’s also on TikTok primarily and Youtube occasionally. I love all of her little POV series she does. | /r/askFDS | 06/08/21 03:22 PM |
| 4 | The Female Dating Strategy Podcast: EP. 22 - Judge Lynn Toler Holds Court with The QueensJust had a chance to listen to this and wow, loved this whole episode. Never heard of this judge or this show but she is so personable and intelligent. May need to start watching Divorce Court. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/08/21 02:30 PM |
| 52 | What are some ways in which girl friends subtly try can try to put you down?If this is in addition to other instances of trying to make you look bad it is definitely on purpose. If it was an isolated incident it might just be an awkward faux pas because she’s trying to be funny around a group of girlfriends. One of my favorite content creators has a whole POV series about a girl trying to make you look bad in front of the guys, stuff like “I’m more of a natural girl, not like this glam girl here who just cakes on her makeup. I could never, but doesn’t she look so pretty… | /r/askFDS | 06/08/21 01:56 PM |
| 8 | And they say women are sensitive, sometimes you have to be glad you asked ladies. “Account disabled” 🤣Yeah, he clearly went off the deep end, this reeks of the kind of guy who will threaten suicide if you break up with him. Bullet dodged. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/08/21 12:07 AM |
| 5 | And they say women are sensitive, sometimes you have to be glad you asked ladies. “Account disabled” 🤣What happened here? He called, you didn’t pick up, and now he’s upset? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/08/21 11:52 PM |
| 55 | “Not All Men”If the justice system actually worked as intended and sexual assaults and other egregious acts were accurately charged and prosecuted, women would be more empowered to take risks. Unfortunately that is far from the case. We cannot live with a presumption of innocence towards men when men allow the system to fail women again and again and again. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/08/21 07:23 PM |
| 28 | He doesn’t treat me the way I deserve but I still can’t let goYou deserve a partner who values and cares for you, who wants you to feel special and appreciated. Stop denying yourself the love you truly deserve, you are only wasting more of your precious time, and you don’t know who is passing by because you are stuck in one place. | /r/askFDS | 04/08/21 05:16 PM |
| 27 | Should women aspire to marry up?Either marry up or marry even, but don’t marry down or marry potential. There are no guarantees in life, you don’t want to sacrifice your dreams for a man or help a man from rock bottom achieve greatness so he can leave you behind. You should know and trust your partner is with you for you, and not what you give to him. | /r/askFDS | 04/08/21 05:14 PM |
| 14 | How can I show my friend how much she needs to dumb her LVM who is abusive? I’m looking for some additional ideas or some succesful Rescue stories.Also want to toss in a recommendation to get her Why Does He Do That or Should I Stay Or Should I Go by Lundy Bancroft. You can lead a horse to water… maybe she will start reading one of them and finally begin to see she is worthy of respect and love. | /r/askFDS | 01/08/21 03:19 PM |
| 155 | Why are there so many more homeless men than women?It’s a combination of factors: 1. Women are more likely to sustain strong familial relationships, therefore less likely to end up homeless in the first place. 2. Women with children are first in line for many benefits and assistance programs, and rightly so as many are fleeing from domestic abuse situations, or coming from prior lengthy unemployment situations, and are struggling to care for their families. 3. Transient women often resort to sex work in order to sustain a small income, meaning m… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/07/21 02:49 AM |
| 17 | The answer to my question seems like it should be obvious, but truly I‘m struggling…Often times men enjoy taking on protective roles. As a shift manager you could have a meeting to make everyone aware (if the other girl is comfortable with this too) and ask that they keep an eye out for creepy behavior, or even have a signal you two use if you need a male presence. | /r/askFDS | 30/07/21 01:55 AM |
| 2 | You're going to tell me to leave him, and I'm going to tell you that I'm not going to, and I don't know why.I read your whole post. You are the only one with power in this situation, we are not there, but I want you to know I believe in your capacity to be brave, to step into the unknown, to prioritize yourself and your child, and to handle whatever difficulties happen as a result of leaving. I know you will find a new sense of peace, purpose, and healing if you leave him. The unknown can be the most freeing experience of all. | /r/askFDS | 30/07/21 01:52 AM |
| 42 | The answer to my question seems like it should be obvious, but truly I‘m struggling…Unfortunately an appropriate response may depend on whether your manager has your back or not. I would personally drop my mask immediately, frown, and just walk away as I say, “I need to do X, but if you need any further assistance they can help you at the register.” And then report it to your manager if it warrants that. They can help them themselves or kick them out if it was egregious. | /r/askFDS | 30/07/21 01:48 AM |
| 19 | Reasons why a male would bully a woman in the workplace?You’re not the one acting like a lowlife, shit talking someone behind their back, leering at them, or being toxic and shitty in general. He’s the one with something wrong. | /r/askFDS | 29/07/21 11:36 PM |
| 24 | Reasons why a male would bully a woman in the workplace?Can you request a meeting with the counselors or whoever handles staff escalation complaints? Start making notes for dates and times of every incident. | /r/askFDS | 29/07/21 11:32 PM |
| 32 | Reasons why a male would bully a woman in the workplace?I hate to say it, but “picking on you” may just be the reason he has gotten so popular. You stated “I am totally a target of abuse and bullying at work. / I’m basically excluded from work and made to feel small and minimized.” It sounds like he is taking it to an extreme and probably brags to other coworkers about his poor treatment of you. Office politics can be so damn toxic. I think trying to understand any abusive man in general is a lesson in self flagellation. They do it because it benefit… | /r/askFDS | 29/07/21 11:29 PM |
| 64 | Reasons why a male would bully a woman in the workplace?You gave the answer in your first paragraph, he’s trying to get in good with the boss. He likely would do this to anyone his boss put a target on in order to gain brownie points. You are being ganged up on by multiple people. From now on keep every interaction at work professional. Do your job well. Leave on time and don’t do additional work beyond your stated duties. And start looking for another position elsewhere. If you have HR, you should consider reporting it to them about him, and your bo… | /r/askFDS | 29/07/21 11:22 PM |
| 95 | 💡Don’t have penetrative sex with a man unless he can bring you to orgasm with his hands and/or mouth first.💡“Some women love to be the exception, I prefer to be the rule.” Yes! 👏 Good for you for being an anecdote, couldn’t be me taking those risks. For every woman who gets lucky with just a mediocre marriage, there’s another 9 who get stuck with an abusive man who gives them trauma. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/07/21 10:13 PM |
| 115 | You ever get genuinely upset at the amount of effort guys put into themselves?More proof that male and female friendships only exist as potential opportunities for men. 🤷♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/07/21 12:08 AM |
| 6 | Things that are definitely NOT queen energy and why FDS must remain blunt and focused on priorities / real life strategies rather than blind following ideologies and people pleasing everyoneGreat words. I struggle so much sometimes with being blunt. As you said, sometimes being “cruel” is being kind, because folks need a wake up call. Giving the benefit of the doubt has very little room on this platform, and even if someone has “good intentions” the harm they can cause is irrevocable at times, to themselves or others. I’m working on pulling up those big girl pants so I can be less placating, especially when offering advice. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/07/21 04:17 AM |
| 42 | Anybody share this benchmark? I'm getting over pickmeism and so happy!I can only imagine how tough the past has been to only find solace in some of those destructive behaviors. You have clearly grown SO much, and I’m so proud of you for finding peace! You are going to keep leveling up and become your best self, and a man better step up if he wants to witness that energy. | /r/askFDS | 23/07/21 10:09 PM |
| 83 | I am enraged.My 35 year old brother is similar. I live with him. He leaves his trash can overflowing in his room, dishes in the sink for days, refuses to clean anything, etc. I heard this phrase from a TikTok a while back, “He will make you live in his filth if you don’t clean up after him.” Unfortunately painfully true for many women. If I didn’t live in a very HCOL area I would have my own place. How do I deal? I basically just clean what I and my cat use and leave the rest. Unfortunately I’m forced to liv… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/07/21 05:45 PM |
| 62 | Men only ask about sex on TinderOnly a man would ask are you into foreplay. They really live life thinking we enjoy them going in dry. 🤦♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/07/21 02:36 PM |
| 521 | I effed upI’m so sorry this happened to you. This is why vetting is a life long process, because unfortunately men still disappoint us by breaching our trust. I don’t have any words of wisdom, but I am so thankful you didn’t move for this clown. Please take all the time you need to heal and recalibrate and focus on yourself. You deserve so much better. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/07/21 12:24 AM |
| 133 | Living rent free in his head: A guy I criticized YEARS ago turned his life around because of a comment I made.I was sent when you lied about being a chubby chaser just to get in one more dig. 😂 I don’t think this is a cruel take by any means, this man could have walked away at any moment, but he chose to keep chasing validation which is LV. If anyone rewrote this post and switched the genders, a guy standing up for his bro against the chubby egotistic girl, other men would be salivating to run her through the meat grinder, and he’d be getting pats on the back for rejecting her. I’m sure there’d be a qui… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/07/21 08:47 PM |
| 10 | Self-Confidence Issues With MenWe would tell you the same thing we tell women lacking confidence. Work on yourself first. Attend therapy, check campus for counseling resources. Many schools have student therapists overseen by professors. Or look into self paced cognitive behavioral therapy if finances don’t allow you to see a professional. When you severely lack confidence you are vulnerable to abuse, though men face domestic abuse at far lesser rates than women it exists, and between male and male relationships it can be esp… | /r/askFDS | 22/07/21 01:26 PM |
| 346 | “She’s stressing me out”Embarrassing her? Nah, he is embarrassing himself. Any man choosing Twitch or video games over his family is a failure, I don’t care how many viewers he has. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/07/21 05:55 AM |
| 76 | Now that FDS is a way of life, how do you live your life not in constant disappointment of society?I ascribe to the sentiment, “Look for the helpers.” I am consuming media that generally aligns with my own views, and I keep an open mind when viewing new content. I focus on things like FDS, and the women and community we create here. I follow the careers of (and vote for) politicians like Michelle Obama and AOC and Bernie Sanders who put forward ideas of human empathy and societal change. I learn from and consume resources from scholars and educators like Gail Dines and Lundy Bancroft. I subsc… | /r/askFDS | 22/07/21 12:18 AM |
| 112 | A common DM I get from scrotes - “you’ll be forever alone”. Let’s discuss this..That’s when you link them to this article and the “Oh No! … Anyways.” meme and block. 😅 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/07/21 10:43 PM |
| 29 | The Female Dating Strategy Podcast: EP. 20 - The Queens Respond to Listener Feedback + Future Plans for FDS!Just want to list a few things as I listen: 1. The mic sounds fantastic, and the mastering is so much better. Thank you for all your post production work! I used to have to put the volume at full blast and now is 3/4 and so much smoother. Pop culture critique is fun, and may be great for content on the Patreon. You know the people paying are there for you, want to hear from you, and extras are great for that. It’s not about curiosity there, selling the pod, we’re already invested. Your last few … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/07/21 03:47 PM |
| 68 | I don't plan to kiss my new partner until at least 3 months of dating. Is this okay?Your boundaries are your boundaries, you don’t need our (or anyone else’s) approval and nobody here is going to standard shame you. Do what makes YOU the most comfortable, your friends aren’t the one with these men. | /r/askFDS | 20/07/21 08:07 PM |
| 29 | How to deal with differences of what you want in the futureHave you voiced your own opinions to him and seen his reaction? I wouldn’t leave wiggle room during the vetting process, even if you may change your mind later, that’s not something he needs to know. You want 1 child only, and you won’t move in with a boyfriend. These both could be deal breakers for him. Are they deal breakers for you? The idea of what someone wants and the actual reality can change and adapt, but you put yourself at risk and become vulnerable by hoping for changes: ie future fa… | /r/askFDS | 20/07/21 01:55 PM |
| 17 | He asked for my nudes. Should I tell his gf about it?I deleted my comment, this is the right answer. | /r/askFDS | 20/07/21 05:49 AM |
| 82 | Should you tell a man you want marriage?According to your last post he was pushing for buying a home together / living together. Be clear that you have zero intention of doing either with anyone but your husband. Never buy property, co-sign, share a lease, or do anything legally and financially binding you to a person who has not introduced marriage or made their intentions clear. | /r/askFDS | 19/07/21 11:53 PM |
| 26 | On the “Stay In Your League” post…Both your posts have great points. I just want to say “leagues” and “levels” are deceptive and can become more confusing than helpful if you struggle to internalize certain things. Namely to realize what women see in themselves as having value or worth will not be the same as what a man values from her, because he is looking from the lens of a man attracted to women (and also as an individual person) and she is looking at herself, not from a lens of attraction, but of perceived desirability, whi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/07/21 09:31 PM |
| 14 | Should I continue to see him?If you’re not interested you’re not interested! How good is the company if you’re already losing interest? Might as well use that time to invest elsewhere. | /r/askFDS | 19/07/21 09:08 PM |
| 19 | Come join us on Tik Tok! We’re going to start creating more content there and welcome your feedback/ ideas 👑👇Definitely post podcast clips, you can use stock footage and pictures as the background! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/07/21 04:37 AM |
| 65 | A reminder from history not too long ago: many of your elders didn’t have an easier time in marriage as men like to claim. It was only because of the RvR case in 1991, that the English court system legally recognised that raping your wife was a crime.And so many countries still don’t recognize this. Some states and local municipalities have archaic as fuck rules in the US still. The laws have always been for the benefit of the powerful, which has been men for most of history. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/07/21 11:26 PM |
| 5 | Men, learn what fucking hygiene means.Moments like this you wish there was a 0 star review. 🤢 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/07/21 09:56 PM |
| 12 | Dreams of an ex…Dreams are absolutely illogical, and they don’t “mean” anything. He’s in your mind because you likely have reminders around you, so do your best to purge your life of these reminders and begin hyper focusing on leveling up and growth. Get creative juices flowing with art, writing, reading, music, etc. The more you think about “why am I thinking about this?” the more you trap yourself in a self fulfilling prophecy of obsession. Remind yourself your dreams are illogical, your life is better withou… | /r/askFDS | 13/07/21 08:47 PM |
| 19 | How to move on from mistakes I've made as a N/LVW in the past?It’s normal to look back from time to time at situations before your growth! Especially in a negative light. You have to reframe those situations as learning experiences. Every aspect of our live’s progress came from education or experience. You are who you are today because of your past, in one way or another. If this is an abnormal obsessive thought pattern though, and causing disruption to your current life, then it may be time for seeking self help or professional help to assist you in proce… | /r/askFDS | 13/07/21 08:41 PM |
| 71 | How to avoid falling back into old pickmeisha habits?Never stop reading FDS, reading about abusive men, rereading posts that impact you, listening to the podcast, etc. Apathy is what will cause you to fall back into habit, and the more consciously aware you are the better prepared you are. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/07/21 04:40 PM |
| 52 | This is the most laughably pathetic thing I've seen in a long time.Sister? 🤮🤢 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/07/21 02:55 PM |
| 3 | Genderqueer FDS? How should i expect to be treated by nonbinary amabs (males)?FDS is for every woman regardless of gender expression or gender preference. At its core it is about receiving absolute respect from your partner, and about having healthy boundaries, meeting a partner who is stable, ambitious, generous, kind, and supportive. That doesn’t change. I lean non-binary, but there’s no hiding I am a woman (thanks breasts). I am treated as a woman as I move through the world. I have dated women and men, and the way people show low value behavior is the same at it’s cor… | /r/askFDS | 13/07/21 01:48 PM |
| 63 | I don’t know if you’ve guys have seen this account. But it’s literally just the husband “simping” over his wife even after 24 years of marriage. And I’m down for it, it’s so bloody cute.Everything about this is so sweet, my heart. 🥺 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/07/21 01:40 PM |
| 159 | Reigning in the extreme pick me horror tales - this is not a place to just vent, get sympathy points for tolerating extreme clownery, remain clueless and go back back to being a complete pushover.Couldn’t agree more with this. I don’t look back at my pickme behavior with humor, I look back at it with shame, embarrassment, sadness, and a feeling of regret for myself. Yes, stories can be valuable to share, but there’s nothing funny about what many of us went through, and we need to accept we made terrible choices, we didn’t trust our instincts, and at many points we let apathy or a fear of abandonment rule us to the point of sacrificing our sense of self. Tolerating abuse is not an inspira… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/07/21 01:40 PM |
| 35 | How to have relationship talk?You skipped a lot of vital steps in what would be a normal dating and vetting process. He didn’t even ask you to be his girlfriend, or ask you if you two are dating, he just assumed the latter. That is a big red flag. I’m also not sure what was in your other posts in your history but I saw one comment mentioned you said he opened the door for you then said he was not going to do it again? Really weird, and another red flag. The whole situation is more of a “situationship.” Your inexperience is g… | /r/askFDS | 12/07/21 10:35 PM |
| 19 | Dealing with an unsupportive familyYou could try having a serious discussion about them being more supportive, but often when you grow up in cycles of low key emotional abuse from family it doesn’t change until there are consequences. Those consequences being cutting them off from access to you; your energy, time, assistance, emotional labor, etc. If you are not willing to cut them off yet, talk to them. If talking to them doesn’t change the behavior, then stop telling them news about you and gray rock them. Either way, you need … | /r/askFDS | 12/07/21 07:57 PM |
| 90 | 22 ConventionThey should be paying the women $1,000 to sit through this BS since it just sounds like a training camp. 🤷♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/07/21 06:10 PM |
| 16 | Weekly FDS Check-inUnderstandable, what may be an age gap to some isn’t to all, and FDS has a variety of women from different backgrounds and comfort levels in terms of age gaps. There is no guide for that reason, I think, because it can be case by case. The most alarming gaps come from young women and older men, grooming can be rampant. I personally wouldn’t call a 45 year old dating a 55 year old an age gap, I would for 25 to 35, but really a woman of any age can potentially be taken advantage of by an older mal… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/07/21 04:28 PM |
| 31 | Weekly FDS Check-inThere isn’t a magic number (the half your age plus 7 doesn’t work because it would have a 30 year old dating a 22 year old ew…). Rather the gap can widen as you age, because you’re both established, but you also need to be wary of older men looking for the nurse/caretaker in their old age. It’s a different kind of preying on women they do when they’re older. 45-55 wouldn’t really matter maturity wise, but some 55 year olds look like the crypt keeper. Is he taking care of himself? Financially sta… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/07/21 04:07 PM |
| 52 | Men not taking responsibility for their own children in accidental pregnanciesChild support exists for this reason, though obviously this is state by state and country by country. Welfare programs in the US and other counties also exist for this purpose. They also suck usually, and are not at all adequate. I think biology is not on women’s side and neither is society. It’s all extremely unfair but biology can’t be changed. Your body will go through carnage to bring life into the world and nobody shares that. What can be changed is the societal aspect. Vetting for LV men b… | /r/askFDS | 11/07/21 09:35 PM |
| 24 | genuinely feel discouraged about dating and men in generalThis is why we encourage internal growth, building a life of independence, friendship, and happiness. HVM are on the rare side, but they also don’t just fall into your lap, you can’t go to the Lad Store and pick one up. It often takes internal work first, and external work second, to really level yourself up and then run the gamut that is dating and socializing. Also you know nothing substantial about celebrities or other public figures, or any other person online to say they are actually HV. Th… | /r/askFDS | 11/07/21 02:18 PM |
| 44 | Sexual health.Have you looked into Planned Parenthood? Make sure you are seeing a female physician. Other than that, pay attention to what the reviews say. Poor bed side manner is far more alarming than a dodgy receptionist, so you have to weigh what the people are saying and whether it is a man or a woman saying it. Also do a Google search for the physicians name and look up reviews of them specifically. Remember, you are in control of the situation when you arrive. If something makes you uncomfortable, spea… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/07/21 05:37 PM |
| 41 | Absolutely vile and disgusting that this is being sold as 'normal' and 'empowering' by a mainstream news publicationYep. I could understand if he had a family insta before OF, but once you have pornography online and keep going with family media on a public platform? Wow. You tie it directly into your personal life and link them together. He sounds proud of it. It’s twisted. Porn Hub and OF have turned porn from something “taboo” into just another personality trait. It needs to go back to the gutter where it belongs. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/07/21 05:31 PM |
| 80 | Absolutely vile and disgusting that this is being sold as 'normal' and 'empowering' by a mainstream news publicationThe male they interviewed for this exploits his family for his ‘persona’. Yikes. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/07/21 04:36 PM |
| 45 | I can’t do it. I can’t break up with him. I’m too afraid of being alone.In Why Does He Do That, Lundy Bancroft talks about the benefits of perspective. That is what you desperately need. You are terrified of the unknown (being with out him) but you are clearly suffering with him. As the other commenter said, ask for a no contact break for X time, a couple weeks at least. He isn’t going to make it easy, and those will be yet again signs of his disrespect for you. But the only way out is through, and only you can pull that plug. You are stronger than you know. | /r/askFDS | 10/07/21 02:58 PM |
| 37 | I cant seem to be happy single 😔You definitely need to continue processing your anxiety in therapy. From your post history it sounds like you’ve been on and off dating folks, are you actually happy in those relationships or still going through the motions? What about being in the relationship changes things for you, that you think it’s magically better? To me it sounds like the honeymoon stages are where you get the most validation and then as the male reveals his true colors you become unsatisfied. That doesn’t mean you can’t… | /r/askFDS | 10/07/21 02:55 PM |
| 5 | What do I do if I realize one of my friends is a LVM?He may be the right partner for someone just as low value as him. It isn’t your job to police him or his behavior, and staying friends with any low value person is a lesson in self flagellation, but especially men. Men who are attracted to women almost never see women as just friends, they are consumable, potential, therapy, or validation, or some combination of the above. | /r/askFDS | 10/07/21 02:49 PM |
| 4 | Ladies, I need your opinion on this!Women who defend men with such veracity are pickme’s. You clearly don’t mean every single man on the planet is an issue, but when someone immediately jumps to that defense it is because they are desperate to maintain their status as cool girl, understanding girl, pickme girl, etc. Also at 19 she may still be on the immature side, often women between 16-20 age very quickly emotionally through trauma or cling to immaturity to keep their cool demeanors. It’s not a diss on her in any way, she is so … | /r/askFDS | 10/07/21 02:45 PM |
| 7 | new (19f) to fds help! (Racism, standards and trauma)You need to attend therapy, focus on school, and not be worrying about dating right now, especially OLD. You are emotionally vulnerable through your unprocessed trauma that you may be taken advantage of again and again. You are saying you want a relationship… why? To prove something to yourself or your peers? You aren’t clear about that, but take time to dig deep. Men your age are immature in big part because of their youth, so look for the ambitious folks, in study groups, activities inside the… | /r/askFDS | 10/07/21 02:42 PM |
| 14 | Should I be concerned with my boyfriend reading FDS posts?I think if that’s all he’s said, you could engage him in some conversations about some of the top posts and see if he reveals his true intentions or opinions that alarm you. He could also be trying to learn how to mask his LVM behavior. What is important is you pay attention to what he does, not what he says. LVM wearing a mask cannot keep up an act because it goes against their character. I will say obsessing over anything is unhealthy, it doesn’t matter what it is or for what purpose. | /r/askFDS | 10/07/21 02:31 PM |
| 9 | getting back out there as an older woman?It sounds like you have a strong idea of your boundaries, so really it’s just about enforcing them. OLD is a cesspool and it’s probably pretty awful for someone demisexual. You would probably be better off finding a few weekly activities where you can meet folks and build a rapport naturally, especially since you don’t need to run numbers for a potential husband, you just want to enjoy your time. You can be upfront and tell people you’re looking to meet new people and see where it goes, but if s… | /r/askFDS | 10/07/21 02:26 PM |
| 47 | What to think about when masturbating?I understand the frustration. Literature is a great outlet because it brings you back to creating fantasies in your own mind. There’s Literotica, and often you can find explicit fanfiction on certain sites. Most of that stuff is written by women. Once you get some ideas you can start to create your own fantasies hopefully. | /r/askFDS | 09/07/21 10:55 PM |
| 26 | Deeply difficult brother - what do I do?Stop cleaning up after them in any way shape or form. Only clean the common space if you need to use it or have used it, only clean what you used. You could try approaching your dad to see if he wants to actually parent, since he owns the property, but I doubt it will do anything. You could try to come to an agreement with them both to split the cost of a cleaning service, but that is again doubtful. Your brother sees you (as he saw his mom) as someone who will clean up after him, or he simply d… | /r/askFDS | 09/07/21 07:57 PM |
| 57 | Deeply difficult brother - what do I do?Move out. Let the men take care of themselves. “If you do not clean up after him he will make you live in his filth.” Heard that in a TikTok posted to FDS ages ago and it has stuck with me ever since. Only clean up when you need to use the space, start saving money to move out either alone or with female roommates who will respect you and keep a clean home. | /r/askFDS | 09/07/21 07:47 PM |
| 1 | What about health issues?Fair enough, just please tread carefully. Everything he’s told you so early in the relationship seems far too much like the tactics of a man building a false sense of intimacy, whether knowingly or unintentionally. Remind yourself you truly know nothing about this person’s character, only his “biography” he’s selling you. Trust your instincts. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/07/21 07:01 PM |
| 3 | What about health issues?A “rough marriage/divorce” sounds like he’s already telling you his relationship issues, and I’m sure it’s all his ex-wife’s fault for not being (insert whatever here). This is another huge red flag to me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/07/21 06:29 PM |
| 49 | My adds on Youtube 🧓🏻🤮 Google knows I'm 27 and the company that bought these adds thinks it's fine to normalize dinossaurs on my age rangeThere’s no way these are not stock photos. Men do not clean up like this. 🙃 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/07/21 06:26 PM |
| 5 | Dating when you work away from home and long-distance?For sure, and avoid Tinder! Pick one app that gives you the best sorting options and allows you to set your own location, not just where your phone is at. You can be as ruthless as you need to be, don’t bother with people who bore you! | /r/askFDS | 08/07/21 10:35 PM |
| 1 | A list of famous, hot and rich HVM to give the ladies hope and freak out the LVM lurkersDefinitely! I know the definition of “hot” is pretty cut and dry, the tall dark and handsome types. Being subjective, I find many men who others would call “cute” as deeply attractive, and that may partially be because I’m bisexual and find women, effeminate men, and masculine women, super attractive too. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/07/21 07:48 PM |
| 15 | Dating when you work away from home and long-distance?Considering the transient nature of your job, this is a time where OLD could be beneficial. But I have to wonder, are you hoping to date for long term, or just to get experiences? If it’s looking for a long term partner you might be better off focusing on your career, self improvement like education and fitness, and just using Facebook to find group events in the various cities. Engaging with the goal of meeting people, but not for dating. Long term dating requires stability from both partners. … | /r/askFDS | 08/07/21 07:41 PM |
| 3 | A list of famous, hot and rich HVM to give the ladies hope and freak out the LVM lurkersOkay, probably nobody will agree with me, but.. Rick Astley was a handsome young man, and still looks pretty good for his age. He had a successful career, and actually retired from music fame to raise a family before his internet phenomenon, and now he is back in the music scene, and he is still with his wife. Not sure what his net worth is, but he doesn’t live extravagantly and strikes me as the type to build solid investments for his family. I would also add young Rick Moranis was super goofy … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/07/21 07:08 PM |
| 17 | How does multi-dating work?👆Mods got it right. Also the podcast queens also discussed something a lot of us who live in larger cities overlook, and that is the dating scene is entirely different if you’re in the suburbs, or rural areas. It may help to cast a wider net on OLD (adjusting the miles or location), to frequent interesting events in cities with larger populations, and to find more ways to put yourself in front of a more diverse population of people. If you’re in a tiny city you’ll have limited options, that’s no… | /r/askFDS | 08/07/21 06:43 PM |
| 6 | The start of my mostly Green Flag relationship.Love stories like this! He sounds like a great guy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/07/21 03:27 PM |
| 13 | Asking a man for full body pic…how?This is partially why the video call before going out on any date is recommended, so you can see the person and know what to expect. If he is hiding something it will become painfully obvious. You can ask to see his outfit on the call, “Oh, put the phone down, I want to see what you’re wearing!” If he came to the phone date in his holey tighty whities or he’s trying to hide a beer gut, the vibe will be so sketch as he refuses and you don’t have to waste anymore time. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/07/21 03:21 PM |
| 18 | What to do if a guy starts low balling you after a few days?I appreciate the kind words, I’m just regurgitating the FDS wisdom I’ve absorbed from other brilliant women! It’s so important to share and give perspective. 🌺 | /r/askFDS | 08/07/21 12:43 AM |
| 69 | How do you ladies feel about friends that prioritize their boyfriends?Seconding the not moving in with her. It sounds like she didn’t even consider you before starting to plan for this in her mind which means she’ll have next to no consideration for your space, privacy, or the drama this could potentially cause. If they break up, one or both of them may suddenly bail leaving you to clean up any mess. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/07/21 10:03 PM |
| 53 | Can LVM become HVM?True, but I want to add for the OP, abuse, assault, sexual coercion, etc, is not LV, it is negative value. Low value men just don’t bring much of anything to the table, grungy, boring, uninspired, etc. Negative value men actively leech from you, through abuse tactics, both emotional and physical! A NVM will NEVER be a HVM. | /r/askFDS | 07/07/21 03:22 PM |
| 137 | What to do if a guy starts low balling you after a few days?If a guy is testing your boundaries now is the time to enforce them and see how he reacts. “I usually grab coffee with my girlfriends, but if you have any other ideas let me know.” “A walk in the park? I will have to pass.” “Oh, did you just want to be friends?” “Aw, that’s a cute idea but that’s not really my idea of a date.” Other women will have other feedback too, it really depends on your willingness to face potential confrontation. In the podcast they talked about revealing your boundaries… | /r/askFDS | 07/07/21 03:17 PM |
| 61 | Can LVM become HVM?People who are low value in character generally stay low value unless there are severe consequences, especially related to health, financial, societal, interpersonal, etc. People who are low value out of apathy can usually shift when something sparks them to make a change in their life and seriously self reflect. | /r/askFDS | 07/07/21 02:53 PM |
| 8 | How old is too old?When you subscribe to an “easy life” with a man you don’t find attractive who is slowly getting older by the minute, do you think once you’re entrapped he’ll have consideration for your wants and needs? Sure, he might pay the bills, but he’s also going to demand sex, cleaning, interrupt your parenting style (I bet he’s also interested in ‘raising a son’ if he’s never had one). This isn’t about an age gap, this is about his potential for financial coercion. When you can’t escape him, do you think… | /r/askFDS | 07/07/21 02:24 PM |
| 235 | Ladies what is something men do that you thought was a green flag but is actually men being trash as usual?They hate being asked for help, and if you do ask they complain about it. But if you do the thing on your own and they see you struggling they step up and assist. I used to think this was a good quality until I realized it’s a power move and about them receiving female validation and praise. HVM don’t need to be bargained, pleaded, or begged into helping, they volunteer readily and do not show frustration. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/07/21 06:02 AM |
| 10 | For episode 20 of the podcast, we will be doing an extra-special (and extra long) listener feedback episode! Comment below with your questions/feedback for a chance to be discussed on the podcast!Very true, this is a great point. I definitely don’t mean revealing information about them personally! Their safety takes priority over any desires from the community. They’ve discussed going into other forms of media like video, books, etc. I’m mostly curious about that process and if that will be just the podcast folks or are other moderators going to be involved. They absolutely don’t owe anyone explanations, I’d just love to hear what they are comfortable sharing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/07/21 05:51 AM |
| 10 | Should I confront my friend who stopped speaking to me? Did I do something wrong?I'm not a person of color, but the one thing I've learned as a white person is when a person of color is speaking about their issues, their experiences, and their difficulties with race-related topics, the only appropriate response is to shut up and listen, and then see how you can help. The fact that she feels like you're picking on her tells me she genuinely just "doesn't want to be seen as the bad person" and.. just ick. It comes across as a low key white savior complex, and personally I woul… | /r/askFDS | 05/07/21 11:45 PM |
| 17 | For episode 20 of the podcast, we will be doing an extra-special (and extra long) listener feedback episode! Comment below with your questions/feedback for a chance to be discussed on the podcast!I would like to hear more about the future plans for FDS. I'm curious about who is considered the leader, or owns the brand, and about the division of labor when it comes to the podcast content, website, moderating the subreddit, etc. I wonder if there's sort of a tentative plan, or everyone is playing it by ear right now, in terms of moving FDS forward. Also whether there conflicts among the leaders on how the brand should move forward? I think FDS is in a very chaotic in-between stage of brand… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/07/21 11:34 PM |
| 32 | For episode 20 of the podcast, we will be doing an extra-special (and extra long) listener feedback episode! Comment below with your questions/feedback for a chance to be discussed on the podcast!Second this! Even a special solo fundraiser for this purpose. I’d love to see any improvements in production quality, which will hopefully attract brands. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/07/21 11:16 PM |
| 151 | How should I respond to this message?If he needed the money he shouldn’t be dating. There is always a risk when paying for someone else the evening won’t go as planned. He sounds incredibly awkward at best, and a stalker creep at worst, and I would simply block on Facebook as well. | /r/askFDS | 05/07/21 11:07 PM |
| 6 | What are men that crave female attention but aren’t womanizers like?It’s not about attraction, it’s about power. | /r/askFDS | 05/07/21 11:05 PM |
| 22 | Healing from past traumasIf he’s not attending therapy, yet burdening you with his emotional trauma, then he doesn’t take his mental health seriously and you are going to have to deal with every issue and stress and moment of anxiety he has in life moving forward. Sounds more like you’re acting as his therapist than his girlfriend, he should be focused on you, not his past. | /r/askFDS | 05/07/21 11:02 PM |
| 3 | Unsure if this is LVM behaviorSounds like he’s not bothering to engage you, so yeah, block and delete. | /r/askFDS | 05/07/21 11:00 PM |
| 80 | paying for dates - first date vs later datesSome men want to pay and their date insists on a split so they do it. But it sounds like, especially with him paying now, he was probably willing to pay all along. Keep letting him, enjoy his company. If you want to get the drinks, or cover the uber, do that periodically instead. Periodically. He’s showing you he’s generally a generous man so allow yourself to be treated. If he has an issue with it he can bring it up like an adult, and you can decide accordingly then. | /r/askFDS | 05/07/21 03:49 PM |
| 33 | Weekly FDS Check-InIt was deeply ingrained in me that dating and being taken out = obligation of return. I was raised to feel like if i accepted someone paying for my meal or whatever, I had to reciprocate in some way, and I always split because I wanted to protect myself. 🙃 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/07/21 01:32 PM |
| 57 | Unsure if this is LVM behaviorYesterday was a holiday, and even without plans he could have been roped into something, so that may have factored in. But when you like someone you check their texts to see if you miss things. If he doesn’t respond back by evening tonight I think it’s safe to assume he’s ghosted you. Even if he missed your text for some reason, he should remember today to talk to you, and if he didn’t he’s likely not engaged in dating in a meaningful way. Which means he’s not the right person for you. | /r/askFDS | 05/07/21 01:29 PM |
