I've been dwelling with this for a while and I can't find a way to settle this. Let's imagine I say "fuck it, I'll be myself today". I stop caring about others and I start focusing on me: I am more confident, funny, smart, etc. However, I also act more aggressively, confrontational, and so forth. I'm also more "on the edge".

When I slow down and "dumb it down", things go smoother with other people, I feel more relaxed, but it's hard on me when I consider the effect it has on my performance. For example, I become noticeably less active at work, less smarter, and less confident. However, I play nicer with others and I'm more tolerant of the crap that flows around me.

This situation is bothering me because I want the best of both worlds: being smart and confident and so forth, and avoid clashes with people all the time for stupid crap.

10 minutes ago I had a stupid discussion with my cousin and I basically imposed myself and my ideas on him because I thought he was saying stupid, ignorant stuff and I didn't even realize I raised my voice and was basically berating him and his ideas...

Another case is verbal jujitsu: when I'm relaxed and "dumbed dowon", it's harder for me to rant with others and bust each other's balls without getting "offended" for the stuff they say... On the other hand, when I'm "focused", for some reason, I feel smarter and see connections and jokes that I otherwise miss...

How can I fix this? How can I be "sharp" without clashing with others and without seeming like a cold, heartless bastard?