I've worked with lots of male victims of dv and never noticed any shame.

I have had about 200 men disclose to me in a counseling intake process that they have experienced family violence in the previous 12 months.

This is not in the context of a domestic violence service, but in a community counseling centre. The men didn't generally define their motivation for coming as the abuse, but the outcome of the abuse.

I've never thought of the guy as feeling ashamed when they responded to my questioning about this. They've definitely never used that word. They've never said anything like they should have been able to handle it.

I currently believe we have bought into a lie about that shame being a barrier to men asking for help.

Those other reasons, that the phone lines aren't safe to call generally, that no help is available for male victims and the police are dangerous to contact is much more the case.

Low self esteem is more apparent as a pattern. Anxiety. And that is the natural outcome of having someone crush you.