There's an alumni meeting for my university in about a month. I'm going to run into my ex and a lot of men I didn't get along very well with.

I was rather socially awkward through college and my college gf (now ex) was an attention ho who while never actually fucking any other guys consistently hid our relationship to play single, was often going out with other guys and blaming me for being controlling. We parted on bad terms about two years ago.

A lot of the men there didn't like me because I was socially backward and not with-it. When I left college I swore to become better and show up for these after fucking killing it in life. Jacked, rich, successful, charismatic and confident - this is what I thought I would be.
Two years post break up, I don't have my shit together. My health has been a real issue, I'm constantly in and out of hospital. I'm not very good with women, I'm better than I used to be but not killing it (you won't see me going to the meeting with a 10 or something). I'm not in a great job at the moment, I'm interviewing for better tech positions but not gotten anything yet.
My ex works for Google, graduated from a top 5 program for masters and is happily engaged. All those guys are very successful professionally, and yet again...I'm lagging. This is not how I thought things would be, and I'm sad and ashamed that all my revenge-porn dreams aren't going the way I thought I could make them happen.

I don't want to show my face in front of them as a failure. At the same time, I can't hide forever.

Any advice, lads?