| 16 | Posting Low Effort Memes and Screenshots makes you a LVW [Controversial]Highly agree with this post, if you’re going to post content that disparages a woman for her choices then provide some education on steps they can take differently the next time or what to look out for. Misery porn is exactly how it comes across under the guise of “lol pickme behavior!” | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/07/21 10:14 PM |
| 103 | Discovered this sub and I’m in heaven but going incognito for safety, because men.Yes! Welcome! FDS 100% encourages a specific profile just for FDS purposes, especially with chats and DMs turned off. Unfortunately there are a lot of creepy men who frequent this sub with the express purpose of stalking and making women here uncomfortable. They might think they are just trolling, but the truth is every time a man sends an unsolicited DM, or reposts our content to laugh at it, he’s showing people he has no problem with making women feel unsafe and uncomfortable. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/07/21 03:09 PM |
| 7 | Optimal time to "wait" for a guy to ask you outIf it is OLD (aka you only interacted for the express purpose of dating) 48-72 hours. If this is someone you are interacting with, like within the groups I mentioned, a week or two at most, and that’s honestly being generous. | /r/askFDS | 04/07/21 02:34 PM |
| 27 | Optimal time to "wait" for a guy to ask you outIt’s case by case, but if you guys are interacting regularly like in school or friends groups or at work, and you don’t get asked out within a week or two, he’s not interested. Also you shouldn’t be waiting around for anyone, even if you find them attractive. FDS touts the benefits of multi dating for a reason, especially so you don’t obsess or idealize a person you barely know. There was a whole podcast dedicated to the topic of multi dating recently and hopefully one coming soon about flirting… | /r/askFDS | 04/07/21 01:58 PM |
| 30 | How do I (27F) level up career-wise after a NVM took away 3 years of my life?You can say your three year gap was because you were a caretaker for your grandma before she moved in with other family. I wouldn’t tell them you were in an abusive relationship because it is none of their business and it’s extremely personal. Keep working on your education. I’m so sorry you went through those experiences. Focus on finishing school, finding a job, building a savings, and becoming fully independent so you never need to rely on a man for anything. | /r/askFDS | 03/07/21 05:51 PM |
| 2 | Is it normal to feel like guys on OLD do not fit your niche?Spotify! Check the main subreddit, there’s posts weekly. | /r/askFDS | 03/07/21 05:36 PM |
| 307 | FDS to the rescue!The easiest way to break the cycle is to not start it. Once you give everything, and then do a 180, you are blamed for suddenly not being accommodating. But if you present the version of yourself that expects the man to step up, he either steps up or you step out the door. 👋 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/07/21 02:13 PM |
| 62 | How can I stop being bitter?Have you always felt bitter, or is this just recently after discovering FDS? I feel like a lot of new members as they start to truly absorb the information do a total 180 on their feelings. They go from that hopeful, almost naive attitude towards men, to being legitimately nauseous by the things they’ve overlooked. That is part of the growing pains, and they do fade as you continue to absorb and start to strategize and compare your notes with real life. Keep in mind social media couples are not … | /r/askFDS | 03/07/21 02:09 PM |
| 401 | I don’t know anything about this family. But this video is absolutely heartwarming.What a joyful, caring moment! I definitely teared up. Not many men would step up to the plate for this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/07/21 12:27 AM |
| 11 | Hot men in suits!There are so many stylish clothes for men, but so many men just don’t bother investing in finding those clothes, getting them fit, or building an actual wardrobe. They’d rather show up to their dates in cargo pants and a t-shirt, but expect the woman to be fashionable. For any male lurkers, and women who want some well dressed eye candy, check out @whatmyboyfriendwore on Instagram, he often links other male fashion bloggers too. This reel links to 4 other bloggers of different ethnicities and bo… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/07/21 08:39 PM |
| 18 | Is it normal to feel like guys on OLD do not fit your niche?It probably depends on the site you use. In the last podcast they talked a bit about different sites, how Tinder is the worst because 90% of men are there for hookups. A place like OKCupid might have better filters for your interests. Even Reddit has r4r pages that you could have luck in (one of the mods did mention having luck on Reddit), and this is a platform that draws in the more introverted nerdy types. There are mostly mediocre men on every OLD platform, but that doesn’t mean they all are… | /r/askFDS | 02/07/21 06:47 PM |
| 6 | What do you think?My thought is you’ve grown apart from him, you are not getting your needs met, and he is not high value because men who are high value don’t use gay slurs, aren’t entitled, and want to sexually please their partners and take joy and pleasure in making them feel amazing. Likely what you are experiencing as a result of your own struggles in the past is trauma bonding to him. You see him as more valuable than he actually is because he took care of you, but caring for someone you love is the bare mi… | /r/askFDS | 02/07/21 05:35 PM |
| 180 | Translation: “I have no plans for my future but I will abide to yours until I find the next best thing”I truly hope this is just a male troll LARPing as a woman. I used to think, okay that’s weird but as long as she’s happy, because I didn’t really know better. It wasn’t for me, but I didn’t always see anything nefarious. But now I’ve realized that grooming is just another form of sexual assault, one that many women don’t recognize or realize they experienced for many years. Now I’m heart broken for this girl. Because if she’s real, she may be okay now, but there’s almost a 100% chance she won’t … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/07/21 03:25 PM |
| 6 | Does anyone else want to make friends but lacks motivation/energy?It’s been ages since I’ve read it now, but it’s called First Impressions : What You Don't Know About How Others See You by Ann Demarais and Valerie Whit. I can’t tell you if it still holds up to certain FDS standards but I feel like it broke down first conversation dynamics (pre high speed internet anyway) in a way that helped me communicate better. | /r/askFDS | 02/07/21 01:40 PM |
| 21 | Need adviceYou are being abused. Emotionally and physically. Please contact a domestic abuse hotline to be connected to resources. Also, when you’ve moved out, take some time to read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, it goes deeply into the abusive mindset. You can even do a trial to Audible if you’ve never had it and use the free credit, or find a free PDF online by searching the title. You are NOT crazy, you are a victim of deep trauma, and your feelings are going to be so all over the place. I’m so… | /r/askFDS | 02/07/21 04:18 AM |
| 26 | Does anyone else want to make friends but lacks motivation/energy?The biggest thing is to keep pushing yourself through experiences and trying things, and doing activities you actually enjoy, so if you don’t meet anyone or make friends you still had a good time. If you enjoy what you’re doing you should still come out energized. Sometimes just a short conversation with a stranger at an event can help with the anxiety that comes from social experiences and every time to meet someone new, it is still an opportunity. The more self aware you are, the more you can … | /r/askFDS | 02/07/21 03:18 AM |
| 33 | A HVM hiding amongst my friendship group?Fair enough, just remember that good qualities don’t always translate to HV. You want to proceed with the same caution you would dating externally. Except now you also need to factor in the potential impact on your friendships. | /r/askFDS | 02/07/21 01:12 AM |
| 67 | A HVM hiding amongst my friendship group?HVM don’t hide, they either are or they aren’t. How does he treat people? His friends and family? Have friends (or have you) witnessed how he behaves with girlfriends or talks about women in general? Just because he’s a good friend doesn’t mean he is a HVM. Many abusers keep a tight circle of family and friends because they are charming and gentleman when it benefits them. Their social game can be strong. Now you are right that FDS says not to chase. It doesn’t really account for dense men. I th… | /r/askFDS | 02/07/21 12:17 AM |
| 55 | What the *bleep* is this feeling about?There’s a few things to remember. First of all, just because he’s in a new and seemingly good relationship now doesn’t mean he has changed in any significant ways. Many people typically do not make sustainable long term change without severe consequences. So this girl, whoever she is, is dealing with the same LVM you were dealing with a year ago, she’s just choosing to tolerate that LV behavior instead of moving on like you did. Secondly, the fact that he may have been pursuing something with th… | /r/askFDS | 01/07/21 10:47 PM |
| 56 | And then everyone clapped! Do they seriously spend time and energy roleplaying and making accounts so they make us look bad?? 😂It’s amazing how many men try to LARP as women. If a woman ever spoke this way I’d assume she’s NV, just as any man who spoke this way. 🤷♀️ Many NVM have no problem using gay slurs to describe other men tho. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/07/21 05:06 PM |
| 49 | I want to block.FDS is very clear that men attracted to women can almost never be just friends with them. You are either a current opportunity, future opportunity, or someone they use for emotional labor and female validation. He made it abundantly clear he sees you as one of the first two, so definitely block. Men don’t just decide to not be attracted to a woman once they are rejected by them, they either just get bitter or keep waiting for crumbs, because they are still pining. | /r/askFDS | 01/07/21 06:31 AM |
| 170 | If you see this post and you relate to this girl in any way… honey you’re worth so much more than the sexual acts that you can provideShe definitely has some major insecurity. It strikes me as a defense mechanism, “reject yourself to protect yourself.” Like you can’t get hurt if you didn’t want to be with him anyway, right? But she’s continuing to invest time, energy, and compromising her own privacy by carrying on. Self sabotage is a hell of a drug. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/07/21 12:26 AM |
| 23 | Advice to do better next time?Something that might help in the future is when you think something that may not be true, is to journal it and write out the thought process behind that. For example, thinking “he doesn’t actually like me, I should just end this now so I don’t get hurt”. Start breaking that down. “I feel he doesn’t like me because X”. Now why do you think that? “I feel he doesn’t like me because I talk too much.” Okay. Has he said or done anything to make you believe that? Like telling you to be quiet, or consta… | /r/askFDS | 01/07/21 12:20 AM |
| 52 | How to handle those moments in where you feel in 'HEAT' without making any bad decisions as HVW and avoid casual sex?My recommendation is exercise and a cold shower, like just exhausting yourself with a dance routine or cardio workout and a cold shower, and then maybe just putting on a show you love to relax with. Stand up comedy might help because you have to listen actively to get the jokes and enjoy it. Or something more low key could be reading, but if you struggle to concentrate it might not help. Either way, keep working on building positive associations in therapy. You should be proud of recognizing unh… | /r/askFDS | 30/06/21 10:51 PM |
| 12 | When you're in a relationship with a HVM, how often would you/do you want to have sex?That’s tricky then, I actually relate to this so much. I have struggled with intimacy with partners, but for me it came back to a lack of confidence and a lot of body insecurity. I loved giving (especially with women) but I hated receiving attention, so I never orgasmed with a partner. One thing I’ve seen mentioned again and again on FDS is that many women can only orgasm from PIV with a decently sized penis and partner who has stamina obviously to get her there. So oral may not do it for you! O… | /r/askFDS | 30/06/21 08:45 PM |
| 11 | When you're in a relationship with a HVM, how often would you/do you want to have sex?If you’ve always been kind of sex averse, have you considered you may be asexual? Have you ever had a partner that you desired regular sex? Or do you explore intimacy with yourself on a regular basis for pleasure (and not maintenance)? Lots can factor into how we explore our sex lives as humans. | /r/askFDS | 30/06/21 08:21 PM |
| 55 | When you're in a relationship with a HVM, how often would you/do you want to have sex?Libidos are different, they even change as we age or are dealing with external factors like children, jobs, stress, etc. and people aren’t always a perfect match with their partners either. That being said, the most important answer to this question is “as often or as little as you want”. What you and your partner want and agree to is what matters. A man should never make you feel guilty for not being in the mood, or not desiring sex. If you don’t want it for a consistent period (a difference fr… | /r/askFDS | 30/06/21 07:58 PM |
| 43 | Mainstream UK magazine casually glorifying age gap relationships...I barely remember the show, thank god. So many of those shows were problematic. I look back at How I Met Your Mother, Dawson’s Creek, even Gilmore Girls. Yikes! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/06/21 04:42 PM |
| 105 | Mainstream UK magazine casually glorifying age gap relationships...I was just thinking that! He looked pretty cute 20 years ago in Scrubs, if they were the same age then they would have made a super cute couple. Now it just looks like a girl with her dad… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/06/21 03:53 PM |
| 148 | They don’t listen, they just deflect, lie and make it all about them 🙄If women not giving men the time of day is making them throw down with other men, break out the boxing ring. 🤷♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/06/21 04:18 PM |
| 258 | Please share stories of some weirdly specific rules you set after *that* one guyNo men who neglect their pet. I didn’t know this was a boundary until I met a guy who didn’t clean his multi-cat litterbox once in the week I was there or walk his dog. He had the audacity to complain about the dog ripping up stuff in the house. It was a border collie, it was out of its mind bored! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/06/21 02:49 PM |
| 16 | (I work in retail) How do I build rapport with male customers without looking like I’m flirting?Sales is so tricky. If it’s not commission based, stick to your values and just keep it professional and friendly. The problem isn’t with you, it’s with entitled men. And don’t be afraid to lie, they won’t know the difference. Wear a wedding band, talk about your beautiful new baby, etc. Take on a maternal role as a sales woman (their mom trying to convince them to buy that new BBQ for the house). Now will it work? Not sure, but my mom was in sales for decades as a young mother and she was a gre… | /r/askFDS | 29/06/21 02:43 PM |
| 18 | Help with a weird coworker situationAvoid, be professional if you two cross paths again, that’s about it. Awkward can happen any time professionals have off the clock interactions! This guy took it to it’s own level. | /r/askFDS | 29/06/21 02:39 PM |
| 23 | I found an HVM!Having empathy and care for someone is a positive trait, but this doesn’t mean he is a HVM. Not everyone’s motives are selfless. Remember that consistency is the only true measure of high value, and you barely know this person. Tread lightly, and I hope things look up for you soon. | /r/askFDS | 29/06/21 06:44 AM |
| 21 | What age gap is appropriate?Personally I feel that the gap can widen as you age, within reason. A woman at 18 absolutely shouldn’t be looking at any guy over 20, because maturity levels can be strikingly different. A woman at 28 could be looking at men from 25 up to 35 or so, depending on their positions in life. I’ve seen men at 25 have their independence and their lives together and I’ve seen men at 35 still living with their parents and struggling with a career. Same goes for looks, a frumpy, overweight, unhygienic guy … | /r/askFDS | 28/06/21 09:09 PM |
| 39 | He double booked for meeting my friends for t he 1st timeI don’t blame you, but you should definitely let them know at a later date the real reason. Your standards are so important and your friends will see you upholding them and hopefully raise theirs too. It’s not an embarrassment for you, it’s embarrassing for him! | /r/askFDS | 28/06/21 02:43 PM |
| 146 | He double booked for meeting my friends for t he 1st timeHe knew well in advance about your plans, he chose not just one “thing” over you, but two, because he’s coming late and leaving early. I would be disappointed too, and personally I would probably not continue the relationship. There are very few acceptable excuses for blowing off plans made well in advance. At best he’s a bad planner, who can’t prioritize or turn down others. At worst he’s going to continue wasting your time and prioritizing others over you, leaving you to explain to everyone he… | /r/askFDS | 28/06/21 01:25 PM |
| 17 | Stay or leave my current BFThe believing his ex over you is a gigantic red flag. The other stuff you mentioned, being respectful, paying for dates, family and friends liking him.. that is the bare minimum. It doesn’t sound like he’s serious about you or truly trusts you. | /r/askFDS | 28/06/21 03:12 AM |
| 154 | FDS is not just about man bashing - it’s looking at your own pick me behaviour too.I think people often forget you can hold more than one party accountable for bad situations. You can hold an abusive NVM accountable and also recognize you overlooked flaws, didn’t trust your gut or instincts, or even got straight up bamboozled. It doesn’t mean you’re (insert negative trait) for those bad decisions. People only grow through learning. But once you become educated and still choose to give the benefit of the doubt to LVM men? Yeah, that’s as anti-FDS as you can get. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/06/21 09:23 PM |
| 106 | Need adviceYou don’t need advice, you already know the answer. He’s bread crumbing attention when it is convenient for him because you always reply. Block and delete. Stop giving him attention. You are better than this to waste your own time knowing the outcome. | /r/askFDS | 27/06/21 01:58 PM |
| 27 | Just because a guy appears to be altruistic, it doesn't mean he's a HVMVery true, some people use charitable positioning to get access to vulnerable people. Some donate money because it’s a strategic write off. Altruism is one of those things that is great to see, but not always for selfless reasons. Especially if it’s something they are bragging about. You see a lot of this online with certain creators. And it doesn’t mean there are always bad intentions, but it doesn’t mean you should blindly believe all of their intentions are good either. You need context and a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/06/21 01:55 PM |
| 50 | How to deal with the fear of rejection when flirting with men?I think this is one of those things that just takes practice. Men should be making the first moves generally, so flirting for women is more about making yourself look open and inviting, smiling, etc. I think books or articles on ‘good first impressions’ can be helpful because they discuss body language. One phrase that stuck with me from the recent podcast is that “rejection is just redirection”. You will never be every man’s type, so holding onto it isn’t helpful for anyone. It’s why you have t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/06/21 01:44 PM |
| 15 | I messed upDon’t beat yourself up over this. We all have moments where we think of, want to, or actually do contact an ex. Remember that it is not the end of the world. Yes, it very much is like reopening an old wound, but you know from experience that wound will heal. That you will be okay, and grow from that situation the same way you grew and learned so much from the past. I can’t recommend journaling enough, so that way you can hold onto that, and should the urge strike again in a few months you can lo… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/06/21 10:18 PM |
| 3 | Rad fem booksThey have some great titles so that’s the perfect place to start! | /r/askFDS | 25/06/21 06:49 PM |
| 5 | Rad fem booksHave you checked out the recommended reading list on FDS yet? The section on female empowerment may have some of what you’re looking for. | /r/askFDS | 25/06/21 06:44 PM |
| 53 | Antoni Porowski.He is so cute and handsome. I don’t even watch the show but when I see him cross my feed I stop to watch. 😍 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/06/21 06:06 PM |
| 48 | Apparently Reddit does not think that ADVOCATING CHILD MURDER violates their Terms of Service. This is from our "satire" sub (basically just a bunch of incels pretending to be us and saying outrageous shit to try and get us banned)Wow, besides the weird satire sub, another person created an entire subreddit because they were banned. There’s one post about their ban and their leap to an unsupported conclusion and the rest has nothing to do with FDS at all. Really shows how accurate their statement is. 🤦♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/06/21 07:13 PM |
| 220 | Planning to end things with LVM tomorrowAh, the classic devil’s advocate looking for his lifelong debate partner. He sounds kind of miserable to be around and I’m already tired for you. I can’t stand people who dismiss my feelings, opinions, and desires the second they learn them. You deserve someone who appreciates what you bring to the table, not someone looking to sweep it off so he can make more room for his things. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/06/21 12:12 AM |
| 305 | Don't worry if LVM treat the next person betterI think a lot of women also forget that an abuser puts his best foot forward in the beginning exactly so he can get close enough to begin that systematic abuse. Men learn how to become better abusers based on their experiences the same way we learn how to see abuse early on and avoid it in the future. Also unless you are inside the home of an ex and their new partner, you don’t know what psychological warfare may be occurring, you don’t know that he isn’t using sexual coercion to rape her every … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/06/21 11:04 PM |
| 38 | I need to vent but I also need adviceFair. Men are notorious for that. 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/06/21 09:07 PM |
| 55 | I need to vent but I also need adviceThat’s definitely one of those very thin lines to walk which is why it’s so scary. If I had been in that situation I probably would have simply told the guy oh thanks. I’m just waiting for a ride. And hoped he went away, and if he didn’t figured out something else. But yeah, standing up for yourself can be difficult because you never know a persons mental stability, intentions, or otherwise. I’m glad you’re safe though. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/06/21 08:53 PM |
| 259 | I need to vent but I also need adviceSituations like this are exactly why so many women are forced to “play nice” and “keep the peace”. Even simply ignoring a man with zero romantic intention is seen as a form of rejection and hurts their sad little egos. I can’t stand conflict, you are a much braver person than I would have been in that situation. Please stay safe. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/06/21 08:36 PM |
| 27 | Do I Contact His Ex?I think that advice is more towards women currently with an abuser or considering going back to the abuser, but you have been lucky enough to find FDS and are able to find that validation for the harm he caused from peers here instead of needing to stir up the past. I’m sure if she went through trauma she doesn’t want to relive it, and you are not in a position to need her help to convince yourself to leave, so it’s better for both of you to continue being strong, independent women who have grow… | /r/askFDS | 23/06/21 08:19 PM |
| 12 | Other toxic men in my lifeDepends on the relationship but there is a whole subreddit dedicated to being raised by narcissists that has amazing resources for breaking cycles and escaping abusive homes. If this is someone other than a parent, and they are not living with you, the best thing you can do is grey rock them if you can’t completely cut them off for some reason. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/06/21 06:17 PM |
| 110 | Do I Contact His Ex?No, don’t contact her. You don’t need to prove that this abusive man levied his abuse because he hates women, that is obvious. You don’t need to wonder if it was “just you” because it’s not. You will never find the kind of validation you are looking for, which is the question “why me?” Because it’s got nothing to do with you and everything to do with what a vile, abusive, manipulative, and garbage person he is. I highly recommend reading “Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft. That is the only … | /r/askFDS | 23/06/21 06:10 PM |
| 29 | Multi-Dating Call Out“We’re not exclusive, so of course I’m still dating, I thought you were too?” Unless you’ve accept exclusivity and had that conversation, what can they say? Obviously if you’re lying to them about dating other people that’s a different story, but that’s why being upfront if asked is best. If they don’t want you dating other people they can ask for exclusivity. | /r/askFDS | 23/06/21 05:54 PM |
| 36 | The Female Dating Strategy Podcast: EP. 16 - Walk Dates are For Dogs - (feat. Viral Tik Tok Star @Kokobeaute)“I’m not a stop along the way, I’m a destination!” Damn! Fantastic. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/06/21 02:46 PM |
| 180 | Beware of "men are programmed to cheat" and fake woke scrotes saying cool girls are "real women"The hilarious part is men could be polyamorous, they could seek out women willing to do that, but they can’t handle the woman also having other partners and options because it reveals their inadequacy, hurts their egos, and takes away their real prize, which is possession and control. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/06/21 02:21 AM |
| 30 | Don't take it personally if you get banned from FDS. We ban a lot of people, it's actually very common.This sub wouldn’t be what it is without the hefty load you guys take on, so thank you. Really, you are practicing what you preach. Being absolutely ruthless about vetting. And as you said, sometimes good folks get mixed up with the bad actors. I got banned for a week once, ages ago. I waited it out and came back without complaint. It almost is a right of passage for even the regular commenters and posters lol | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/06/21 05:35 AM |
| 41 | Are there FDS rules for OLD? I might have missed themThere isn't a step by step guide because every single person, on both sides, is an individual who will come to the table with different expectations, values, and qualities. I recommend starting with the FAQ's from the main subreddit (some of those answers lead to additional posts). There is also the Security PSA regarding internet usage in general. A post on common LVM tactics which many men employ online. Red flags in f-boys also. Also this post about the media a man consumes is helpful for gau… | /r/askFDS | 22/06/21 05:03 AM |
| 52 | Why is it that many men are more fun to have around as platonic friends than they would be as husbands or boyfriends?Performing Socially VS Comfortable Familiarity! It’s why vetting takes so long. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/06/21 11:21 PM |
| 28 | Romance Books for FDS?This is partially why I prefer gay romance novels. 😅 Het-romance as a genre is awful 99% of the time, so I understand exactly where you are coming from. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/06/21 07:08 PM |
| 6 | How to find the right therapy/therapist (UK)This looks like a good resource for you: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/talking-therapy-and-counselling/how-to-find-a-therapist/#PrivateTherapists And I know at least in the US you can also often search a doctor by name or address to find reviews. I typically pay close attention to the bad ones. If it’s stuff about billing or the cost those are usually because someone’s inability to pay and not about the doctors bedside manner. So you have to really see what kin… | /r/askFDS | 21/06/21 12:16 AM |
| 70 | HV man with communication issues?Remember that HV qualities do not make a man HV. Every user and abuser came to the table with their best foot forward, some are better manipulators than others. Most likely as the honeymoon period is wearing off you are starting to see the real him. This is a big part of why FDS pushes so heavily for waiting months for sex, to keep vetting, because men start to show their true colors the more comfortable they become. Consistency is the only true measure of HV. Personally it sounds like you two h… | /r/askFDS | 20/06/21 09:12 PM |
| 50 | Finally met my HVM 🥰Oh my god, I feel terrible, I thought it was a troll. 🤦♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/06/21 09:07 PM |
| 55 | Please tell me there are HVM, I’m autistic and after seeing so many negative posts lately I just need some reassurance that life isn’t black and white the way my brain defaults it as.If you haven’t checked out the podcast already there is a whole episode devoted to interviewing some neurodivergent FDSers that you would likely connect to. The world can be overwhelming sometimes but I’m proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone. There are good people out there, you just gotta prepare yourself as best you can for the not so good ones. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/06/21 04:34 AM |
| 44 | Hot take: Sex work is the best way to fight capitalism, because capitalism it’s more exploitative and damaging, or something.More and more sex work on OnlyFans is starting to sound like an MLM with a #bossbabe recruiting on social media. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/06/21 11:42 PM |
| 106 | I'm appalled by some of the comments on Jammies' latest post. If you want to participate here, you have to respect our community. If being expected to follow subreddit rules makes you "feel unwelcome", then leave.There is a huge difference between constructive criticism/good faith questions and some of the disrespectful, dramatic, alarmist, and soap boxy content I saw posted, and I can’t even imagine what didn’t make it through in the comments. If anyone shows a lack of respect for the community you have all built here they deserve to be removed. If they legitimately care about the community they can make a new account and come back, or wait out a temp ban. Just because you participate in this community … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/06/21 08:42 PM |
| 21 | When you are choosing a man you are also choosing a father for your daughter. Choose your husband wisely. Make sure to choose a father who isn't a pedophile and a rapist for your daughter.And people wonder why women don’t want to have children anymore… not only the number of socio economic issues, but their own fathers can be men like this. All it takes is one broken condom, one missed pill, or that 1% chance. If you aren’t willing to get an abortion, you need to protect your womb like your child’s innocence depends on it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/06/21 01:59 PM |
| 31 | Q: Any suggestions for a response when an out of town guy asks you to pick a restaurant?I think texting suggestions can be fine, because it puts the choice back in his hands, but this particular man was really off putting. I wouldn’t go out with him. But if you are dead set to give him a chance anyway, I personally would pick the most expensive restaurant in town (that I was willing to pay for myself in if needed). I’m sure you’ll see some choice red flags from him then that confirm what we are saying. Weird and pushy. Controlling. | /r/askFDS | 19/06/21 01:51 PM |
| 13 | (M) First date logistics questionTo answer your other question, most women would give you an address near their home but not their exact home. We often already do this even when we order our own rides. I choose a convenience store nearby, and go inside after I’m dropped off to ensure the driver leaves. | /r/askFDS | 19/06/21 01:47 PM |
| 8 | On how to analyze his relationship with his mom?Men who abuse women have varying relationships with their parents so it isn’t really something you can pinpoint as an ‘aha’ moment to explain their abusive natures. If they speak of their family with respect, regardless of whether it’s a good or bad relationship, that’s at least a positive sign, same with men who speak of exes. You can be critical of a relationship without being disrespectful, because if they are disrespectful with other relationships it’s only one or two bad moments before that… | /r/askFDS | 19/06/21 01:40 PM |
| 43 | How is he getting a little bit better every day?I often find that a huge factor in someone’s relationship to the world is driven by their outlook. Are they optimistic, realistic, pessimistic, or cynical? The first two are preferred. The last one is absolutely a no go from me. Cynicism is the worst quality to have, hands down. When you view the world as everyone being driven by self interest, your relationship to everyone becomes quantified by what they can do for you, and how little you can do for them, to maintain your power. And that’s why … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/06/21 07:34 PM |
| 32 | Ladies, I need advice on feeling more mature (22F)Your hesitancy could be partially due to the quality of men showing interest. When I was younger, I found it very easy to connect to and desire intimacy with people I had a good connection to, my gut wasn’t filled with anxiety. Butterflies because you find someone desirable are far different from anxieties and insecurity because the other person is confusing you. You can’t feel more mature until you are more mature, and maturity comes from multiple places. Most obviously, experience, but at this… | /r/askFDS | 18/06/21 04:30 PM |
| 31 | Unknowns causing anxietyAny man who says he doesn’t want to reveal his cards early gives me bad vibes. What cards is he even talking about? His long term goals? His hopes and dreams? Generally letting the man lead is the goal. You don’t want to twist his arm into commitment or exclusivity, he should be offering it easily and readily at an appropriate time. If it’s been a month and you’re still in situation-ship territory, it might be time to simply ask where he sees the relationship going. Anything wishy washy, I would… | /r/askFDS | 18/06/21 04:25 PM |
| 6 | Jacob ElordiGod damn, he is hot. He gives me some Dave Franco meets Christian Bale vibes and I am here for it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/06/21 04:19 PM |
| 8 | How to deal with my own self-destructive tendenciesYou are definitely allowing yourself to get too close too quickly, which is part of that self sabatogue. You are making yourself overly available. You should only be going on one or two dates a week in the early stages. He definitely shouldn’t have known your address within two weeks. I think it’s helpful to remind yourself about how many abusive men put their best foots forward in the early stages of a relationship. You truly know next to nothing about him. | /r/askFDS | 18/06/21 02:01 PM |
| 19 | How can I act natural around guys I have feelings for?Remind yourself he probably doesn’t wash his ass crack in the shower, or wash his hands after he takes a piss. Once you remind yourself how disgusting men can be it’s a lot easier to be objective. 🙃 | /r/askFDS | 18/06/21 01:43 PM |
| 19 | How to deal with my own self-destructive tendenciesThis sounds like an anxious attachment style. You need to know what he’s doing at every moment so you can be sure if he’s not talking to you or replying to you it’s for a “good reason” and not because he’s losing interest. This kind of obsessive thinking is partially why FDS pushes so heavily for multi-dating, seeing multiple men. You are far less likely to obsess over one when you have options. My advice? Stop dating until you get a hold on this, or start dating other men. They should be eager … | /r/askFDS | 18/06/21 01:41 PM |
| 58 | How do I explain to my little brother that his “standards “ for women are hella misogynistic?Not sure of their age, but having Internet access means you are going to be combating numerous months/years of social conditioning from other men and that can be a losing battle if not handled early enough, and not being enforced by his parents, teachers, and other authority figures. First, I think that the question isn’t about his standards, it’s about how he responds to people and how he should be showing respect to everyone. I have a feeling if a gay male hit on him, he’d probably be calling … | /r/askFDS | 18/06/21 05:24 AM |
| 63 | Is anyone else here a virgin who is disgusted by slutty guys?I was technically a virgin well into my 20’s. I say technically because I slept with women but apparently that doesn’t count. Anyway, I was always very clear with any man that I needed an up to date STI test, and condoms, and wow plenty of men suddenly vanished into thin air lol Many men want to get their dicks wet with as little work and responsibility as possible. It’s why waiting a few months and progressing through the stages of intimacy one at a time is far safer than just going all in a co… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/06/21 11:59 PM |
| 107 | Am I the only one who thinks that doesn't sound healthy? ...maybe I'm misunderstanding it?The synonyms for anxiety are worried, concerned, fearful, uneasy, disturbed, etc… Does that at all sound like what a healthy relationship should be consistent with? It makes me wonder how much of this statement is the writers projection based on experiences with low value partners. “It must be normal because I’m always feeling it!” A doctor would tell you just because you’re used to the chest pains doesn’t make those pains normal. They’d run some diagnostics and figure out what the hell is wrong… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/06/21 06:28 PM |
| 28 | I'm Dating a (so far) HVMSo happy to hear you are having a good experience so far. I remember your last post, and your cautious approach, and I think it has continued (and will continue) to serve you well in terms of vetting. Continue to vet, enjoy yourself and these experiences. We all want the best for you. Keep us updated in a few more months! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/06/21 06:03 PM |
| 11 | FDS isn't about giving the benefit of the doubt. It's about being smart women who don't get played.No, no, it was about a guy taking notes during a first date. So so weird. Like notebook and pen and everything, and he came prepared with ice breaker questions. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/06/21 05:58 PM |
| 41 | FDS isn't about giving the benefit of the doubt. It's about being smart women who don't get played.Yeah, I had to mull that post over because as someone genuinely forgetful, I have never once taken notes during a conversation unless it was at work. I’m just honest with people that I have a bad memory. That whole situation sounded weird as fuck. We all have to remember that even if someone has the “best intentions” with their behavior, it’s actions that speak to their character. Every weird, creepy, and entitled man thinks he had the best intentions when he is called out. Best intentions is ho… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/06/21 02:09 PM |
| 194 | What are your favorite quotes from Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That?”It’s hard to pinpoint one quote but this one reminds me that the vast majority of men who join anti-FDS groups are the emotionally abusive men he speaks of. “The abusive man’s goal in a heated argument is in essence to get you to stop thinking for yourself and to silence you, because to him your opinions and complaints are obstacles to the imposition of his will as well as an affront to his sense of entitlement.” FDS is in opposition to the will of men, and are battling male entitlement, which i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/06/21 01:47 PM |
| 297 | Say It Louder For All The LVMs/NVMs & Scotes In The Back 🗣Same for only respecting women you have a personal connection to, like mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. It’s how many abusive men keep familial women on their side. You have to look at everything when vetting, how they behave towards strangers, to unattractive women, to their coworkers or management, etc. It all paints a picture of the man as a whole. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/06/21 02:00 AM |
| 40 | REMINDER: FDS is NOT WGTOW/OVARIT/FEMCEL etc, We're a Dating Strategy....So You Should, Ya'Know, DATE.Which is understandable, but I think that when you frame it that dating men is, and has to be, the way to reframe the culture you leave behind lesbians, you leave behind folks whose religious beliefs do not allow for multi dating, or countries where it is incredibly dangerous to your social image to do so, and you leave behind the biggest caveat - that there is a huge male population that needs to be cut off from commodifying female energy, those being fathers, brothers, male “friends”, male col… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/06/21 12:17 AM |
| 27 | How to Navigate Friendship with a Man?It’s very rare for men who are attracted to women to be just friends with them. There is often an undercurrent there. But you are aware of this, and if you continue to operate with that in mind, it’s really up to you what to do next. Nobody here is going to tell you what to do, but you understand FDS heavily opposes male and female friendships for many reasons. I would advise, do not share personal information, do not share where you work, do not give out your address or socials, do not provide … | /r/askFDS | 16/06/21 04:34 PM |
