I'm not a native speaker, I'm case anything sounds funny! Also I hope the flag fits.

First of all, thank you! Being on here has helped me incredibly much these past months. All the women in my family, including my sister who I would always look up to, are terrible pickmes. I grew up being shown that getting a man would be the only thing worth pursuing and I still struggle with this belief.

I've been single for a little while now and slowly started easing myself back into dating. So currently I'm happy to go on occasional dates with men who treat me well during the time I spend with them. And I think its almost funny to see the faces of the women in my family when I tell them about that. As soon as I tell them even a single name, they try to convince me that he's the one for me and that I should "catch him" to stay with me. So when I say no, I don't think so, they're speechless. I told them it's way too early to judge them, but they would just shake their heads. It can be difficult staying true to yourself with this kind of "support".

But let me tell you about my one relapse. With one guy I had a lot of trouble, because he was pressing my buttons just perfectly. Love bombed me and I didn't see it... long story short I was heartbroken and back into this "I can fix him" mindset. Horrible. It took me a lot of effort to stop texting him. I feel like an idiot after that, but I'm glad I didn't invest even more energy into this mistake. But these thoughts about how I didn't "love" him enough still surface every now and then. But I guess that is okay, since a lifelong belief doesn't vanish within a year. I have time to work on this. It's okay to make mistakes. I need to be kind to myself.

So I guess I'm still battling this unconscious belief that love has to be difficult. But I can take my time to work on this. I know that now. Thank you a lot!