Another reminder that hits close to home.

thedrunkcuteblonde · 2021-03-05T19:00:49+00:00

Genuine question: How do we know when an “uneasy feeling” is intuition or anxiety? Sometimes anxiety disorders can cause someone to misread a situation. Many also experience some form of cognitive distortion.

I’ve read some articles online but it’d be great if a psychiatrist or expert can be specific as to dating in this era.

7Cuervos · 2021-03-05T15:30:37+00:00

Trust yourself more than you trust any man.

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2021-03-05T19:42:11+00:00

My abusive ex kept telling me that exactly: that he was my last option (at 22 years of age!) in spite of his shit behavior because no one else would put up with me. WITH ME! 😂

Novemberinthechair · 2021-03-05T17:06:16+00:00

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Mediocre_Principle · 2021-03-05T21:29:04+00:00

Precisely. Don't go into a meeting with any man from a LACK mindset. You are not competing against hundreds of other women, your age isn't a qualifier/disqualifier, nor is your BMI or anything else about you that they love to judge us by. These men NEED you and your attention, you don't need shit from them, hold onto that power.

WildUnit · 2021-03-05T21:42:50+00:00

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Risoa · 2021-03-05T17:19:50+00:00

I think we've all been there unfortunately

masterofthebarkarts · 2021-03-05T19:43:55+00:00

I had a convo with a good friend of mine about how she keeps going for guys who don't treat her well and putting up with crappy treatment, and she said something like "but I don't meet many guys I'm into! Only like one a year! So if I let this one go it could be a long time before I find another."

...first, okay? Would you not be happier alone than with a guy who treats you poorly? And second: averaging one guy a year, from the time you're 18 until you're, say, 65 (just as an example) is FORTY SEVEN potential guys.

Any man is never the last man, no sense in treating him like it.

Pahapan · 2021-03-06T00:29:41+00:00

Every woman should read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.

Society has convinced people, especially women, that they should ignore their gut. The concept of a woman's intuition gets mocked. But it's literally your body's way of communicating to yourself nonverbal and subconscious information that you've picked up on. It's one of the last holdouts of primal human instinct and we're told to disregard it because we can't rationally explain it or justify it. But you don't need to rationalize or justify it. You don't owe anyone an explanation or an apology for your instincts protecting you. Stop worrying about not offending others at the expense of your own safety. If you go on a date with a man and he makes you feel uneasy but you can't place a finger on why, do NOT push that feeling aside and "give him a chance" because he didn't actually "do anything wrong." He didn't do anything wrong that you're consciously aware of. There's a difference.

I wish I'd known this. I picked up on things about my abusive ex from the very beginning, from the very first night we ever hung out when I noticed he looked at me like a predator surveying its prey. The second night we hung out I felt nauseous and wrong the entire time but I couldn't explain why so I pushed through it. That feeling never really went away, I just got better at actively ignoring it and convinced myself it was a symptom of a dismissive avoidant attachment style. It was my survival instinct trying to save me. I eventually did heed it, let it take the wheel and guide me, and it saved my life, but I didn't listen soon enough and incurred a shitload of trauma.

Even in your day-to-day life with acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and family, pay attention to who sets off unsettling feelings and establish some firm boundaries. Try to keep them at arm's length and seriously reconsider entrusting them with anything consequential, be it information, your vulnerability, whatever. Given enough time and continued involvement in your life, they will eventually be revealed as shitty human beings the vast majority of the time.

Datonecatladyukno · 2021-03-05T18:09:07+00:00

Wish I could send this to every woman ever. Like script on beautiful paper and a wax seal

honeybeeroll · 2021-03-05T20:37:58+00:00

Wish someone had slapped me with this 3 years ago /sigh. Better late than never I guess.

valleycupcake · 2021-03-05T23:16:36+00:00

Red flags I ignored while dating

Porn use
history of being abused (not his fault, but it affects his everyday life unless he’s done his self work)
heritage from a country with backwards views on women
reads red pill books
OK with breaking the rules to benefit himself
pressured me for more sex than I wanted
filthy home, complained about landlord asking him to clean for new tenant showing
marijuana dependence
big talk, little action

Guess what problems followed us through our relationship?

“But he’s tall and plays good guitar and is good with kids and he likes me!”

Oh yeah and I ignored getting shingles right before our wedding which was literally my body telling me what my brain couldn’t figure out.

1Here4Bach · 2021-03-06T03:23:11+00:00

It’s funny because men will often stay with a woman he knows damn well he has no intention of marrying ever but women won’t stay with a man they don’t see themselves marrying at some point.

Villanelloh · 2021-03-05T21:40:23+00:00

Ugh this hits close to home. My intuition was screaming at me and I ignored it until I couldn't anymore. Never again.

Dexaroo5716 · 2021-03-05T21:23:15+00:00

She’s awesome- def give her a follow 💯

Lemon_bars_addiction · 2021-03-05T15:27:43+00:00

We need a trigger warning for this reminder 😩⚠️ But much needed

breadandbunny · 2021-03-06T05:46:33+00:00

This is loud and clear for me. Never going back. When I think about shit I used to put up with...just never again.

Artemis-Liberated · 2021-03-06T02:27:39+00:00

Yo! I was just thinking can there/already is a thread about anxiety and dating because it hinders decision making and sometimes it’s not our fault especially when we are trying our best to make the right decisions.

supremelyparanoid · 2021-03-06T00:27:38+00:00

This is very refreshing 💕

bravebeautyx · 2021-03-06T04:58:12+00:00

Amen sis 🙏🏻

2021-03-06T11:41:54+00:00

I can relate to the first picture especially. I went through a (too) long phase of thinking this way in my 20s. I'm so glad I no longer think this way, I'm finally free now.

Title	Another reminder that hits close to home.
Author	Hateorade_
Upvotes	3053
Comments	62
Date	March 5, 2021 3:14 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lydzil/another_reminder_that_hits_close_to_home/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/another-reminder-that-hits-close-to-home.1191637 https://theredarchive.com/post/1191637

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