| 236 | REMINDER: FDS is NOT WGTOW/OVARIT/FEMCEL etc, We're a Dating Strategy....So You Should, Ya'Know, DATE.Absolutely agree with this. Even the podcast itself has evolved past simply dating strategies. And while I understand the initial premise of this subreddit, it’s very clearly grown beyond it’s roots. I don’t think there is a single woman here who doesn’t wish and hope for a HV partner, but “play the game” implies we are supposed to be actively doing something, while in the same breath we are being told to work on ourselves, be ruthless with male attention, and live our best lives without the des… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/06/21 03:33 PM |
| 12 | I found some social events and meetups to do in a nearby city, but I feel scared AND not good enough / too much of a hot mess to attend? should I stay focused on myself or seek friends again?Everyone will be able to tell you are uncomfortable, unhappy, and anxious if you go to that bar meetup. You can’t make real friendships if you’re unsure you can put your best foot forward. Maybe take some more time to research in your area for events, you sound like you might be interested in the classes but you are talking yourself out of it. Also consider volunteering, you could check local animal shelters, check for trash cleanup, look into soup kitchens or fundraiser events. Volunteering you… | /r/askFDS | 16/06/21 05:56 AM |
| 52 | Misandry doesn't exist. Credit: shethepeopletv on InstagramAny time a class of people in power has their power questioned they cry wolf about the treatment. Same happens with race. Systematic oppression is not the same as individual hardship. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/21 10:23 PM |
| 130 | Has anyone else had this pop up on their Instagram feed being promoted by influencers? I don't even really know what to say. It appears to be a new dating app with a "bedroom feature" where you select your preferences.Notice every icon with a visible face is female except the erotic humiliation one. You can see exactly who the audience is, who this app is for. What if I want my man to dress up? To pull his hair? Put him in some dog ears? Nah, this is all about the male gaze, as usual. 🙄 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/21 08:10 PM |
| 118 | Don’t think your boyfriend is HV just because he has green flagsYep, this is why I constantly remind women on AskFDS that high value traits and green flags don’t make someone a HV person. Even murderers have done volunteer work at soup kitchens. High Value is about consistency, it’s a total mindset shift, it’s making the choices that align with the right values. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/21 06:07 PM |
| 12 | Why do you think some women are attracted to felons? I know they are pickmes, but I want to understand... why.There is a whole article on this on Wikipedia: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hybristophilia Unfortunately I think another big part of this comes down to the notoriety the news gives these people as well. Nobody would obsess over them if they didn’t know who they were, but there is infamy at play also. I think part of why we don’t see this same obsession from men towards female prisoners is men demand physical touch to build connection, whereas many women can get by with emotional intimacy to b… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/21 04:32 PM |
| 190 | I am so sick of hearing how men don't care about heightI hated being 5’10” growing up, I wanted to be dainty and small so desperately. Now I’m grateful I was somewhat intimidating and didn’t even know it. Probably saved myself some trauma. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/21 06:24 AM |
| 376 | Why Do So Many Men Kill Their Pregnant Partners?Only those men know, but if red pill logic is any indicator, they fear the X years of child support and potential alimony when they inevitably fail the relationship they never cared about in the first place. To them women are just flesh lights and now suddenly they have to face the reality of responsibility, humanization, and expectations from others. Their pea size brains can’t handle it and their worst violence possible comes unhinged from what little emotions they had. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/21 06:22 AM |
| 235 | She’s 19 and pregnant by a 28 y/o 🤡 The age gap strikes again! 🤢🤢🤢Her parents know this man is low value, they see what she’s currently blind to because of her rose colored glasses. They didn’t just say she was young (which would be understandable), they suggested divorce. They would literally rather see her as a single mother than with this man. How fucking telling. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/21 06:12 AM |
| 61 | Advice on broaching trauma with menYou can tell someone at a later date that you have a bad relationship with your father without telling them why. If they ask, tell them you’re not comfortable talking about it to anyone except your therapist. They will either respect this or not. For those initial questions, just say “Oh, my dad isn’t involved in my life, so I don’t want to talk about him. My mom is a InsertCareer though, she’s amazing.” And launch into all the ways your mom has brought love and positivity to your life. They don… | /r/askFDS | 15/06/21 06:07 AM |
| 12 | ladies,how would you expect your father to react when you damage the car a little?Emotionally abusive language and name calling isn’t appropriate for any relationship. If your father is disrespectful, derogatory, insulting you, etc, all of that is abuse. I’m sure this isn’t the first time he’s shown this kind of behavior toward you. | /r/askFDS | 15/06/21 06:00 AM |
| 5 | Enforcing Boundaries and Handling ConflictI am very conflict avoidant, so I totally understand this. Unfortunately there’s no easy way. If enforcing boundaries was simple, and nobody got disappointed, hurt, or upset, we’d all be experts at it. The main thing to internalize is that even if you disappoint another person, if they genuinely care about you and respect you, it will be a non issue. If they don’t respect you, their opinions don’t matter anyway! It really comes down to your values. Valuing self care, comfort, safety, mental heal… | /r/askFDS | 15/06/21 05:57 AM |
| 109 | This is how the other side talks about us and expect us to accept itMakes sense why he’s divorced. 🤷♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/06/21 08:03 PM |
| 486 | Sat folding my underwear & getting upset.I used to be self conscious about my underwear, not sexy enough, too big, too many “granny panties”, but one day I realized I don’t care about the opinion of a man that isn’t going to even see them, and I replaced all of them with 24 pairs of the most comfortable high waisted black cotton undies. Men can’t even style themselves, they don’t get an opinion on my panties! 😅 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/06/21 07:54 PM |
| 20 | Is it common for men on OLD to act like this?I think you can really get anything, men who message with garbage first, men who match and never get around to contacting you, it’s a mixed bag. Some apps are better or worse than others on the messaging rates. Some apps are terrible with sending notifications. That’s why I say 24 hours is more than enough time for someone actively seeking to date to check their matches. No message after that is someone just collecting matches for their ego probably. | /r/askFDS | 14/06/21 06:23 PM |
| 83 | Is it common for men on OLD to act like this?Yes it is common, there are a ton of tropes about male dating profiles and this fits along with the fishing photo, dressed up photo, dog or nephew photo, etc. Trying to seem adventurous and exciting, etc. FDS is against OLD for a variety of reasons, mainly that the majority of men using the app are LV and you will be forced to sift through a variety of time wasters, narcissist, abusers, etc. all while exposing your photos and taking on the mental load of entertaining men. I don’t recommend it, b… | /r/askFDS | 14/06/21 05:52 PM |
| 19 | Book recommendations?Since Lundy was already recommended, I might suggest All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks. You can read the synopsis on Wikipedia and find a free pdf if you search the title and “pdf” on Google. I really like how it talks about the hopefulness of love, building love outside romantic love. I haven’t reread it with my new FDS lens, but it meant a lot to me a few years back. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/06/21 04:18 PM |
| 8 | I want to delete every single message I've ever sent my ex on IG... so do I do it?There’s no way to delete them all at once, not even with a third party app. Don’t waste your precious time doing it individually, it’s not worth it. Just keep him blocked, private your IG to only followers, and do your best to stop allowing him to live rent free in your mind. Anger and disgust are valid, but it’s over now. You are as safe as you can be from his emotional abuse and it’s time to find peace and healing. | /r/askFDS | 14/06/21 06:16 AM |
| 852 | Say it louder for the people in the back!!When I see a random beautiful woman wearing something revealing, yes, I do take a look, and then I move on. I don’t get distracted, I don’t ogle or linger my gaze, I don’t catcall her, I don’t invade her space. She doesn’t exist for me. I just take a moment to admire her beauty and I move on with my life. I wish men had the same respect. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/06/21 05:11 PM |
| 38 | Is my friend a pick me or going through a midlife crisis?It’s probably a mix of both. Her husband was such a huge portion of her life and she’s likely still reeling from the betrayal, the insecurity, and is in pain. She may be finding validation in the dates she can’t get elsewhere, or be struggling with loneliness and fearing she may end up alone. All of that are valid fears. The other commenter said it best, you can ask her to stop discussing it with you. And maybe in a way of support you can share some literature and media with her about self love,… | /r/askFDS | 12/06/21 10:05 PM |
| 6 | What does my married sister do in this situation with her husband?She can find out exactly what kind of man she married by simply asking him to stop. “The amount of attention your are giving Contestant Name is making me really uncomfortable. I want to skip the rest of this season and move on to a different TV show we can both enjoy.” The only HV response would be readily and willingly doing so, to ensure his wife is comfortable. Possibly with discussion, an apology, and/or reassurance mixed in. No excuses, no derailing, no telling her she’s being silly, none o… | /r/askFDS | 12/06/21 03:26 PM |
| 5 | Validation vs loveWe all crave attention from people we love, but equally we want to give affection, attention, romance, and show interest toward those we care for. If you only want, and don’t care to give, it may be more about needing validation than wanting a partnership. When I was in love with this girl many years ago, I wanted to make her happy. I wanted to listen to her talk. I wanted to make her feel good in bed. But love can also bleed into obsession, where you compromise yourself and your boundaries for … | /r/askFDS | 11/06/21 09:43 PM |
| 51 | My ex from two years ago's friend I never met made an IG account parodying mine. WTF!The best thing to do is to completely lock down your social media and create entirely new handles you only give to trusted friends. Make everything private. Everything. You can’t change what’s already available because it’s likely been saved if they are really that obsessed, but you can stop giving them access to you. I know this isn’t the solution you want, but it’s the best one to keep you safe. Also report these accounts to the websites, though there is no guarantee this will resolve anything… | /r/askFDS | 11/06/21 09:26 PM |
| 143 | The Double Exploitation of Deepfake Porn. So now they’re customizing their violent Porn with anyone’s face. 😐Deepfakes of any kind are honestly one of the most terrifying new technologies to exist. They can be used for a number of exploitive purposes and it’s a huge reason it’s extremely difficult to trust things online. Just another reason to be wary of your face and image being shared online, and why we’re seeing a rise in faceless content creators like VTubers. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/06/21 06:11 PM |
| 167 | Don't waste your time and energy on FDS crosspost subs💯 The reason people post these things isn’t with the purpose of constructive criticism, or discourse, it is for the sake of mockery. They want attention. Any response, positive or negative, is providing validation to them, and vacuuming up precious mental and emotional energy of your own for their benefit. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/06/21 06:07 PM |
| 34 | Posted this on FDS earlier - It was suggested I could post it hereCongrats on beginning your own leveling up journey as a man. Hopefully you continue to find success in rewiring your thought processes around intimacy, and that you can reconnect to your essential self and become the best version of yourself possible. | /r/askFDS | 11/06/21 05:52 PM |
| 369 | Remember the Chris Watts family murder? There is a subreddit dedicated to blaming the wife and people who wish they could have murdered her too. 137 women are murdered everyday by their partner. Be safe ladies, these men are everywhere.The creepiest part of this is the obsession with the dead and also murdered children under the guise of protection. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/06/21 02:51 PM |
| 70 | Lundy Bancroft's book "Why does he do that" is an eye opener.I believe this is a book every woman should read at least once, even if you think you haven’t had an abusive person in your own life. There is so much amazing information about what to look out for, what kind of patterned thinking occurs in the abusers mind, and it has helped me immensely to be subjective looking at others and their relationships. Many of us like to rag on celebrity drama, or find ourselves side eyeing neighbors, all with these niggling feelings of something being off and it tru… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/06/21 02:34 PM |
| 7 | Is it a good idea to ask a guy I have an unrequited crush on to set me up with other guys he know?You first need to recognize this is not a HV male. HV partners show themselves through consistency in a relationship while dating. At best he’s a positive neutral. You barely know him, you are also biased by your attraction to him. You need to work on yourself, look for groups with mixed genders that explore hobbies and interests you enjoy, and put yourself out there to attract men to you. While you can ask your friends about set ups, you are again skipping vital vetting steps and putting unnece… | /r/askFDS | 10/06/21 06:18 PM |
| 13 | Is it a good idea to ask a guy I have an unrequited crush on to set me up with other guys he know?Yes, because you shouldn’t be friends with men, and men look out for male interests, not female interests. I can only see this being high risk, low reward. If you reject a man based on behavior, tone, etc, who do you think your guy “friend” will side with? His bro, of course. | /r/askFDS | 10/06/21 06:00 PM |
| 19 | LVM with HV qualitiesYou are dating a man who can’t manage the bare minimum of hygiene care. Even at my worst and most depressed moments, I make effort for people I care for, even if I do not make effort for myself. How much worse do you think it’s going to get as he gets more comfortable? You are literally seeing the best, honeymoon version of this man. He is not HV, and he has no excuse. HV “traits” don’t exist. A man either is HV, and shows consistent (from the beginning) positive behaviors that add up to showing… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/06/21 05:54 PM |
| 26 | Is it a good idea to ask a guy I have an unrequited crush on to set me up with other guys he know?No. This man doesn’t know you or your interests. A man hearing “hook me up with your friends” will not be thinking you are looking for your future husband. They are thinking, hmm which one of my friends will probably want to fuck this girl. Stop talking to him, start looking for new places to meet like-minded people, and distance yourself emotionally. You do not want a crush anywhere near you or in your peripheral vision if you can help it, it only hurts your progress. | /r/askFDS | 10/06/21 05:48 PM |
| 22 | How to get over the guilt of being groomed by an older guyI highly recommend Why Does He Do That, and then to read other stories from women also groomed by older men. You’ll begin to realize your level of intelligence had nothing to do with it. He was preying on you, and using tactics, manipulation, gaslighting, and anything else that would confuse you and convince you that what was happening was normal. You are not stupid or foolish or unworthy of love, you are a victim of a vile man who took advantage of your good heart and nature. I’m so heartbroken… | /r/askFDS | 10/06/21 01:46 PM |
| 24 | No advice needed just support…I’m so sorry this happened. Most likely she will have the same outcome as you, because men who manipulate and gaslight women don’t stop after one partner. It’s a pattern of control. I highly doubt there’s anything particularly special about her except she is available to him and willing to play the role. The validation that you weren’t imagining the concerns is something to hold onto. It’s going to be hard, and it’s going to take a long time to heal, not just because of the time but the shared f… | /r/askFDS | 10/06/21 06:32 AM |
| 5 | How soon to meet a guy in person?You’re spot on. When they refuse to continue the conversation before a meeting they are placing their potential attraction to your physical body over their attraction to your mind. They can’t fathom being attracted to your personality or putting in effort until they know your physical attractiveness meets their standards. | /r/askFDS | 10/06/21 06:25 AM |
| 35 | if he wanted to he would ;)Yikes! Yeah, I just looked it up and read up a bit. https://www.nickiswift.com/265106/what-happened-to-carrington-and-laurel-after-love-island-usa/ Oh well, just goes to show a single image/Tik Tok/post does not tell the whole story of someone or their relationship, which is why you should never glamorize someone’s curated content. He’s still got that body though, I’ll give him that. 😅 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/06/21 09:13 PM |
| 36 | Need support. Going through a breakup and having a hard time taking care of myself.First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. Your feelings are valid and it is okay and normal to be upset and hurting. In situations like this I recommend journaling so highly. Write an email to yourself or write in a physical journal, pour your heart out and cry as deeply as you need to. Talk about the highs, the lows, the conversations that brought you here, your best moments and worst moments. Reflection can really deepen an internal understanding of what you are feeling. If you… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/06/21 08:15 PM |
| 20 | How to weed men out on a dating site, especially if you've had a lot of bad relationships? Me (28F)I’m super happy you found us. Looking at your profile, this is just advice, I would tell you to consider not dating for a few months at least. You just came out of a recent break up which is one of the most vulnerable times for a woman. Men take advantage of that constantly, your insecurity has taken a hit and they prey on that. Use these coming months to reevaluate the ways you can improve and level yourself up to a version of a HVW (High Value Woman) that resonates with you, becoming your best… | /r/askFDS | 09/06/21 07:59 PM |
| 37 | How to weed men out on a dating site, especially if you've had a lot of bad relationships? Me (28F)FDS heavily advises against OLD, because the quality and abundance of LVM is a severe waste of time. If you would like to continue to use these apps, you need to set specific standards for yourself and stick to them. For example, unmatching a man who brings up sex before any kind of dates have happened, such as asking your favorite positions or your history. Another example would be men using cookie cutter pick up lines that have nothing to do with your profile, basically insinuating they didn’t… | /r/askFDS | 09/06/21 07:50 PM |
| 42 | if he wanted to he would ;)I was enamored but his caring, and then BAM, that body. This is Fine AF Friday material. 😍 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/06/21 05:17 PM |
| 35 | This is Lilith from the FDS Podcast. I'm deleting my Reddit account because I'm tired of misogyny and harassment on Reddit.I love your content and appreciate everything you’ve done to build FDS! Please continue to take care of yourself, your mental health is of vital importance. You don’t deserve any of the harassment, but we all know it really means you’re doing something right. Time to preserve that mental energy for growth and engagement on platforms that take harassment more seriously. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/06/21 05:15 PM |
| 28 | How soon to meet a guy in person?It’s okay for him to ask you out early, but the conversation needs to continue between now and the date which should be a few days out. You don’t want to be overly available, and you want to continue to vet. You absolutely should Facetime first for a pre date interview. Meeting a male after just a couple messages is usually because he wants to scope you out ASAP and make sure you look like your pictures, he needs to see if you have “chemistry”. A pre date interview can help you both not waste ad… | /r/askFDS | 09/06/21 05:06 PM |
| 15 | Cant communicate with boyfriendI understand how difficult it can be to let go of what little stability you have, and that familiarity and affection, especially when you are dealing with struggles at home, but I can guarantee the long term ramifications of staying with a boy this toxic is going to be much more harmful than being alone. Please take care of yourself, please focus on school and building successful habits in your education, please take time to recognize that your path to success in life does not rely on other peop… | /r/askFDS | 09/06/21 03:57 PM |
| 44 | Yes! I always felt that people gave too much shit to Miranda and none to LVM Nate 🙄He is so adorable. 10/10 would kidnap again. 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/06/21 03:29 PM |
| 13 | Tips on safely exploring sexuality post-FDSI think you may find this article really fascinating: https://brittlepaper.com/2021/05/the-art-of-making-love-to-yourself-sulaiman-addonia-essay/ Making love to yourself, building intimacy with oneself, is almost an act of rebellion. There’s no wrong way to do it if you are truly connected and enjoying it. | /r/askFDS | 09/06/21 05:19 AM |
| 290 | Husband eats all of the food in the house leaving his wife and children hungry. Gets mad at wife for not giving him more food when she replaces what he ate that night.This guy needs to be checked for tape worms. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/06/21 10:18 PM |
| 49 | How can I handle liking to look good versus utter disgust at being catcalled?You ignore the cat calling. I wear baggy sweaters, a work uniform, and I still get cat called. I still get men pulling into the parking lot of my job to talk to me while I wait for a ride. It doesn’t matter how you look, men are entitled to women’s time in their own minds. All you can do is lower the harassment, but not stop it, so your own happiness should come first. Look cute, enjoy yourself, stay as safe as you can, hang out with the girls or mixed groups if you are worried about wearing cut… | /r/askFDS | 08/06/21 08:33 PM |
| 4 | New concept: "Honorary Scrote", which refers to Pickme women who pander to men by attempting to emulate toxic masculinity. Having a vagina does not automatically entitle you to participate in FDS. You actually have to respect our community and our rules, too.If you can’t explain how your viewpoint benefits the majority of all women (all races, ages, income levels, etc) and not the minority of females who pander for male attention and validation, or who benefit from the patriarchy, you deserve to be conflated with a Scrote. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/06/21 06:33 PM |
| 706 | I have no wordsThis is abuse. Plain and simple. If a man posted that his girlfriend hid his gaming controllers because he hasn’t gone down on her in months the comments would be telling him to break up with her. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/06/21 06:29 PM |
| 29 | They just have to take a jab at feminismI love how they attribute the most ridiculous things to being “alpha male”. Where are the men protecting children from their pedophilic brethren? From exploitation and psychological damage? From domestic abuse? Miss me with that “protection” shit if it only comes up when you can get cheered by a crowd around you. Real “alpha men” protect the vulnerable in silence, without reward. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/06/21 06:14 PM |
| 130 | But you came like 3 times right?!??Yep, it’s just masturbating with more steps. Dump the man, get some fresh batteries, and skip the extra steps. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/06/21 06:10 PM |
| 22 | Men that call you “negative”…is this a tactic?Yep, he was blatantly claiming your valid criticism was negativity or pessimism, when that is clearly not the case. Men do anything they can to deflect away from their inadequacy. | /r/askFDS | 08/06/21 06:09 PM |
| 248 | But you came like 3 times right?!??Let me ask the internet instead of my girlfriend what she meant. This poor man needs his head pats. Edit: I just read all of his comments and he goes back and forth with wanting to dump her because she hurt his feelings. 🥺 But the kicker is, he said she has to stimulate herself manually. If he’s dragging out sex for his own pleasure or some kind of ego boost and she’s getting tired, because she has to give herself the orgasm, of course she misses her vibrator. And apparently she didn’t apologize… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/06/21 05:57 PM |
| 61 | Men that call you “negative”…is this a tactic?Of course. I mean, there can be women with negative attitudes, but often what men mean when they say this to women is that the negativity is being directed to them or the universe in a way that is punishing, humiliating, or hurting the male ego, or generally displays a disparaging world view their brains don’t comprehend as they live as men in a world where men control most commodities, therefore they benefit the most. For example if I say it’s hard dating men, and a man calls me negative, he ha… | /r/askFDS | 08/06/21 05:52 PM |
| 302 | Remember, abuse starts slowly and grows.Yep! Lundy discusses this in Why Does He Do That. Abusive men don’t show their true colors on day one. You wouldn’t give a man the time of day if he came to a date belligerent drunk or called you a slut for wearing a low neckline. Abusive men are seemingly normal until they aren’t, and it’s exactly why you have to be ruthless with the first few months of dating and cut a man off completely at any signs of disrespect. Men do not change and become better people because of women, and the easier you… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/06/21 04:55 PM |
| 161 | I don’t know what YouTube is, I am a MAN though so please praise me for intending to look after my daughters.Also he’s basically asking for the Internet’s permission to ask women to practice on them! Or for female volunteers? He wants to make effort, but not enough to buy a hairdressing mannequin and just put it in a fucking box if it creeps him out. 🙄 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/06/21 02:40 PM |
| 35 | Men are invading my business pages online for hitting on me, and keep hitting on me/gawking when I run errands. I need some support, am I handling it right?Ignore the men hitting on you in public. I recommend wearing headphones and a mask. If someone approaches you just give them a wide space, pretend to read a label, and don’t even see them. If they still try to talk to you, pull out a headphone and be like “Can I help you?” And if it’s to holler at you, just say you’re not interested and put the headphone back in. Most men should get the hint. If they don’t, just straight up tell then they’re making you uncomfortable and head to the front where c… | /r/askFDS | 08/06/21 02:31 PM |
| 37 | Fapdiddler (noun)This needs to be added to Urban Dictionary immediately, this is gold. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/06/21 05:57 AM |
| 29 | My ex from 2 years ago requested to follow me on Instagram out of the blue. Do I accept and embarrass him if he reaches out or just not do anything?Block him. Not just because it’s the best thing to do mentally, and emotionally, as a stable person who has moved on, but also think about the worst case scenarios? He starts saving your pictures, he starts tracking your hangout spots based on photos you post, he figures out who you are following that you are close to and starts contacting them. It’s just not worth it, and people who have an appropriate amount of self worth, love, and kindness in their life do not seek to embarrass others. Whate… | /r/askFDS | 08/06/21 05:52 AM |
| 97 | UPDATE: I got a job! (From: "I'm an escort and camgirl. The FDS Podcast made me realize I need to quit")I’m really proud of you. Whatever comes in the future, you have your eyes set on independence, success, growth, and self-kindness, and only good things can come from that. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/06/21 10:52 PM |
| 33 | Can men ever truly be friends with you?Short answer: NO Long answer: It depends on a lot of factors, on life circumstances, on that person’s history and mental stability, on their general sense of courtesy and respect, etc ad nauseam. Basically, there’s so much that factors into whether it will be a healthy, respectful, and fulfilling friendship that at end of the day, it’s very low reward and high risk to even try. Generally most men view women as a thing to conquest, consume, or control, and it’s a losing situation. For safety and … | /r/askFDS | 07/06/21 10:47 PM |
| 28 | I can’t focus on work after ex contacted me. How do you stay focus?All men have is the audacity. Today at work might be a bust, but tonight take some time to write and journal and get your feelings out of your head. You’ll see that he was desperate for attention, he was hoping he could rope you into wasting more of your time, and you successfully disengaged and blocked. You are strong and intelligent and you will not let a low value man continue to take up valuable brain space. Laugh at his audacity, laugh at his desperation and pathetic attempts to engage you,… | /r/askFDS | 07/06/21 05:47 PM |
| 23 | A friendly reminder on flairs.Thank you to all the mods!!! And thank you to the regular posters and commenters who help engagement with this community in such a big way. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/06/21 07:30 PM |
| 11 | Not sure what's going on here but I'm here for it! 🔥Turns up the radio... Shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/06/21 06:43 PM |
| 21 | Am I lesbian or do I just hate men?I actually have struggled with this idea myself a bit, and come to the conclusion that the label Queer is the best one that fits me. I am definitely attracted to good looking cis-men, but I am extremely wary of their personalities which forces me to be more objective. I am also attracted to some well known trans men (Jammi Dodger on Youtube) and trans women (Samantha Lux on Youtube), attracted to cis-women, and attracted to non-binary folks. I find that labels are really limiting. So while nobod… | /r/askFDS | 04/06/21 05:42 PM |
| 12 | Why are men OK with living in squalorIf they’re anything like my brother, the truth is they just don’t care and if they do care, the care doesn’t override their desire to be lazy. What you mean when you say sensory creatures if often different between male and female biology. There was even a small study regarding different tastes in art between the sexes: https://www.hcplive.com/view/gender-and-art-appreciationsex-makes-a-difference Women value creativity and art on a different plane. I often notice most men do not enjoy art or hi… | /r/askFDS | 04/06/21 04:26 PM |
| 27 | Brendan Fraser from George of the Jungle 😍He was one of my dream boat crushes back in the day! I’m happy to know he’s getting more work now after the devastating troubles he had back then. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/06/21 03:19 PM |
| 11 | I liked a mini celebrity, he is now hitting on me and it's actually uncomfortable (not sure why)With anyone with fame, there is a power dynamic. If he’s talking to you this way he’s likely doing it to any beautiful woman that crosses his path. Men with talent consistently groom, take advantage of, and exploit their numerous options in female followers. Do not engage with him any further for the sake of your mental health. | /r/askFDS | 04/06/21 12:48 PM |
| 30 | Once you’re officially bf/gf, how often should you see each other ? How often should sleepovers happen?It’s whatever you are most comfortable with, with consideration for time and space so you are not obsessing over each other or smothering each other. I think you posted about this concern before and based on your boyfriends unique schedule (weeks on and weeks off) it was important to ensure you guys are having adequate time together but that he isn’t forgoing his responsibilities, his family, or friends. And when you are sleeping over you are not acting as his wife (doing chores, his laundry, co… | /r/askFDS | 04/06/21 12:34 AM |
| 94 | Leaving the narcissistReal humiliation is staying with him when you have a place to go, and a safe space for your children. Strength is going. Protecting your children is going. Please leave him. Yes, it will be hard and exhausting, but so worth it once you settle in with your family and finally have some peace. | /r/askFDS | 03/06/21 10:50 PM |
| 21 | Here’s a good vetting technique in the early hours of textingNope, not worth it, you are right! It’s really telling when someone feels so exceptionally entitled to your time. If you’re not paying me, I don’t need to clock in. I have friends I’ve known for years and talk to almost every single day. Almost. There have been a few times where we didn’t message all day or even 2 days in a row, and we don’t freak out and create drama where there is none. We literally just go omg can’t believe we didn’t talk all day! Anyway (back to normal conversation). You kno… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/21 10:27 PM |
| 38 | I have doubts…At the US minimum wage that’s $41, and a man still has the audacity to go 50/50 or offer a coffee date. My time is worth more than your budget, sir. Bye. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/21 08:25 PM |
| 286 | She kicked him out of her house mid stroke lol. Don't let them use you as a fleshlight.”Damn, I just never had nobody treat me like that.” “I ain’t never had no dick like that, so I guess that makes us even, bye.” Fucking dead, what a Queen to aspire to. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/21 07:21 PM |
| 57 | I have a name. It’s not “sweetie”.Exactly. You know he’s not calling the men who show up his version of pet names. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/21 07:14 PM |
| 84 | I have doubts…I also think what he considers effort is not the same as what the women would consider effort. Setting aside time out of her day, showering, dressing up, doing her hair, putting on makeup, nails, shaving, arranging a babysitter, the emotional labor on the date itself, the emotional labor of pre date and post date conversation... like, yes, to a degree a man will do some of these same things, but the woman has way more expectations. The vast majority of men have no sense of style or fashion and l… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/21 07:12 PM |
| 93 | Here’s a good vetting technique in the early hours of textingYep. A normal, stable person, does not jump to the worst possible conclusions after 24 hours no contact. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/21 07:04 PM |
| 163 | I have a name. It’s not “sweetie”.How disturbing of the hygienist. There was definitely an undertone of authority and degradation in that. How hard is it to just be professional and respectful? The dentist could have simply apologized and it would have been a non issue, but that comment layered an incredible amount of nastiness from the hygienist. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/21 07:02 PM |
| 91 | bought myself a ring as a promise to myself to always value myself, and to stay away from men who don’t!Okay, but can we talk about how CUTE your nails are? That yellow is stunning. Gel or acrylic? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/21 06:59 PM |
| 59 | A scrote larping as a woman recorded me via Skype and threatened with revenge pornOther commenter made great points, just wanted to pop in and share this resource in case you do find something later: https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/what-do-if-youre-target-revenge-porn | /r/askFDS | 03/06/21 07:33 AM |
| 9 | Any other Podcast junkies out there?Where are you listening? The bonus content is interesting, and I love knowing I am supporting a team of community managers and content creators that I believe in. I look at it as an investment in FDS’s future because their message of radical self care for women needs to be shared and encouraged in every generation. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/06/21 10:11 PM |
| 29 | Any other Podcast junkies out there?Got this on my Spotify #OnlyYou reel and just wanted to share. I absolutely love the podcast and the hosts and am a Patreon donator. I don’t think there’s ever been a podcast or woman’s space that is unapologetically female first. Thank you to all of the hosts for your hard work! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/06/21 09:51 PM |
| 501 | TIL: The Left Hates Women Having Reproductive Choice with Their Whole Being. Their new tactic is to smear Sexual Selection as “TERF and Nazi propaganda” with doctored screenshots. Did You Know Not Having Sex With Men You Don’t Want To is Eugenics?Until our country provides legitimate support for mothers of divergent or disabled children why wouldn’t you try to seek out all avenues to avoid bringing a child into this world who will continue to struggle and not receive adequate support? Parents know that access for disabled folks suffers, parents know that their divergent children get ostracized and the teachers do not have adequate resources to follow through with IEPs. Again and again families are let down. Folks with spinal muscular atr… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/06/21 05:26 PM |
| 74 | Guy stopped talking to me in the talking stage after I told him I'm seeing multiple menIt’s okay to be bummed out, people get upset all the time over lost opportunities, over broken hearts from bad partners, it’s normal to be disappointed about any form of rejection because as people we do crave acceptance and validation. Acknowledge it’s okay to be sad you were rejected and process that, and then be thankful the trash took itself out. Take this lesson for next time, not to give second chances to someone who clearly doesn’t respect your boundaries. | /r/askFDS | 02/06/21 02:41 PM |
| 33 | Question about HVMMen who are abusive will often hold onto women as a status symbol, brag about you to make themselves seem more important, so this is not a good measure of value. Obviously it’s lovely to be regarded with esteem from a partner but it needs to come with other HV behaviors and consistency. | /r/askFDS | 02/06/21 12:08 AM |
| 87 | UNICEF Report Says Pornography Not Always Harmful to ChildrenThis is so disgusting. So many children who are exposed to these images at a young age don’t feel the impact immediately, it’s a developing trauma. A child doesn’t know they are unsafe if their version of unsafe is the only life they know. It’s only as they develop and learn their experiences were abnormal does the pain often begin to manifest. Just because someone acclimated to their trauma does not mean it isn’t trauma. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/06/21 07:09 PM |
| 35 | Profiles on 4 or more dating sitesI’ve rotated through apps to try online dating so I wouldn’t say that’s a flag in and of itself, but if it looks like he’s actively using all of them, you’re right that it does come across kind of icky, like a dating buffet table. Got to sample everything kind of mindset. Then again he could just be desperate and trying every avenue he can to find matches, which also ehh. I’d say trust your gut on this. | /r/askFDS | 31/05/21 06:24 AM |
| 21 | Saw this on Reddit a while ago and I was speechless. All the comments were saying they’d get a punch from their husbands for money…You know what’s even sadder, I guarantee at least half the men who would say yes would vehemently freak out and say no if it was about having gay sex. Their masculinity and egos are so fragile they’d pass 1B to retain it in their own minds. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/05/21 02:28 PM |
| 19 | Any good reading about beauty standards in relation to the male gaze?I think something that has helped me a lot over the years is following people with a variety of appearances, lifestyles, ages, and circumstances. Older folks. People with disabilities, missing limbs, burns, colostomy bags, rare genetic disorders. Also a variety of races and cultures, different skin tones. People of different weights, heights. I also try to seek out people non-binary, or trans, or drag queens because they have some very affirming content about beauty standards and such. Really, t… | /r/askFDS | 29/05/21 12:33 AM |
| 25 | Imagine being this delusionalI’m sorry, Scrote, but not having hobbies and genuine interests outside of wanting to get your dick wet isn’t a flaw, it’s a mental disorder. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/05/21 10:36 PM |
| 9 | What would you do in this situation?Why are you flattered by a man stalking you? If he wanted to engage with you in a genuine way he would have done so the first time you connected. | /r/askFDS | 28/05/21 10:33 PM |
