I don't really know why I'm posting this and really not expecting anything from it, but here it goes... I have experienced too much loss in my life. I lost all my earthly belongings in a house fire 20 years ago, picked myself up, rebuilt my life.

I have always been extremely socially awkward, never had many connections in life and several years after the fire, I watched the only friend I had die of cancer before 30... Once again, I picked myself up, rebuilt my life, met someone who helped so much to break down the walls I had built up around me and I helped her get out of a really terrible rut. She eventually went to law school, at which time I quit my job, went back to school and got a better degree and better job. I invested everything I am into building a life together with her and for the first time in my life, I really started to believe that happiness was possible.

Fast forward 4 years, my wife has gotten an amazing job with a top law firm and I'm looking at a really good paying job in my new field. One morning, as I'm getting ready for work, she comes up to me, tells me she's broken the lease on our apartment and I have 30 days to find a place to live. To try to cut a very long story a bit shorter, she tells me she was never in love with me, marrying me was a huge mistake and the only way she's ever been able to be intimate with me is if she's drunk.

My self esteem is completely destroyed. I self exiled myself to the other side of the country, taking a transfer to another office through work. I have been completely isolated for the past 8 months. I have absolutely no ability to interact with people in any meaningful way and I have never been as lonely as I am right now. I have attempted many times to reach out to people who I thought were friends for help, but it's becoming increasingly clear to me that no one really cares how I am doing.

I don't have the strength left to keep going. I do not feel like I belong anywhere and I honestly believe the world would be a better place without me in it. I don't what to do, and I recognize that this post is just whiny bullshit and there is certainly a part of me that despises that I'm doing this, but I suppose when you're at the end of your rope, you can do things you might not normally consider.

I know the standard response to this is, "keep your head up, keep moving, things will get better" but I've done the rebuilding thing too many times and I don't see any reason to do it again. I have tried therapy several times but it never seems to help. I'm almost 40 and I have no friends,and no hope for any meaningful relationship, and just an unimaginable burden of lonliness. How do people keep finding strength to move on when everything in life is constantly telling you that your efforts are futile?