Hi, I’m seeking advice and clarity on a recent dating experience because I’m ready to talk about it. I have been on FDS for a while so I have no excuses for my behaviour, I have bad anxiety and I still sometimes let my want for a romantic connection override my boundaries and standards.

I went on a few dates with a guy from OLD. All was well, he was really lovely and I felt an instant connection. When I’d state my boundaries that I was only looking for a serious relationship or dinner dates he would respond accordingly and agree. After a while we had a dinner date and decided to watch a movie he recommended me at his place, I justified this by saying I’d scope out his living space (lol) and we had a few drinks also. He was really cautious to point out he wouldn’t pressure me for sex and made sure I knew what drink he was pouring and allowed me to watch him do so. One thing led to another and we started getting sexual, I got quite upset and asked to stop as I have issues with that sort of thing and also just didn’t want to sleep with someone I was not exclusive with, he consoled me and assured me I could tell him what had happened (was a little pushy) and my memory isn’t the best due to the alcohol and mental issues but we ended up doing more sexual stuff but never slept together. We went out again a few times and all was normal, he seemed really caring and reassured me he liked me, saw a future with me and would check up on me during the week. It’s been a few days, I reached out once to tell him I’d read a book he recommended but otherwise haven’t heard anything. My anxiety has been UNBEARABLE, but I have decided to go to therapy and get medication for my anxiety issues.

In hindsight he was judgemental and lowkey love bomb-y in the way that he would talk about a future together (after one or two dates) and he criticised my lifestyle quite a lot. I work and study full time so I enjoy going out with friends quite often to break up the week but he accused me of being addicted to alcohol, and I couldn’t tell if it was a joke. Every sentence it seems he would reference our future together, “Next time you stay over I’ll make curry” “you’ll get used to my music taste eventually” “We can go on that holiday together eventually”. I just thought these comments were him being excited for a future with me? And to reassure me that he was planning one with me in mind.

I feel devastated that I let this happen to me, prior to this I hadn’t dated in a while and had reformed a lot of my toxic ways, I stopped having sex, was doing better at work and school and was spending more time on myself and friends. My anxiety was basically gone and I felt great.

I am so hurt that I let myself fall for this, I almost can’t function because I’m so anxious and my brain just keeps trying to justify that he’s a really great guy that’s getting away and I won’t have another opportunity like this again. I just want to be myself again and I can’t believe I let this happen. I am feeling so so sorry for myself.

Thanks for reading