| 40 | My mom's NVM husband is leaving her. What do I say to her now that she's so upset?Take him out of the equation. What do you say to someone you care about in pain? Tell her you love her. Tell her that no matter what happens, it’s going to be okay and you’ll get through it together. Tell her you are there for her. Ask her if there’s anything you can do to help, if she wants food, distractions, a night out. Don’t bring him up, and if she does, listen and nod, tell her you understand how hard it is, how frustrating that is, etc. Regardless of your personal feelings, pointing out … | /r/askFDS | 28/05/21 10:31 PM |
| 51 | Isaac B RamirezThis trend (the music and different styles) is SO HOT! I can’t put into words how attractive it is to see a man with actual style. If men literally took an hour to research men’s style, they could have a closet full of nice clothes. Instead we’ve got the camo shorts and graphic tees from Walmart guys. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/05/21 08:41 PM |
| 119 | Nah. Just say you're incompetent and go. I'm so tired of content like this being encouraged all over the internet to make men like this feel better about being the lesser one. It's okay to be 'less' than your partner, but really? 🤡This could have been a lot cuter if he had made it about what he contributes, and not what he takes. Every relationship will have someone who is more something, but a good relationship will have a balance. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/05/21 04:43 PM |
| 22 | Finances in MarriageFantastic post discussing finances for women. It really depends on both incomes, future goals, and current position with assets. But this is a good jumping off point for you to make a plan: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jbtke6/ladies_lets_talk_about_money_whether_youre_single/ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/05/21 05:04 AM |
| 183 | I am not a fleshlightHold onto that mindset. Hold on to your morals, your standards. Don’t let peer pressure or fear of missing out lead you to compromise your safety and sanctity. Having these feelings at 17 is more revolutionary than you know and you will be so much better off in life holding these beliefs dear and close to you, while you watch the women around you struggle with inadequate men and self esteem. Be the change you want to see in your generation. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/05/21 02:58 AM |
| 9 | Should I confront my fwb?What he thinks doesn’t really matter, don’t waste anymore time or mental or emotional energy catering to him or trying to get him to respect you when he clearly doesn’t. Get whatever you left at his place and block and delete. | /r/askFDS | 27/05/21 05:58 PM |
| 8 | It is possible for a HVM to like a girl back after she had feelings for him years ago?I personally don’t think that matters, what matters is how they are treating you, then and now. If in the past they were disrespectful, rude, disgusted, negative, etc, when you may have shown interest they are LV then, and LV now. If they declined advances respectfully and now they are showing positive efforts to pursue you, you judge that for what it is. Just because they didn’t like you then, or maybe weren’t in the right place emotionally, or really into you, doesn’t mean things aren’t differ… | /r/askFDS | 27/05/21 04:29 PM |
| 16 | High value dates?The reason we recommend dinner dates / restaurant dates (it doesn’t have to be dinner, schedules are all different) in those first key weeks of vetting is the fact that it’s neutral territory. Low risk, you can leave at any time, and he should be showing you generosity, chivalry, and interest by planning around your diet restrictions, by paying for the date, pulling out your chair, etc. Also it’s one on one, it should be engaging the both of you in conversation, not be something as a distraction… | /r/askFDS | 27/05/21 04:13 PM |
| 28 | It is possible for a HVM to like a girl back after she had feelings for him years ago?It’s possible, as you said people will grow and change over time. The things you both valued years ago will be different from 18 to 25. Life positions will be different. The ‘how’ the attraction comes is not as important as what is done with it. The only thing to be wary of is letting your own perception of someone you crushed on years ago cloud your judgement and vetting capabilities. I got contacted by an ex HS friend over 10+ years later and we reconnected but he was a LVM. I was a little too… | /r/askFDS | 27/05/21 04:02 PM |
| 15 | My friend is a serial dater and it’s worrying meYou can’t really do anything. You can offer support, you can try to help educate her by sharing the podcast, the reading materials, FDS itself, but at the end of the day she is an adult woman who will make her own choices. Gentle nudges in the right direction may help, or may damage the relationship, who knows. Nobody wants to hear they are in a bad position, their dignity is on the line. Shaming her for her choices won’t change her mind. Point out concerning behaviors from the men and share inf… | /r/askFDS | 27/05/21 01:43 PM |
| 150 | If a "HVM" flips to LVM how not to take it personally?The first step is to realize a man isn’t HV until there is consistency. Real consistency comes through a significant amount of time and experiences. People will mask their behaviors until they are comfortable. What happened is they got comfortable enough to let the mask slip. A boss doesn’t blame himself for hiring a seemingly great employee who, after a couple weeks of great work, starts coming in late every day and being rude to customers. He knows he didn’t do anything wrong, regardless of th… | /r/askFDS | 27/05/21 11:36 AM |
| 22 | What’s up with men asking for your number but never texting you back?You’re going in the virtual rolodex. Let them know you don’t give out your personals until you get to know someone better in person and watch them drop off like flies. With simple info from an IG, a Snapchat, a FB, a man has more information and more potential to escalate should he be an abuser or stalker. Hard pass. | /r/askFDS | 27/05/21 05:36 AM |
| 25 | Assuming you want to get married, what’s the best way to express your intention to do so when asked by a date?The best thing you can do is turn it around, or ask those sorts of questions first, so the man can’t mirror your answers. Now, he might lie anyway, of course, but catching them off guard is more likely to get the truth, because they don’t know what you want to hear. If you get asked what you’re looking for in a relationship you could say, “I’ll know it when I see it, what about you?” Or, “I’ve never put it into words before, hmm. Let me think for a second. What about you, what are you looking fo… | /r/askFDS | 27/05/21 05:34 AM |
| 3 | first date standards how to conveyYou’ve given him 2 chances and this is the best he’s come up with. Block and delete. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/05/21 12:20 AM |
| 8 | When is it appropriate to get married?This is a situation where continuing to vet and not allowing yourself to fall into a ‘sunk cost fallacy’ can be beneficial. You’ve been together 3 years and things seem good. Are they actually good, or are you just used to it? And obviously you want to wait longer to be better established. Are you both excelling and considering your careers, or are you the one with the ambition while he flounders? Or are you the one suffering because he needs extra support to be successful at work? These are all… | /r/askFDS | 26/05/21 10:27 PM |
| 18 | How can I figure out what I'm truly physically attracted to, since we've all been coerced into having no standards?As someone who feels pretty omnisexual, I truly love a spectrum of bodies, styles, faces, weights, hair, etc. I notice smiles, I notice the way someone carries themselves, I notice their personality and optimism. I find beauty in probably less attractive folks through their expressions of their personality, and find ugliness in the gorgeous people with awful personalities. So really, only you will know what standards you have and taking time to diversify your media consumption can help you figur… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/05/21 07:11 PM |
| 99 | What are your basic standards that others consider high standards?Men tell on themselves so much. He’s lacking before he’s even tried. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/05/21 04:33 PM |
| 315 | I saw this going around on Facebook with women swooning, I need a break from it 🤢Even if she only had sex 1 time a week for a year (which plenty of men think is inadequate), that’s $520. I’d love to see a man actually spend that on his partner for her birthday. Men give women shit like a Starbucks coffee, grocery store bouquet, or Walmart earrings for their birthday, if they’re lucky to get anything at all. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/05/21 04:28 PM |
| 14 | I'm often overwhelmed by the depth of the pickme mindset and patriarchal conditioning that I am trying to undo. How do you ladies focus on taking small steps at a time?I am listening to Why Does He Do That, listening to the podcast, and when I first joined FDS, I read through many of the Top - All Time & Last Year posts, and many handbook posts. It is exhausting, but I look at it as, I am not wrong for what I used to believe. I am wrong to choose to continue to believe it in light of the overwhelming and well researched evidence I’ve been presented. So while I don’t necessarily agree with every aspect of FDS, I absolutely hold dear the factual, literature and … | /r/askFDS | 25/05/21 09:29 PM |
| 92 | Do not read or entertain essays from low value menI typically see a keyword like fat, bitch, ugly, etc, and laugh and report. Doing anything but reporting, blocking, and ignoring the man is feeding exactly into what he craves which is validation and attention. It doesn’t have to be positive to be affirming for them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/05/21 09:05 PM |
| 43 | Boyfriend yelled at me while driving for forgetting something. He is also obsessed with punctuality, should I end things?“Boyfriend yelled at me”, literally don’t need to finish this. Yes, end things. He doesn’t love or respect you. Please read or listen to Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That. He is an abusive man. | /r/askFDS | 25/05/21 09:01 PM |
| 14 | What are some examples of LV behavior from a brother or father?Here’s some examples from the brother I live with: 1. Insulting strange women’s appearances. He once, unprompted, commented on a large woman’s arm rolls. 2. General clutter. He leaves empty soda bottles on the counter for days, not to recycle but because he’s too lazy to squeeze the air out and put them in the trash 2 feet away. 3. Rarely cleaning. The stove, which he primarily used, was filthy for about 3 weeks. I’m talking dried sauce and splatters, crumbs, etc. 4. Reminding you that you “bett… | /r/askFDS | 25/05/21 08:54 PM |
| 154 | Did I do the right thing?Yes. Don’t question your gut. | /r/askFDS | 25/05/21 06:32 PM |
| 44 | Men who want to be “friends” or are looking for something “causal” first?Jesus. Gotta love men learning how to date women from men on TV. | /r/askFDS | 25/05/21 04:44 PM |
| 97 | Men who want to be “friends” or are looking for something “causal” first?Always a red flag if you are looking for an actual relationship. They are literally saying they don’t want that. “Go with the flow” and “casual” are code for fuck without commitment, effort, and they always have an excuse to back out when you develop feelings. Following FDS principles, we do not support casual sex. That’s what these men want. They aren’t going to wait 3 months for it and keep dating you and ask you to be their girlfriend. Or if they do, they’ll get what they want then dump you a… | /r/askFDS | 25/05/21 03:17 PM |
| 38 | Would you consider active effort to educate themselves and change regarding porn use a green flag?I think it depends how bad the porn use was before. All of those steps the man is taking are great, but the question is, will they continue or will he just get better at hiding his activity? The fact that he’s getting better about sex, being more attentive, again those are a plus, but if it starts falling off is she going to be ready to leave? Many women get trapped into a cycle of trying to give their partners chance after chance, because at one point they did correct their behavior. If you can… | /r/askFDS | 25/05/21 10:45 AM |
| 35 | Approaching my self harm scars as a HVW? *potential TW*I would say, if you are asked about them, give succinct explanation of what you said here. “I had some troubling issues when I was 12, these are very old scars. But that’s not something I talk about on dates, let’s talk about XYZ instead.” And move on. If they start pressuring you for more information it’s a good way to vet out disingenuous men who want to hear your trauma before you are ready to talk about it. You do not owe anyone an explanation, but of course context can be helpful in framing… | /r/askFDS | 25/05/21 10:35 AM |
| 42 | No words...He loves his dog more than his GF because he can control everything about his dog, every aspect of that dog’s life is dependent on him without demand. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/05/21 05:35 AM |
| 7 | Balancing strategy and safety with a toxic co-parentThis is kind of outside the scope of FDS. You really need to discuss with a lawyer, a social worker, disability advocates, etc, anyone who can provide experience, expertise, and legal advice. What are your goals? What is the best safety strategy for not just your son, but your safety as a mother of an autistic son who may cause physical harm? Do you have resources? Family support? These are all questions for you to answer for yourself and to a worker/lawyer. Money will be a big factor, and you m… | /r/askFDS | 25/05/21 04:19 AM |
| 497 | If your spouse watches you suffer, then they don't care about you.A partner who is consistently not helping you with the small things will abandon you when you need them the most. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/05/21 04:49 PM |
| 21 | Dating someone with a deceased ex.Yeah, I don’t know, it definitely seems suspect that he hasn’t been able to sustain anything since then. I would pay attention to those exes, ask more questions of him. It’s a tricky one because only you know him and his behavior. | /r/askFDS | 24/05/21 02:17 PM |
| 49 | Dating someone with a deceased ex.The fact that he hasn’t had any other relationships in that timeframe feels suspicious, like either he is still hung up on “the one who got away”, or that he has dated and ultimately things didn’t work out because he was still “trying to get over his ex”. Also him being ‘very upfront’ about his ex feels like him sharing his trauma to try to get a false sense of intimacy going, or to encourage a savior complex in women he sees. You could wait and see how it goes but I would be extra cautious and … | /r/askFDS | 24/05/21 01:36 PM |
| 12 | Advice for vetting in a long distance relationshipHave you thought about what comes next if you two continue dating? Who would move? Generally FDS doesn’t condone LDR, it’s extremely hard to truly vet someone from a distance. Unfortunately people in LDR can say whatever they want, they can say they’re exclusive and still be hooking up at home. They can say they are independent and have a drinking or gambling problem eating up their money. I don’t have a lot of advice except to be cautious and learn as much as you can. Vetting is essentially the… | /r/askFDS | 23/05/21 11:46 PM |
| 35 | Recently made out with a guy I’m seeing and he came in his pants. What does that say about his porn usage? Should I be concerned?It could mean at least a few things, that he finishes too easily and/or that he hasn’t had sex or jerked off in a while. I think it’s pretty safe to assume he probably wouldn’t last more than a few minutes in bed. That being said, if that’s a deal breaker for you, I would end things before it gets there. It doesn’t necessarily mean he wouldn’t do more outside of penetration to help you finish but you might not know until it gets closer to that. Really, it’s hard to say, you could take a wait and… | /r/askFDS | 23/05/21 06:56 PM |
| 49 | Should I call him?You already know FDS’s answer here. What you need is support. I’m sorry you are dealing with this, I’m sorry it’s been difficult. You deserve to be treated better, you deserve someone who cares about you, who respects your boundaries, who shows you affection and compassion and empathy without expectation in return. True healing will come when you realize and internalize all of these things, because by then, you won’t even need to ask. You will know. | /r/askFDS | 23/05/21 06:00 PM |
| 16 | Is having a male therapist a no?It's a very individual experience, I think you can't be afraid of the what ifs, because as you said you had women do it to you also. Only you are going to know if this is the right therapist for you. He sounds accommodating, but that's the bare minimum, again, you are the customer. He is providing a service. If at any point you do not want that service any longer, you have every right to leave no matter how many hoops he jumped through with insurance. | /r/askFDS | 23/05/21 03:27 PM |
| 24 | Is having a male therapist a no?It is entirely up to you. The same way you would vet a partner or a friend, it goes for therapy. It’s a professional relationship, you are the customer. You should feel comfortable, safe, and like your boundaries are being respected. A therapist’s job will come with pressure for communication, but that doesn’t mean they are entitled to any of your trauma before you are ready to talk about it. If you feel like they are pushing for the wrong reasons, if there are remarks of a negging nature (victi… | /r/askFDS | 23/05/21 02:53 PM |
| 22 | Recent dating experienceHe sounds creepy, pressuring you for trauma is a way to manufacture intimacy. And obviously the inviting you over, drinks, and sexual behavior are all clear indicators of what he wanted. Please, in the future, do not go to a man’s place for many months. Facetime him at his house and ask him to show you around, that’s a better way to scope things out early on. Also going out several times a week with friends, and going out drinking is different. If you are dealing with anxiety, please be mindful … | /r/askFDS | 23/05/21 01:19 PM |
| 25 | Recent epiphanyThings like watching porn, liking a ton of IG girls, not texting an entire day, making snarky and rude remarks about other people... those are not things that typically change, there’s no point in asking him because you end up with situations of minimal effort, resentment, and / or hiding. These are habits and personality traits. Instances where self reflection can be beneficial might be if he interrupted you during a story, jump scaring you from around the corner, ordering drinks before he find… | /r/askFDS | 23/05/21 01:06 PM |
| 137 | Nick Cannon 'expecting seventh child, having had four within six months with three different women’ 🤡🤡🤡🤡how is this behavior tolerated in society? And he’s obviously a colorist, tooGod damn. A case study for a vasectomy if I ever saw one. His children will never have a consistent father in their lives. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/21 06:10 AM |
| 413 | I'm an escort and camgirl. The FDS Podcast made me realize I need to quit.First of all, I am so incredible proud of you. Secondly, and most importantly, please be careful and absolutely do not reveal any personal information to anyone online, even if you believe they are another woman, a sex worker, a hardcore FDSer, whatever it is. You will be at your most vulnerable now, and you are the type of person, someone saving herself, that a disgusting depraved man would love to bring down. Just a gentle reminder, please be careful. I am so happy you found us. You are going … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/05/21 08:12 PM |
| 30 | Moving on from NVM ex and finding your inner strength..I think your situation is a perfect one to read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, or grab the audiobook and listen to it like you would a podcast. It goes deep into the abusive mentality. You didn’t cause him to do this, there’s nothing you did that made him the asshole that he is. You were unfortunately a victim. The best thing you can do now is to educate yourself and enforce your boundaries so the chances of this happening again are slim. You can come back stronger, it takes time and hea… | /r/askFDS | 22/05/21 06:16 PM |
| 14 | Got called useless by someone close to me. How do I proceed?There are certain things I wouldn’t tolerate in any relationship and being called useless? That’s one of them. The others have already added the obvious advice: leave, get away from this person. One step further, if you’re so useless, stop doing anything that would be remotely beneficial for them. Washing their dishes, moving their shoes, leaving out a towel for a shower, putting the keys back where they go, anything small and innocuous you do to assist them without thinking? Stop. Don’t help th… | /r/askFDS | 22/05/21 01:36 PM |
| 18 | Am i starting to form an unhealthy attachment ?Considering his schedule, texting included, the best thing to do is just to be mindful of the amount of time you’re together in those 2 weeks. Don’t become his live in girlfriend those two weeks (that happens when he stays with you too), staying together every night is too much, spending all the time together causes sacrifices for other relationships. He may also not realize he is letting his family and friendships suffer because he’s so desperate to spend time with you. While you can make that … | /r/askFDS | 22/05/21 01:30 PM |
| 93 | Ladies be careful about accepting massages in public. Have you all seen any Luo Dong videos on YouTube?Insane. I think his original channel is gone but there are reuploads all over Youtube. That content is on the internet forever. I feel so sad for all of these women. People have pointed out he also massaged men in a similar fashion (also assault, he can be any sexuality for all we know). There is zero chance his intentions were good, the very act of filming and exploiting these women, of the very clearly provocative thumbnails, and him seeing the damn comments, should have been enough for him to… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/05/21 10:42 PM |
| 1 | Women react to ripped men.When a man looks strong, healthy, and clearly takes care of himself, women notice. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/05/21 09:18 PM |
| 87 | How do you find out about his porn habits?If you want to be less direct, “Show me 3 women you find attractive.” Any pornstars? Bye. “What’s the last video you watched?” He might quip back ‘what kind of video?’ If you don’t watch porn there’s only what, like YouTube or TikTok? Red flag. “Did you read that New York Times article about Pornhub? I was so surprised.” His response might tell you everything you need to know. | /r/askFDS | 21/05/21 09:08 PM |
| 6 | Would you ever date a man who has a criminal charges? Even if they’re found not guilty?Absolutely not then. | /r/askFDS | 21/05/21 08:50 PM |
| 7 | Would you ever date a man who has a criminal charges? Even if they’re found not guilty?It would depend on what it was, and I wouldn’t hesitate to make a public records request. | /r/askFDS | 21/05/21 08:32 PM |
| 33 | Hwang Hyunjin from Straykids, love the long hair!Beautiful! I love men with this androgynous look. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/05/21 08:24 PM |
| 3 | Ben Barnes! My go-to guy to daydream about.I personally love his beard but he needs better grooming, it goes too low on his neck in my opinion! But I love beards on men in general, so a bit biased. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/05/21 08:22 PM |
| 10 | The grandmaster pickme...There’s a sister and neighbor one. It’s staged. Don’t give people like this views, they get paid per view by TikTok once they join the creator fund. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/05/21 06:49 PM |
| 19 | Long time lurker. Need help.The more fulfilling your personal life is, the easier it is to let go of that societal push for finding fulfillment through others. If you can find successful, single women to look up to, you will see that their lives are anything but empty and alone. This article discusses some wonderful successful women and their thoughts and feelings. There are some gems of wisdom here: https://www.thecut.com/2016/09/25-famous-women-on-being-alone.html | /r/askFDS | 21/05/21 06:25 PM |
| 31 | Ladies, I am seething with anger today. Some support is appreciated.I’m so sorry your family is dealing with your dad’s disgusting behavior. Do everything you can to help your mother and protect yourself and her if you can. | /r/askFDS | 21/05/21 05:59 PM |
| 18 | Ben Barnes! My go-to guy to daydream about.It’s unfair! He also played a pretty bad guy in the first season of Westworld and The Punisher. A guy this fine, with those puppy eyes, shouldn’t be the bad guy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/05/21 04:54 PM |
| 128 | Boyfriend trying to be ‘alpha’He makes misogynistic, homophobic, and racist jokes. That should be a deal breaker right there. Other people will see him making those comments and remarks, “jokes” or not, and associate it with you and your own beliefs. | /r/askFDS | 21/05/21 04:39 PM |
| 5 | Why are some men so judgemental over women's appearance when they put no effort themselves?The only way a man like that can get a woman is to crush the self esteem of every lady he crosses paths with in hopes he might lower her standards enough to give him a chance. | /r/askFDS | 21/05/21 06:21 AM |
| 40 | I think my friend engages in sex tourism. Should I ask or just cut him off?Whether these are “consenting”/actually consenting/or paid women, it’s extremely clear in every circumstance he has no problem using women. Even if you were generous in your assumptions, that fact remains. Would you still want to be his friend? Time to drop him. | /r/askFDS | 21/05/21 05:49 AM |
| 78 | Is this normal in American culture?In general, it sounds like he was stringing you along and taking time to meet a variety of people. He might like you, but he isn’t going to commit to you until he’s internally decided you’re the best he’s going to get there. I personally wouldn’t waste my time, because his responses and lack of communication strike me as someone wishy washy, saying one thing and clearly doing another. Actions speak louder than words. I’m glad you trusted your gut and deleted his number. | /r/askFDS | 20/05/21 07:45 PM |
| 25 | Bf May have acted sus with girl he was seeing before me and I wanna know moreI find it suspicious, but without knowing more it’s hard to say. I’m sorry to hear about your STD tests too. I think there’s obviously a chance he’s just making it up in his mind and they haven’t spoken, but if they have spoken, met, or anything that might have involved more contact post-relationship, that’s a red flag. Can you check his phone or email? Or scope out his social medias? Does he hide his device from your view regularly? I wouldn’t bring it up without taking time to see what informa… | /r/askFDS | 20/05/21 06:36 PM |
| 15 | Is he a NVL /LVM ?What the actual hell... NVM. Any man intentionally exposing you, whether it’s a “joke” or not, major yuck/yikes. I would call that sexual assault if a stranger did it. You’ve known this guy less than 4 weeks. | /r/askFDS | 20/05/21 05:14 PM |
| 22 | My boyfriend acts strange regarding me talking to his mom, and I don’t know if it’s a symptom of something bigger.Whether he has a good or bad relationship with his mom, he is controlling your opportunity to form your own opinions. I see all of this as a red flag. | /r/askFDS | 20/05/21 06:05 AM |
| 7 | Supporting friends with LVboyfriendsDo your best to educate her on appropriate boundaries, the benefits of radical feminism, and the red flags that are signs of abuse. Share ‘Why Does He Do That’ or the podcast or find FDS value leaning articles or videos to expose her to. Make these values feel like the norm so she begins to wonder why she accepts disrespect. Also be careful in getting closer to the boyfriend because the may backfire and she might think you want them to break up so you can have him. Is it logical? Absolutely not.… | /r/askFDS | 20/05/21 06:03 AM |
| 3 | What to look out for in a new relationship?What are your boundaries? That’s the question. You have to answer that for yourself. FDS generally states, wait at least 3 months for sex, always use protection, require STD tests before sex happens. You should take time to explore intimacy with specific stopping points in mind to gauge their respect for you and your boundaries. Any man acting entitled to sex, or otherwise, is a huge red flag. Also, in general, there should be dates regularly, be good & consistent communication (that means diffe… | /r/askFDS | 20/05/21 05:59 AM |
| 3 | We’re both mid-30s lawyers. This is first date offer lol.Yep. One thing I’ve mentioned to people before is when I had my first girlfriend, I wanted nothing more than to make her happy, to treat her special, and make her feel good in bed. It just adds confirmation bias to me that many men don’t actually want to make a woman happy, they just want her to make him happy. Sad. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/05/21 12:39 AM |
| 5 | We’re both mid-30s lawyers. This is first date offer lol.As a queer woman I would treat a beautiful girl like a god damn queen if I could find one in the wild who liked me. 🥲 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/05/21 12:17 AM |
| 139 | What does a man add to your life?A good man can add a lot to your life, but the main thing for women to understand is the things a man can add, are all things you can get elsewhere. Obviously it’s not all in one package. A close friend is emotional intimacy, a therapist is support, a pet can be companionship and a listening ear, a nice sex toy or good understanding of your own body can provide the physical O’s. You get the idea. That’s why you need to make sure you have all of your wants and desires covered, before you look to … | /r/askFDS | 19/05/21 11:38 PM |
| 106 | He sent me video of sea shell opening up (looked like vagina opening up) and a grilled lamb TESTICLES.Trying to understand men is like self-flagellation of the mind. Don’t bother. All that most men bring to the table is the audacity. | /r/askFDS | 19/05/21 08:54 PM |
| 141 | Scrote cant take a hint LOL. He knows i was engaged when we last spoke and im married now.Just another example of men telling on themselves. He knew she wasn’t DTF, but he wanted her to waste her time and energy talking to him regardless, even if it was negative. This is why we say to block and delete, do not engage or explain yourself to grown ass men. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/05/21 07:53 PM |
| 24 | Why do they only do this to me?I said this in another post recently, but basically it comes down to not believing in extravagance for the working class women. They don’t know it’s thrifted so they probably assume it’s new and expensive. Any time a working class woman has something bougie those who are envious want to tear her down. Small comments, judgement, etc. You could just tell them it’s thrifted, you’re resourceful, you like nice things, etc. Doesn’t matter, they will behave this way anyway. They are not your friends if… | /r/askFDS | 19/05/21 07:35 PM |
| 418 | We’re both mid-30s lawyers. This is first date offer lol.Cute nature date: Organic restaurant, tickets to an arboretum, botanical garden, or planetarium, bringing a little potted plant as a gift. Low value nature date: “Want to come to this field I know?” | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/05/21 05:21 PM |
| 52 | Some examples of men who have hit the wallHe wasn’t even looking that bad in The New Pope in 2019, even with the baldness, but I just saw a picture of him from January this year (at 48) with a greasy ponytail and his 36 year old wife. Yikes! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/05/21 04:27 PM |
| 15 | Was told to post this here- need advice. Feeling jaded and let down in general.I’m so sorry all of that happened to you, wow. It sounds awful and you are incredibly strong to be here now, coming into your independence, learning to love yourself, taking care of you. Who cares if you’re jaded? You have every right to be. The men in your life have been miserable. Most women who come to FDS feel this same way as they absorb it all. Take time to keep healing and focus on yourself, you absolutely don’t have to rush to put yourself out there. Time may help with the emotions about… | /r/askFDS | 19/05/21 02:12 AM |
| 21 | Men earning lessAhh, yeah, he sounds ungrateful and controlling. I can’t imagine you being happy in this relationship long term. Please take time to read or listen to Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, start putting away all of your additional earnings into a savings account in preparation for potentially leaving. Take some time on your next days off to digest the handbook content and start figuring out an exit strategy. | /r/askFDS | 18/05/21 10:36 PM |
| 27 | Men earning lessYour gut is absolutely right. It is likely jealousy. Maybe he can get over it and act more mature, but the odds are not in your favor. Men begin controlling and manipulative behavior when women spend money they themselves don’t have. I hope you do not live with this man. I hope he has ambitions and goals and is working toward them. Otherwise you will never see this relationship improve and he will never be a bread winner. | /r/askFDS | 18/05/21 10:01 PM |
| 55 | My ex reached out wanting to "catch up". I need some support.Often times men do this to see if a woman is still sexually available to him. It’s a power move. I highly doubt his intentions are anything but self interest. In the future the best thing you can do for your mental health is skip the pleasantries and go straight to blocking their new contact info. You deserve better. You are worthy of more respect than he ever showed you. Remember to respect yourself enough to block low value men from access to your time, energy, mental space, or otherwise. | /r/askFDS | 18/05/21 09:59 PM |
| 32 | OLD or nah?OLD is a time sink, it’s heavy investment with little return, which is why you have to be ruthless to save time. If you’re feeling burnt out, take a break and see what you can pursue in terms of physical meeting groups for hobbies you enjoy. Not with the intention of finding a partner, but to have fun and meet new people. If a man comes along, you can vet accordingly. Either way I would take a break from OLD for now. | /r/askFDS | 18/05/21 08:03 PM |
| 35 | How to know if you’re his “dream girl”?You continue to vet. Always. At any sign he is disinterested, abusive, manipulative, or putting all of his own needs and desires before yours, you are not his dream anything. You are just an accessory to his life. | /r/askFDS | 18/05/21 07:00 PM |
| 38 | I don’t know who needs to hear this ,but if you don’t like his past, you are not obligated to stay with him.Yep. I’ve been finally listening to Why Does He Do That and Lundy even says most men do not change, but there is a small percentage who do recognize the harm they cause and will do that work. But it is work, and they are in counseling, and likely doing other things to make that progress. It’s never instant, overnight, and certainly not because the woman said or did anything. It came as a result of developing real empathy and understanding and wanting to be a different person. If a wife could fix… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/05/21 06:40 PM |
| 14 | How do I help my friend? Should I?Help her help herself, share the podcast, share your opinions. But she doesn’t sound like someone who wants to change or will accept help, so don’t waste your time if she isn’t receptive. Only you know your boundaries when it comes to how she uses you for emotional labor. | /r/askFDS | 18/05/21 05:04 PM |
| 42 | Men who get salty when you're transparent about not pursuing things further and why you should GHOST!Men accepting rejection with grace is the exception, not the rule, which is exactly why ghosting is often the safest option. Please put your safety over men’s feelings, ladies. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/05/21 03:58 PM |
| 109 | I don’t know who needs to hear this ,but if you don’t like his past, you are not obligated to stay with him.People can grow and change, but those changes come through YEARS of hard work, reflective work, and the willingness to change. Don’t be blinded by the idea that he may change for you. No person changes for another. They change because they desire within themselves to be a different person. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/05/21 03:57 PM |
| 4 | How young would you go?Totally get it, but please note for any readers, genders don’t matter. It is still predatory to be dating within large age gaps. Grooming, and looking for innocence in youth because folks your own age are jaded is a red flag. Just be mindful. Women do tend to suffer more from age gap relationships, because the risks for pregnancy, physical violence, etc. But it’s still creepy to see a 40 year old woman trying to date a 20 year old man. | /r/askFDS | 18/05/21 03:51 PM |
| 461 | you could try, I don’t know, being her friend? what is wrong with men that being friends with a girl doesn’t even occur to them and they need to ask the internet?Leave her alone. That’s what you do. Because clearly you have no concept of separating desire from a woman, they are all objects of affection or just objects. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/05/21 02:44 PM |
| 279 | Message to female lurkersFantastic advice. Most FDS values come down to self care, but it’s seen as toxic because women are taught to sacrifice for others their whole lives. Stop sacrificing for people who don’t deserve it, and would never do it in return. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/05/21 01:41 PM |
| 17 | How young would you go?I think if a man is in his 30’s it should be fine. I wouldn’t think it was off for a 36 year old guy to date a 31 year old woman. Once you pass 35 or so, the gap widens a bit for social acceptability and the “creep factor”. | /r/askFDS | 18/05/21 01:37 PM |
| 75 | Flowers???As a fellow queer lady, if my lady date brought me a flower I would be super giddy. Maybe just get a single gerber daisy or lily, something to show a sweet gesture without being expensive or overwhelming! Small gestures aren’t typically love bombing, unless they are overly frequent and coming with lots of praise and future faking. As long as you have tempered expectations you will be fine. Good luck on the date! | /r/askFDS | 18/05/21 02:40 AM |
| 234 | Tired of being shamed for wanting my own big housePeople don’t bat an eye at extravagance when you’re rich, it’s because the majority of us ladies are just regular working class women. We get shamed for any extravagance, whether it’s shoes, handbags, expensive meals, homes, doesn’t matter. It all comes back to jealousy, possession, and control. If you’re finances are in order and you can afford your dreams you should live them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/05/21 09:22 PM |
| 26 | What to do about a relentless exTrust your gut when it comes to escalation and potential danger. Carry pepper spray or a small weapon with you if you feel any sense of uncertainty. Personally I would text or email him one time and state to discontinue all contact immediately otherwise you will be forced to get a restraining order. | /r/askFDS | 17/05/21 05:42 AM |
| 14 | TextingIt’s whatever level of communication you are comfortable and happy with. There’s no textbook answer because all women have different desires. Generally you don’t want to be overly available in the beginning of the relationship, you shouldn’t be answering him 1 minute after he texts you or staying up late. But again, you have to balance that with what level of communication is important for you, and what responsibilities you both have like friends, jobs, kids, etc. | /r/askFDS | 16/05/21 08:17 PM |
| 18 | A guy said “to go bed with me” to my prude friend who doesn’t speak English well and she’s now confusedIt sounds like he meant what he said, like “off to bed I go.” Unless there are other red flags it seems like in this particular instance it would be safe to give him the benefit of the doubt. But knowing the weird potential connotation, it’s good to be hyper aware of other instances that may occur. | /r/askFDS | 16/05/21 08:14 PM |
| 16 | LVM when you break up with themBecause they are losing something you gave them. Access to sex, status, emotional dumping grounds, companionship, intimacy, etc. They do not value you. They value what you gave them or did for them. | /r/askFDS | 16/05/21 03:37 PM |
| 412 | Angry scrote texts me from another phone number after I blocked and deleted him because we’re not a match...That’s a lot of words for “I’m a nice guy!!!” Also I love that you told him plainly you two weren’t a match, what more communication did he want? Oh right, he wanted to sit there and mansplain exactly why you were wrong to dump an oh so awesome man like him and how it must be because you have a split personality. This is why we ghost men, they can’t even accept the truth when we say it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/05/21 01:38 PM |
| 22 | Men who get too comfortable in relationshipsIt comes in different shapes and forms, but essentially animal like humans or human like animals, you don’t want the details. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/05/21 02:43 AM |
| 22 | When asserting boundaries with a friend, do you explain or just do it in silence?She is 100% crossing your boundaries already, she is not your friend anymore, she is using you as an AirBnB when she wants to travel. Social grace is reserved for people who aren’t trying to use you. Just tell her you don’t let people stay at your places anymore because you value your privacy, but you’ll be happy meet up during her visit. That meet up won’t happen, of course, cause she was never interested in catching up. | /r/askFDS | 14/05/21 07:56 PM |
| 104 | Men who get too comfortable in relationshipsReminds me of my ex that shared his fetish for furries with me and sent me a picture of himself naked on the toilet. And this was before I ever met him. Why I didn’t run for the hills then, I’ll never know. 🤦♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/21 07:08 PM |
| 172 | Women cannot escape being judged either way because of makeupDamned if you do, damned if you don’t. Always do what makes YOU most happy and comfortable. You’ll be judged no matter what. Your peace is what is vital. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/21 06:57 PM |
