Need some advice

auMatech · 2019-05-25T10:13:42+00:00

This is likely more a professional issue than a gender issue at its core. My suggestion would be to handle most communication in a way that is easily documentable (ie. email, company approved messengers).

It's relatively normal to help coworkers with topics that you are knowledgeable about, as long as it does not impede your ability to do your own work. You mention that she's your superior, does this mean she is the only person you report to, and/or sets your tasks?

If not, I'd suggest talking to your other direct reports about your responsibilities regarding helping her, and the next time an issue arises, document it and take it higher up. If need be, escalate it to her superiors, but be aware that this might put you into a dangerous situation. If you do not have documented evidence to back up your side of the proceedings, you might very well find yourself without a job.

The first step might be to work on your own communication with her. If she's unable to understand what you explain to her, you might need to approach it from a different angle. This might sound to some like misogynistic or "mansplaining" but dumb it down for her. If she really has trouble understanding things at a technical level that should be standard for her position, the problem is her, and this should be a valid option.

If this continues to happen, where when you help her due to her own mismanagement or mistakes, and she puts the blame on you, you may need to reevaluate providing as much assistance to her as you are currently doing.

The best approach i've had with coworkers like these, is to use the stackoverflow approach of "What have you tried, and why didn't it work?". This way at least the coworkers were forced to use introspection to see where things went wrong, otherwise my response would be "if you don't know what you did, how am i expected to do so? Unless you are asking me to do your work for you?"

Edit: Also, another approach that i've had varied success with, is not to help immediately. Which will create a dependence on you which is not helpful to your career. When she approaches you with an issue, let her know that you will get back to it once you have finished your own tasks. Make sure this takes at least a few hours. If she presses, insist that the more she nags, the longer she will delay your own work, thus delaying hers.

Then, when you finally engage, you can use the above point and ask what she tried since she asked and when you came to help. This should give you an idea of where you stand with her. If she has done nothing but wait, you are her work horse. Otherwise, she might just be out of her depth

alexbelrus · 2019-05-25T17:01:40+00:00

Now you filled on your own skin that women haven't any principles.

And let me give a little bit of advice: stop pretending a gentleman. Now is not a 19 century.

fgrsentinel · 2019-05-25T10:18:15+00:00

My superior ( Female, Indian) has a degree in IT and software development and multiple certifications in the product we work on.

Yet she had come to me for help multiple times for even the most basic of things.

Her communication skills are woeful at best and I am constantly having to explain my self multiple times.

It is so tiring and counter productive.

What fuck is going on?

STEM graduate most likely. They kind of just give women a passing grade half the time from what I've seen and businesses have to hire them or they look sexist. Basically what you're looking at is most likely a woman that did zero work/put no effort into her classwork and therefore has zero idea how to do a job she got with degrees and certifications that aren't worth being used as toilet paper. If you're a guy, you're basically trapped since if you don't do what she asked (read: do her work for her) she can basically get you fired as your supervisor by reporting you for bogus reasons, but if you try to sabotage the work she's probably passing off as her own she'll probably make it 100% your fault.

The only things I can think of are to either apply for a job elsewhere or try to get enough evidence of her incompetence as you can to get her fired. I doubt the latter would work though, so probably either keep your head down until she slips up or start looking for a job and get out before she gets you fired.

N19864 · 2019-05-25T09:30:09+00:00

They have no self-awareness and are tyrannical to those whom submit to them, in other words she sees you as weak.

I am not going tell you what to do, as I think others might be better equipped. I only had one boss whom I got a fight with, but I worked it out with him in private. He was/is a good man and actually apologised. I am not sure how to handle a woman in that situation. They are a lot more dangerous and prone to lying to protect their sorry ass.

Protect your self-respect.

Historybuffman · 2019-05-25T14:22:00+00:00

She sounds like a normal diversity hire. Best way to deal with them is not to sabotage or help them. Let them fail on their own. By helping her, you are doing her work for her (that she is being paid to do) and propping her up.

Stop helping her.

Now, as she is your boss, this can lead to retaliation. Save all communication, so preferably communicate via text and be professional.

If it starts looking like she will take it out on you, you should start looking for other jobs but also gather evidence of her uselessness and report it above her head to a manager with a level head. They may be able to get you out from under her.

devilsAvocadoe · 2019-05-26T10:26:28+00:00

sometimes, some people are capable of doing the work while others are only capable of telling others to work. strange how the latter is often paid more.

mostundesired · 2019-05-26T14:06:32+00:00

Edit: disregard, fell asleep on my phone.

PlatothePyro · 2019-05-26T18:03:49+00:00

I would either talk to HR or just straight up talk to her surperior. You should probably make sure it's a man though.

Title	Need some advice
Author	Zardoz_McSexy_Pants
Upvotes	7
Comments	10
Date	May 25, 2019 8:39 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/bssco2/need_some_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/need-some-advice.876936 https://theredarchive.com/post/876936

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