I left a toxic relationship back in September. For the most part, I’m doing better than before but whenever I’m in his area, I get super triggered and very on edge. Anything that reminds me of him and even his name triggers me. Throughout our three year relationship, he has love bombed me months into knowing me, he has cheated on me once that I know of, invalidated my feelings, had the worst conflict resolution skills, silence treatment, stone walling bs. I got very insecure and anxious and I thought it was all my fault.

Ultimately, what got me was when he ghosted me for 10 days. It’s quite unfortunate that I didn’t leave before but it is what it is. So basically, after several attempts for contact during that time, I decided to text him telling him that I’m ending it. It’s funny how when you leave the relationship, they come back. Anyways, he called me and we even FaceTimed during the breakup call. Later towards the end of the call, he compares me to his relationship with his previous ex and how our relationship had trust and love and how his relationship with his ex was filled with her having trust issues. He also mentioned towards the end if we could be friends so we could get back together. My dumb ass agreed to being friends. The next day, my dumb ass texted him saying we can work out his communication and I even apologized for yelling at him over the phone (I was frustrated bc this isn’t the first time this has happened, in fact, this time it was a longer ghosting period). He then responds and says “I appreciate you thinking of everything, but I think it’s best if we stay apart” I then say “that fine, can we still be friends?” Me he said “of course, I’m always there for you”.

As of January, he has had me blocked on Instagram. I deleted him and his family off of Facebook and Instagram and I deleted his number off my phone. I regret the message that I sent him bc not only did it throw shit off, but it most importantly showed my lack of self respect. I was NOT okay that day, and I let my emotions cloud my judgement. My question is, why did he do that? I faced the fact that I cannot be friends with him. I simply can’t be friends with someone that I’ve dated for three years. I can’t be friends with someone who was my first love. I don’t know why he even considered that.