| 157 | I don’t even know what to say to this. This is just really sadCute: “My wife brought me a sandwich as I was finishing up my game.” Vulgar, crass, arrogant: “Yeah, I was carrying this game against these weak beta players when my wife’s tits came up and gave me a sandwich.” 🙄 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/21 06:26 PM |
| 42 | How did you know you were ready to date after a breakup/divorce?I think once you introduce yourself to FDS that tends to be the norm. I’ve lost a lot of interest in pursuing men, I struggle with the way I hear my male peers at work discuss women in their lives, I feel like my eyes are wide open and it’s not going to be easy to be as generous as I used to be with their intentions. It’s bittersweet, because I know I am going to better prepare myself, I am going to take less risks, and be more cautious, and practice better self care. I don’t miss the naivety, b… | /r/askFDS | 14/05/21 05:42 PM |
| 54 | How did you know you were ready to date after a breakup/divorce?If you feel that way you’re not ready. How long has it been since the divorce was finalized? Do you have kids with the ex and regular contact? Time and contact can drag out the healing process. It’s hard to get past the resentment and pain. And of course attitude plays a difference, discovering FDS often brings a shift in attitude, and it takes some time to digest everything and mellow out the mindset that comes with discovering how selfish men can be. | /r/askFDS | 14/05/21 04:58 PM |
| 10 | Alfred EnochYep, that’s a huge reason I got drawn in, Viola Davis is so amazing. The show never stops being exciting. Wish it had lasted more seasons! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/21 02:07 PM |
| 25 | Alfred EnochLoved him in HTGWM. If any ladies need a very female forward and LGBT friendly show, you should watch that one! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/21 01:34 PM |
| 12 | Approved commenter, I need help.He sounds controlling. Did he give any specific reasons for not wanting a dog? Having a pet is a very large responsibility and a financial burden, and dogs can be a liability if they show aggression depending on the laws in your area. Those are valid reasons to refuse, but did he say any of that? If he’s saying no just because it’s something you want that’s so alarming and a huge red flag. If he has solid reasoning, then it’s still controlling and not giving you an opportunity to step up to show… | /r/askFDS | 14/05/21 06:17 AM |
| 14 | When a guy moves too quickly, what does this mean?Probably so! If you were feeling like it was moving way too quick then he either just wanted sex, had a very anxious attachment style, or some combination of the two. Glad you trusted your gut! | /r/askFDS | 14/05/21 03:23 AM |
| 143 | My boyfriend is mad that I didn’t text him back last night. He says he wants to be done now.Men like this are upset because they can’t control you, they want you available 24/7 for whatever they need, whether it’s attention, sex, validation, or an emotional dumping ground, doesn’t matter. He said he hates you, believe him. That’s not the way you speak to people you are supposed to love. | /r/askFDS | 13/05/21 07:52 PM |
| 448 | my friend, the wife, is upset with me for being rude to her husband. I’m sad for her.Wow. I’d be more upset my husband called my friend a bitch, regardless of whether she was “in the wrong” or not, it shows his lack of respect for women in general. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/05/21 05:01 PM |
| 3 | The Bar is...nonexistent.This has to be a troll, I really struggle to believe any woman would willingly endure this. Dear lord. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/05/21 03:45 PM |
| 54 | Upset cause no one hits on meIt sounds like, based on the other comments here, you struggle with all your relationships. If you can’t sustain friendships, relationships with family, then of course you are generally not going to be attractive to men either. Physical only goes so far, and if you just want attention for your physical body, you can dive into the absolute extreme of what it means to be an attractive black female, having the right “look” and “body type”and style and makeup and hair. But extremes are not attainabl… | /r/askFDS | 13/05/21 03:37 PM |
| 39 | Daily reminder that men don’t consider women’s backbreaking unpaid labour as real ‘work’“Time off / having kids”. Complete disconnect. They think homemaking isn’t a full time job as usual. That women are relaxing with chocolates while their angel children play quietly. The lack of understanding for the chaos that is motherhood is exactly why I have lost all interest in ever having children even though I’ve been told multiple times in my life I’d make a great mother/teacher/social worker. All over worked and underpaid positions. I will save my empathy, grace, and patience for the pe… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/05/21 03:01 PM |
| 25 | No sex until exclusivityPlease remember 3 dates, which is maybe 6-8 hours of total time together, is still a stranger. It’s still a random guy from Tinder. He will still happily ghost you after sex. You need to take time to read all of the handbook posts if you are serious about your self interests and having sex for the first time with a quality partner. Even men who seem amazing at first will just use you for sex and stop making effort after a couple dates and “exclusivity” because now they have you locked down. Excl… | /r/askFDS | 13/05/21 02:15 PM |
| 10 | If you friend was on onlyfans?Ask her why, ask her if she’s aware of the number of risks, share information and resources with her. None of that may matter to her, and she will make whatever decision she feels is in her best interest without realizing it’s often the opposite with sex work. I would probably stop being friends with someone like that if it was clear they didn’t care about themselves enough to seek out alternative options. | /r/askFDS | 13/05/21 02:07 PM |
| 51 | Upset cause no one hits on meIf you went on tinder and swiped right on every single man, I guarantee you’d have more matches than you know what to do with at the end of the night. But it’s not about quantity, is it? It’s about finding a quality man. Besides going to college, are you meeting people? Are there any activities and groups around for people of color? Do you think racism is playing a factor at all, because it’s a conservative area? Maybe I’m talking out my ass with that last question but I have a friend in a very … | /r/askFDS | 13/05/21 01:55 PM |
| 38 | The movie Labyrinth provides good advice on dealing with narcs, creepy older men and fucbois. Always remember the words 'You have no power over me'!!! This explains why I was obsessed and in love with this movie when I was a teen girl. Also.. maybe a crush on Jennifer, but I wasn’t ready to admit that. 😅 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/05/21 05:47 AM |
| 55 | "Feminism Chat"??Please remember also DO NOT CLICK LINKS. Any link sent to you in a DM can be bad news. It’s how people get scammed and stalked. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/05/21 04:17 AM |
| 204 | I am losing faith in humanity, and by that I mean the “man” part of it.So fucking creepy. Daddy absolutely came about from pedophilic fantasy, because most girls stop saying Daddy and switch to Dad around young teen hood. I hate that I used to be one of those women who thought it was hot. Now I can see it exactly for what it is. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/05/21 04:15 AM |
| 39 | The Female Dating Strategy Podcast: EP. 10 - Boomers, Coomers, & Consumers: What Went Wrong with Male SocializationI could have the amount wrong, but yeah, I think most of their revenue comes from selling customer data I’m sure. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/05/21 11:49 PM |
| 9 | Do you drink around male friends?I don’t drink unattended beverages around anyone, and I would never have more than 2 drinks in general because intoxication isn’t fun or exciting to me. You are absolutely right, men and women can almost never be friends. They always see women as an opportunity. Please be careful in the future. | /r/askFDS | 12/05/21 09:47 PM |
| 44 | Seemed HV not anymore, need adviceA man cuddling with a woman he hasn’t even bothered asking out after breaking up with his GF is not HV. Whatever he seemed to be, he told you exactly where he stands by behaving in a LV way and explicitly telling you he was still getting over his ex. This all happened before you ever saw what you think is his first red flag, which is a lack of support. He is not high value, you are idealizing a near stranger because of a crush. Please recognize he has no interest in you and move on. | /r/askFDS | 12/05/21 09:36 PM |
| 187 | Men sending her hatred online launched her career. Stay mad.Exactly why the male harassment of FDS will backfire spectacularly. They try to get angry that the mods are trying to have the content from the podcast get paid, claiming they are $ hungry when they are literally providing free content right now. Their outrage has fueled even more contributors to add their dollars. It all goes back to there is no such thing as bad press; the more eyes on us, the more audience who needs this content we will reach. So yes; please men, continue to disavow FDS every… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/05/21 08:22 PM |
| 25 | Should you ever date a guy w female friends?Yeah, whatever his reasoning is doesn’t even matter. His closeness to her is a red flag, not worth the investment! | /r/askFDS | 12/05/21 08:16 PM |
| 60 | Should you ever date a guy w female friends?A scenario I think it could be okay-ish is if there is no one on one time together, this is a girl part of a social group he is involved in, likely a girlfriend or wife of an established male friend. It would make sense if he was social media friends and group friends with someone like that. But a man who has one on one time with a woman likely views her as a potential opportunity, or someone to provide emotional labor and female validation, so I would say no. It’s not worth the time. Especially… | /r/askFDS | 12/05/21 08:04 PM |
| 70 | Pretending men in public are invisible: a new game I like to playWish I could do this at work sometimes, I work with all men and sometimes it’s exhausting having to entertain their weird drawn out stories out of politeness. Sometimes I just “remember” I need to call someone back so they walk away. 🙃 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/05/21 07:38 PM |
| 15 | can I borrow some positive energy from you ladies?Deep breathes, remember you are calm, you are collected, you are honest, you are right. Whatever happens, know that the women of FDS understand and feel your pain. You are doing your best and your children will know your love and compassion. You’ve got this. | /r/askFDS | 12/05/21 07:20 PM |
| 29 | Some kind scrote reported me to Reddit Care for my last post. I guess I’m supposed to in crisis because I’m alone? Granny has some words for you.GrannyGoals 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/05/21 06:13 PM |
| 123 | The Female Dating Strategy Podcast: EP. 10 - Boomers, Coomers, & Consumers: What Went Wrong with Male SocializationLoved the podcast. I upgraded my tier on the Patreon today. In regards to women knowing men watch porn, I’ve also noticed a bigger trend of men proudly proclaiming this information. My own brother told me around Christmas he missed the Pornhub sale, the premium was like $15 for 3 years or some low price, and I just couldn’t believe he was telling me this. He was so unphased and I was honestly surprised and felt a visceral sense of yuck. We know men watch porn, we don’t want to hear about it, esp… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/05/21 03:44 PM |
| 37 | How to manage expectationsRemind yourself regularly he is still a stranger, or at best an acquaintance. Limit your dates to 1 or at most 2 per week, aka try to space them apart. Limit your texting so you are not constantly available and thinking and obsessing over his next message. Continue to spend time with girlfriends and family, don’t talk about him in length during these visits. I totally understand this mindset. I idealized a man I only knew online, I made plans in my mind for our future, because he lived in a diff… | /r/askFDS | 12/05/21 01:45 PM |
| 12 | alright, I am ready to hear itThe other ladies said it already but it bears repeating. No amount of money saved is worth staying with an abusive man. Plenty of women walk into their home not thinking their partner would ever go so far, and they are now dead. Move in with your mom to save money, she sounds willing. You could use the support. | /r/askFDS | 12/05/21 01:31 PM |
| 133 | No Brigading! Monthly ReminderI’ll be more diligent with reporting it when I see it. I know most women mean well but repeat offenders could be men masking as women to get us shut down. It’s unfortunate how simply existing is seen as a threat. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/05/21 12:40 AM |
| 18 | Friend still with her LVM who HATES me, but is now going out of her way to show that she is now friends with my LVM ex. Just how bad is her LVM situation? Trying to be understanding but failing.Why not? You’re another woman, and if she’s as self absorbed as she sounds, she likely sees you as competition. Either way, expedite her exit from your life and breathe easier for it. Time to find some new friends. | /r/askFDS | 11/05/21 08:52 PM |
| 99 | This is why FDS says we shouldn’t act like wives until we’re married. Scrote asks for pre-nup after his live-in bangmaid mommy bankrolls his life and “builds” with him for nearly a decade.I saw that and couldn’t even believe the irony. She thought she had the perfect life, she legitimately believed she was valued, despite numerous red flags and build-a-man tidbits in this post. I want to laugh, but mostly I just feel sorry for her. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/05/21 08:50 PM |
| 73 | Bengali FDS Queen 🇧🇩❤Proof that men are what is holding society back from a utopian environment. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/05/21 08:43 PM |
| 81 | Friend still with her LVM who HATES me, but is now going out of her way to show that she is now friends with my LVM ex. Just how bad is her LVM situation? Trying to be understanding but failing.My other friends tell me to walk away from her. Listen to those friends. She’s using you for free therapy. She is using Max either to make you jealous, or for male validation, or to make Stan jealous, or because she “doesn’t see anything wrong” with whatever that is. She is not your friend. I’m sorry, but trying to convince someone who doesn’t even put her own self interest first before men to put your interests before men is a lost cause. Either tell her the friendship is over or slowly peter o… | /r/askFDS | 11/05/21 06:28 PM |
| 8 | It’s like Groundhog Day but with online datingNot even 3 weeks. After a week he should ask you on a date. It doesn’t have to be that same day or two but soon. And then you request that pre-date screening call. If that goes well, great. If after a week there’s no date, no interest in escalating, he’s keeping you in his roster and nothing more. Block and delete. This helps facilitate multiple conversations at once also, because not all of your emotional energy is being dumped into one basket. Talk to multiple men, unmatch them after a week of… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/05/21 06:13 PM |
| 34 | APPROVED COMMENTER - Dating a recently single guy as a divorceeHow did the conversation about what he’s looking for come up? Because if you told him what you are looking for first, or it was in your profile, he is likely just mirroring to get you comfortable enough for sex. You sound like you’re interested in exclusivity after 1 date. You should keep dating multiple men, sleeping with none of them, of course, but just getting a feel for what is out there. Just because this guy looks good on paper doesn’t mean anything, men can mask for months for sex but th… | /r/askFDS | 11/05/21 06:10 PM |
| 16 | Friend angry I told her to leave LVMYou’re welcome. I assumed she lived with him so I’m surprised she doesn’t! It probably does come down to some combination of unhealthy attachment, sunk cost, and self esteem issues, with his supposed “love” intermingled. This is a PDF version of Why Does He Do That that may be worth sharing with her as well: https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf | /r/askFDS | 11/05/21 03:38 PM |
| 70 | The bar is on the groundAKA Ladies, get yourself a man who does the bare minimum! 😩💦👌 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/05/21 02:51 PM |
| 8 | Friendship vs RelationshipMost men who are attracted to women cannot be genuine friends with them, they always see them as an opportunity for sex, free therapy, female validation, etc. So the differences are extremely blurred by men who tell you they can’t go out with you for X reason but still what all the girlfriend-type benefits you provide. I’m not sure what you mean by “I may want to have a relationship with”? Either he is doing the leg work of asking you out and showing his best foot forward, or he isn’t and he’s t… | /r/askFDS | 11/05/21 02:21 PM |
| 43 | Friend angry I told her to leave LVMHave you ever asked her what’s stopping her from leaving him? Many women stay in abusive relationships because a lack of financial security, because of no support, because they don’t know what to do, like the steps just can’t lay themselves out in their mind. It is perfectly valid to be upset because she’s using you for free therapy, because that’s basically what she’s doing. She is making a choice to stay, to drag on the misery and drama. And you said you are resentful, and I don’t blame you. B… | /r/askFDS | 11/05/21 01:57 PM |
| 476 | Man recreates the patriarchy with catsHe probably didn’t want to emasculate that cat by snipping the gonads. Men really project hard when it comes to neutering male animals. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/05/21 12:12 AM |
| 74 | I ended it with a textPlease remember, he did not “start” as a HVM. HVM show themselves through consistency and those first few months are not a good determination, they are a positive neutral at best. You did not lose a HVM, don’t worry. You lost a LVM masking as someone with good qualities that he couldn’t keep up. It’s hard but you made the right decision. This is his time to shine, to show you his best qualities, and this was the best he could do? Inconsistency and lack of communication? It doesn’t get better, it… | /r/askFDS | 10/05/21 10:01 PM |
| 23 | Am I letting go of a high value man here? Not sure what to do...The timeline of previous posts leads me to believe whatever untraditional way you two met and started dating was anything but HV, and this isn’t me being judgmental but trying to get an idea of what kind of support and help you truly need. I really believe you should not be dating right now and need to work on providing yourself a better and more stable situation so you don’t have to resort to sex work as an option. Best of luck. | /r/askFDS | 10/05/21 09:37 PM |
| 15 | Am I letting go of a high value man here? Not sure what to do...Based on your post history, I’m not sure if you’re trolling, but you are a sex worker? And 26 days ago you weren’t sure of you should be worried about dating as someone child free? How do you know this man? Either way, it sounds like you guys argue a lot, I don’t think this man is high value. HVM are rare, and HVM are only shown through consistency. 4 months is barely enough time to know someone and the mask is likely slipping. Obviously there will be some minor disagreements in relationships, b… | /r/askFDS | 10/05/21 09:20 PM |
| 5 | Vetting questions on datesThis post has some great questions in the second comment and another comment links to the pre date screening questions as well. https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/iggoku/best_first_date_questions/ | /r/askFDS | 10/05/21 07:29 PM |
| 6 | Help her stay out of abusive relationshipSend her the PDF of Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Be there when she needs to vent, talk, cry, whatever. She will make her own choices, but the more support and information you arm her with, the more likely she is to make the better choices. https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf | /r/askFDS | 10/05/21 07:26 PM |
| 118 | Why are men on dating apps if they want nothing serious?The same reason people with cars order Uber Eats. Convenience. They know women are more accessible and commodified than ever, the majority of dating apps are literally designed for male consumption. Doesn’t matter what kind. Why commit when there are women willing to have sex for a coffee date or Netflix and chill? The apps don’t discriminate against hook ups because men want them and the app caters to men. | /r/askFDS | 10/05/21 07:24 PM |
| 434 | Indian scrotes discussing what they’d ask women before an arranged marriage. The audacity.Literally only a handful of these are legitimate concerns. Are you prone to daydreaming? God forbid my wife daydream about a life without me, because we know I will make her miserable. The amount of sex and body questions, it makes me cringe with disgust. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/05/21 05:08 PM |
| 25 | Dating guys you don't have feelings forIf you’re not excited by their personality, that would be a waste of your time I would think. Average looks are one thing, I’m a more mind-driven person when it comes to what I find interesting and intriguing. Not being attracted to someone’s personality at least on some level seems like you two just don’t mesh. You should enjoy the time spent together and look forward to it with excitement. If you don’t feel that, you’re just not into them. | /r/askFDS | 10/05/21 01:43 PM |
| 17 | Women who use livestreaming apps: HV or LV?I don’t know what apps you mean. Cam girls? Only fans? Tik tok live? Generally anyone who allows themselves to be sexually exploited for money isn’t a HV person but we also don’t know the circumstances that would bring someone to do something like this. It’s not fair to judge them on something that may be one of their last options or somewhat out of their control. But I’m not going to seek out friendships with them either. | /r/askFDS | 10/05/21 01:36 PM |
| 26 | Advice for a man over 30Having a healthy and fit body is attractive on just about anyone, but that doesn't mean you need to overdo it either. Being fit means different things for different body types. Also you may find yourself unattractive, but that doesn't mean you are to all women. Focus on good skincare, on hygiene, on stylish clothes. Don't start drinking if you haven't, it adds calories, it can lead to liver disease, it can come to addiction if it's not mediated. You could look into more active hobbies like climb… | /r/askFDS | 09/05/21 10:48 PM |
| 6 | Hello FDS, what are the thoughts in this community on dating someone with bipolar disorder?The way individuals often screw themselves when dating people with mental illness is they do not follow their own deal breakers down the line. Right now, if they were unmedicated, you absolutely wouldn’t be with them. They are doing well now though, which is great for them. But if you date this person you need to go in with the mindset that if this changes, if they stop taking care of themselves, you will NOT stay. Sunk cost fallacy and love can fuck someone up deeply when they choose to stay wi… | /r/askFDS | 09/05/21 03:47 PM |
| 13 | How can I overcome a broken heart?It is okay to be devastated and heartbroken. The pain is valid and real. His actions were in no way a reflection on you, he did what he did because he is selfish, apathetic, and a shitty person. He chose a cowards way of living his life and though it is going to be so hard these first few days especially, you will soon look back with fresh eyes and realize all the other ways this relationship disappointed you and hurt you that you overlooked because of love. And you will grow, and learn. | /r/askFDS | 09/05/21 03:25 PM |
| 7 | Please help me help my Pickme cousinsUnfortunately you can’t just slap them into reality. If it was so easy we would have helped all the women in our lives and the ripples would be profound. I would recommend giving them copies of some of the recommended reading from here, and maybe make it personal. Leave notes or highlights in the copies for them, encourage them to read it. But be prepared if they don’t. The best thing you can do is lead by example as the other commenter said. Talk about your own principle, your boundaries, be su… | /r/askFDS | 09/05/21 03:21 PM |
| 73 | Something that I still struggle to realize.I don’t like these statements for the simple fact that it can appeal to women who want to save men. It’s the same fallacy that bullies only bully because their home life sucks. Who the fuck cares? Whether a LVM is a self sabotaging piece of shit because he’s miserable, or if he’s thriving elsewhere doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is he did NOT TREAT YOU WELL. He is lacking basic human decency, he chose manipulation over communication, or gaslighting over empathy, or violence in his w… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/05/21 02:48 PM |
| 14 | Texting / Meeting frequency in a new relationshipAs I said, pregnancy, STD’s, and sexual coercion are incredibly traumatic experiences you risk by having sex with unvetted men. If you are willing to risk that in the name of time saved, that’s entirely up to you. FDS is a one size fits all strategy, nobody here is telling you what to do. We’re telling you what is the best risk mitigation strategy. If you want to use sex as a vetting tool, be my guest, but nobody here will be coddling you if you come back in a month saying you got HPV from a man… | /r/askFDS | 09/05/21 02:38 PM |
| 9 | I hate my self!The reason so many of us are part of FDS is because we went through similar LVM experiences. Don't beat yourself up for mistakes you made, just learn to do better and be better and put yourself first in the future! Welcome to the new you, you're going to be so much better at enforcing your boundaries. You're going to have a very visceral feeling of 'yuck' around LVM because you went through this, you know the deal. Forgive yourself and thank yourself for the hard lessons. | /r/askFDS | 09/05/21 05:39 AM |
| 33 | Texting / Meeting frequency in a new relationshipPlease remember that many many men will literally seem wonderful, well put together, and do what they need to to have sex, and once they get it, and start getting comfortable, they change. Not having sex early isn’t about “going against our natural desires”. It’s a vetting tool, because men who are not getting sex right away will begin to let the mask slip. They’ll become impatient with boundaries and start pushing, they will start bringing sex up every time you talk, they’ll use conversations a… | /r/askFDS | 08/05/21 08:42 PM |
| 16 | Thought he was a HVM until he said those 4 words 🥴Yep, what Hhjjuuy said, it should be specific and personal. For example if I was to describe the reasons I love my mother, it would be because she’s resilient, she loves to make beautiful spaces, she is caring and willing to help me whenever I may need it. Those are specific qualities. | /r/askFDS | 08/05/21 07:59 PM |
| 110 | Thought he was a HVM until he said those 4 words 🥴A month is way too soon to say he loves you, and it may be an attempt at love bombing in order to make you more comfortable and pliable in hopes for sex. If you add up all the time you’ve spent together IN PERSON, does it even equal a week? Three days? One??? My guess is it doesn’t, and he is either manipulating you or idealizing you, neither of which are healthy. A great exercise to see if someone truly loves you or is only in love with the idea of you, ask them why? Most of the time when they … | /r/askFDS | 08/05/21 05:41 PM |
| 33 | Dinner date alternatives for the dietary restrictedFDS is a one size fits all kind of strategy, so in a case like yours, the focus definitely needs to be on the amount of effort and thoughtfulness going into planning, since you can’t go with the usual dinner date. You should be upfront about your diet restrictions (if that’s comfortable for you) but let them know you’re up for other kinds of dates without planning them for him. A guy who gets sucked into the same low effort things he plans all the time will quickly show his thoughtlessness. And … | /r/askFDS | 08/05/21 05:54 AM |
| 100 | Dating a lovely guy - and I feel dead inside.There's a balance. The 'spark' is often not a real thing, it can manifest from love-bombing, trauma bonding, manipulation, etc. But it's important to be excited to talk to someone and spend time with them as you go on a couple dates. Is this the same kind of apathy you feel towards good friends? New events? Fun holidays? Because if you're not really excited about most things, it could be just a "it takes time" situation. But if you get genuine eagerness and excitement for other things in your li… | /r/askFDS | 07/05/21 10:27 PM |
| 53 | Getting over disappointmentTwo things, first remember that his “history of serious relationships” is whatever he says it is. You have no proof he didn’t play mind games with 10 other women between these relationships or even cheat on these women. You are idealizing him. Second, his inability to commit has nothing to do with you. It’s not about being good enough. You weren’t right for each other, and if you hold onto a mindset of “if I just did X he might give me Y” you’re playing right into what many men want, which is fo… | /r/askFDS | 07/05/21 01:39 PM |
| 1 | Can someone here please help me ( a 34 year old woman) with PIV orgasm?!This would be better suited for a sex advice sub. There is literature out there if you search on google, just add -porn to the search and you’ll get results without pornography. Only you know what will feel good by trying it and taking it slow. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/05/21 01:05 PM |
| 3 | MY BROTHER WANTS ME TO QUIT ALCOHOL. But he’s NICER to me when I’m drunk. LVM behavior from male family members???????Are you able to do outpatient rehab? There are often low cost programs available for addiction treatment. It sounds like you live with enablers and that’s part of what is holding you back. Please get help before you hurt yourself more. | /r/askFDS | 07/05/21 01:01 PM |
| 57 | MY BROTHER WANTS ME TO QUIT ALCOHOL. But he’s NICER to me when I’m drunk. LVM behavior from male family members???????Are you sure he’s being nice and chatty, or are you just so inebriated you interpret his demeanor as different than it actually is? Just food for thought. Either way, I hope you and your mother get the help you need and deserve. Alcoholism was my own mothers coping mechanism when I was growing up and it was a hard time for me and my siblings. I imagine it’s incredibly difficult for your brother as well as both of you. | /r/askFDS | 07/05/21 05:37 AM |
| 15 | Should I have acted this way?I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Unfortunately many women are “left behind” in home where the males are provided more opportunities, education, support, and understanding. Breaking their belongings isn’t going to provide anything but temporary satisfaction, and if you have to live with them, it just provides ammunition to take away even more things you would find enjoyable. The best revenge you can serve is to focus on yourself, to further your education or career in any way that you have… | /r/askFDS | 06/05/21 07:25 PM |
| 858 | YEP👏🏼Yes, thank you! Adopting a “male model” of sexual promiscuity is incredibly damaging because we do NOT have the same freedoms as men, the same access to contraception, access to abortion, or even the same regard in society. Men can literally knock up 5 different women and walk away from each one and nobody would call it “child abandonment”, they’d just call him a dead beat dad and try to collect child support. Women can’t even leave a child unattended in a food court to do a job interview 30-fee… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/05/21 06:39 PM |
| 64 | "I don't want to be with men who haven't been through anything" - re-calibrate or no?There’s a difference between optimistic realism, and toxic positivity. As well as realism, and cynicism. I think meeting someone who has the qualities of optimism and realism together is more beneficial than someone bitter, resentful, and cynical. You want to meet men who have empathy and want to grow, not men who blame the world for the shit they’ve been through. | /r/askFDS | 06/05/21 05:44 PM |
| 2 | Jesus ain’t proud of your parking: 8 days entitled neighbor construction: blocks whole road + fire lane. Yest I called cops; today he’s back. I confronted/He gave excuses/I said g*damn. While scrote yapping, he does Sign of Cross b/c God’s name. I go JESUS AINT PROUD OF YOUR PARKING #MenFakeReligionYesss. I am here for it. 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/05/21 04:26 PM |
| 16 | Jesus ain’t proud of your parking: 8 days entitled neighbor construction: blocks whole road + fire lane. Yest I called cops; today he’s back. I confronted/He gave excuses/I said g*damn. While scrote yapping, he does Sign of Cross b/c God’s name. I go JESUS AINT PROUD OF YOUR PARKING #MenFakeReligionTime to tip off a tow truck company to their illegal parking! They often will tow first and ask questions later. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/05/21 03:50 PM |
| 51 | For those who might be interested, NYTimes is doing a short survey asking Americans why they do or don't want children.The environment is another big one, the carbon footprint of having a child is huge in a planet already overburdened as it is. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/05/21 03:48 PM |
| 213 | For those who might be interested, NYTimes is doing a short survey asking Americans why they do or don't want children.Done! I put No to children for the following reasons: Men are often unreliable caretakers who burden women with full domestic duties and child care while also expecting women to contribute financially. Pregnancy ravages the body and the American health care system is severely lacking in post-birth quality of care, including mental health. Children are a huge responsibility requiring steady finances which has been made difficult in a society with stagnant wages and rising cost of living. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/05/21 03:30 PM |
| 23 | I truly hate this YOLO attitude. As if women should be celebrating being in debt and having sex with toxic men. Just no. Invest your money in stocks, a vibrator and a hobby. You’ll be much happier.Yep! Her future self will not be thanking her for the self sabotage. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/05/21 02:26 PM |
| 33 | Remain friends with a man who didn't meet my standards?Yeah, I have a feeling you already decided to stay his friend. Nobody who follows FDS religiously will say this is a good idea, but obviously it’s not one size fits all. If you want to do this, then just try to be as cautious, safe, and mindful as possible of the potential risks. | /r/askFDS | 06/05/21 12:06 AM |
| 77 | Remain friends with a man who didn't meet my standards?Men who are attracted to women can rarely be just friends with them. They always look at women as a potential opportunity for sex, and if that’s off the table, they still wait around and often leech emotional labor from the woman. I don’t see any real benefit in doing this that you couldn’t get from other female friends, but if you choose to keep him as a friend anyway, I would ensure you only meet in public places (as you said already) and do not compromise any further boundaries. Also don’t dr… | /r/askFDS | 05/05/21 11:59 PM |
| 6 | How do you deal with the desire or need to be protected?I don’t even drive and I imagine that being an awful situation without the right resources and knowledge! | /r/askFDS | 05/05/21 11:21 PM |
| 208 | Don’t tell men about your standardsI think this is great advice to avoid interpersonal conflict, but remember that FDS wouldn’t exist without us stating our standards loud and proud! You should absolutely share your standards with women in your life who can benefit from a different perspective, but never sit there and try to justify your standards, especially to anyone not asking questions in good faith. Obviously we aren’t here to educate naysayers or hold hands, but there’s a lot of value in sharing perspectives and experiences… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/05/21 11:19 PM |
| 175 | This went VIRAL on FB and everyone was calling it cute and praising him. She deserves better.He doesn’t even have the courtesy to not smoke a cigar on the date in a public park either. He’s postering with that thing, god forbid he look too feminine holding that painting on a picnic with his date. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/05/21 08:11 PM |
| 21 | Ghosted after not putting out on a dateTrue, it wasn’t mature in any way! Maturity seems to be lacking in most men. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/05/21 03:15 PM |
| 62 | Ghosted after not putting out on a dateWow, what a dick. We can appreciate he took no for an answer (bare minimum) but it’s incredibly clear he was only in it for sex. What a pervert. If he was actually interested in you he would be willing to wait, especially considering how much intimacy and vulnerability you already showed him. You give an inch and they take a damn mile. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/05/21 03:00 PM |
| 50 | The Female Dating Strategy Podcast: EP. 9 - We Like Big Dicks and We REFUSE to LieOh no, men can join for only $10? I hope no men join the $10 Scrote tier, that would be so awful to have men submitting dating questions, and again, for only $10, please don’t join. Nobody wants to hear your questions, even if it’s only $10 to get some attention from our lovely podcasters. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/05/21 02:06 PM |
| 79 | Do you run into men demanding your attention and getting angry when you don't give it to them?Man, that really shows their ugly true colors! If you’ve barely invested in this person, they can wait. If he wanted more communication he could say those were his desires and then you could act accordingly or explain why you can’t meet that need. There should NEVER be disrespect. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/05/21 01:50 PM |
| 49 | Settle or bet on myself?Your education and the job experience you will earn will far outweigh any benefits a man provides. If you work towards goals of a healthy body and mind, however that looks for you, you will be infinitely more desirable than you realize. Men have all different sorts of preferences. But yeah, men also suck sometimes, which is why betting on yourself will never fail you. Only one person to care for, to clean up after, and to feed/house/finance. I’d choose me every time. | /r/askFDS | 05/05/21 01:47 PM |
| 17 | How do you deal with the desire or need to be protected?First of all, fantastic job enforcing your boundaries! That is something to be proud of. As far as that desire for protection, I think that’s a natural feeling. You can’t guarantee there won’t be moments in life you will need “saving” from something like a flat on the freeway, or a medical emergency. The best thing you can do is have enough resources readily available that you won’t NEED him to save you. What does that mean? Carry some cash, always have an emergency savings, memorize at least a … | /r/askFDS | 05/05/21 05:35 AM |
| 24 | What are some qualities that tell you the man you're dating will be a good father?Patience is a big one. If he’s impatient with the waiters, the traffic, the line at the grocery, he’s going to show that same impatience to children. Those situations are all in some way out of his control. Children also can’t be controlled. Children exhibit frustrating behaviors all the time, and those situations need to be treated with patience! Eagerness to learn and teach/mentor in some capacities. When you have children they will need to be educated on so many things, and doing so is vital … | /r/askFDS | 05/05/21 05:16 AM |
| 20 | More food for thought <333It’s hard to describe it, I don’t think I’ll ever know for sure if that was the truth, but I was definitely qualified for the position, had a history at the program from when I was younger that would have boded well as a success story, and I feel like the actual interviewing part went really well! But when someone looks at you for the first time, you can sometimes catch subtle shifts in their expression and I felt like I saw that. The face falling - “this isn’t what I expected” - moment, even th… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/05/21 09:36 PM |
| 17 | FDS While Married?None of us know your relationship and soon to be married life, but the most important thing is to continue having a good home balance when it comes to domestic duties, to have financial independence and have a prenup that protects your own assets and your future and children’s future should the relationship fail, and to continue to have respect for your boundaries, honest communication, and a loving relationship. Marriage doesn’t mean the “vetting” ends. Men can change. Be vigilant, be honest wi… | /r/askFDS | 04/05/21 05:01 PM |
| 50 | More food for thought <333I feel this so much! Also a non-makeup wearer, I just never understood the appeal outside of an art form. I was really getting nervous when I was job searching a few years ago that I lost a particular opportunity because of my looks... but thankfully I landed another job which is fantastic, and I feel relieved every day that nobody gives a crap whether or not I wear makeup. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/05/21 04:55 PM |
| 11 | How do i internalize this thought ?Got it, thank you for clarifying! I’m not of that culture so I don’t want to say anything insensitive to your practices, but I think the most important thing to internalize is that him finding another woman to marry is in no way a reflection on you, your character or worthiness as a partner, or that you were a “bad” partner. Sometimes people just don’t mesh, or they have different values, and that’s okay. You should never compromise your boundaries or values to win a man because if he cannot han… | /r/askFDS | 04/05/21 04:46 PM |
| 3 | How do i internalize this thought ?If you don’t mind me asking, what culture is this? Is this the same ‘best friend’ guy from your post history, or a different guy? | /r/askFDS | 04/05/21 04:04 PM |
