After two years of being separated and spending way too much money on lawyers, we hired a mediator who helped us get the settlement agreement negotiated and signed as of Wednesday.

After signing , I did get emotional about the finality of everything but after a couple days I felt good and the anxiety is much better now. Now I know how much I have to pay, what's going to happen to the house, the cars, excetera. Honestly it turned out a little bit better than I thought it would but it's still going to be very rough.

I saw the ex today when I handed her a check for the savings account split. I still always wonder when I look at her, what would have been like if we are reconciled and truly worked on each other. Sometimes that what if eats me up but I try to focus on the future and how to be a better version of myself.