What advice would you give to the breadwinning wife of a stay-at-home father?

No_Disrespect · 2014-06-25T05:15:56+00:00

Are you asking for advice on how to not lose respect for someone who is doing something you find perfectly respectable? Or do you already have a problem with it?

Anecdotes you mention come from people with a world view that holds your situation as emasculating. If you think you might feel that way, talk to your husband. If you don't, don't let people talk you into having problems you don't have now.

TempestTcup · 2014-06-25T13:57:05+00:00

My husband is retired and I am working 50+ hours a week right now. I haven't lost respect, attraction, or anything else for him. He maintains proper frame and acts like a man; he likes building things, so every day I go home and see his progress on whatever he is working on. Right now he's in the middle of building a fence. It is slow-going doing it himself, but in the end, doing it himself will save us thousands of dollars. He also does all of the grocery shopping and can stretch a dollar like nobody's business.

eatplaycrush · 2014-06-25T16:55:21+00:00

My mother is the breadwinner and has been for a pretty long while now. It makes much more sense and has made much more sense for her to be rather then him, but he has had jobs and he is also now finishing his last year of pharmaceutical school! My mother adores my father and is very proud of him. It has been proven in their relationship that she is the one who is better with finances. I know this for fact, my dad knows this for fact, she is just a genius with numbers and their budget. He is the one who is good at cooking, but his mother was an amazing cook and he really enjoys cooking. His food is drool worthy and my mom is always updating his tools (they're buying a pellet wood smoker this week as an example). She's paying for a lot of his schooling as well. She genuinely supports him in everything he likes and wants to do. Now, when he is finished with school things will change. She plans on cutting her hours and she is excited to be able to be in her house much more and start working on it to make it what they have always wanted. She still cleans the house as this is her way of relaxing, but he does dishes/laundry just the small everyday stuff. Their life revolves around each other.

[deleted] · 2014-06-25T05:22:45+00:00

Are you losing respect for your husband? Does your reverse dynamic seem to work without major problems? Does it bother you that you're the breadwinner? How much of the housework does he do?

It's not the typical RP situation, but there are some things that can be done to make it a little more RP or at least help out with the marriage:

You can still be a breadwinning wife and not necessarily lose respect for your husband provided he steps up his game as a leader and a man. He still likely needs to be more dominant than you are for this to work well, so long as he isn't down about not being the breadwinner.

If you can maintain your femininity (dress well, makeup, pleasant attitude, etc.) while bringing home the bacon, you'd be less likely to have trouble. Additionally, you can still let him lead with making the decisions, allowing him to still take on a very masculine role. And don't argue. Even if you disagree, support him in what he does; he will thank you for it and will feel more secure. If you don't trust him to make good decisions, you already have a problem there. And of course, try to have sex as often as you two would like. If you don't feel up to it, blowjobs are your best bet for keeping him satiated when you're just not in the mood to go all the way. It will help both of your moods if you two have great sex often or at least feel satiated with your sex life as a couple. Nobody enjoys a dead bedroom.

AndrewAtrus · 2014-06-25T06:19:17+00:00

My specific situation:

RP guy, relationship is very healthy and I am very seriously considering marriage.

We have similar jobs at this point. She would rather work than be a housewife, even expressing concern that I might feel unfulfilled if I weren't working. I suppose she gets more out of work than I do; maybe validation or attention a la The Corporate Boyfriend. Frankly, I would kill to be a stay-at-home dad. I see raising my children as one of the most important things I will ever do—certainly the most fulfilling and rewarding—and intend to pour as much of myself as I can into that.

I also enjoy cooking more than she does, and find housework in general less objectionable (mostly because I listen to audiobooks or podcasts at the same time)

So essentially, it is an arrangement that we would both find very agreeable. I am concerned with identifying and minimizing risks. If it's simply betaization, then that should be something I can handle. If it is the feminist idea that a job grants a person respectability and status, while housework and raising children is demeaning, then there might be a serious problem.

[deleted] · 2014-06-25T20:36:05+00:00

Obviously you came here because you wanted female opinions, but look man - across America, millions and millions of WOMEN manage to dominate their relationships whilst staying at home and watching reality TV. It is clearly possible to stay in the driver's seat from home, since that is sadly becoming the norm in the western world. Just aspire to do better than that; aspire to positively dominate the relationship. The respect will be a byproduct of that.

[deleted] · 2014-06-25T05:25:00+00:00

I'd advise them to check in with /r/asktrp, because it's important to get feedback from other men.
It depends on the personalities at play. If the woman has a tendency to vye for control and constantly belittles or challenges the man in question - then he will have to behave much differently than a more even keeled woman. It's definitely harder, but not impossible - especially if the relationship was created with the Captain/First Mate dynamic in mind. If the woman trusts and respects her SO it shouldn't be too difficult - but a high-maintenance/demanding woman will require a stronger brand of leadership (if that makes sense).

It's hard to give specific information based on so little information.

[deleted] · 2014-06-25T04:55:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ConfidenceMatters · 2014-06-26T18:04:32+00:00

Guys who share the workload dry up their wives' vagina up.

Title	What advice would you give to the breadwinning wife of a stay-at-home father?
Author	AndrewAtrus
Upvotes	9
Comments	14
Date	June 25, 2014 4:01 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/29122s/what_advice_would_you_give_to_the_breadwinning/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-advice-would-you-give-to-the-breadwinning.84627 https://theredarchive.com/post/84627

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