| 19 | My husband has admitted to watching porn again and I have no idea what to do about it.Stop doing anything for him, make him take care of himself and focus on yourself and the kids. Look into potentially babysitting at your home since you’re already taking care of 2 kids, so you can start saving money to leave. Look into domestic shelters. Look into free child care programs. Your children are only going to suffer the longer you stay with him and make them believe this is a what a normal, healthy, adult relationship is supposed to look like. | /r/askFDS | 04/05/21 03:03 PM |
| 5 | Imagine how this "man" would treat you. He barely sees women as human. This is why we don't date down ladies!In the video he says “Nivine, why did you unmatch me? It’s me.” So it might be real, but damn did he look all 48 of his years with his skin. She looks in her mid 20’s at 32! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/05/21 03:00 PM |
| 14 | Why do I feel guilty for not acting like a tradwife?You feel guilty because women have been conditioned their whole lives to be providers, maids, bed warmers, therapists, and god knows plenty else. Why are you staying with this man who doesn’t appear to be ready and willing to pull his weight? I feel like it’s only going to get more and more difficult, and he’s going to become resentful because you have to “nag” him to do the bare minimum. | /r/askFDS | 03/05/21 06:34 PM |
| 9 | New relationship rhythmYep, he should be planning the majority of dates and activities in the first stages of a relationship especially. It’s okay to make suggestions like you want to go to X new restaurant or Y new event or to the zoo or something but he should be planning, and getting your availability to plan accordingly. | /r/askFDS | 03/05/21 06:26 PM |
| 23 | New relationship rhythmA week? Oh lord, yeah, you should not be saying you love each other in a week. As far as kissing, it’s fair to wait a few weeks and dates or longer. Sex shouldn’t be happening for at LEAST 3 months. But longer is totally fair. It’s all about you and what you feel comfortable with. He needs to be respecting your boundaries. Let him lead; and if he’s not meeting your needs or he’s disrespecting your boundaries, end the relationship. | /r/askFDS | 03/05/21 06:08 PM |
| 11 | New relationship rhythmIntimacy should be at a pace you are comfortable with, only you and he can decide what that pace will be. Are you happy with where you two are at? I can’t tell how long you’ve been seeing him, but I would say if you’re comfortable and enjoying yourself, then you’re fine. Nobody else’s opinion on the relationship matters when it comes to a timeline for intimacy. | /r/askFDS | 03/05/21 05:54 PM |
| 34 | What to say when —You never really want to answer the “what are you looking for” question first, because some men will be whatever you want them to be just long enough to sleep with you. Some good responses are “A gentleman goes first,” or “I’ll know it when I see it, what about you?” You turn it around on them and make them answer first. That way if they say anything you aren’t down with like hookups or “we’ll see where it goes,” you can block and delete without wasting your time. As far as asking about the love… | /r/askFDS | 03/05/21 04:21 PM |
| 28 | Is it normal to feel like you never want to be in a relationship?It’s hard to find the line between 1. protecting yourself from the general consensus that many men, with or without intention, devalue and hurt women regularly, and 2. trying your best to live a life free of cynicism, which is the mindset that all people are driven by self interest and selfishness. So is it normal to feel that way? Yes. Do you want to feel that way? Probably not, but it takes time to pull yourself free of that. Personally I’ve done my best to mentally draw a line between the gro… | /r/askFDS | 03/05/21 04:10 PM |
| 18 | Not enough communication“We”? This isn’t a we problem, this is a him problem. It seems like you are not a high priority to him. You could state it bluntly, “I would prefer more communication. Just a couple texts a day isn’t doing it for me.” And see if he steps his game up. But prepare for him not to, or to do it for a couple days then fall back into the same low communication patterns. Remember that right now during the courting faze you are literally seeing the “best” version of him and it’s already not meeting your … | /r/askFDS | 03/05/21 01:46 PM |
| 18 | I keep seeing a guy that looks like my ex around town and it's kinda freaking me out...If by some super super tiny slight chance he did follow you here, your husband is supposed to be protecting you! Not making you feel like shit, feel paranoid, and accusing you of things you haven’t done. He is literally not doing the one thing a man who loves a woman should do, which is protect her like his life depended on it. | /r/askFDS | 03/05/21 02:28 AM |
| 37 | I keep seeing a guy that looks like my ex around town and it's kinda freaking me out...What do you do? Nothing. He doesn’t have your address so even if it was your ex (doubtful) he’s not going to come knocking on your door. Your husband sounds emotionally abusive, accusing you of cheating over an ex contacting you, badgering you about a random dude in town??? It feels like manipulation, gaslighting, and using your trauma against you. Please stay safe. Edit: Yeah. I just checked your post history, your husband is garbage. It feels like he knows you might have one foot out the door … | /r/askFDS | 03/05/21 01:33 AM |
| 17 | Medium to low value step father and how to advise him on his relationship issues with my HV mother?I mean, you could meet up and secretly record him and show your mom. Or you could just tell him you’re not his therapist. I am surprised you have ever met up or talked with him about your mom, it seems like he comes to you for training on how to keep your mom happy and I can’t think of anything more LV than needing someone to hold your hand through relationship issues. | /r/askFDS | 03/05/21 01:28 AM |
| 12 | Was my dad right to not meet my (now ex) boyfriend?Your parents probably had a stronger gut feeling something was off, your dad speaking to the characteristics of men in that ethnic group definitely doesn’t come from nowhere. Those kinds of men probably used to be his friends, his peers, when he was your age. He knows to be wary because he probably saw how those same men treated women when he was younger. I feel like when you have a good relationship with your parents that can see subtle shifts in your sense of self that men cause that you may n… | /r/askFDS | 02/05/21 07:30 PM |
| 74 | What is everyone’s thoughts on Billie Eilish now “showing skin”? What does her defense make you feel?It was honestly more empowering to see her alternative style than this, because she knew men wanted to consume her and she was denying them access. Now she’s just another girl pandering to the male gaze under the guise of empowerment. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/05/21 05:41 PM |
| 18 | When/how to tell dates about divorce?Not sure of the FDS stance so this is just my personal opinion, I would disclose minimal information and breadcrumb the full story as I vetted the man. For example, when getting closer to exclusivity or if past relationships come up, just letting him know you’re a divorcee, and that it “didn’t work out” is pretty vague and honest at the same time. It let’s the next partner know the bare minimum. And then if they continue to push you for details, you can cut them off. But assuming it’s okay, and … | /r/askFDS | 02/05/21 03:15 PM |
| 97 | Long term bf broke up with me 5 mins after couples therapyI’m so sorry, I know you must be going through it and feeling awful. Please know it’s okay to be upset, cry, and need time. I highly recommend reading Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Also, often LVM men will attempt counseling only to appease the girlfriend or wife with no actual belief in it working. They will be hoping the therapist will say the right words to make the woman happy with their incompetency! None of us know what you went through, or what brought it to the end, but now that… | /r/askFDS | 02/05/21 01:32 PM |
| 51 | Casual sexism or unprofessionalism?It’s probably both, because it’s unprofessional whether it’s sexist or not, and if you’re the only one who got laughed at then all my bets are on it also being sexist. What a frustrating situation. Please keep shining and performing your best, you’ll do amazing things. | /r/askFDS | 02/05/21 01:17 PM |
| 170 | wow.Why are so many men like this when it comes to well meaning women trying to help? I can remember vividly times in my life I’ve offered gentle suggestions to a man dealing with something and they get so snippy and curt. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/05/21 03:47 PM |
| 12 | Date in his apartment, do I bring something?The other women had great replies here, I’m not going to reiterate the risks and bad idea that going to see him at his place is. I just want to add in to your original question, no you shouldn’t bring anything. Your company is his gift. And please, even if you’ve known this man for a year, do not be drinking around him right now. Drinking will lower your inhibitions, it will make you more pliable, which means if will be much easier for this man to take advantage of you and potentially push you t… | /r/askFDS | 30/04/21 01:51 PM |
| 21 | Am I being too nitpicky/sensitive?Absolutely do not link your social media’s to your datings apps. It’s a safety concern, and makes it easier for men who may not even be actively engaging with you to start following your profiles and keep tabs on you. I would remove your IG and change your dating pictures to ones not readily available on your socials. And if it’s been a week, and no request for a date, or clear expressed interest in planning, he’s not that interested. | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 06:57 PM |
| 19 | Letting men pick you up on first datesRemember that regardless of how much info you have on this guy and who you forward it to, none of that is going to help you if he decides on violence. It’s only helpful after the fact. Never put yourself in a position where an unvetted non-exclusive man has control of your only easy escape route. If the date sucks you can just leave, if he says something awful or threatening or hurtful, you can leave. And for the love of all that is holy, do not give these men your address so they can become fut… | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 06:06 PM |
| 102 | There’s a New Dating Website for Christian Men Who Hate Feminists and Soy BoysI wonder how many bots they’ll have to add to the site to make it seem like there are available women. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/04/21 05:01 PM |
| 16 | pickme relapse / LVW action. Do I need to say something before I block?To make sure he doesn’t show up if you picked a date/time I’d say hey nevermind on the smoke session, something came up. Then block. He can talk to dead air. If you didn’t specify a time I’d just block, that should be sufficient. | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 04:27 PM |
| 7 | What advice would you give to somebody who has never dated someone with an ex??I can’t speak to the soliciting an ex thing, I don’t believe I’d personally be comfortable doing that unless I already had my foot out the door anyway and needed confirmation bias. But I’m not going to knock it as a vetting strategy either! That seems like a personal preference to me. It can be extremely valuable before knowing if you should fully invest in someone. Keep an eye on signs they are not over their ex. This article breaks down a lot of common ones: https://www.bustle.com/wellness/if-… | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 04:25 PM |
| 4 | Libfem queer friends encouraging sexual situations. Is it fair to be uncomfortable?Of course it’s okay and normal to be uncomfortable, but there isn’t a lot you can do except remove yourself from the situation. An example would be like the whole group wanting to go to a strip club, everyone wants to except you, it makes you feel alienated but it’s absolutely not wrong to not want to be exposed to overly sexualized women and misogynistic behaviors. But you can’t tell your friends what to think or feel, you can only educate them on why you feel a certain way and hope they unders… | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 03:30 PM |
| 5 | Libfem queer friends encouraging sexual situations. Is it fair to be uncomfortable?Sounds like she enjoys being in control and feeling like people owe her! Either way, I stand by the sentiment that she is not truly a friend because she antagonizes and disrespects you in subtle ways. | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 03:28 PM |
| 88 | Scrote slanders his ex for 5 months while dating me, then goes back to herThe vast vast majority of the time when a man talks about his GF being the abuser, it’s because he was the one abusing her, and her reaction to him causing her mental and emotional anguish is labeled as “crazy”. Is this the same ex from your post 100 days ago? You should read “Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft, start checking out some of his videos online. You know he’s no value. He could still be single, be dating someone else, or back with his ex, and none of that matters. What matters is… | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 03:20 PM |
| 8 | Living with toxic brother in family-owned home- trying to bully us into moving out.One suggestion: Start documenting everything, recording him without him knowing when he’s being emotionally abusive, taking photos of the messes he’s leaving behind. Once you have a solid bit of evidence that he’s antagonizing you both, go to your parents, and if they finally believe you, work on a plan to evict him from the residence or sell the property if it’s meant to be a shared asset. (How it is willed to the kids is a whole other story). Unfortunately the more likely scenario is they stil… | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 02:58 PM |
| 2 | Should a partner pay for or help you to pay for surrogacy?Some things come down to preference, timing in careers, goals for the future. Definitely read through this finance post from the Handbook, it breaks down ways to maintain financially independent. https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f5fp3n/how_to_protect_your_financial_future_when/ | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 01:43 PM |
| 33 | Libfem queer friends encouraging sexual situations. Is it fair to be uncomfortable?Your views are your views, “prudish” is a concept meant to guilt women so their boundaries can be compromised. She is not your friends by the sounds of it, she’s an accessory to the friendships you have established with the ones who care about your comfort and who value your opinions. What do you do about it? Basically grey rock her, don’t argue or share opinions around her, be vague about your life to her, don’t give her ammo to belittle your feelings and boundaries. And work on finding a new j… | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 01:35 PM |
| 15 | Is my friend a LVM or am I just too harsh on my friend?Yes, he didn’t include her in his plans from the sounds of it. She was an accessory to his goals, not someone to share goals with. Also 4 years and no ring? 🤦♀️ | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 01:25 PM |
| 5 | Dating in your 30sThe once a week thing when you’re newly dating is about leaving opportunities open for other dates, as FDS encourages women to date a couple of men at once so they don’t idealize one man or make themselves overly available. You don’t want to be ready to drop all your plans and obligations at a moments notice either. Now maybe you need to see him more than once a week to know he’s serious, I don’t know if that’s a standard you have, but I’m just giving you some reasoning why pacing yourself on da… | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 07:06 AM |
| 30 | Dating in your 30sDoes he have kids? A full time job? Hobbies that take him out of the house? I would say an actual meeting once a week is on par with what FDS promotes as far as pacing yourself and not making yourself overly available. The lack of communication during the week is more concerning. How is he filling that time during the week? Because if it’s with high quality activities that keep him active and not engaged with his phone that’s a huge difference between a guy who comes home from work and sits on t… | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 06:32 AM |
| 8 | My heart won’t stop hurting. My courtship ended and I don’t understand why he walked away.None of us know. But I recommend reading the Why Does He Do That book someone recommended below. It goes into a lot about the male psyche. Maybe he just didn’t think he could control you, that you weren’t meek and pliable enough. Nobody can say for sure. But please don’t keep letting yourself overthink it and dwell on it. You deserve better, you deserve to treat yourself better and to love yourself enough to work on moving past this. Talk to God, talk to your family, talk to your friends, if pos… | /r/askFDS | 29/04/21 01:38 AM |
| 13 | How to help my niece who is 13 and starting to feel like she isn’t enough?Be there for her, lead by example, try to keep in touch, gift her books and media with positive age appropriate messages, and make sure she knows she can always come to you with any problems and concerns. The more support you can give, the more likely she is to reach out when she needs it. | /r/askFDS | 28/04/21 09:16 PM |
| 12 | Can I mail a LVM his stuff?He’s using it as an excuse to contact you, but he could easily just come knock on your door if he wanted it back. He’s expecting you to do the labor, because 1. he’s lazy, 2. he doesn’t actually care; he just wants to see you, and 3. he wants attention and validation of his request, all of which you provide. You sound like you already decided to mail it, so you don’t need our approval. But just keep in mind his hounding won’t stop. He’ll just find another reason or excuse to continue contacting … | /r/askFDS | 28/04/21 09:13 PM |
| 6 | Please hear me outSexual coercion is a form of sexual assault, absolutely. If it’s not an enthusiastic yes, it’s a no. Whether it fits the legal definition of rape in your state/country that is up to the courts if you decide to pursue legal action. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I highly recommend working on getting therapy for the assault. Check with the RAINN organization or victim assistance programs. | /r/askFDS | 28/04/21 08:44 PM |
| 9 | Should a partner pay for or help you to pay for surrogacy?If it’s his child, absolutely. He’d have to accept your child free (or at least pregnancy free) stance prior to the relationship. I would expect nothing less than half the cost if he agreed to my stance. If he didn’t agree, he’s not the right partner for me. | /r/askFDS | 28/04/21 07:15 PM |
| 11 | Can I mail a LVM his stuff?Just donate it to Goodwill. If he wanted it back he would have gotten it. He’s not thinking about you and harassing you right now so don’t remind him you exist. | /r/askFDS | 28/04/21 07:11 PM |
| 30 | The Female Dating Strategy Podcast: EP. 8 - Disney Presents: The Princess and The BumOf course! That’s the sad part, even though she’s “plain” we all know she’s actually beautiful, but she STILL has to “glow up” before the jock will date her. It’s absolute horse shit. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 06:36 PM |
| 26 | My heart won’t stop hurting. My courtship ended and I don’t understand why he walked away.It really sucks to be rejected, even by a man who was not good for you. We all want to be loved and desired, and be in control, but often times those feelings can cloud the very real judgement that some people are just not meant to be part of your life because they are abusive, manipulative, whatever. You are an intelligent, faithful, driven, empathetic person who would be an incredible catch for any partner. I see that you have posted to other religious pages and I have to say, the biggest thin… | /r/askFDS | 28/04/21 06:32 PM |
| 47 | My heart won’t stop hurting. My courtship ended and I don’t understand why he walked away.I stand by what I said the first time you posted, the trash took itself out. He is a miserable controlling man. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/mik43d/my_courtship_ended_abruptly_with_this_guy_i_am_so/ Please read the handbook and take time to reflect on the bullet you dodged. He was not the catch you think he is. | /r/askFDS | 28/04/21 06:18 PM |
| 13 | After few months of chatting, Reddit friend says “don’t talk to me if you are not comfortable showing face” - how to proceed?I have plenty of online friends I’ve known for years and we’ve never met. For many, we didn’t exchange socials for a loooong time, and all they knew at the time was vague details about me. I’m part of plenty of online groups that don’t know me by my name, but by a tag I play MMORPG games with online. All of this is to say, he’s spouting bullshit and wants to see what you look like because you’re a woman and he wants to know if he should be attracted to you. Men and women can rarely be friends, m… | /r/askFDS | 28/04/21 06:11 PM |
| 87 | The Female Dating Strategy Podcast: EP. 8 - Disney Presents: The Princess and The BumThis comment also reminds me about the trope in a lot of shows/movies about the “ugly girl” piquing the interest of the jock/hot guy with her personality, like oh wow ~you’re not like the other girls~ but it isn’t until she has a full on glow up (glasses come off, hair nice, makeup) that he wants to actually be with her. It’s never him accepting that this “plain” girl is beautiful in her own right and she has an amazing personality, nope. She has to turn into a beauty before he’ll accept her, wh… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 03:39 PM |
| 6 | Rant + seeking your opinions: these FDS-approved YouTubers aren't actually feminist and are really just preaching that a woman WHO BEARS CHILDREN for a man deserves to be protected/provided forThat’s a valid criticism, and many women ignore discussing the hardships that come from pregnancy and post birth, even non-Youtube women do this. It’s slowly shifting now that people are discussing that trauma. My best guess is these women are not part of that shift and don’t want to be seen as naysayers or alienate a part of their audience and risk their views. | /r/askFDS | 28/04/21 02:24 PM |
| 28 | My ex sent me a photo of his penisHe’s trying to goad you into a response. He’s thinking that the first one didn’t work, let me make her think there’s someone else I’d send this flesh toothpick to so she gets jealous! Just keep ignoring and don’t bother opening his emails, just collect them as evidence for online harassment. | /r/askFDS | 28/04/21 01:53 PM |
| 24 | Rant + seeking your opinions: these FDS-approved YouTubers aren't actually feminist and are really just preaching that a woman WHO BEARS CHILDREN for a man deserves to be protected/provided forThe biggest problem with taking advice from Youtubers is they are always selling something. Themselves, for more clicks, views, and engagement. A product to help you become more XYZ. Their content has to be appealing to the majority of women because that’s how they make their money. Just like FDS itself, when you have a “one size fits all” strategy you will leave things behind because of differences in culture, in age, in ability, in sexuality and preference for child bearing. The important thin… | /r/askFDS | 28/04/21 01:44 PM |
| 6 | I feel like a clown, how do I convince myself to get away from this lvmStop cleaning for him, stop spending your money on him, stop giving him any rent money or income. Everything you get in your paychecks in the coming few months is your nest egg and escape plan. It’s time for ramen, minimizing spending, and focusing on ANY avenue that gets you more financial stability so you can leave. All of his money is going to his drinking, and his drinking (and possibly porn/death grip) is effecting his erection. Stop touching him, do not have sex, I can’t imagine he knows h… | /r/askFDS | 28/04/21 05:43 AM |
| 13 | He’s just not that Interested?Drop him. if he wanted to, he would. He doesn’t want to. It may not even be about you, he could just be choosing to prioritize everything else besides dating and unfortunately you’re the casualty of that. Time to block and move on. | /r/askFDS | 27/04/21 10:24 PM |
| 24 | How to avoid putting myself in the mommy/bangmaid role?-Learn to say thank you (for a compliment) or you’re welcome (for a thank you) instead of it’s no big deal. -Make a list on paper of the amount of work you’re doing so you can look at those accomplishments, this could just be a ‘to do list’ for the week. -Keep working on your career goals, or hobbies, or other outlets besides household activities. Start some new hobbies that get you out of the house without the kids so that if the division of labor starts to become unequal you can see it happeni… | /r/askFDS | 27/04/21 10:21 PM |
| 22 | I (23 F) broke up with my boyfriend (28 M) for certain reasons. I am new to dating. Did I make the right call? Some people are saying my standards are too high or "sexist."Your standards are not too high at all, he sounds like he has zero ambition, zero desire for growth in regards to his mental health, and zero career goals. How the heck do you build a life with a man like that? | /r/askFDS | 27/04/21 10:08 PM |
| 5 | Is This One-Line Statement a Gaslight/ Non-apology?Yep, 100%. Trust your gut in situations like this. | /r/askFDS | 27/04/21 02:13 PM |
| 4 | Is This One-Line Statement a Gaslight/ Non-apology?Wow! That is a shitty situation and sounds like an abusive work environment. I would start looking for a new job if you can, I couldn’t imagine staying long or having growth potential at a place like that. What an awful set of coworkers. | /r/askFDS | 27/04/21 02:04 PM |
| 37 | Is This One-Line Statement a Gaslight/ Non-apology?Definitely sounds like a non apology to me. I’m not surprised though since you said they were basically playing it down from the very beginning. His opinion on the situation sucks, but hopefully they took some action like documented warnings for the aggressors in this situation. | /r/askFDS | 27/04/21 01:40 PM |
| 18 | Guy From 2018 Still Stalks Me and it’s Getting Worse As Time Goes ByCan you document all of the online harassment and file a restraining order? https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/abuse-using-technology/ways-abusers-misuse-technology/cyberstalking-and-online-0 I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I hope you can find some resources to help you. Please stay safe. | /r/askFDS | 26/04/21 09:09 PM |
| 41 | For my own peace of mind: He just has to be lying about this situation not being personal, right?You either believe him or you don’t, to be honest. Whether he said he’s still healing to soften the blow or he just isn’t into you, men can and do have the capacity to be vulnerable, can need time after a heartbreak, can want to make their own level up journeys, etc. It manifests differently in some ways but a guy who was deeply in love will experience heartbreak and need time. You being “good enough” for him isn’t a question you should be asking yourself because you are doing a disservice to yo… | /r/askFDS | 26/04/21 09:06 PM |
| 23 | Is my fiances (25M) repeated anger justified?What all these lovely ladies said. He is emotionally abusing you. I want you to picture something for me. You have a beautiful, sweet daughter, whose 5 years old or so. She messes up, she stumbles and drops a cup of juice on the floor. Now imagine your fiancé looking this girl in her eyes and saying she has a tiny brain, she can’t do anything right. Do you think that’s okay? Because I don’t, and you’re essentially going to be marrying a man who has no problem insulting you. Imagine what kind of … | /r/askFDS | 26/04/21 08:55 PM |
| 5 | How to not feel empty?I’m definitely wishing you the best. It’s difficult to build solid friendships in adulthood, it takes a lot out of you, so just make sure to pace yourself and acknowledge your self care needs. Don’t waste time on friendships with people you don’t mesh well with, or activities or groups that don’t fit what you’re looking for. Maybe try searching for some groups like LGBT churches or book reading clubs or big sister mentoring programs. Don’t give up, but don’t overwhelm yourself either! While you … | /r/askFDS | 26/04/21 06:26 PM |
| 5 | How to deal with “ pick me” friends ?Just like you would with a man, your friends need the same vetting. Her behavior is childish, and I would tell her, “It’s really upsetting when you say those things to me.” Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know about whether she’s actually your friend or not. People who care about their friends do not belittle them, disparage their views, or upset them with intention. Once you state a boundary, if she ignores it, the friendship should be over. That’s just my two cents. Or you ca… | /r/askFDS | 26/04/21 04:09 PM |
| 32 | How to not feel empty?It sounds like you have an anxious attachment style to people in your life. I think knowing that, you have to work on protecting yourself by building up a community around you, so you have support and you don’t accept less from a romantic partner because your life isn’t as fulfilled as you’d wish it to be. Do you have any hobbies that could introduce you to group activities? Can you try new things, meet new people? Are you willing to volunteer your time or talents? If you are religious is there … | /r/askFDS | 26/04/21 02:54 PM |
| 16 | guy(24m) I(20f) recently started talking to giving me mixed feelings, am I going to get played by him?This, this, all of this! OP, you are very young and you have plenty of time to get to know these guys and take your time, and to build yourself up. You will gain maturity and perspective as you grow. Do not let yourself get distracted from focusing on school and your education by men like this. He is not the catch you think he is. | /r/askFDS | 25/04/21 08:24 PM |
| 44 | Should I end a relationship over porn when he says he's quit?Since he's supposedly stopped, he does initiate a lot more and our sex life has gotten better. That is a good sign and probably means he has stopped right now. Whether he will continue to not watch is anyone's guess. You know him better than we do, so you're going to have to keep an eye on any clues he's hiding it. As far as the question of wasting your time, it seems like you might be looking for a way out anyway? Lacking trust in him, and his potential for empathy, and also the moral quandary … | /r/askFDS | 25/04/21 12:09 AM |
| 5 | DM I JUST got from an ex. We broke up 2 years ago. Who in the world does this actually work on?Proving once again men lack everything but the audacity. He really thought he did something there. Probably thought he’d make you jealous too, because you’ve been pining for him two years and not living your best life. 🙄 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/04/21 03:43 PM |
| 601 | Don’t feed the trolls.I love this so much. There are very few genuine people who come into a tenuous conversation with an opposite opinion in good faith. They don’t want to learn, they don’t want to be challenged, they don’t want to grow. They just want to be validated. By your time, your attention, your energy. Stop giving attention to duplicitous men. If you try to offer facts to someone spouting opinions, and you realize they aren’t listening, disengage. Remember, facts don’t care about your feelings. You either b… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/04/21 11:19 PM |
| 1 | I was with my boyfriend for three years. He visited my family four times within a three year period even though we only lived 30minutes away from them. How do I avoid this in the future?Honestly, I can’t imagine being with a guy that unmotivated, lazy, and self absorbed is doing you any favors on your own journey for sobriety. Six years and no marriage? Six years and he doesn’t value the same things you do? Sounds like you both grew apart a long time ago and you’re just clinging to what you’re familiar with. | /r/askFDS | 23/04/21 08:53 PM |
| 33 | Am I being too sensitive?First of all, your anxiety is going to amplify a lot of things in life, but that doesn’t mean you are undeserving of support. This guy sounds like he’s insensitive. It would be one thing to be reassuring like “I’m sure they mentioned toning up because it would make you stronger and a better dancer.” That’s reassuring, more positive. But just disregarding it completely, telling you you shouldn’t be upset because it’s not a big deal, that’s more along the lines of gaslighting and lacking empathy. … | /r/askFDS | 23/04/21 05:21 PM |
| 5 | What is FDS perspecive on men who are fine with their girlfriend having an OnlyFans account?Most men who are okay with, or even encouraging their GFs to have an only fans, are doing so only because they are also directly benefiting. Money for the household, a cuckholding fetish, blackmail material, porn sickness, polyamory, etc. Whether his response is negative? A man is allowed to have boundaries just like a woman, and I would never say a man ending his relationship with a woman because she decided to start an OF is a red flag, if the roles were reversed and a woman’s boyfriend decide… | /r/askFDS | 23/04/21 06:17 AM |
| 53 | I was with my boyfriend for three years. He visited my family four times within a three year period even though we only lived 30minutes away from them. How do I avoid this in the future?Vet, vet, vet. I can’t imagine this was the only reason you ended it. If he was making excuses for this, there were probably excuses for anything you wanted to do that he didn’t care about, he probably didn’t value the things that were important to you. A man who has no interest in your family or is super ambivalent is gonna be a no go and a boundary for you. Don’t overlook or ignore early red and yellow flags in the relationship. You want to see how he views his family, if it’s important to him… | /r/askFDS | 23/04/21 06:03 AM |
| 17 | Having male friends - Is this high value or not?I totally get it, that’s why I said you just have to be prepared for potential consequences. If he decides not to pursue you based on a situation that makes him uncomfortable, he absolutely has a right to do that, same as you. A day hang out is way less concerning to me than you sleeping over at a guys place. But again, none of us are this new guy you are dating, it’s really anyone’s guess where his boundaries are. You could bring up your guy friend to your date casually and see how he reacts if… | /r/askFDS | 22/04/21 05:06 PM |
| 8 | Having male friends - Is this high value or not?I agree with the potential love bombing sentiment! A man may future fake and be too good to be true at first, but the info is limited. Just continue to vet, read the handbook, do not put all your eggs in this basket, you’re not exclusive until you are. | /r/askFDS | 22/04/21 04:38 PM |
| 27 | Having male friends - Is this high value or not?The majority of FDS does not believe in friendship between men (who are attracted to women) and women. That being said, obviously we’re not going to tell you who you can and cannot be friends with, but there’s a reason we believe men use their female friends for their benefit and as backup. However, look at this the other way around. If this man told you he’s staying over at an old ex-gfs place, everyone in FDS would say abort, run for the hills. And honestly, I think it applies the other way ar… | /r/askFDS | 22/04/21 04:36 PM |
| 29 | Should I use sex as a vetting strategy?FDS standards are very adamant about sex being off the table for several months. 3+ months, at least, for the majority of women. You may want to wait longer, or less time, but I would advise longer for you just being a virgin. I also wouldn’t tell men you are a virgin, it’s none of their business and it’s fetishized so much that men will fake a whole ass relationship just to sleep with you to be “the one”. As far as using it as a strategy, absolutely. But this is an ongoing process. You have to … | /r/askFDS | 22/04/21 02:54 PM |
| 11 | LVM or not?Let’s be real, he probably is. But without having more information, and not seeing this person for so long, your opinions and feelings may come across more like jealousy than a concerned friend. Instead of telling her she deserves better, why not ask her more questions? For example, he comments on a pic she posts with something stupid like “yet another filter!” or “why do you always post these dumb pics of food??” go to her and ask her, “Oh hey, I noticed he was a little rude in your comments. W… | /r/askFDS | 22/04/21 02:03 PM |
| 11 | Trying to Leave LVMWow! I’m so sad for what you’ve been through. The amount of strength and resilience it takes to survive that kind of abuse is incredible. I know it doesn’t mean much coming from a stranger, but I’m proud of you. Please don’t hold onto any guilt over leaving. This man doesn’t deserve you or your love or sympathy. You can be sorry for someone without being responsible for them, remember that. The only thing I can suggest by way of leaving is if you can, bring those friends with you, and / or call … | /r/askFDS | 22/04/21 05:31 AM |
| 7 | incoherent rant about my useless ex and his “babysitter”I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't even imagine what it's like to have children and having to share custody like this. Whatever you're feeling emotionally is valid, and I hope you can get additional support and help through what you're experiencing. Are you able to arrange meeting this woman? It might help to get an idea of what kind of person she is, to discuss parenting issues? If that's not within the scope of what legal issues you're dealing with, I totally understand. The best … | /r/askFDS | 22/04/21 01:33 AM |
| 17 | Doesn’t have time to textIf he’s this busy that he can’t give you at least semi-consistent communication, he shouldn’t be dating right now. If you want to give him a chance to pick it up you could express your desire for more communication, but most likely you’ll just get excuses in return. I’d personally either cut my losses or just not respond, and keep dating other men, and you shouldn’t be putting all of your eggs in one basket anyway. | /r/askFDS | 21/04/21 08:18 PM |
| 10 | What do LVM get out of a relationship if not sex or a maidEven if the guy stuck to himself, and sustained his “half” of a household, he is still a drain on a woman’s time, emotional energy, and contributes to the wear and tear on a household and a person’s well being. What you’re describing sounds like a brother or roommate or something, not a partner you want to grow a life long relationship with. Even around family, you can’t just 100% be comfortable, you always have privacy issues, you have to consider them when making large and small decisions, etc… | /r/askFDS | 21/04/21 05:38 PM |
| 6 | my ex shattered my heart after i almost died in a car accidentMen show their true colors when women are vulnerable. He is emotionally abusive, gaslighting you, and incredibly disrespectful. The fact that he used your own trauma against you as a way to break up with you isn’t just LV, it’s NO VALUE. A HV partner would have done his best to reassure you, to offer alternatives if he couldn’t come see you for whatever reason. He would have EMPATHY, which this man clearly lacks. Once my brother and I got into a minor car accident, my side of the vehicle was hit… | /r/askFDS | 21/04/21 04:58 PM |
| 12 | I acted as LVW and am beating myself up since I knew betterYou are not dumb just because you made a couple of bad decisions. It’s very easy to get caught up in positive male attention, especially if you already had self esteem issues prior to this happening. What would be dumb is not learning from the situation and not growing as a person. You are clearly self reflective, you recognize the mistakes and how you got caught up. Be proud of yourself! I’m unsure how far you both took it, if sex or kissing or anything happened. You may want to start saving to… | /r/askFDS | 21/04/21 04:47 PM |
| 3 | Considering ending a relationship with a potential HVMIf you’re planning to go home and take care of your parents, absolutely do not take this man with you. You might as well add another dependent. He is very clearly lacking ambition and will be more of a burden than a help. | /r/askFDS | 21/04/21 04:42 PM |
| 26 | Can't tell if the man I'm dating is HVM or LVMI agree with the other commenter. Also, a lot of your HV traits are the bare minimum, but women have been conditioned to expect less from the men in their lives. Not controlling? Bare minimum. Doesn’t yell at you or insult you? Bare minimum. Considers your feelings when making plans? Again, bare minimum. You get the idea. You don’t want to inflate the idea of not having a red flag as a green flag. It’s neutral at best. And looking at your LV list, some of those are deal breakers to me. Sex and i… | /r/askFDS | 21/04/21 04:36 PM |
| 49 | Back to the drinking concerns... also, how do you stop yourself from falling for a lackluster guy after a string of bad dates?You don’t need to tell him off, just block and delete. You’re right that the past bad experiences are making him look good. A man who can’t pay isn’t generous. A man who doesn’t walk you to your car doesn’t care about your safety or being cordial. Also, I honestly find him commending you on being sober a put off too. It’s telling that he thinks it’s some noble thing to not drink, which leads me to believe his habits are just as bad as the other 5 guys, he just took your social cues. | /r/askFDS | 21/04/21 05:45 AM |
| 49 | Trim public hair?Your priority should be whatever you’re most comfortable with. If your partner is going down on you, it’s usually more sanitary to keep the jungle at bay, and helps the stray pube in the mouth issue. If he’s not, I personally wouldn’t, because that’s the only reason I could see for it being an issue besides visual preference (sometimes a sign of porn sickness). Trimming isn’t as invasive as a full shave, which can cause pretty bad razor burn and other issues. If you’ve never trimmed before you c… | /r/askFDS | 21/04/21 04:40 AM |
| 10 | What do you do about previous partners that don't move on?Yikes to the guy who threatened you! It’s amazing how a lack of attention can send abusive narcissistic men spiraling. Stay safe. | /r/askFDS | 21/04/21 03:15 AM |
| 56 | What do you do about previous partners that don't move on?I don't block them because I want to know if they've finally moved on. But it makes me so angry, that I need to care about this stuff Block them. You need to care about this stuff? Why? Who is commanding this? No, you need to stop. You are doing a disservice to yourself to have an open platform for these men to air their BS, whether you are replying or not. You are never going to be able to control them, but you can absolutely control your reaction to the situation. Put yourself first, stop wo… | /r/askFDS | 21/04/21 01:45 AM |
