Being a man is hard especially if you are not very high in SMV. Any girl who grows up automatically becomes a woman. Meanwhile, a boy does not automatically become a man, and instead is often required to prove himself, usually by passing stringent tests or producing more than he consumes.

When I was a young person, I went through all kinds of bullying from others, and feeling embarrassed. Life seemed so easy for a lot of the other people; they didn't seem to be working particularly hard and yet also seemed to be able to have the things that they wanted, somehow. I also was not particularly what women were interested in. I didn't really fit in with the party crowd, or very many of the other people I went to college with. Lots of people back then seemed to be drawn to making fun of me for never having a girlfriend; I guess it was an easy thing for them to do to entertain themselves.

When I was a young guy, it really hurt me emotionally what I went through, both with treatment from other people, and also feeling like I was missing out on fun things in life. People know that dating doesn't treat its participants equally, but I think that they don't want to admit just HOW unfair it is. Because, for at least some guys, that would mean admitting that their romantic dreams will probably never come true.

Compare this to going for a walk, or learning a new skill. With most productive activities, you get something in return for your efforts. With dating, there is a chance that it goes nowhere, in return for your trying. Even so, I think most guys would be okay with some dates going nowhere -- if it led to a good lifetime partnership in a reasonable amount of time.

I kind of guessed that it was because attraction just isn't fair, but back then, I don't think that I ever completely accepted that idea, in the way that I do today. How many average guys look forward to every chat or phone call with the woman whom they are dating, yet the woman can easily move on to another guy simply because she has so many options if she wants them.

For anyone that's gone through that sort of thing, it's funny, but you actually develop personal traditions that you enjoy that are just for yourself. To some people, it might be sad to think of some college guy being forever alone, but it's actually fun in some ways, like having traditions and fun that only the one person knows about. It was an escape for me from feeling like so many people around me thought of me as a joke.

I think of those days as character-building days for me. I can always think back to those days and how far I've moved forward since then.

When I read people on this group talking about some middle-aged lady reaching "The Wall" and becoming bitter, I kind of feel like that is the case of someone going through their character-building years at middle-aged, while my character-building years were in high school and college.

For me, my character-building years were gotten out of the way much earlier. I had to learn that things were going to be rough for me socially for a while, as far as not fitting in, and I sure didn't ask for any of that. But I got the character-building out of the way, and my life has gotten better and better in other ways since then.