My wife left me after my grandma died. We had moved next door to her during her battle with dementia and then moved into her house after her passing. We got married in front of grandma during her last week.

I lost myself during the grief and became suicidal. She took my emotional unavailability as a reason to start emotionally and physically cheating. During this year I kept finding her texting and snapping multiple men. I didn’t know how to handle that and always approached the subject with anger. I punched holes in walls and a door. I never touched her. She went to festival one night with friends, I didn’t feel like going because of my depression. When I picked her up she bragged about other men buying her drinks. I accused her of cheating based on the texts and snaps. She punched me in the face 15 times while I drove. I had to pull over to make her stop. I never was physical outside of blocking her arm so I could safely get us off the road. I yelled a lot that night.

We stayed together for months, I lost jobs due to my grief. She finally talked me into counseling. I went and started feeling better. We were supposed to but grandmas house at the end of December. She refused saying she wanted to go live in Columbus. I yelled more because of the incredible deal we were receiving. The next day I went to therapy and my therapist told me the house was causing my grief. I realized my wife was right to want to move. Before I could have a moment to explain to her what my therapist said she called my brother to meet me at the house and pack things for a separation. I was broken again.

When we decided to get back together it was short lived. 3 weeks. During that time my Grandpa ended up in hospice. We had to watch my nieces and nephews all day so my parents could deal with funeral arrangements. At 10p she said she missed her grandparents and was going to visit them. My State Farm GPS tracker showed me she lied. She came home and I told her that I was leaving.

We moved out of grandmas and into our respective parents. We both got counseling and mood stabilizers. 3 months has past and I’m ready for marriage counseling but she just wants a divorce. I am so broken by all this.

My friends talked me into taking a girl out on a date last night. I literally left early crying because I felt like I was cheating.

Is this normal? My suicidal thoughts are coming back. My life is falling apart and all I want is my wife back.