| 17 | How to survive living in a house with LVM (brothers)Please realize, no matter what state your mental health is in, there is absolutely no excuse for them to berate you, emotionally abuse you, gaslight you, dismiss your feelings, or dismiss your opinions. They are not doing this because you’re in a bad mental health place, they are doing this because they are LVM taking advantage of a vulnerable woman in a fragile state of mind. You. Do. Not. Deserve. This. You’re going to get stronger in time, I believe in you, I believe you have capacity for gro… | /r/askFDS | 21/04/21 12:14 AM |
| 4 | My (15M) friend (15F) has a controlling new boyfriend and I’m not sure how to approach her about itYou can’t do much. You can tell her you think his request is a bit extreme, but you have to also respect her autonomy and decisions. Make sure she knows you are there for her if she needs to talk, vent, has issues, etc. Don’t block her out because she is going to need friends when this young love inevitably burns up. I would also encourage to maybe share some articles with her about abusive men, controlling men, etc. But again, she may not listen. You have to accept she may need to make her own … | /r/askFDS | 20/04/21 11:48 PM |
| 28 | My boyfriend lives with a former fwb...100% not okay. I would have walked away the minute I learned he had an unrelated female roommate. Please do not gaslight yourself into thinking this is okay. Even IF they are no longer sleeping together, he will absolutely still be looking at her as an object of affection, for validation, attention, and eeking out every ounce of sexual gratification he can get from her. Also... unicorn for his age? If you think this man sounds unique and special because he has a job and knows how to cook, please… | /r/askFDS | 20/04/21 11:41 PM |
| 26 | Toxic to healthy relationship adviceYou might be struggling because your gut is ringing alarm bells. In your post history you talk about his drinking and drug use (cocaine and adderal), you talk about how the initial inception of your first date left you feeling like he was unenthusiastic, and you talk about different “love languages” and how he rarely shows PDA, is generally not very reassuring or affectionate, which sounds like things you need to feel secure. Are you actually sure this is a healthy relationship, or are you just … | /r/askFDS | 20/04/21 11:33 PM |
| 41 | How to survive living in a house with LVM (brothers)Are you a minor, or just stuck there because financial issues? Either way, my best advice is stop treating them like family and start treating them like roommates. I currently live with my brother and I’ve had minor issues in the past with him. I’ll break down some advice based on my own experiences and reading through your situation: Stay in your room, close the door, keep it locked, only come out when necessary. It sucks to feel isolated in your room but it’s a better option than being forced … | /r/askFDS | 20/04/21 11:16 PM |
| 54 | Some art for my new favourite subAbsolutely Queen energy! Thank you for contributing this. It’s beautiful! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/04/21 10:32 PM |
| 6 | Communicating BoundariesI think it comes down to what boundaries you’re willing to give forgiveness for and for whom. A first instance of forgetting to pick up some dishes or a sarcastic joke that you didn’t like probably has a bigger difference than being racist, sexual aggression, or someone raising their voice at you. Also how someone responds to you voicing your boundaries is so telling in terms of communication. I think a good goal would be to reflect on past instances and try to digest where you would potentially… | /r/askFDS | 20/04/21 06:38 AM |
| 27 | Coffee dates = $3 / hour bargain-bin emotional labourAbsolutely! That’s why they don’t do calls. They need us in front of them to abuse us, whether it’s as subtle as using us as a free therapist while they look at our breasts, or more blatant like coercion. Men are abundant in audacity. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/04/21 12:27 AM |
| 936 | PSA: Ladies, don't post self identifying content using the reddit account you participate in FDS with. And PLEASE don't cross post in beauty subs with your face!Honestly I don’t think it’s worth posting any even remotely personal photos online to Reddit period. Men harass women constantly and Reddit has shown time and again they do not value the safety of their community and expect moderators of individual subreddits to do all the heavy lifting. Please be careful and learn about how to hide EXIF data for any photos you post online. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/04/21 12:09 AM |
| 135 | Coffee dates = $3 / hour bargain-bin emotional labourYep! It’s not even about the dollar amount, it’s also a reflection on his thoughtfulness and consideration for you as a person and what he believes is a best-impression date. He’s showing you exactly where the bar is at for him. If this is supposed to be his best first impression, imagine what your anniversaries are going to look like? Your Christmas and holidays? And that’s if they make any effort at all. We push for an FDS screening call before a date, and the funny thing is, men could absolut… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/04/21 11:53 PM |
| 148 | I literally cannot remember the last time a woman approached me in public for anything.I never thought about it, but it’s the same for me. The only time I’ve had a woman ask me something was if they mistook me for an employee somewhere. But I used to get random men asking for help all the time when I was riding public transit. Directions, how to work the ticket machine, for change, etc. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/04/21 02:35 AM |
| 7 | Uh huhOr maybe she’s finally stopped faking her orgasms! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/04/21 05:03 PM |
| 23 | I’m 35, I love being single, and I honestly can’t see myself being in a relationship with a man ever again. For me, it’s not worth the troubleSame here. Good thing I like ladies too. 😏 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/04/21 12:06 AM |
| 3 | Navigating an imminent breakupI haven’t experienced this myself, so please take my perspective with a grain of salt because I am not a mother. First and foremost, I would see what support you do have available to you. In the US we have a 211 number you can contact about community resources, that will be a good place to start. You can inquire about temporary housing, shelters, food resources. If you’re in a different country, start checking on Google, making calls to places that might have anything to assist you. This is not … | /r/askFDS | 16/04/21 07:34 PM |
| 16 | Is it wrong to hold potential partners to standards that I don't meet? Will I ever deserve a HVM?Your past, present, or future, does not determine whether you are worthy of what FDS stresses the absolute MOST when it comes to relationships, which is respecting you, respecting your boundaries, empathy, understanding, generosity, kindness, communication, and honesty. At the bare minimum! Right now your focus absolutely needs to be on yourself, your recovery, and sustaining sobriety. Your best relationship starts with yourself, and that is the person who needs a full investment of your time an… | /r/askFDS | 16/04/21 07:11 PM |
| 4 | APPROVED COMMENTERPersonally after 2 failed low value suggestions I’d be walking! | /r/askFDS | 16/04/21 07:07 PM |
| 6 | Is this guy friend a LVM?Men who are attracted to women can rarely be just friends. They see every woman as an opportunity for sex, and if not sex, female validation and emotional labor. I’m sure he didn’t forget to tell you about his relationship, who the hell would forget that? He purposefully kept it from you, and a lie by omission is still a lie. He wanted to ensure it there was any opportunity with you, you would believe he was single. | /r/askFDS | 16/04/21 06:53 PM |
| 10 | Exclusive but no relationship?I’m not the gf but he gets the gf benefits That is exactly what’s happening. Stop seeing him, sleeping with him, or giving him your time or energy. If you want a relationship, find someone to be exclusive with. I’m certain he’s taking every opportunity that crosses his path to use other women as well as you. The handbook is in the main subreddit, FemaleDatingStrategy, check the side bar and about pages and poke around. | /r/askFDS | 16/04/21 06:51 PM |
| 47 | A guy I went on a date with has suggested we sit in his car twice. Am I crazy to think that's a red flag??As Phoenix said, this is cheap. If you are both concerned about the pandemic, neither of you should be dating. You’re unnecessarily exposing yourself to strangers no matter what you do, even 15 feet away at a restaurant a cougher can spread covid. Drop this guy and wait until you’re vaccinated to start dating again. | /r/askFDS | 16/04/21 06:24 PM |
| 15 | APPROVED COMMENTERI’d consider anything physical (especially private) like hiking, walking, skating, rock climbing, paddle boarding, surfing, swimming, etc, to be a no go. Not only is there an aspect of safety concern when it’s something private, taking you away from the safety of a crowd or people, it’s also just generally low effort and not a great way to get to know someone. For some you are barely able to interact! There’s no intimacy there, it doesn’t feel like a date, it feels like joining someone for a wor… | /r/askFDS | 16/04/21 05:20 PM |
| 10 | How to be professional with a victim playing woman at workIn general, I would say to remain as professional as possible, and to avoid her as much as is feasible. I’ve had coworkers like this who are very negative, cynical, who make false narratives in order to avoid responsibility. I’ve also had coworkers who garner for attention from any source of authority in order to seem like they are more capable than they actually are. I don’t know her particular situation, or what she is experiencing though, there is a big chance she is dealing with more than yo… | /r/askFDS | 15/04/21 05:31 PM |
| 73 | For those of you in a relationship with a HVM, how long were you dating before he said ‘I love you’?Probably overthinking. Remember that words are not as meaningful as actions. Plenty of LVM are saying they love their partners 3 weeks into dating as a way to manipulate them, to gaslight them into thinking their low-key abuse is somehow a sign of romance “bEcAuSe He LovEs Me!” Nah. Pay attention to the actions, pay attention to how he responds to the idea of a future together, whether that’s making short-term plans (couple months) or long term (years). | /r/askFDS | 15/04/21 03:47 PM |
| 17 | This man has found himself a mother.Him doing household chores is so rare he needs an entire plaque. Not even a sticker, a whole ass trophy. Wow. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/04/21 02:28 PM |
| 3 | How often should I do Sleepovers with a bf?Sounds like a great boundary then. I like what u/queenagave said, gives you a chance to miss him and vice versa. | /r/askFDS | 15/04/21 02:16 AM |
| 17 | How often should I do Sleepovers with a bf?Never sleep over at a man's house unless you're going to have sex with them, because that's the only reason he's inviting you over. The newest podcast discusses this in the last 7 minutes or so. It doesn't matter if he says he wants to cuddle, or hang out and watch TV, or cook for you.. he is inviting you in the hopes he can fuck you. Do not compromise your boundaries to make a man happy. Sleepovers can wait until you're ready for sex. If you're already having it, then that's entirely up to you. | /r/askFDS | 15/04/21 01:54 AM |
| 2 | Found this on Facebook...What kind of foster-a-scrote program is she signed up for??? No thank you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/04/21 09:31 PM |
| 38 | The entire comments section of this Tiktok🤡This is a man who wants a “low maintenance” woman who is actually still maintaining everything, just quickly and quietly so he can get out the door in 5 minutes and not miss happy hour at T.G.I. Friday’s. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/04/21 02:06 PM |
| 318 | A 49 year old man has an ✨epiphany✨ and people in the comments thank and praise him for his 'insight'🙌 and give him lots of awards 🏅🏅🏅I’m sitting here reading this, and he literally has the gall to say “it’s no big deal to me” while simultaneously making folding laundry sound like a trek up Mt. Everest, and making sure everyone on Reddit knows about it. Like wow, so revolutionary, you fold your families clothes. Why didn’t I think of that?! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/04/21 02:00 PM |
| 9 | Any FDS pros here who wouldn't mind being a bit of a mentor?I would encourage you to continue to post here for advice, but feel free to DM me sometime if you need to. There is no such thing as a stupid question when you are asking in good faith and open to listening to the answers. And not every person will give the same advice so it’s valuable to have the open forum we have here. | /r/askFDS | 14/04/21 01:47 PM |
| 107 | All my male friends want to date me and I feel pressured when I rejected themGenerally speaking, FDS principles push for women to avoid male friendship for exactly this reason. When you are around a man who is attracted to women, he is always looking at women as an opportunity. I would say, unless the guy is gay, or you are forming a friendship with an established couple, just don’t do it. Also beware of manipulative behavior, men woke-baiting trying to seem so progressive and pro-feminism, who continue to commodify women as property and existing for male consumption. Fo… | /r/askFDS | 14/04/21 01:44 PM |
| 7 | Applied for a new jobSending you good vibes, I hope you get called for an interview! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/21 06:38 PM |
| 79 | I dumped my HVM.Incredible! Proud of you, and laughing at the “fuck you fund”. I’ve never heard of that but I’m going to start referring to my savings as that, even though I’m not dating right now. 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/21 05:40 PM |
| 121 | Timeline Discussion: When to kiss, come over their place, sex, etc.A lot of the advise may seem like it’s geared specifically toward women dating for marriage, so it feels heavy when you’re under 22, a student, barely getting your feet wet in terms of your own adulthood. But the biggest things are to remember, dating should be about your comfort and boundaries. When do you feel is an appropriate time to kiss? To make out? What needs to be paramount is YOUR comfort and safety, and before sex ever happens, you need to trust that this person understands consent, i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/04/21 05:08 PM |
| 348 | He doesn’t own a vacuum and he doesn’t own a drain snake! Don’t clean up for him, your not his mom, just RUN! 😦I would have walked into that house and turned my ass right back around. Please don’t give access to your body to men who cannot function like adults. You do not need his moldy dick cheese fermenting inside your vagina. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/04/21 09:46 PM |
| 201 | Another control freak father trying to control his ex with their child... And the law.How dare this mother make plans and not change them at the last minute! 🙄 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/04/21 09:39 PM |
| 383 | Another day of men having the audacity. Yeah my gf is a PhD candidate, works full time and works part time, but calculus is so HaRd!!Wow. So incredibly sad. The jealousy is palatable too, she’s accomplished and educated, and he’s beginning to feel his age. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/04/21 03:35 PM |
| 25 | At what point is it okay to open up about past trauma and/or previous relationships with a HVM?Totally understand, but the thing is, depending on the type of trauma you experienced, it can often times be used as a weapon against you. It’s easy to say you should just break up when you’d been dating for a few months, but what about when you’re married, with two kids, and your husband knows what triggers you and causes you to exhibit behaviors you normally have full control over so he can record you having a panic attack as proof that you’re not fit to raise your own children? You might thin… | /r/askFDS | 10/04/21 02:24 AM |
| 2 | How do you move to a new city and get a fresh start? Is that recommended?Yeah, I would definitely consider ending it sooner rather than later. You really can’t even begin to work on yourself when you are weighed down by another person who is commandeering your time, mental energy, and physical energy. | /r/askFDS | 10/04/21 12:49 AM |
| 75 | At what point is it okay to open up about past trauma and/or previous relationships with a HVM?Generally, anything you say can be used against you at some point, so really I don’t think it’s worth it when it comes to relationships with men. I have seen multiple posts on Reddit alone, who knows how many don’t ever go public, where men find out their girlfriends or wives were raped, assaulted, had traumatic experiences, had an abundance of sexual partners, or even ”willingly” did a sex act like anal or a threesome they did not enjoy, and these men go off about it in one way or another. They… | /r/askFDS | 09/04/21 09:37 PM |
| 7 | How do you move to a new city and get a fresh start? Is that recommended?Since you’re not really stuck in anything, now might be the best time to relocate, but you need to prepare for it first. Saving money for an apartment and deposit, having emergency savings because you won’t have a support system, hopefully finding a job before you arrive or at least some good leads. I’ve personally lived in the same city 99% of my life and I feel like my lack of (insert whatever here) isn’t because of my location, it’s because of me. So I struggle because of ambition, will power… | /r/askFDS | 09/04/21 07:13 PM |
| 7 | How do you move to a new city and get a fresh start? Is that recommended?Are you still in school or are you in a career now? | /r/askFDS | 09/04/21 05:34 PM |
| 30 | How do I search who the phone number belongs to?You can google the number, nothing may come up tho. But either way if it’s someone with new digits or a google voice number, it doesn’t matter. They’re blocked for a reason so block them again. Safety first. For all they know you’ve got new digits. 💅 | /r/askFDS | 09/04/21 04:00 PM |
| 11 | love bombing?The other commenter said it great, but I immediately wondered... why did he bring so much liquor if he was driving? That makes it seem like he was either ready to drive inebriated, or ready to get you drunk, and stay sober himself. Both are big red flags to me. You absolutely should not be drinking with a man who isn’t fully vetted in general, but his behavior is a big yikes because it can really only be one or the other. | /r/askFDS | 09/04/21 03:58 PM |
| 13 | First date red flag examples?Proud of you! | /r/askFDS | 09/04/21 03:39 PM |
| 13 | Should I broaden my preferences?Everything you mentioned sounds incredibly simple in terms of the bare minimum you would like from a partner, I don’t think your standards are skewed at all! Hell, you are being generous on physical appearance most likely because you value an emotional connection more, so you absolutely should not compromise. The problem isn’t your standards, the problem is that most men are not HV. Are you going to accept disrespect to avoid loneliness? HELL NO. You are your own best company and while having a … | /r/askFDS | 09/04/21 03:26 PM |
| 13 | ForgivenessI feel like so often women are made to feel “crazy” for simply reacting to the things men do to them. This! When the cup runneth over, it’s not the last drop that was the problem, it’s all the liquid that came before. | /r/askFDS | 09/04/21 03:21 PM |
| 71 | First date red flag examples?Have you already conducted a pre-date video chat screening? These are some of my red flags on a date: Negging you in any way; your clothes, makeup, choice of food or drink, something you mention in conversation like a hobby or interest. Talking over you, interrupting you regularly (it can happen sometimes by accident but repeatedly is a huge red flag), not asking you anything about yourself unless it’s to segue back to himself, not asking follow up questions, talking at you like you’re a therapi… | /r/askFDS | 09/04/21 03:17 PM |
| 98 | How to reciprocate being treated wellTo add to the other commenter, if this man has clean nails, dresses well, bathes, and actually has adult conversation... that’s the bare minimum. Hopefully there are more good green flags than that, but this is just a gentle reminder, don’t confuse HV for the bare minimum, especially if you’ve dealt with LV in the past! At best, it’s a positive leaning neutral. Consistency is the key. 🌸 | /r/askFDS | 09/04/21 01:58 PM |
| 27 | How long do you wait for a guy to get tested for STDs until it's a red flag?You can literally google “std test in city name, state” and get all the results you need on the first page. If a clinic doesn’t get back to you in 24 hours you give another place your business. Hell, you can do AT HOME tests, shipped to your door these days, it’s crazy! Even a half ass test would be more effort than this man put in to give her some peace of mind. | /r/askFDS | 09/04/21 03:58 AM |
| 88 | How long do you wait for a guy to get tested for STDs until it's a red flag?Whether he is “safe” or not, there are so many red flags it is absolutely not worth it to continue. 1. He is so incompetent he couldn’t do his own research. 2. He has zero ambition, assertiveness, or attention span. 3. He’s likely struggling financially if he’s worried about the cost. 4. He is absolutely not health minded, and does not find his sexual health important. Even if the latter is the result of poor sexual education, the fact that he has no idea how to even go about this tells me he’s … | /r/askFDS | 09/04/21 03:42 AM |
| 48 | How to answer “what brings you to this app?”You could make light of it, then turn it around on them like, “I can’t imagine anyone using Tinder just for friends! What about you, are you looking for a relationship or hookups or just seeing where things go?” And if it’s either of the last two, BLOCK! | /r/askFDS | 08/04/21 11:45 PM |
| 159 | SLUG UPDATE: SHE DID EVENTUALLY LEAVE THE GUY WHO WAS FEEDING HER SLUGS! [EXTREME NSFL IN PICS 2 AND 3]I legitimately thought it has to be a troll at first but I can’t imagine anyone would drag something like that out so far if it wasn’t real. That is legitimately terrifying. What a psychopath of a person to do that to her. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/04/21 07:29 PM |
| 59 | Yes, you’re cheap. Good for this queen for turning down this low effort “date”!THIS! You shouldn’t be going on a date if you’re not excited to at least spend some time with the person even if you don’t continue to date. This is why FDS preaches for a pre-date screen video chat so you can get the awkward “making sure you’re not a catfish” stuff out of the way. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/04/21 05:30 PM |
| 174 | Is it normal for men to frequently compliment other women’s appearance?It’s a form of negging designed to make the women they date feel inadequate and therefore more prone to staying because their confidence is wrecked. | /r/askFDS | 08/04/21 01:55 PM |
| 185 | Poor woman.Jesus that’s sad. She looks so happy on the left, and just dead inside on the right. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/04/21 01:41 AM |
| 33 | Am I being ghosted?Best way is to block him every where so he can rot in limbo and then do something for yourself, whether that’s a cute movie that always makes you happy or a nice dinner out with a girlfriend or buying yourself a pair of gorgeous shoes, whatever makes you and you alone happy, do that thing! You deserve it. | /r/askFDS | 07/04/21 09:43 PM |
| 56 | Am I being ghosted?Don’t let yourself be embarrassed for feeling vulnerable. If he chooses to spew bullshit to make himself look better, then anyone who encourages that or believes it isn’t your friend. You know better now, not to allow yourself to get drunk around men you haven’t vetted. You also can take this time to make a better “plan of action” for your dating life and your boundaries so you can protect yourself better moving forward. You wanted to trust and believe he was a good man, that’s not anything to b… | /r/askFDS | 07/04/21 09:25 PM |
| 88 | Am I being ghosted?A man who respected you, and needed more time, would behave like a grown up and tell you he needs more time. He is intentionally choosing to ignore you and hurt you. Please realize you are giving this piece of trash the benefit of the doubt.. for what reason? What has he done that has made you want to believe he’s not choosing to hurt you in this moment? Because every minute that passes is him deciding you are not worth a response and he wants you to be upset. Text him, “We’re done.” And block h… | /r/askFDS | 07/04/21 09:18 PM |
| 96 | To the black queens in here: please understand that divesting is imperative for our safety and to better our chances of meeting HVM. Most black men are LVM.I’ve got a better headline, what is happening with the men in that community to create a situation in which 80% of divorces are initiated by black women? Why doesn’t this man, who is clearly scandalized by these statistics, not start a support group for black men to build each other up and figure out their issues in order to create a stronger sense of community ownership? Oh, that’s right, because women are the problem. 🙄 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/21 09:14 PM |
| 15 | He got over his dead wife quickly. Do the math.He could have met his current wife a year ago and asked her to marry him within that year. A year+ of grieving doesn’t seem unreasonable to me? I don’t think we can assume anything negative from such little information. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/21 09:09 PM |
| 120 | Am I being ghosted?You are being ignored, and whether that’s because he is ghosting a real break up, or he’s just being an asshole, why would you ever want to reconcile with a man who has so little respect for you he can’t even give you a clear answer or communicate? He is doing this INTENTIONALLY. Think about that. Think about what that means, what kind of person willingly chooses to do that. He is intentionally, specifically, absolutely ignoring you. He knows it’s going to drive you crazy, or upset you, or hurt … | /r/askFDS | 07/04/21 09:06 PM |
| 80 | I hate that I lost the breakup, and he got to win with a new gf and generally easy life. I feel attacked (😥) that FDS advocates for ruthlessly ending relationships because they might agree with how he ended things with me. Like I do some of the things they complain about men doing. How to deal?I’ve read and commented on most of your posts and I have to say, you were not the one at fault in this relationship. He was, and still is, clearly a narcissist. You are hurting, you are sad and upset, and all of that is normal. While a lot of advise at FDS is geared towards taking control of your life and being a strong, independent, successful woman, that isn’t something that happens overnight and you are not to blame for the societal conditioning and warped gender expectations that have made w… | /r/askFDS | 07/04/21 08:04 PM |
| 190 | Sorry but no, withholding sex isn’t a real thing because nobody’s entitled to your body under any circumstances. In her BIO she calls herself a psychologist. 🤡And in California, despite passing marital rape laws in 1979, spousal rape is still treated as a less serious crime than non-spousal rape. Oh, we’re not just discussing archaic and outdated laws designed to control women? My bad. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/21 07:37 PM |
| 367 | The lower status, poorer performing men treat women with "hostility." Higher value, higher skilled men treat women better. Once you see this truth, you will begin to see this everywhere.And this psychology right here is why we know every single male who sends hate messages/comments, and posts to anti-FDS groups, is a LVM. Only LVM are threatened by female success. Tell on yourself louder, boys. 💅 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/21 06:55 PM |
| 10 | DAE feel like weight is a major filter for LVMs?Same. I just don’t want that kind of attention ever, I would like to be a genderless blob with style, but unfortunately I can’t escape my existence as a woman. 😅 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/21 06:17 PM |
| 54 | DAE feel like weight is a major filter for LVMs?I am a larger woman, and I’ve gotten plenty of attention at this size (none of it welcome) but I will say I noticed when I lost about 50lbs and was looking much slimmer with my larger breasts being more.. pronounced (lol) I was getting way more looks, more attention, and more comments. It made me SO uncomfortable. So I know from experience my weight has “protected” me from some attention, but sadly at the expense of my health. I am trying to work on that now, without expectations of meeting the … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/21 05:28 PM |
| 643 | Creepy guy I ghosted, never dated, still mad months later 😂Translation: Please, please, please, give me attention! 😭 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/21 05:06 PM |
| 68 | “It is hard to respect yourself when you are being forced to pick up the garbage of another human being. An adult.”Love this! You sound like an awesome mama. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/04/21 11:25 PM |
| 213 | “It is hard to respect yourself when you are being forced to pick up the garbage of another human being. An adult.”Yep, and it’s so alarming how accepted it is, how the domestic uselessness of so many men is just written off as what they do, made light of in jokes and comedy, all while women are left to bear this expense, and they’re surely not laughing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/04/21 10:11 PM |
| 90 | 🧻 When he offers to wipe for you 🧻I think all partners show their true colors when “in sickness and in health” becomes a reality. It’s why it’s so important to see how someone responds when you are at a low, and vulnerable, because every single person is one bad accident or illness away from potentially needing support/help for X amount of time. Sending you some healing energy and love today!! 💖🌸 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/04/21 09:47 PM |
| 783 | “It is hard to respect yourself when you are being forced to pick up the garbage of another human being. An adult.”“He’s going to make you live in his garbage if you don’t pick it up.” This!!! It literally makes me upset because this is exactly how it is for so many women who live with men. Not just partners, but brothers, fathers, roommates, etc. It’s so fucking sad. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/04/21 09:43 PM |
| 228 | Attention Pickmeishas! If he only does “men’s chores,” it’s not 50/50Men act like they move heaven and earth to do 5 minutes of heavy lifting, it’s insane. Just because you’re stronger doesn’t mean you’re doing more work. You know what else is a slow and tedious leech of someone’s sanity? Chinese water torture. One drip at a time the domestic labor women provide drives us to the edge of our wits and men wonder why they come home to a wife who is miserable, tired, strained, and on a short fuse. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/04/21 09:35 PM |
| 18 | We had very similar childhoods but how did he develop such abusive behaviorI am a white female and can’t speak with any authority on the dynamics of Asian households, but I do want to say from my understanding in the majority of cultures through time, gender dynamics in the patriarchy usually lend to the women expecting to be the homemakers and the men are expected to the bread winning businessmen. So while you may have had similar backgrounds you were both likely raised with very different beliefs about your role in a familial and cultural sense, your responsibility t… | /r/askFDS | 06/04/21 09:05 PM |
| 52 | The waitress was just doing her job by being nice and NV Big Ed thought she was into him. He keeps going for girls half his age and way out of his league 🤢-Lied about his height -Lied about wanting more children (!!!) when she very clearly told him she wanted to have 2 more kids -Gifted her toothpaste for her bad breath -Told her to shave her legs And don’t get me started on the 30 year age gap. I don’t watch the show but I did some googling on Big Ed after he became a bit of a meme and it was all ugly. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/04/21 08:52 PM |
| 122 | The waitress was just doing her job by being nice and NV Big Ed thought she was into him. He keeps going for girls half his age and way out of his league 🤢Big Ed is a garbage human being who mistreats women. He had a lovely wife, a daughter, and he cheated on his wife. He ended up on 90-day fiancé, and mistreated and lied to Rosemarie. He’s been accused of sexual assault by another woman he worked with in the past. The saddest part is he could have had a great life, he’s educated, he’s got a great photography career, he’s overcome obstacles related to his health, and yet he’s still a person who doesn’t know how to treat women with basic respect an… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/04/21 07:14 PM |
| 21 | How can I receive a flair to comment on the main FDS page?Keep commenting posts there with quality contributions and eventually you’ll get one, because they have to manually approve unflaired comments. It took me a few weeks, it might take some time because the community has grown a lot. | /r/askFDS | 06/04/21 06:10 PM |
| 2 | Wisedom required - lot of green flags but...Which is fine, and better for both of you, because you should absolutely NOT live with him until you have been dating IN PERSON for a significant amount of time. He absolutely should not be planning to move in with you when he arrives! Because that is a gigantic glaring red flag if he is planning to do so, whether he’s intending to pay rent or not. You should not be living with him until you’ve had time to vet him more thoroughly. You need a timeline and a plan of action. He needs to show initia… | /r/askFDS | 06/04/21 04:16 PM |
| 45 | My /61F) daughter (25F) is in a bad relationship (with 34M). Am I right in telling her to end it?The best thing you can do is sit her down and tell her when she’s ready to leave you’ll be there for her. That she can stay with you, or borrow money, or you’ll be emotional support (whatever is within your means, basically). I understand if dancing is a huge passion for her, but that may also be a way for her to be manipulated into staying. The trope of ‘nobody else will do this for you’. She should start looking for non-romantic dance partners so that she doesn’t have to suffer an absence when… | /r/askFDS | 06/04/21 04:08 PM |
| 3 | Wisedom required - lot of green flags but...Yeah, this one is a bit tricky. LDR are extremely hard to navigate and vet in. If you haven’t mentioned his lack of initiative, you could do so, gauge his reaction, and make him lay out his plans for the future. If he’s working by contract, at what point will he consider moving? Consider a career change? Is he saving up money now or is he just blowing most of his income because he lives with his parents? You really need a bigger picture of what his intentions are, because I just don’t trust that… | /r/askFDS | 06/04/21 03:55 PM |
| 8 | Wisedom required - lot of green flags but...What’s the longest amount of time you have spent together in person? Have you seen his living space and met his parents, and friends? It sounds like in the whole year you’ve maybe met him a handful of times. As nice as he sounds on paper, it’s extremely difficult to properly vet someone you haven’t spent significant time with in person. Also the fact that he barely makes effort to plan his next visit makes me feel like he is saying one thing and doing another, that he’s more apathetic toward the… | /r/askFDS | 06/04/21 01:44 PM |
| 59 | How to stay confident and keep high standarts when you feel ugly?Start internalizing now that you are a whole human being with unique passions, thoughts, desires, hobbies, hopes, goals, pursuits, and dreams, and that you have value as you are. It doesn’t matter what you look like, beauty is subjective and will never satisfy the entire male-gaze because that’s impossible. You do not exist for men, to please men, or because a man wants you to. You exist for you. Whatever you look like, whatever you perceive, that doesn’t mean you deserve less than a partner who… | /r/askFDS | 05/04/21 10:24 PM |
| 101 | Just because I was a pick me doesn't mean I deserved LVM treatment right?LVM aren’t low value for some women and high value for others. They are exactly who they are and it takes years of measured steps, self reflection, and a willingness to change to start the process of leveling up. This goes for men and women, you don’t just flip a switch and suddenly become a better, stable, and more capable person who can enforce your boundaries. You do the work. You are clearly starting that process for yourself, and you should be proud of the progress you’ve made and the self … | /r/askFDS | 05/04/21 10:08 PM |
| 32 | How to handle my BF not being to pull his weightMakes sense, so basically he’s always had someone cleaning so he didn’t have to. I would just advise to be cautious and continue vetting him, because a bad work life balance and a lack of responsibility for basic chores is a red flag to me. I understand being exhausted if you have a very physically taxing job, but be careful to not fall into the trap of doing what is essentially unpaid domestic labor for him just to maintain the household. I don’t know if you work, or for how long, but you deser… | /r/askFDS | 05/04/21 09:41 PM |
| 57 | How to handle my BF not being to pull his weightIf he legitimately cannot handle chores, because of his job, what did he do before you lived together? Live in a filthy place? Let dishes and laundry pile up until his single day off? I’m genuinely curious. Tell him you’re hiring a maid to help with the chores. I assume he continues to do back breaking work because he makes good money. That money needs to be delegated to household maintenance or he needs to consider a new career and better work life balance. If you have children together, imagin… | /r/askFDS | 05/04/21 08:04 PM |
| 71 | David Dobrik apology video and controversyMy opinion is it’s too little too late, he’s only doing it because he’s losing brand deals. I haven’t seen the video but I’ve been watching Philip Defranco’s ongoing coverage and DD’s whole response to this has been a joke. He’s the typical teenage douchebag Youtuber who got famous off cringe jokes that are often low-key racist, misogynistic, and gross. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/21 04:06 PM |
| 141 | HELP - my LVM ex just asked me if I want him to go to counseling with me.If he wanted to fix the relationship he would have done it while you were together. Now that you’ve broken up he’s probably realized he can’t get sex/domestic & emotional labor/ or anything else he got from you as easily as he hoped. So of course pretending to care now and going to counseling is on his radar if he thinks it can get him access to you again. Block him, stop second guessing yourself. Unless you have kids together there is absolutely no reason to keep in touch in any way. | /r/askFDS | 05/04/21 04:03 PM |
| 12 | Why is this so hardComparison is the thief of joy. It’s not even about where you’re at in your journey compared to them, because you‘re on a different path. Why is it easier for them? Because their path is easier. Why is their path easier? Who honestly knows. They could have more resources, they could have less trauma, or they could be willing to accept less. They could be walking on a smooth wooden boardwalk, in bare feet, not realizing they are collecting splinters along the way. My point is, you will never be h… | /r/askFDS | 05/04/21 02:39 PM |
| 29 | Red flags or green? I'm so used to terrible men I just can't tell!From the little info here, he sounds like a nice guy. That doesn't make him HV though, but so far he's not done anything that would make me consider him LV either. Remember that HV isn't just one particular action, it's consistency. It seems like he's been pretty consistent in reaching out, in making sure you're comfortable, and in respecting your boundaries, so those are all great things. Desperation, at least to me, is a guy who can't take no for an answer, who is pestering, who double/triple … | /r/askFDS | 04/04/21 10:59 PM |
| 21 | anyone have experience with / thoughts on male therapists?I don't have experience myself, but I wanted to share this article that I think may help you get some perspective on your situation: https://www.psy-ed.com/wpblog/change-therapist/ The main point in the beginning is this, " Regardless of what’s causing the absence of connection between you and your therapist, it’s important that you recognize the signs that change is needed. A poor therapeutic relationship may hold you back by reinforcing negative thought patterns; it will also prevent you from … | /r/askFDS | 04/04/21 04:20 AM |
| 21 | I’m in a healthy relationship but I can’t get over rejection from the past?Therapy can definitely help you address some of your emotions. Keep in mind that social media is tailored content, he might look on the surface like everything is great and she’s so much better or their relationship is so awesome, but you have no idea if any of that is true. She could be dealing with the same BS you did, he could be worse, or she could be her own brand of LV and do things he can’t stand, but you will never know. The sooner you let go of the idea that Instagram / Facebook, etc is… | /r/askFDS | 03/04/21 11:19 PM |
| 18 | Help translating "you're too quantitative/test too much" and expressing expectations for gifts?>I thought he was HVM but probably a LVM in hindsight He is a LVM. Not probably. >I pretty much planned all our dates. You might as well be dating yourself at this point. He can't even be bothered to do a little research on Google? I can spend 10 minutes and find 10 dating ideas in my city easily. >And he said it felt like I was always testing him. That's because you are. And he's testing you too. A relationship and vetting is a test for compatibility. But he's woefully unprepared to meet your s… | /r/askFDS | 03/04/21 07:05 PM |
