Hey guys. My wife and I were together for 7 years (2 years married). Really early on we talked about porn and agreed that it was off limits for our relationship. I went on to lie to her and go behind her back about it for basically the entirety of our relationship. 4 months ago she found out, and somehow she gave me another chance (probably my 5th chance for these sorts of issues, but this time I admitted to everything so it really destroyed her and us). Well 4 months into this, I relapsed and things are over. We're pretty broke and are going to do a summary dissolution to keep things simple. I'm just gonna give her money every month to make sure she keeps on her feet until she can take care of herself. Legally there shouldn't be any issues. She's destroyed but she's sweet as hell and never vengeful. The issues are all mental at least for me...

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I feel so absolutely terrible that I wasn't able to do something so simple for the most important person in my life. She was the only person in my life. I don't have any other friends or family or any sort of support group. I am at an all time low; I truly hate myself for what I've done, and I have no friends or anything to support me. I feel so guilty. I'm feeling extremely suicidal, but I won't let myself do that.. I promised to take care of her forever and I betrayed her a million times. She was a stay at home wife/musician since we graduated college together and now she has to figure things out. I'm so worried for her.. she also has very little in the name of support, but she does have one friend.

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But yeah I don't know what to do. I'm going to start therapy soon. I joined an online support group (thought I'm scared it's just going to be a bunch of people that have been hurt and are reminded of it by me). Probably going to try to go back to church. I dont know I'm trying to find ways to be less alone and feel less terrible.