I need help guiding/mentoring a young female family member.

sofcknwrong · 2016-07-08T03:25:51+00:00

You're investing a lot of time thinking about "mentoring" this girl and watching her do yoga, and you're spreading your questions around a number of subreddits, which looks like you're hoping for some kind of approval, which means you probably feel guilty. Why?

This has red flags all over it, especially this comment:

I'd rather she have a crush on me due to what I value and see that in other guys. That's my line of thinking right?

Nope. Normal men don't think of their younger female relatives like that. Rather stay away from her.

nspikeu · 2016-07-04T04:17:27+00:00

You can't control people, being involved in her life is great, but if she gets a whiff of you trying to set her on a certain path, unless she really digs you, she will go the other way. Imagine if someone wrote this about you, then wanted to hang out, but in their minds they only had a weird intentional controling savior complex. The lack of respect would appall you. You can't fix people who don't want help.

People need choices, by telling a kid what to do, you leave them only one choice, and it's usually the one you don't want. Adults do this too, when nagged by a woman to take out the garbage, choice and respect are removed and even though the man doesn't want a smelly house, everything in him compells him not to take the trash out.

I had an amazing role model in my life when I was 16. They really just wanted to spend time with me, I think they saved my life. Of course, I ended up making some dumb choices anyways. Basically every adult wishes that they could prevent mistakes in the next generation, I have yet to see that happen. More often then not their frenzy to do that sends a kid down the same path, where if they acknowledges the kid had choices, a different path might happen on it's own.

Most likely she will dig you, but do it because you like her, without weird and hidden motives. The rest will follow.

SmellyPirateWench · 2016-07-08T01:40:47+00:00

No, that doesn't sound like grooming at all. In no way totally creepy.

Gippy88 · 2016-07-04T15:29:16+00:00

My dad didn't play much of a part in my life, but I was pretty enamored with my uncle. I saw him only when he popped by to visit my mom, or at church, or at holidays- maybe once a week. It wasn't forced, he didn't consciously try to be a father figure, but nevertheless, he was to me. It happened organically because he wan't trying, he was just sweet and steady. Your situation, it's tougher because of the much narrower age gap. Keep this in mind:

1) She is often ogled by men your age. She probably unconsciously places you as an orbiter

2) Yoga is an activity that is intimate (even in a class setting)

3)There's a high chance she will develop a crush on you.

I think spending time with her one on one is very iffy, yoga in particular, is very suspect. She is at an age where her friends are her life. 99% chance you'll look odd, wanting to spend time with your teenage cousin. I would be a presence in her life, at her home. This could mean you visit often, and she might not even be there.

As /u/ColdEiric says, you can "hint" to her what a quality woman is. For example: speaking positively about a girl you are dating (with specifics about her girl game), or, if you don't want your family to know your business, simply rolling your eyes and making a funny/negative comment about a skanky woman. Things like that set the tone; your cousin will absorb it like a sponge if she holds you in high regard.

The main thing is to be a steady presence.

rproller · 2016-07-04T03:10:11+00:00

First, I'd like to applaud you for wanting to step up to the plate to be this girl's father figure. It takes a lot of guts to do that.

Without identifying yourself too much, can you tell us a bit more about you? What are some features you have that make up a stable father figure? Steady job/military? Good familial, platonic, and romantic relationships?

ColdEiric · 2016-07-04T19:40:05+00:00

Amy is a smart girl, too smart for her own good.

Talk to her. Ask her questions.

She might be a smart girl, and she might be quick, but her head is still young as a baby's so ask so many hard questions to her so she has to develop some wisdom and sense.

Right now, dumb old people are better to talk to than her, because intelligence without wisdom is useless. But if she develops wisdom, she will be worth talking to, and when she's worth talking to, she'll become so much more than a hot and pretty teenager.

She doesn't have a male figure in her life.

Don't do anything else but be very present in her daily life. Be available to her. Eventually when problems pop up, something only you can handle for her, she'll know the value of a good man.

ColdEiric · 2016-07-04T08:13:21+00:00

She's headed down the same path I took at the age. If I can help her change her course, I'd like that.

Tell her your story. Tell her how your story turned ugly, and how you don't want her to end up there. Tell her what you did, and why, and why you don't want her to be in those places as you were.

Tell her how your awful girlfriends look and act like, how they think. How your good girlfriends behave. Tell her how shitty men/boys behave, and how men you like act.

penguinv · 2016-07-09T02:58:23+00:00

A. Would you ever say a male of that age was "too smart for his own good"?Think bout what kind if father figure you are. Girls have a hard enough time with the socially repressive world.

You might want to do some self-examination on this one, or just dismiss me as "some BlaBlaWord".

I totally recommend the book "Parent Effectiveness Training" aka PET.It is an oldie but goodie.

Now I read your words about "goddam travesty."

In my humble opinion you should work out your anger elsewhere.

And For-Sure (not even saying please) do discuss your intentions with the mom and Do Not anything without first discussing it with the mom and asking her permission.

Good luck. I hear you're wanting connection.

Title	I need help guiding/mentoring a young female family member.
Author	Gippy88
Upvotes	11
Comments	30
Date	July 4, 2016 2:46 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4r55z8/i_need_help_guidingmentoring_a_young_female/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-need-help-guidingmentoring-a-young-female-family.86266 https://theredarchive.com/post/86266

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