| 39 | How to say to a man that his date idea sucks and you want him to put in effort?I'd just block and delete. You don't want to fall into a trap of trying to "train a LVM". At most though, you could always just point out the obvious, he asks you to grab coffee and you say, "That's usually the kind of thing I do with my friends." And see what his reaction is. Most likely he'll go into the whole "I want to see where it goes", or "see if we have a spark" spiel, or blame covid or being busy. And the reality is he's just running a numbers game and you're worth about a $5 latte unti… | /r/askFDS | 03/04/21 06:57 PM |
| 76 | So um, is sex with a guy who has a small D painful for anyone else here or that's just me?I agree with the other commenter, it could do with weight distribution, the angle, the hip bones, the thrust. It could also have been temporary vaginismus on your part, or the man not providing enough foreplay for lubrication. Regardless, I’m glad you’ve had good experiences since then! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/04/21 10:25 PM |
| 50 | My boyfriend of 3 years calls me "his friend" to other peopleGot away with what exactly? Wasting your time? Because every day, every hour, every minute you spend in this relationship is him winning the battle of how long can he keep you around and provide the bare minimum. I agree with the other commenter, leave him with absolutely no explanation and take ownership. You deserve better, and the longer you stay with him, the more time he’s wasting. Getting revenge or getting even when a guy abuses or manipulates you definitely doesn’t entail staying around … | /r/askFDS | 02/04/21 10:14 PM |
| 24 | Been dating potentially pornsick guy for 4 months? Need adviceHow do I know for sure he actually changed? You don’t, and to be honest, he probably hasn’t, he just hides it better. I wouldn’t have gotten back together with him. And honestly, you are so young, I feel like you are wasting time and energy and hurting your own self esteem and mental health by sticking in this relationship. Even if he did somehow stop watching porn, he already broke your trust and damaged the relationship you had in such a way that you are probably never going to fully trust him… | /r/askFDS | 02/04/21 10:07 PM |
| 94 | How to bring more women to FDS or Reddit in general? I am so sick of seeing the lopsided misogyny on this site.In my opinion the absolute best thing we can do collectively is keep contributing, upvoting, and sharing FDS with people online and in our lives. The reduction of sexism comes when there are consequences for actions, a big one being disgust. The more disgust, dismay, and general abhorrence we have toward folks who make light of assault, or degrade women, or push people towards toxicity and vulgarity in the name of “empowerment”, the more we shift the narrative. Because that’s what society is as … | /r/askFDS | 02/04/21 07:07 PM |
| 7 | Am I asking for too much?Yeah, to be honest that does not sound like a great friend. Even if they disagree with what happened they are treating you like you did something wrong which is shaming your standards for whatever reason. Not sure if they’ve done this in the past but you may want to reconsider the friendship if they have! | /r/askFDS | 02/04/21 06:59 PM |
| 23 | So a “guy friend” tried it on with me tonightThat’s SO scary. Dear lord. I’m so glad you are safe. 💖 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/04/21 05:17 PM |
| 11 | Are there any successful women here with tattoos?I gotta say, if a man rejects you as a prospect because of your tattoos, he’s not for you anyway. Same goes for a stuck up work environment. I see plenty of successful women with tattoos that have no bearing on their capabilities. One of my favorite examples, who also happens to be dating what I believe is a pretty HV partner, is the “Kitten Lady” on Youtube. She has an amazingly successful business/charity, caring for kittens. Just bought a house recently too! This article might give you some i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/04/21 04:48 PM |
| 6 | I’ve been reading a lot and wanted to know some book recommendations that FDS drew inspiration from?The Wiki on the main sub has two posts of recommended books, for dating and for self help! I haven’t read any of them myself so I can’t give a specific recommendation, but one book I see recommended a lot (also recommended in the podcast) thats on my reading list is Why does he do that? Book by Lundy Bancroft | /r/askFDS | 02/04/21 04:27 PM |
| 9 | Am I asking for too much?He may not have known what a LDR would entail and likely after experiencing it changed his mind. People do that sometimes, think they can handle a specific thing then realize it’s not for them for whatever reason. Maybe this is too optimistic of me, but I don’t think he was intentionally stringing you along because if he was he’d just give you less and less effort instead of ending it. Maybe it has more to do with the rejection that you’re upset? Because being rejected, no matter the circumstanc… | /r/askFDS | 02/04/21 04:00 PM |
| 11 | My courtship ended abruptly with this guy. I am so sad and disappointed. Why did this happen?He may very much like you and those things may be deal breakers for him, so it could be not personal at all. People often end relationships they enjoy when they reach an impasse and it sounds like that may have been both of yours. The fact that he basically ghosted then came back to end it just amplifies his lack of social awareness. But regardless, his attraction to you does not determine your worth. You sound thoughtful, fun loving, considerate, and kind. A catch for many guys! Remember that. | /r/askFDS | 02/04/21 02:39 PM |
| 34 | My courtship ended abruptly with this guy. I am so sad and disappointed. Why did this happen?It sucks to be attracted to someone and for it to end, but after reading this I honestly have to say the trash took itself out. He reeks of controlling behavior, and I feel he would quickly become controlling of finances and use reasons like a non existent child’s college fund as an excuse to berate you into not spending your own money.. like that alone had me confused. This man is making fantastic money and likely has a huge nest egg, so trying to coerce and guilt you over money that quickly is… | /r/askFDS | 02/04/21 02:01 PM |
| 3 | Why am I so angry when I know I deserve better ?Yes, it is SO dark to point out how abusive men are. 🙄 Or men could just stop being abusers, wouldn’t that be great?! I’m sorry you guys work together, I can only imagine that’s another whole extra layer of drama. Please protect yourself emotionally as much as you can. You deserve a partner who doesn’t make you question the relationship constantly and treats you with the kindness, love, and respect you deserve. | /r/askFDS | 02/04/21 01:37 PM |
| 35 | Why am I so angry when I know I deserve better ?You’re devastated because you’ve been swindled into believing he truly cared about you. He took advantage of you over and over again. Manipulation, gaslighting, love bombing. This guy used every page in the book. I cannot stress this enough, you know you’ve gone back before. Now is the time to block him everywhere, every single social, every contact point. He is going to come crawling back like the slug he is. Do NOT give him the opportunity. Do not give him closure, or exhaust yourself emotiona… | /r/askFDS | 02/04/21 05:59 AM |
| 55 | do guys change?Men can change but they won’t change for you. It is absolutely NOT worth the headache to allow a LVM back into your life. They will continue to take advantage of your kindness and use you for emotional labor in many ways. You’re already seeing that by how they only hit you up when they need something. | /r/askFDS | 01/04/21 07:11 PM |
| 27 | LVM and their petsOne of my LDR exes did the bare minimum for his pets. Never walked his dog and wondered why it chewed on and destroyed things all the time. Didn’t empty the litter box (scoop it) for his cats once in the week I was there and it was already nasty. I felt so sorry for his pets and it’s another reason why I tell women they cannot vet people properly without a full picture of their partners life. If I had known this before I visited I would have ended it sooner. Also my brother is a LVM and he loved… | /r/askFDS | 01/04/21 05:25 AM |
| 1 | Questions about dating apps reverse-image searchingMaybe try reverse image searching yourself and see what comes up? If any of the pics connect to your socials you have your answer for what a guy would see! | /r/askFDS | 01/04/21 12:06 AM |
| 18 | Wanted free therapy and counseling, blocked and deleted. Just for fun glanced at his profile - he was “finally ready” to give his ex gf a promise ring because he’s in grad school and not ready to propose. How old are grad schoolers?How about you stop asking women in your life to provide emotional labor for you? Handbook is right there for anyone to read. Step one of growth: Do the fucking work. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/21 03:40 PM |
| 293 | Oh hey, another shining example of how a LVM will destroy your life and sanity and how engrained gender roles make women think this is somehow okay.And I’m sure all the comments are telling her to CoMmUnIcAtE with her husband because this grown man doesn’t have enough empathy to see his wife is on the edge of a mental breakdown. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/21 03:39 PM |
| 6 | Questions about dating apps reverse-image searchingIt is all about risk mitigation. If you want to minimize the risk, do it. If you feel secure enough not to, that’s okay too. There’s no statistics on how likely this is to happen, but we do know it has happened, can happen, and has potential to increase an abusers access to you. My best piece of advice is never use the same profile picture on your socials as the pictures on any dating app. Those are the pictures usually aggregated by Google. | /r/askFDS | 31/03/21 01:51 PM |
| 21 | The Female Dating Strategy Podcast Eps 103 & 104: Bridgerton and Meghan & Harry vs. The Royal Family Discussion ThreadI haven’t watched Bridgerton yet so I’m going to skip that for now so I don’t get any spoilers, but I can’t wait to listen to the Meghan one! 💖 Thank you again for the stellar content, lovelies. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/21 04:39 AM |
| 19 | Scrotes are mad over the new Lola design. They are mad over a CARTOON bunny who is no longer sexualized!!I SAW THOSE. The audacity is never ending. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/21 04:31 AM |
| 20 | Unhappy that my LVX took my virginity because it feels like he won and I won't get that sense of caring guidance again I wish my final partner would have. How do I stop feeling this way?It’s hard sometimes, especially with the way society pushes for “losing your virginity” to feel special. I think it’s archaic and it’s branded at women to make them insecure. The goal should be letting go of the idea that having a penis in your body is somehow a life changing or a coming of age experience that deserves to be on a pedestal, because it doesn’t. That is one way to start to come to terms with it. So many people never have the opportunity to experience that in an intimate way, either… | /r/askFDS | 31/03/21 02:01 AM |
| 42 | Scrotes are mad over the new Lola design. They are mad over a CARTOON bunny who is no longer sexualized!!Especially non-human things. Like, I can at least understand it when it’s a human.. but Zootopia? Looney Tunes? My Little Pony? What the actual fuck. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/21 01:51 AM |
| 60 | Don't fall for it, ladies. Be smarter than this.Wow. Insane and sad. I feel so bad for this woman. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/21 12:01 AM |
| 72 | Saying that FDS is an echo chamber is like saying that group therapy is an echo chamber.I think the key words in the definition are “existing views”. Almost no women coming to FDS came in with the full toolkit that FDS is aiming to provide in terms of information, statistics, experiences, and viewpoints. I am pretty damn sure we are all being raised in the same patriarchal society, in varying degrees, and have arrived here with a desire to undo our existing toxic viewpoints and refresh ourselves into a plan of action where women take the lead on their journey toward female excellen… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/21 09:22 PM |
| 160 | I'm sick of pop music!The longer I participate in FDS, the more I look with fresh eyes at the media I consume and even once loved. It’s so hard to rectify a dichotomy where you’re bopping to a song about one night stands when you cringe in disgust at the thought of them in real life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/21 08:54 PM |
| 347 | This is such a great argument for why “don’t bring up what happened in the past” is such bull. Men just wait for you to calm down so they can brush everything under the rug, and then do the exact same thing again. LVM truly do not care about their partners.The past is the present if you haven’t changed. That’s some wisdom right there! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/21 08:46 PM |
| 17 | Working in a male dominated team/industry?My best advice is to be as direct as all the men are. No “could you...” “would you mind...” etc. I stick to clear direction, instruction, & questions. I also just let them talk, when we’re chatting, because 90% of the time people appreciate you when you just listen (male and female). I have no problem letting that happen in the office because it’s banter and it makes me likable, and it has the added bonus of me retaining my privacy when it comes to my personal life because my answers are kind of… | /r/askFDS | 30/03/21 08:44 PM |
| 222 | Scrotes are mad over the new Lola design. They are mad over a CARTOON bunny who is no longer sexualized!!It took literal minutes for them to “rule 34” this new version of her. I truly despise how men sexualize everything, even cartoons for children. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/21 08:36 PM |
| 51 | Woman says she was targeted by a con artist on Hinge who stole her informationOne thing I’ve noticed becoming more prevalent, especially for older folks, is romance scams. Preying on lonely people, building LDRs, and suddenly this person needs help out of some precarious situation.. or they’re collecting information, claiming they’ll wire you $ and asking for your bank info and things they don’t need. It’s important to remember that if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is, and anyone who has older single parents should make them especially aware of these scams! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/21 06:31 PM |
| 27 | ED is no excuse for a dead bedroom100% agree. If women are so often not orgasming while men flop around on top of them for a few minutes and finish, then why not the other way around? I’d like to say as someone who was painfully shy when it comes to receiving pleasure, the week long getaway I had with my first girlfriend resulted in her receiving 8 orgasms from me, and me absolutely enjoying every second of it with zero desire for return because I just felt sexually petrified if I was on the receiving end. But giving them to her… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/03/21 11:02 PM |
| 43 | How to safely stop and leave in the middle of sex?Welcome to FDS, I’m glad you found us. Remember that you deserve a partner who treats you with respect, who cherishes your comfort and excitement when it comes to intimacy, and who wants to make you feel desired, beautiful, and appreciated. Those qualities are impossible to spot in a couple of dates, which is why vetting is so important. LVM cannot keep a mask on for long, they become impatient, pushy, and threatening. Stay safe and remember your comfort comes first. | /r/askFDS | 29/03/21 09:11 PM |
| 320 | Do I just accept that men are disgusting behind our backs?You need to end this relationship for a few key reasons. He has been lying to you for 3 years. He clearly has no problem with lying to you, hiding things from you, by choice. He disrespected your very clear boundaries that would have been a deal breaker 3 years ago. Don’t ‘sunk cost fallacy’ your way into believing your boundaries are okay to be disrespected. If it was a deal breaker then, it’s a deal breaker now, only it comes with the exceptional addition of him absolutely destroying your trus… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/03/21 07:59 PM |
| 116 | How to safely stop and leave in the middle of sex?Do not have sex for at least 2-3 months. During this time pay very close attention to his behavior and vet him based on the principals in the handbook. If you have ANY fear that this man could become violent because of rejection you absolutely should not be dating him. There is NO reason to give an abusive man a chance. Do not go right to penetrative sex, explore other forms of intimacy, and again, pay attention to his behavior. A man begging, coercing, having little disregard for your comfort, … | /r/askFDS | 29/03/21 07:45 PM |
| 15 | The tale of the loser burnout at my uni and how he helped shape my profile of the Performative SadboyTotally know the type. They feel so sorry for themselves, the world is so unfair, and yet they do nothing to change their station and continue on the same frequency expecting the world to move around them. I’ve found most “soft bois” are cynical and think everyone is self serving, but don’t realize the double standard they hold when they believe you owe them for what they do for you, when you didn’t even ask. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/03/21 04:03 PM |
| 3 | M'kay 🤨🤣I was about to comment the same. Of course he’s #2, because we should be making ourselves #1. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/03/21 04:48 AM |
| 42 | Humorous video on the state of heterosexual relationships 😂😂The first 2:30 minutes alone are gold! I laughed hard a few times. Saving this so I can watch the whole thing ASAP. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/03/21 04:40 AM |
| 19 | How to cope if a HVM has a mental breakdown?How long were you dating? The other commenter is right that he basically broke up with you by tacking in that “be together again”. As an animal lover, I understand the deep devastation you feel when you lose a pet you love dearly, but it is a red flag to completely cut you out of his life and say that he needs to deal with this alone. To me this would be the kind of thing you would want support for, which tells me he doesn’t know how to process negative emotions in a healthy way. It’s one thing … | /r/askFDS | 28/03/21 11:30 PM |
| 17 | I dated a Softboi so you don’t have to!Lol wow. Feels like we dated the same person! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/03/21 06:53 PM |
| 67 | Another dog went after my dog and it's proof men are trashThis is the worst! Dogs can act unpredictably sometimes, but there’s no excuse for a bad owner who cannot take responsibility. I hope your Spyro is okay. ❤️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/03/21 06:42 PM |
| 163 | Why I almost left FDSOne thing I always like to remind women of is that the handbook is one size fits all, so some things may not fit or make sense right away, but you should still take the parts that you need and apply them. There are women of different ages, incomes, ethnic and cultural experiences, in different careers, in different cities/countries, in different living situations, with kids or without, etc. So it would be impossible to have examples for everything, but as you spend more time here you learn to ad… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/03/21 01:21 PM |
| 221 | Needing some support. I am fuming. Boy moms are fucking worst.She’s at the age where 100% she should legally be allowed to choose to live with you. This likely goes beyond the boys, it sounds like the step mom and the dad are the problem. It’s likely a way to control her, and for the step mom to show her favoritism and make sure the daughter “knows her place”. I am so sorry this is happening. I would 100% take this to court if you can’t get a written agreement in place for the daughter living with you full time from now on. It’s so clear her dad doesn’t gi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/21 10:08 PM |
| 28 | Why is every male-dominated corner of the internet lecherous? The comments on every single female pole vaulting video are just like these.Totally agree, I want women to feel comfortable online. I want there to be safe spaces to share, to educate, to celebrate success, without men co-opting it for their penises. I was just reminded of some big drama in the past that Youtube has faced over instances such as this on female children’s videos which had me ranting a bit. There should be consequences for these kinds of comments. Bans, removals, deplatforming, all of that. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/21 08:37 PM |
| 70 | Tell me how you know your bf won't cheat on youThe only one I have a little bit of faith in is the guy writing I <3 U in the sand. The rest were just nerdy dudes in varying states of financial commitment to a fandom. 🤦♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/21 08:21 PM |
| 93 | Why is every male-dominated corner of the internet lecherous? The comments on every single female pole vaulting video are just like these.This is a huge reason why it’s alarming to me for parents, coaches, or media companies to put young girls dressed in any kind of tight sports attire on Youtube. It doesn’t matter if it’s educational, if it’s for fun, the truth is you are providing content for the male gaze whether you want to or not. Men who make comments like this need to be shunned from society. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/21 08:13 PM |
| 23 | Is the Hitachi Magic Wand worth it?I agree with phoenix that it’s really intense. Sometimes I enjoy it but most of the time I prefer the Satisfyer Pro 2. Look it up (they have their own site) and reviews, it’s great and if you buy it directly from the website it has a 15 year warranty and the team is great. They were ready to replace mine twice, once when the package was delayed and once when I thought it stopped working. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/21 05:08 PM |
| 57 | Reddit's Trying Really Hard Right Now to Pretend They Didn't Knowingly Hire A Known Pedophile Apologist and Use Them to Destroy Those Pesky Feminist Subreddits Who've Been IDing all the Rape PornA large platform owned by all women would be a dream. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/21 12:38 AM |
| 100 | Anyone who knowingly interacts with pedophiles cannot be trusted. Pedophiles routinely exploit their social networks to access children. Their judgement and motivations will always be suspect. Thoroughly vet everyone in your life and DO NOT IGNORE RED FLAGS.You cannot be friends with or have any other kind of positive relationship with someone who is a pedophile because by the very nature of your social contract you are saying, “I like you as a person.” There are some traits or behaviors too vile to ever be associated with. This is one of them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/21 12:32 AM |
| 20 | FDS Podcast Episode 2 is HERE!!! FAQs about Feminism, Double Standards, Being Friends with an ExLoved the podcast, listened this morning and it was insightful, humorous, and intelligent. Can’t wait to hear more! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/03/21 11:44 PM |
| 279 | Reddit's Trying Really Hard Right Now to Pretend They Didn't Knowingly Hire A Known Pedophile Apologist and Use Them to Destroy Those Pesky Feminist Subreddits Who've Been IDing all the Rape PornNow that the bad PR is reaching the mainstream media they decided to do something. Not 3 weeks ago when they first realized there was an issue, that she was being targeted because her history is so predatory and disgusting. It’s literally insane, it’s like a bad relationship with a narcissist. It wasn’t a big deal until it was outside the scope of their site wide control. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/03/21 11:37 PM |
| 5 | The story of how I went from a LVM to a HVMHe response was perfect. You sound so happy with him. I’m so glad for you, because success stories make me smile. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/03/21 04:10 AM |
| 188 | This is why love-bombing and boundary pushing are red flags. They always escalate into poor behavior.24F/29M been together 10 years. I’m deceased! 😭 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/21 11:16 PM |
| 29 | Being a predator is relatable!I’m so glad grooming is beginning to be called out for what it is. I recently found out a male from a band I love also received allegations for grooming from his now ex-wife. I just look at this kind of stuff and my disappointment is palatable. Like how hard is it to just not. To just focus on women your own age. These men will NEVER be approaching women 10 years younger than them with good intentions, ever. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/21 09:14 PM |
| 22 | Well this is a new one. Even if he's actually disabled, why would it matter what the woman looks like if it's not for anything except for "therapeutic and health reasons!"I’m not sure why you’re asking me if I’m serious, I’m just sharing the information I’m aware of, I didn’t make this term up. From my understanding it is a legitimate service provided under the care of a sexual therapist to treat a multitude of sexual health related issues for both men and women. As far as whether it’s prostitution or not, that’s a moral question that I don’t have adequate information to answer. I am not a medical professional in any way, shape, or form. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/21 07:11 PM |
| 16 | Well this is a new one. Even if he's actually disabled, why would it matter what the woman looks like if it's not for anything except for "therapeutic and health reasons!"Agency might have been the wrong word to use, but usually this would happen through a sex therapist. I can’t speak for the efficacy, morality, or medical necessity of the service itself, but from my understanding it’s referred to as sexual surrogacy. There’s articles and information online about sexual surrogacy and disability and the people performing the surrogacy are licensed and trained, often working with licensed sex therapists. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_surrogate | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/21 07:01 PM |
| 182 | This is why FDS exists. To counteract the army of redpillers/PUA who have been taught to prey on vulnerable women.This is legitimately so sad. I know preying on vulnerable women is a tale as old as time but it never stops breaking my heart. Any man who agrees with any sentence of this article has an evil spirit. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/21 05:19 PM |
| 21 | Not all kinfolk are skinfolkI believe in being kind to other women who have legitimate concerns and questions, who ask why with good intentions and a desire to understand. But my kindness only goes so far and I don’t abide by repeat offenders, because I have no way of knowing the intentions are actually good, and they’re not taking entertainment value out of wasting my time. This is exactly why on AskFDS they have rules about posts being in good faith and not arguing with the advice. And personally, as someone who comments… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/21 04:17 PM |
| 81 | Well this is a new one. Even if he's actually disabled, why would it matter what the woman looks like if it's not for anything except for "therapeutic and health reasons!"Looks don’t matter, but please send a picture? Already contradicting himself. This kind of service is legitimately provided through agencies, but scoping out Craigslist is basically the same as looking for an escort/sex worker. Shady post, severely underpaid from what you’d have to pay to an agency with registered workers. Nope. Red flags abound. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/21 04:00 PM |
| 200 | Some Amazing Feedback from our Patreon Subscribers!I love this story because it highlights one huge important thing that often gets overlooked. Men can change. But they have to want it. They have to do the work of self reflection, they have to desire being a better partner of their own free will. So many people will stay in bad relationships and kick and drag their partner along hoping something will snap and suddenly they’ll be a different person, but it’s only a willing participant who can actually change themselves. They have to experience th… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/03/21 11:32 PM |
| 163 | Males pretending to be women so they can get an FDS Newbie flair trying not to mansplain so they don’t get caughtI don’t understand the logic behind this either. At worse you fail, at best you succeed and then say something stupid and get banned anyway. The fact that these men would rather spend their time and energy trying to infiltrate this community than stick to the communities that already exist for them (aka the rest of Reddit) is laughable. You are literally proving our point that men will do anything to waste the time of women. Good job refuting our strategies. 🤦♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/03/21 04:05 PM |
| 333 | A lot of men need to hear this. They wonder why they have dead bedrooms but dont even tryCompetence is attractive. Literally what person can argue with that??? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/03/21 06:36 PM |
| 16 | why are they stuck in this with beta and alpha mindset?I literally can’t help but laugh that their definition of an alpha male is to be a terrible boyfriend and partner. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/03/21 06:33 PM |
| 358 | Uh-oh, the scrotes found our podcast Patreon and are BIG MAD. "How DARE those evil bitches monetize their own podcast!!!" Misogynists don't see any value in anything a woman does, so when women receive money in any way shape or form, they freak out and call it "scamming" "grifting" "a cult" etc.Do they not realize Patreon exists as a way to support creators? The gifts and tier rewards are meant to be a BONUS. You are not paying for a service, you are tipping a creator. The podcast is content, and content deserves payment. Literally nobody is being forced to pay, the podcast is freely available. Men will literally complain about anything. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/03/21 06:31 PM |
| 244 | All the comments are “omg this is literally my husband 😂❤️”. What a joke.Better responses: I’m sorry you’re struggling right now. Can I do anything to help? Do you want me to make you anything to eat/drink? I love you. I want to support you. You go rest, I’ll take care of X. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/03/21 03:47 PM |
| 45 | Mind of a LVM - Ex Goes Off About Gifts 🙄His jealousy of your financial situation is palatable. I have a feeling you probably mentioned the lack of gifts and his selfishness once and he had to write back a 2 page essay to explain why society is to blame for materialism and it isn’t his fault he’s struggling. 🤦♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/03/21 03:42 PM |
| 53 | OLD is Rarely Worth It: Misogynist Online Wanted to Know Where I Lived, Insulted Me When I Didn’t DiscloseThis info reminds me of the story “Stalker 'found Japanese singer through reflection in her eyes'”. They will literally become detectives if it means there might be a chance to harass a woman. It is insane. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/03/21 05:21 AM |
| 60 | We are not immune from our own deeply rooted biases.I totally get this. Internal misogyny can really wrap itself around our thinking! I try to think of undoing stereotypes I grew up inheriting from my family as undoing the grip of intrusive thoughts. The more you acknowledge they are a knee jerk response and not what you really think the easier it becomes to leave them in the past. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/21 08:54 PM |
| 81 | Comment on the "women are not taught how to treat men" thread, she realized she was not being treated okay by her parents/upbringing and yet she is still being conditioned into pandering to men. WE DO NOT NEED TO CHANGE. When making that comment, she still has to defend men. Patriarchy at its finestJust like the majority of posts in the various female leaning subreddits, you say anything even remotely anti-male and you receive endless harassment and have to add a “not all men” amendment just to get some peace. It’s pathetic how men online treat women because they know there are no real consequences. The sad part is, nothing she said was about MEN, it was about how she was raised to cater TO men, and by saying “not me!” you are just adding to the voice that says, to cater to me you actually… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/21 07:45 PM |
| 22 | Because apparently doing chores in your own house is so rare that it is suspicious...Men will literally not do chores unless you’re rewarding them like a child with gold stars and lollipops. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/03/21 05:38 PM |
| 14 | Help; please give me reasons not to go back to an old fwbSex, even great sex, is not worth the risk of STIs or pregnancy. No birth control is 100%, and STI tests for men do not test for every single thing out there. He can sleep with whoever, whenever, so there’s no guarantee the test is accurate a day after he takes it too. Also, just in general, do you really want to be essentially a flesh light for him? Even if he’s doing the bare minimum of giving you an orgasm, he isn’t in love with you, he doesn’t care if an O happens, he’s only doing it to keep… | /r/askFDS | 17/03/21 03:54 PM |
| 65 | I want to break up with my boyfriend because of pornYour past three posts here have all highlighted different glaring red flags in this relationship, each one more onerous than the next. I know it’s hard, but I think at this point you know what you need to do. This isn’t going to get any better, and in fact it’s likely going to get worse. Even if you try to communicate now you’ve built up a lot of resentment and it’s not easily repairable, especially because whatever effort he made in the beginning, it’s becoming clearer and clearer that it was a… | /r/askFDS | 17/03/21 05:19 AM |
| 116 | Her Face is A MoodIn these pandemic times I can’t help but register a new brand of disgust on a very visceral level. You never really think about how gross certain situations are/can be, but now it’s on the forefront of my mind. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/03/21 12:17 AM |
| 104 | Hell Hath No Fury Like a Man Rejected 🙅🏻♀️I’ve never met anyone quite as bitter, resentful, suspicious, or vindictive as a cynical man. They will hold grudges for years. They will tally everything they do for you, everything they offer, whether you accept it or want it or not. They truly believe the world revolves around them. It’s exactly why cynicism is the absolute worst quality a person can have. He is one of the biggest ones I’ve ever seen. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/21 09:07 PM |
| 3 | FDS Queens I need your help. I’m young, dumb & stupid. How do i deal with anxiety surrounding romantic relationships?It sounds like there’s multiple factors to contend with! People are complicated and so is stress. I know you’re going to be okay though and continue to grow and succeed in life. 💖🌸 | /r/askFDS | 16/03/21 08:11 PM |
| 23 | "nOT aLl mEn ArE bAD.."Wow! Regardless of the content that sounds so unprofessional on his part. Thank you for doing that let work to refute the points! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/21 07:42 PM |
| 80 | How to make the first move, but not reallyCan we change it to dropping the hand sanitizer bottle? Oh teeheehee, oopsie. Here let me squirt some in your hand while you’re here, just in case. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/21 06:20 PM |
| 180 | "nOT aLl mEn ArE bAD.."Most of the violence men and young boys experience is from other men. Why don’t we work on solving the bigger problem first so we can help everyone? When men and women, and especially children, are safer, they grow up to be more empathetic people instead of perpetrators of violent acts. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/21 05:20 PM |
| 8 | FDS Queens I need your help. I’m young, dumb & stupid. How do i deal with anxiety surrounding romantic relationships?I would check with your college to see what kind of mental health resources are available to you. Often times colleges, especially community ones, have free or very low cost counseling and therapy available. Sometimes you can even talk to students who are working toward that profession, with actual therapists as supervisors, and those sessions are totally free. My advice is therapy, or if you’re too anxious to start it with another person, look into at-home cognitive behavioral therapy that you … | /r/askFDS | 16/03/21 05:14 PM |
| 35 | Older guy doesn’t pay for our datesIf you’re looking for a serious relationship then drop him. He’s 7 years older than you, which is the first red flag. He’s not generous and sounds like despite having his life together and seemingly enjoying your company, has no sense of urgency about treating you or making you feel special. He is leeching off of you for emotional energy, sex, and time. Even good sex isn’t worth the risk of potentially ending up pregnant or with an STI from a man who has zero sense of commitment and no genuine i… | /r/askFDS | 16/03/21 05:05 PM |
| 60 | Need to vent about male lack of courtesy/social intelligenceSometimes I scope out the relationship seeking subs, I guess out of a sense of desire for emotional connection, but as I read through the profiles I rarely find any man there who says he’s looking for a serious relationship. Almost every ad is the same vein of “casual, but make it sexy”. They want the sexting, the emotional labor, the entertainment, but not often seeking genuine connection. It just reminds me that online date seeking isn’t for me. If it happens organically (like friends through … | /r/askFDS | 16/03/21 03:49 PM |
| 64 | Tinder users will soon be able to access a background check databaseYep. If OnlyFans and cam girl websites can require identification photos with IDs to protect themselves, why can’t other dating/sex based websites and apps require them to protect their users? Oh right, because women (who are the primary victims of this type of violence) don’t matter. The sites exist for men. 🤦♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/21 03:02 PM |
| 234 | Which part don't they get?I wish people against abortion fought as hard or advocated as strongly for the women suffering from a lack of male support when it comes to child rearing. Free daycare, free school lunches, clothes and educational toys for the children. I would literally throw my tax dollars at it in a heartbeat if it existed. Just a fraction of the money spent on the military would be life changing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/21 02:38 PM |
| 17 | Painful sex with my ex who didn’t care I was crying and wanted to go to sleep (LONG, may be triggering)Sending you so much love. Hard days suck, but I’m so proud of you for your strides forward. Know that you are worthy of respect, empathy, and understanding. I hope today gets easier. 💖🌸 | /r/askFDS | 16/03/21 01:40 PM |
| 128 | Dinks on a threadSaw that thread too. One of the sub comments (a man) pointed out the reality. This is the world we live in, and until that changes, we are just trying to stay safe in our day to day lives. Instead of trying to make the world a safer place, these men antagonize us for trying to stay safe. It tells you everything you need to know about that person. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/21 12:29 AM |
| 9 | How to support friends while being honestI totally get what you mean, it does make it difficult, especially when it’s a big part of your time together. You can be supportive for them, “I’m so happy you’re doing well / he makes you happy / you’ve got this to look forward to.” Make it about the friend you love and their joy, and leave the man out of it where you can. | /r/askFDS | 15/03/21 10:26 PM |
| 10 | Why did he do this?Why did he do what exactly? Ask to be friends or agree to be? Probably because he was hoping for future access to your body, time, and emotional energy. And now maybe he’s changed his mind or he’s involved with other people and doesn’t want them to accidentally see his history with you. Either way, whether he comes crawling back dangling the friendship carrot or not, he is not deserving of your friendship. So keep him blocked and you’ll be fine. It takes time to heal and put the past behind you.… | /r/askFDS | 15/03/21 09:09 PM |
| 38 | How to support friends while being honestAt some point you may need to put up a boundary and just stop discussing their love life or grey rock conversations about their partners. You can be supportive and you can make suggestions when they ask, but if they aren’t looking for input and you’ve already stated your feelings, you’d be beating a dead horse to continue to push it. It may come across as helpful to you, but projection or jealousy to them, even with the best of intentions. Remember you aren’t “condoning” something just because y… | /r/askFDS | 15/03/21 08:03 PM |
| 21 | How to stop thinking of my past LVM?Like with most things, it takes time. Ending relationships, even bad ones, have moments of grief. I still think about my exes, but as time goes on those moments get less and less. If it’s still fresh it can be especially daunting. The more you can disconnect from reminders, the better. No social media follows, either trash or put away items they gave you, delete old texts, etc. The less reminders you have the less likely you are to keep thinking back. You’ve got this. 💖🌸 | /r/askFDS | 15/03/21 06:32 PM |
| 45 | How can men like you and act like a bf but notes want a relationship?Because they want sex, simple. | /r/askFDS | 15/03/21 06:12 PM |
| 16 | Attracting HVM by doing inner work to become a better receiver?I’ve never seen this Youtuber so I can’t comment on her specific strategies, but I think the advice that you need to focus on yourself first and foremost is the right advice for any woman. NOT to attract a partner though, but because you want to be the best version of yourself you can be. The more value you find in your own company, the easier it is to enforce the boundaries that keep men who do not add value to your life away from you. That’s why the main advice for FDS is about becoming a HV w… | /r/askFDS | 15/03/21 04:41 PM |
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