"man of the house" at 16, with a stepdad that is the most lazy, dense, annoying and obnoxious person to be around with and it's wearing me out, could really use some wise words as support, and thanks for listening to me.

TLorrai · 2021-04-24T19:54:42+00:00

I would speak to your mother privately about this. Does not seem like the dude would listen to you if you voiced your concerns. She may be able to convince him to pull some of his weight around the house. For now just do what you need to do. Picking up your own messes and helping your mother where you can. If you can, leave his mess/chores to him. Even if it piles up. If he has a problem with it he can clean it himself.

I would just hold out for your mother's sake. It seems like she needs you right now so focus on that. Try to ignore him/his problems so you can have some peace of mind. There's not much you can do until you move out. So just be there for your family until you can become independent.

Crafty-Tackle · 2021-04-24T22:54:31+00:00

Why does your mother let this guy stay around? Do they have sex in her dangerous medical condition? What is the benefit of this guy's presence?

I would talk to your mother about ending the relationship and kicking the guy out. If she will not (and she probably will not), you need to consider contacting some other people outside of your family: school counselors, priest, friends of the family, relatives, child services, and finally police. If your mother is being abused (even emotionally) in the relationship, they may be able to help.

If you can't get this guy out, you have to consider leaving yourself. You probably have to wait until your mother is somewhat recovered from the illness. If you leave, things will get worse for your mother and half-sister. This is known. But, if the guy leaves after your money leaves, you can come right back. To do this, you will need a place to stay. A friend's house, some sort of shelter for children, or other social safety-net type place might work. The point is that you leave for a relatively short amount of time, and the guy leaves (if you can count on him leaving). This will be hard to set up and will require time and effort on your part to make it happen.

Finally, you need to plan to go to University. I assume University is free in the Netherlands. At 18 years old, you can get out of the house, away from this guy, and get better control of your money. If University is not for you, then trade school or just a trades job. In any case, you need to find a path towards making better money in the future. You need to get away from this guy, and perhaps your mother too. You need to build your own life.

SUEDE2BLACK · 2021-04-25T18:37:13+00:00

Your mom just wants a man and that's probably the only man she can get...I suggest moving out.Go your own way.

yamahantx700 · 2021-04-24T20:10:25+00:00

It sounds like your mom is just as responsible for the situation as he is. She brought him into the house. Illness sucks, but it's no reason to burden your children.

My advice would be to join the military when you graduate high school. Keep your grades up and try to get them to send you to college. But you definitely should get out of the house as soon as possible.

When you take care of other people, you remove their incentive to take care of themselves. It's not going to get better.

No-Connection-987 · 2021-04-26T01:27:33+00:00

I understand your anger. But let me tell you this, anger will destroy you, and make you become the kind of people you hate the most or worse. And hardship is an opportunity for improvement, we only evolve in hardship, so embrace the hardship that life gives you, knowing that when you get through all this, you will be a stronger man. It's easy to say you might think, but I too have my fair share of hardship. Trust me. Be kind to yourself, and stay true to the path, move forward, one step at a time. When you reach 18 (or now if you can), go learn a trade, get a job, and a move out if you wish. If you want to study higher, then study higher. Just 2 more years buddy. Save up money for that day. And remember to get enough sleep, that's crucial. Don't drink, don't smoke, don't gamble, run 15 mins a day, a couple of pushup should help, same for 15 mins of meditation.

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