My friend is married (he is 50 and they are married 20 years) and he's looking to move out of his house this September. He has 3 kids (twin teens under 18 and a 6-year-old). He wrote his wife an email last year that they were over and "emotionally divorced," and in his email he wrote he was only living in the house to help raise the kids. He stopped wearing his wedding ring 2 years ago and she's aware and doesn't care. He's been sleeping in a separate room for 2 years and they haven't had sex in that same amount of time.

He can't stand living with her because she completely ignores him unless it's to fight. They tried marriage counseling a few years ago and it didn't work, they're now worse. He's avoiding going straight to divorce because he's worried about the impact it would have on his kids, perhaps the stigma and fear of the emotional impact on his kids. He's also scared of never being able to see his kids, even though he'd want 50% custody.

He wants to divorce her but a) she's an attorney at a top law firm, b) they each make a lot and have a lot of assets so it would be challenging and not very straightforward in this regard, c) fear of impact on kids due to stigma of divorce

Additional facts:

- He travels for work 2-3x a month and is gone for 2-5 days at a time, so he lives at home about 75% of the time as it is

- He pays for the full time nanny but the wife works from home

- Their house belongs to the wife's family and was paid off by her family before they moved in

- The wife is a functional nighttime alcoholic

- His parents and friends all want him to leave her

- His kids already know he sleeps on the sofa for years, doesn't wear his ring, and that their parents hate each other

- They live in NJ but work in NYC (her office is NYC but she works from home)

- His immediate goal is physical separation, then taking the steps to divorce

He wants to move out because he's mentally deteriorating in that toxic environment with her. He's become suicidal and depressed, and therapy and medication is not working. The only thing that would help is if he moved out and formed his own life, but is still there for his children.

He wants to get an apartment this September to get away from her because they hate each other, but he also wants to rent out their den so he can live at the NJ home a few nights a week to help raise/see the kids.

I think it's a good plan...but then I came to this forum and read about how if the husband moves out, the wife can claim abandonment and get 100% custody of kids. She's also a great attorney so she would know how to shred him, most likely. They each make enough so it's not like he'd have to support her financially, but who knows what she would due just to be vindictive.

What should he do? He is suicidal and deteriorating and he needs his own apartment ASAP.